Penny
“Let me help,” Shapiro offers and this time I don’t have the energy to fight him.
After sliding into the soft, worn leather seat, Shapiro reaches up for the seat belt.
“Penny, I’m going to buckle you in now. You okay with that?” He asks permission and I hate that he has to ask, but I’m thankful he did.
“Okay.” My voice raspy, my throat sore.
Stretching the seat belt as far as it will go, he leans over and buckles it in. Careful to not rub up against me, clicking the belt in place.
“You doing okay?” He stands with one hand on my seat and the other on the door.
“I just want to sleep,” I croak out.
“That’s the concussion talking.” He tries to smile, but his lips are tight. Somehow, he has inherited me, without a family to lean on. He is all I have after Mama Ang.
Oh God. Mama Ang.
Ready to go. I begin to reach for the door.
“I got it.” Shapiro waits for me to tuck my hand back inside and shuts the door. Running around to the driver’s side, climbing in.
“How about you lean back and rest. It will probably take us an hour to get back to the club.” He holds up a hand and begins to count off a list. “We need to pick up your meds, I called in a few groceries, but don’t worry. It’s curb-side.” Shapiro picks up his phone and begins to scroll. “Oh yeah. We need to run by Niki’s. Nina dropped off your clothes there, so we didn’t have to run all the way out to her house.”
“Can we go?” I blurt out. At this point, I don’t care who does what. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep until this pounding stops.
The past week, it’s all I have done. Sleep, eat and take vitals. Luckily Niki knew someone at the hospital who could pull some strings and got me an extended stay, so I was able to rest up and we could figure out where I was going to go. I just never thought it would be back to the same man who tried to help me in the first place and now he’s helping me again.
“Sure.” He shifts it into gear and pulls out.
After the accident I had a hard time recalling what led up to my fall, but then Shapiro walked through those doors and everything hit me like a freight train.
Mama Ang.
The funeral.
Rolling my head from side to side, I can’t help but fight the questions building inside. The need to know greater than the need to forget.
“Penny, if you need to talk, I’m here,” he says as he comes to a rolling stop at a red light. “I know I’m not Mama Ang, but …”
Letting my head fall back against the headrest, I turn to look at him. “Did you go to her funeral?”
I know he doesn’t want to talk about this, but if he wants to talk, this is what it’s going to be about.
Watching his Adam’s apple bounce, he finally answers, “Yes.”
“Was it how she wanted it?”
“I’m not sure.” He breaks our eye contact and pulls off once the light turns green.
“Why not?” I demand.
Mama Ang took him in summer after summer and this is how he honored her?
“She wanted a cotton candy pink casket, bedazzled in jewels, edible floral arrangements and a cupcake bar set up.” I smile at the reason. “Because she always used to say—”
“A cupcake a day, keeps the devil away,” we both say in unison.
“Yeah. Did she get that?” My eyes begin to burn, and I know the waterworks are coming, but I’m tired of holding back and holding in.
So, I sit there, letting tear after silent tear, roll down my cheeks.
“Hold on.” He taps the navigation screen a few times. A ringing now coming over the speakers.
“Hey, brother. I have been worried about you.”
“Freya, I don’t have much time—”
“The hell you don’t,” she interrupts.
“I’ll explain later, but I need to know. Tell me about the funeral.”
“You want to know all the quirky details. Like what? The pinker than pink casket with sequins and crystals. The edible flowers that attracted a ton of bees causing Danya, who thinks she is allergic to everything, to run for her life or the cupcake station with a sign that said Eat or burn in hell.”
“That works. Call you later.” Shapiro taps the screen and ends the call.
“Did you just hang up?”
“Yes.”
“Rude,” I grumble, while fiddling with the seat controls.
“You wanted to know and if you don’t cut my sister off …” He trails off as I can feel his stare on me. “Never mind, you’ll understand when you meet her.”
When? Did he say when?
Does he plan on introducing me to his family? What does that even mean? I can’t. I can’t keep working my way through his family.
Flustered, I keep messing with the buttons and instead of lying back, the seat moves forward causing my bruised knees to hit the dashboard. “Oh! Oh! Oh my God.” I fumble with the buttons till I finally give up. “Make it stop.”
