Penny
I’ve been working on the plans for the bakery since Shapiro left. It’s the only thing keeping my mind off last night. I’ve been busy creating an online board of ideas. Pinning some of my favorite websites so I will have something to reference when we meet with the contractor.
For the first time in a long time, I’m genuinely excited about something. But the excitement is tainted by a heavy truth, reality. Someone is following us, and I have a feeling Shapiro isn’t going to like who that someone is.
Tyler.
I only saw him that one time, but if there has been more that I’m unaware of, then maybe everything I thought to be the truth is wrong.
To think Tyler would really want to hurt me scares the hell out of me. Makes me wonder if I would have stayed …
No.
I can’t think like that. Not after everything that has happened. I found the strength to leave. I left.
“Sweet Confessions. Sweet Confessions. Sweet Confessions,” I chant the name of my soon to be new bakery out loud.
Shapiro said he would take me back sometime today to take a few measurements. He wanted to wait for the contractor, but the few I do need would give us a head start on the design process which can be extremely tedious.
Reaching for my phone, I scan through the pictures hoping to feel inspired, but inspiration doesn’t come. If the bakery can’t get my mind off things, then maybe Shapiro can.
Finding his name, I start to type a message, but the little bubble pops up to let me know he was thinking of me the same time I was thinking of him.
Cheesy, Penny.
Shapiro: Meet me at the bakery in 30.
Me: Really? You don’t need to hold my hand.
That’s odd. Maybe something has changed. Maybe I’m finally safe. He said he had a meeting, maybe just maybe he’s going to surprise me with some more good news. I’m not about to jinx it by having him think I’m afraid to walk alone. Before I can respond a new message pops up.
Shapiro: 30 min, babe. Tick-tock.
Babe?
That’s weird. I guess since we are still test-driving the relationship, trying out new pet names is part of it. Babe brings back too many memories, and a lot of them I wish I could forget.
Tossing my notebook on the coffee table, I slide on my sandals, grab my purse and head out the door.
Where is he? I know I’m early, but I would have thought if Shapiro wanted me here in thirty that he would have been here at least a few minutes earlier. Honestly, I thought he was already here preparing for another surprise.
A candlelight dinner?
A contractor?
Something other than the fact that he isn’t here.
Jiggling the handle, I begin to knock on the door. Maybe he’s in the kitchen and can’t hear me from all the way back there.
“Where are you?” I whisper, just as the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“Penny?” That voice freezes me in place. It can’t be!
He says my name and the adrenaline instantly floods my system like it’s on an intravenous drip. Right into my blood, killing whatever life I had left in me.
My eyes are wide, letting in every ounce of fading light. My mind knows I should run fast for the hills or at least find something to protect myself, but instead my body betrays me and I stay right where I am.
“Aren’t you going to say something.”
Tyler takes a step forward.
My instincts kick in, ready for fight or flight, and I take one back.
“Please go. I’m waiting for someone.”
I hope I’m still waiting for someone, but something tells me I’m wrong.
Please don’t be wrong.
“He’s not coming.”
Tyler takes another step closer.
I take another. My back hitting the display window and I freeze.
Sometimes freezing is the only choice.
“I sent that text.” He confirms my suspicion.
How could I have been so stupid. Shapiro would’ve never let me walk all the way here by myself. I’ve never been alone unless I was locked safely in the apartment. Any other time, he had eyes and ears on me.
“Is he okay? Please tell me you didn’t hurt him.”
“Jesus, Penny. What kind of guy do you think I am?” He reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear. I flinch.
“Shit.” Wincing he jerks his hand back. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and slowly turns in a circle. “Take a look around. People are everywhere.”
“I don’t care about them. I just want to know what you did with my boyfriend.” I reach into my purse and pull out my phone to call him, but it’s dead. All the Internet searches must have drained my battery.
“I didn’t touch him.”
“I’m confused. How did you text me from his phone then?”
“I have been following you, but not for the reason why you think.” Tyler looks away almost as if he’s ashamed he admitted it out loud. “I finally got the courage to show my face in Spotlight where I knew you had been and at the bar your boyfriend was talking to some blonde chick and then went to the backroom, leaving his phone on the counter.”
“So, you took it?”
“No. I just sent you a couple messages.” His eyes quickly dart down. “Then left.”
“Tyler, that isn’t normal. Don’t you understand. Nothing about us was normal.” My fear turns to anger as I think about how long I’ve been afraid of him. How he spent years grooming me to obey his every whim.
“I know.” Tyler’s eyes well up with tears. “That’s why I’m here.”
