Shapiro
I have never felt like more of a failure than I do at this very minute while staring at a basket of blueberry muffins. Tops torn off and individually wrapped. Evidence of a good woman who is overlooking a man and his faults.
A tidal wave of guilt comes crashing forward and there is nothing I can do about it. The circumstances are still the same and I can’t change them.
Grabbing a muffin, I unwrap the plastic and toss it into the trash, devouring the baked treat in a couple bites. Grabbing another, I head to the couch to relax a little and wait for Penny to get up. She and I have a lot to discuss especially now that I found out about her little secret.
“Hey!” Penny shrieks.
“Oh shit!” I jump back up after falling onto the couch.
“I didn’t know you were in here.”
“I was waiting up for you.” Penny scoots her way up into a sitting position.
“I was going to let you sleep.” I take a step back and sit on the edge of the coffee table.
Nodding, she gives me a once over, raising a brow. “You look exhausted.”
“I am.” I reach up to rub my eyes. Trying to stay awake.
“No sleep?”
“Nope.”
“Huh,” she huffs out, getting up.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I follow her into the kitchen.
“It means exactly that, Shapiro.” She reaches for a glass and fills it with water.
“I get really tired of this lack of communication.” I lean against the counter, crossing my arms.
“Fine.” Penny whips around. “Over twenty-four hours ago, we were in this exact same spot and I was on the verge of a breakdown unable to take all this. And you.” She takes a step closer and jabs me in the chest. “You picked me up and you gave me my Kool-Aid.” Her eyes swim with tears. “Then you proceeded to tell me you found a way for me to go into business for myself and then planned a day out with the girls.” Taking a step back, she falls back letting the counter catch her.
It should be me.
“But what I was looking forward to the most,” she pauses and swipes away the tears, “was spending time with you.”
“Penny.” I close the distance.
“No.” She holds up her hand.
“But you took that moment and stomped all over it. You left me, Shapiro. You left again.” She begins to sob.
“I had to,” I plead.
“Did you? Because if you were trying to protect me, why did you leave me alone in an apartment. And not just any apartment, one that is completely one hundred percent soundproof.” Penny pushes off the cabinet. “All the cameras and locks can’t keep me safe. If Tyler really wanted me. He could get me.”
“Speaking of Tyler.”
“Is that why you left or did you …”
“Hey …” I reach for her elbow and spin her around. “It’s about you. It’s always about you.” I try to pull her in, but she takes a couple steps back. “It’s about protecting you.”
“Protect me here. Protect me in the kitchen. Protect me outside. Protect me in the club …” She squeezes her eyes shut. “Just protect me … with me.”
“Dammit, Penny. You aren’t making this easy for me.”
“How?” she argues. “How can I make this any easier for you?”
“Don’t fucking lie to me for one,” I spit back.
I’m tired. I want sleep, but most of all I want this to be over. Fighting with Penny is not what I wanted. I just want her to know I have this taken care of, but in order to do it correctly I need her to trust me with everything.
“I haven’t.”
“Where’s the note, Penny? Where’s the fucking note?” I hold out my hand.
“Don’t treat me like that. I have lived my whole life without a father and I don’t need one now.” She darts toward the bedroom. “You know what? Bed sounds good.”
“The note, Penny. What did the note say?”
“It didn’t mean anything, Shapiro. He was just playing a game.” She twists around when she gets to the door. “He just wanted to let me know that he knew where I was and that I had a boyfriend.”
“What did it say,” I repeat for the millionth time.
“Tell your boyfriend I’m watching you.”
“And what part of that screams okay?” I place my arm against the doorframe.
Rolling her eyes, she says, “You don’t know him, like I do. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have when I saw him.”
“YOU WHAT?” I spin around, flames shooting out of my head. I’m pissed.
“This is why I didn’t tell you.” She waves her hand around. “Acting like this … it’s scary.”
Slamming my hand down on the island, I vibrate the glasses in the sink, causing one to break.
Penny freezes and begins to shake.
“I was just …” Penny’s voice cracks. “I-I don’t know,” she confesses on a sob.
“Penny …”
It was painful to see her like this.
“Come here.”
But she doesn’t.
“Let me …” I take a couple of steps, careful to not startle her.
“No!” She smacks me away.
“Please,” I beg.
“No.” Her body wracks with a sob, but this time she doesn’t push me away.
Wrapping her in an embrace, I let her cry. Her tears soaking through my shirt.
Fists clench, knuckles white, her nails bite into her palms. Penny doesn’t know whether to be mad or to run away.
“It’s okay, baby.” I run my fingers through her hair, to calm the silent war within.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this.
“Let it all out.” I gently place a kiss to her forehead.
Her body tenses as she brings her arms up in between us. Creating a divide.
“I can’t do this.” She pushes off me and takes off for the bedroom.
Slamming the door.
Fuck.
I know I wasn’t wrong, but at this moment, being right wasn’t all that important.
Penny
A small rap at the door, tears me away from the replay of earlier. “Penny … please talk to me.”
I can’t. Not right now.
I know they say never go to bed angry, but in this case, we both need it.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice vulnerable.
I want nothing more than to open the door and let him in, but I’ve been here before. This wasn’t okay and if I let him in and we just apologize and act like nothing happened then things will go back to normal and this will get swept aside. The cycle will repeat and I’m not living through that again. Five years was enough.
Trying to ignore the man who is breaking down the other side of my door, I lie down hoping that sleep takes me soon.
Is that?
“Oh my God,” I mouth to myself.
He wouldn’t?
Placing my ear to the door I hear the blaring music of Grey’s Anatomy and Dr. McDreamy in the background.
My eyes go wide.
He did.
Jumping up, I tiptoe to the door and carefully crack it.
“Kool-Aid?” Shapiro’s on the couch, holding up two glasses.
Opening the door wider, I stay put and very calmly let him know how I feel. “When you left I thought about watching our show, but I didn’t. When you texted to say you weren’t going to be home. I thought about it again, but I didn’t. You want to know why? Because it’s our thing.”
“So, come here.” He flashes me a smile, still holding the glasses.
“Not everything can be fixed with Netflix and Kool-Aid.”
I say what needed to be said and I step back in and close the door. Throwing myself on the bed I cry until sleep pulls me under.