Pulling into the parking lot. Shapiro throws it into park and runs around to my side flinging open the door. Instantly moving the seat back. “What are you trying to do? Adjust your back? Lie back?”
“Both.” I look away. The scrunch of the leather moving beneath me, my only notification he’s still there.
“How’s that? Good?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“I have to run in here to pick up your meds. It shouldn’t take too long.” He leans in to grab an envelope on the console. Unbuckling my seatbelt his hand brushes against the back of my arm.
A chill runs through my body, goose bumps instantly pop up.
“You cold?” His voice softens.
“I guess so.” I answer the best I can. How can I possibly admit to him that his touch is the one that caused me to shiver? When I don’t even want to admit it to myself?
“I got something.” He runs around to the back and opens the trunk. Coming back around with a red and black plaid flannel blanket in tow. “I almost forgot I had this back there.” He throws the cover across my legs. “Mama Ang made me carry it. Just in case I broke down during the winter. Said this”—he pats the blanket—“and a single candle would save my life.”
“Sounds like her.” I tug at the edge of the blanket bringing it up and tucking it under my chin.
“Here.” Shapiro flips on the seat warmer. “This should help.”
“Thanks.” I close my eyes trying to find a little relief from the pounding in my head.
“I’ll just be a few.” I hear the locks click before he carefully shuts the door.
A few.
That’s all I need. Snuggling into the comfort of the flannel. I let the soft sounds of the breeze and muffled voices outside take me under.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Tyler strides toward me like a man on a mission. The look on his face, concerned. Almost desperate.
“Mama Ang passed away and today’s her funeral.” I tie the belt of my black cotton wrap dress around my waist.
“And your just now telling me about this?” He stands tall, crossing his arms over his muscular chest.
“I just found out.” I try to shake his mood. Everything about this moment feels familiar, yet different. “Apparently, there were a couple texts, but I never received them.” I glance around the room for my heels.
“Fine. I’m guilty.” He throws his hands up in the air. “I was protecting you. We were at the doctor’s office and given the situation, I thought it would be best to delete them.”
Getting down on my hands and knees, I throw up the bed skirt.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” He comes to sit on the end of the bed. “What are you looking for?”
“My black shoes.” I try to stand up, but my knees are a little sore from the wood planks.
“Here.” Tyler offers me his hand, helping me up.
“Thank you, but this still doesn’t excuse you hiding this.” I turn to examine my hair in the mirror. Fluffing my dark curled locks back out.
“We were at the doctor’s.” He rises to stand behind me. Hands on my shoulders. “I was worried about you.” Tyler’s confession, taking me by surprise.
Turning in his arms, I reach up on my tiptoes placing a tender kiss on his mouth. “Oops. Lipstick.” I giggle while swiping my thumb across his still puckered lips. “Thank you for being there, but …” I cup his face in my hands. “This is something I have to do.” My eyes go wide noticing the alarm clock over his shoulder. “Crap! I have to leave or I’m going to be late.”
I rush around the room, looking for my heels. “Where are they?”
“In the hall.” His voice tight.
Remembering last night, I quickly turn around and shoot him a smile.
“That’s right. You carried me upstairs and I kicked them off before we hit the bedroom.”
“Yeah,” Tyler responds seeming a little more agitated than before.
“Okay then.” I head to the hallway, picking up my shoes.
Holding onto the banister, I slide on one heel at a time.
“Why do you feel like you have to go?” He’s standing in the doorway, arms in the air holding onto the doorframe.
“Tyler!” I gasp. “You’ve got to be kidding me?” I straighten in disbelief.
“What?” He let’s go of the door and heads over to me.
“You know how I feel about her.”
“And you know how I feel about you.”
There is nothing good that will come from this situation.
“I know.” I avoid his gaze and reach between us to smooth out my dress.
“Penny, look at me.” He cups my chin with his thumb and forefinger, lifting. “She kept you from me for months.”
“Tyler …” I beg him to not do this. Not now.
“You do see how fucked-up that situation is?” He drops my chin.
“What situation?” I was baited and react.
Typical old Tyler. Start a fight, run late and eventually he wins, and I’ll stay home.