“I don’t understand. And honestly, I don’t know that I even care to.” My chin lifts in defiance.
“I hurt you so many times.” Tyler looks right then left before he continues, “I know that now. What I did to you.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I should be in jail.”
Tyler was the perfect gentleman when we first started dating. It wasn’t until we became physical that it changed. Thinking of the things he did to me makes me sick.
Each encounter, emotionless. He attacked me with his body and I took the pain and the fear, becoming numb to who I was as he had his way with me. Never caring if I felt pleasure in our bed, only concerned with the power he exercised over me as he took pleasure in my pain.
Memories of shame flood through me as I think of the person he made me become.
I thought it was just me. That as a woman, I had to please my man, or he would find it elsewhere. So, I did as he asked. I let him love me the only way he knew how. The problem—that wasn’t love. It was possession. Abuse. I just realized it almost too late. Almost.
But now that I know how life can be, what love is supposed to feel like, I realize that he only has power over me if I let him keep it. So, I stand up to him, like I should have done a long time ago.
“Yes. You should, and if you don’t stay the hell away from me, it’s where you’re going to end up.”
“Penny, I just—” His voice sounds pathetic and now he is the one who seems weak.
“I don’t know what else you expect me to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” He pauses, taking me in, making my skin crawl before he continues, “I need to say this before I go.”
“Before you go?”
“I’m leaving.” He points next to me. “Can I stand next to you?”
Looking over to my right. I stare at the vacant spot he wants to fill. I guess it’s better to have both our backs against a wall.
“I guess.”
Coming to stand beside me, he reaches out for my hand and I scoot farther down the wall, refusing to let him touch me.
“Please.”
“I don’t think so. Just say what you need to say.”
“Babe, I just need to say … I’m a broken man, standing beside you, asking for your comfort.”
Rage rolls through me and I find my voice.
“First of all,” I say turning toward him, “don’t ever call me babe again. Second, you’re the one who broke me. And third, you never cared about comforting me when you were bending me over countless times, smashing my face into the mattress … putting yourself first. Never taking no for an answer. You won’t be getting comfort from me, not ever again.”
He hangs his hands at his side. “I know I have no right to ask this and standing here, listening to you, makes me sick. I’m a greedy bastard that should have taken the time to make sure you were safe and comforted. I took from you and never thought about giving you what you needed. I stole your soul and kept you in hell. I realize that now. I just need your forgiveness so I can let you go.”
“Tyler …” I want to believe he’s sorry for what he did. But it doesn’t change the fact that he did it. “Even if I could forgive you, I will never forget. It changed me. You changed me. Slowly, I started to die. It took me leaving to save myself.”
“Let me finish or I may never have this chance again and to move on, I need to say goodbye. Let me at least say goodbye.”
“Fine.”
“When you left the first time, I went to therapy and learned so much, but I tried to get better for you when it should have been for myself. I thought if I showed you how much I changed that we could have the family we both always wanted.” Tyler confesses more in these few minutes than he has the entire time we were together. “But when we got back together. I was so obsessed with the thought of possibly losing you again that I couldn’t see that what we had wasn’t healthy either. You became my drug. My habit.”
“Then what about the baby?”
“I wanted it. I did, but I was so jealous of it. I didn’t want to share you.” Tyler confirms my suspicions. “When you fell …”
“You don’t have to say it.” I can’t bear to hear more.
For me, I’ve moved past it. I’ve had plenty of days in solitary confinement to think about the past. I finally understood.
“I secretly wished you would lose the baby.” He chokes out a sob. “God, help me. I wished for our baby to die before it even had a chance to live.”
“Tyler,” I gasp. I knew deep down but hearing him say it is crushing.
“I know, but when you were lying there at the bottom of the stairs, bleeding out. I freaked out. I thought …”
Then I think back to the way he looked at me, that smirk as he stepped over my broken and bleeding body. A look of pure evil was on his face. That look sometimes still haunts my dreams. Nightmares.
“Don’t try to convince me it was an accident!” I yell, not giving him a chance to defend himself any more than what he has. “I still have a concussion, my body still healing from that fall. Bruises and cuts covered me. Not to mention you killed our baby. OUR BABY!” A sob tears through my throat.
“Don’t say that. Please. I know I don’t deserve it, but please don’t say that.” He rests his hands on the top of his head. I can see his temper bubbling just below the surface. He’s upset this isn’t going the way he planned.
“And even though the physical scars heal, I’ll always carry the scars with me for what I’ve lost.” I turn my back to him.
“I’ve been back in therapy and I’ve learned something.”
I say nothing. I’ve heard it all before.