“These fucking outsiders.” He seethes. “They fucking put their noses into our lives and tried to tear us apart.”
“Come on now. You know that isn’t what happened,” I say, taking a step back putting much needed space between us.
“Isn’t it?”
“No.”
“If you would have stayed. We could have talked it out, and I would have still gotten the help you said I needed.”
Tyler takes a step forward and I take another one back shocked at his omission.
“Babe, I got help because of you. I wanted to be the man you knew I could be,” he pleads.
“Do you hear yourself right now?” I begin to pace. “Do you? I left you because you didn’t see that you needed help. You hurt me, Tyler. You took something that was supposed to be passionate and turned it abusive.” Stopping in front of him. I jab him in the chest, poking the bear inside. “You. Abused. Me.”
Grabbing my wrist, he squeezed. “I changed.”
“Yes, Tyler. I could see it and Mama Ang who took care of me while we were apart, changed me. I’m stronger now.”
I wrap my hand around his wrist that is holding mine. Showing him, that I’m not scared. “Please, let go of me and let me go pay my respects. This right now, isn’t who you are.”
Something in Tyler snaps in this moment. The control gone, the beast ready to attack. Wrapping his other hand around mine, he pries it off. Grabbing me by each of my wrists.
“You are mine. We belong together, and I’ll be damned if you go and disrespect me and our family by attending that bitch’s funeral.” He walks us backward toward the wall.
I know if I get pinned I won’t be able to escape.
“Don’t think I didn’t see you with him. The way you wrapped your arms around him the way you did me.”
One step.
Then another.
Closer to being trapped.
“What are you talking about?” My eyes wide, realizing that he followed us. He followed me to the club and waited for us to leave.
“Do you honestly think I was going to let you go?” His eyes wicked, wild.
“You didn’t have to let me go …” I begin to weep. “I let you go,” I finally admit.
I knew what I said would be the end. The words spoken finally heard.
“You! Are mine!” He jerks me forward and my back slams against the wall.
I flinch.
All the years we have been together. He has never laid a hand on me in a physical sense. Not in the way most abuse victims experience. Our situation was different, but right now, I’m scared of the man claiming his possession.
“Tyler …” I beg one last time.
“If you go. If you leave. I’m gone and whatever family you imagined us having will be destroyed.” He moves in closer. Nose to nose. “Do you understand?”
“You don’t mean that,” I beg for him to change his mind. This situation is getting out of control.
“Test me.”
It’s fight or flight time. All I have to do is break free, run down the stairs and make it to our vehicle before he does.
Using a move Mama Ang taught me I twist my wrists, and snap them both in and up, breaking his grip.
“What the …”
I try to dart for the stairs that are two steps away, but something goes wrong. I take a step forward, but my heel, stuck in the floor vent causes me to lose my balance.
People say when you feel as if something bad is going to happen, or you’re in danger, you see your life flash before your very eyes.
I didn’t.
I saw Tyler, standing at the top of the stairs, with a knowing smirk plastered across his face, while I tumbled down. Wrapping my hands around my belly, I had no choice but to fall.
“Penny. Wake up.” I hear Shapiro, but I can’t open my eyes. I can’t move. The fall. The …
“Penny. You’re dreaming. Come on … just open those eyes for me.” Shapiro takes my wrist, rubbing the inside with his thumb.
He’s here. He came.
“Please, Penny.”
Gasping in a breath of air. Eyes wide, I sit up, letting the blanket fall to the floorboard.
“I thought …”
I look down and notice Shapiro still rubbing my wrist, I jerk away.
“I thought you were there. I thought I was …” I bring my hand up rubbing my chest. My heart rate rapid. My nerves shot.
“I’m here.” He reaches out but pulls back. “We’re in my vehicle and I just got your medicine,” he says reaching for the bag. “See.”
Nodding slowly, I take it all in.
Shapiro.
The SUV.
Medicine.
I was dreaming. It was a dream. My breathing begins to slow.
But it wasn’t.
It happened. I let Tyler back into my life and it cost me everything. My friends, Mama Ang, and the baby.
“I can get the other stuff later. Let’s get you home.”
Home. I had that once.