“I’m capable of being more. I can be that man you needed, but just not with you.”
The words sting. I’m not jealous. I’m not upset. And I’m certainly not regretting the outcome, but when someone admits something like that, you can’t help but wonder. What if? You can’t help but take part of the blame.
“How my therapist explained it to me is I abused you to make myself feel worthy and powerful. I needed to hold all the control. My place of choice was the bedroom. It’s not about being dominate or submissive like you are thinking. It’s about punishing you for making me need you so much.”
I can’t help but feel sick at his description of how bad he needed me. Or like I’m somehow to blame. So even in his begging for forgiveness, he’s still blaming me. I’m sure he only picks out his favorite parts of what his therapist has to say.
I remain speechless, but I turn back around to glare at him as he continues.
“You are the drug of all drugs and no matter how much I want to get sober, I can’t. Because that drug, you, is sitting in front of me, tempting me to get high. The only way to get sober is to stay away.”
Every word he said is completely sobering and terrifying.
“So, I’m leaving town. I’m giving myself a new beginning and even though you have yours, I’m freeing you from the shadows of your past.” For the first time since hearing his voice, I feel some relief.
“I don’t know what to say.” I’m still in shock.
“No more looking over your shoulder,” he reminds me.
“Tyler. For what it’s worth, I never thought you would actually …”
“You don’t know that. I would like to think I would’ve never hurt you in that way. Lord knows I have hurt you in countless others, but Penny, you consumed me and losing you made me angry. If I hadn’t gone to counseling for you, I may not have continued it for me. Then what? What type of man might I have become, if I didn’t have that outlet?”
“I don’t know, and I’m never going to find out. Neither of us are. Tyler, I feel like everything happens for a reason. Maybe we happened because there is something greater out there for the both of us. I’m moving on and I hope you do the same and keep getting the help that you need.”
“Goodbye, Penny.” His eyes rimmed red with the tears he held captive, wiping them away before they fall.
“Bye, Tyler.”
And with that he reaches to hug me, and I extend my hand.
Only able to give him that, nothing more.
We shake on it. Saying goodbye to the past and to the pain. Accepting that this was just a fraction of who I was but doesn’t define who I will be. Only I can.
“Take care,” Tyler whispers as he releases me and slowly backs away.
“You too.”
And just like that he turns and walks out of my life. A path that has been washed away.
Shit.
I forgot when talking to Tyler that my phone is dead, and I have no way of knowing what time it is. Shapiro is probably back at the apartment and has no clue where I am.
Picking up my pace. A smile forms on my face.
Shapiro and I have our clean slate. Our new beginning together.
“Hey, miss?” I feel a hand reach out and grab my arm.
“Hey.” I jerk it away, still on edge from my run in with Tyler.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” A guy who may be somewhere around my age stops me. “It’s just I’m here on a business trip and told the wife I would bring her something back.”
“Oh. Sorry, I can’t help you.” I look up to note my surroundings, and see I’m standing in front of a boutique.
“I thought about this scarf right here.” He pulls a turquoise one off the rack.
“A scarf?”
“I know. It’s not your average souvenir, but I couldn’t help but notice it when I was walking back to my hotel. Her eyes are about the same color as yours and her hair just a tad lighter.” He takes a step closer. “Can I see what this looks like on you?”
I just shake my head unsure of what to say or do. Alarm bells are going off, but I’m not sure if it’s the guy or my run in with Tyler that has me spooked.
“Since you two have similar features.” He winks. “Please?”
“I guess.” People are all around. I reach my hand out to take the scarf, but he has something else in mind.
“Let me do the honor.” He throws the scarf over my head and lets the ends dangle. “Love the color on you.”
“Thanks. I’m sure your wife will love it.” I begin to slide it off, but the stranger interrupts.
“There are so many ways to wear those things. I wonder …” The stranger looks over my shoulder, a slow grin creeps across his face.
“I have to go. My boyfriend is waiting for me.”
I’m sure this guy is harmless, but if for some reason he is a crazy lunatic, maybe he will pass on throwing me in the back of a white unmarked van if he knows there is someone waiting for me.
“He was supposed to meet me over there.” I point over his shoulder. “I’m sure he will be here soon.”
“What if we take this end.” He gathers the scarf in a hand. “And this one.” He takes the other end. “And maybe do a little tie thing here.”
“I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to work.” I look around, to make sure people can see us.
The stranger begins to pull the scarf a little too tight for my comfort.
“It’s beautiful. My girlfriend will love it.”
“Girlfriend?” Oh no. Who is this guy? And where the hell is Shapiro?