CHAPTER SEVEN
Niall
I’m seeing a therapist downtown on Monday.
That was the first text I sent Candace. She sent a smiley face back, nothing else.
Slowly, week by week, we communicated by text. Each time I went to see my new therapist, I wrote Candace a little message to let her know how things were going. It wasn’t something she asked me to do, or a task my therapist assigned me. It was something I did simply because I wanted to.
At that point, the only person I had to talk to was the man who sat across from me in a small second-floor office every Monday afternoon. For the very first time, I realized just how many people I’d pushed away. I’d probably never had many real friends to begin with, but certainly, Nate was one of them.
After the fourth therapy session, where we talked a lot about making amends, I called Nate up and apologized to him. After that, I did the same to my former secretary, and to a few of the women I’d hurt.
The sessions kept coming and the weeks passed. Three months went by without seeing Candace.
But never a day passed without thinking about her. Each night I went to sleep thinking about the things we would do once we were together again. I could take her to New York for a weekend. Or to Paris fashion week in the fall. Did her nephew like the outdoors? I could take the two of them camping. It had been a while since I took more than a day off work, but for them, I would.
These plans for the future thrilled me, kept me going.
Sharing with you is feeling right, I told Candace after my twelfth therapy session.
I’m so glad, she wrote back. I miss you, Niall. I’d like to see you, but no rush. Take your time. Whenever you’re ready.
Smiling to myself, I practically skipped down the front steps of the downtown building. My Maserati sat parked on the street. I jumped in, an ear to ear grin probably stretched across my face.
With each mile bringing me closer to Candace’s, my heart rate doubled. By the time I pulled up to her street, my hands were shaking. I caught the front door as an older woman was coming out of it, which meant I didn’t need to buzz Candace to let me in.
It was perfect.
Walking up to her floor, I composed another text, this one the hardest, the most thrilling, and the most terrifying thing I’d ever written.
I want to thank you for being straightforward with me. If it wasn’t for you, I never would have gone to therapy. I’m so grateful for you, Candace. I know that I have a lot of work to do. I know it’s only beginning. I won’t stop going to therapy anytime soon. I’m not perfect, but I want to get as close to being that as I can. I want to do it for me, and I want to do it for you. Will you walk down that path with me?
I sent the text and then let out a deep breath. I’d done it. I opened myself up to her. As terrifying as it was, I walked through the fire and made it out alive.
My phone buzzed in my hand.
Yes. When can I see you?
This time I knew a giant grin was plastered on my face.
Open your door, I wrote.
I stared at Candace’s door number. Footsteps came from inside the apartment, then the door flew open. She stared at me, even more beautiful than I remembered her being. Her hair was a bit longer, maybe by only an inch, but I still noticed it. She wore jeans and a tank top and was barefoot, the most dressed down I’d ever seen her.
“Niall,” she slowly said, sounding like she couldn’t believe it was me.
I stepped forward and cut her off by pressing my lips to hers. Taking her face in both my hands, I kissed her with everything I had. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me backwards and into the apartment. I kicked the door closed behind us.
“My room,” she gasped.
I was already a step ahead of her, picking her up so she could wrap her legs around my waist. We spilled into the bedroom, desperately grabbing at each other’s clothes. Her tank top came up and over her head, revealing her smooth and perky breasts.
I laid her down on the bed and pulled her pants off. She clawed at my own clothes. As quick as humanly possible we were both naked.
Needing to feel her skin against mine, I lowered myself onto her and kissed her deeply, running my tongue across hers. She sighed and grabbed my hips, pulling me closer to her. Kissing down her body, I explored her nipples, her belly, and moved lower, settling between her legs.
She cried out my name as I kissed her so intimately, then ran my tongue up her slit. Her hips bucked with pleasure as I wrapped my lips around her clit, sucking it deep into my mouth. I explored her with my teeth and fingers and tongue until she exploded with pleasure.
As I continued to love her with my tongue, I made it a goal to see how many new sounds I could get her to make. I gripped her hips tight, pulling her harder into my mouth as I played with her clit, my tongue flicking across the sensitive nerves.
Her hands dug into my hair, nails scraping my scalp. When she shouted my name, her back arched from the bed as she came. I could see and feel the orgasm exploding through her entire body, but I didn’t let up. One climax rolled into another, and my name turned into a curse.
As she continued to tremble through the onslaught of another orgasm, I rolled a condom on and crawled up her body. I waited for her eyes to open before finding her center, slamming balls deep to the end of her. Watching her face contort in pleasure had become the most important thing in my life. I kept up a steadfastly slow pace, breaking it every once in a while to speed up and tease her.
She reached up and pushed my hair back from my face, a gesture so intimate it made my eyes burn. She shouldn’t have fit me so well, so perfectly, but she did. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I rocked into her. She was slick and wet, and I could almost feel her body throbbing with need.
I covered her mouth with mine, needing to be connected with her in every way possible. Her nails dug into my shoulders, hips rising to meet mine. Every sensation pushed me toward release. When her pleasure became too much to contain, she trembled underneath me and cried out. When her teeth sank into my bottom lip, the sharp edge of pain sent me over the edge. I collapsed onto her, letting myself go.
Turning my face to this beautiful woman, I kissed her nose. She ran her thumb along the line of my jaw and smiled. For a long time, we lay there, just looking at each other and not saying a word.
“What time is it?” she eventually whispered.
I threaded my fingers with hers. “Probably a little past two.”
“I have to go get Jonah from school.”
I nodded but said nothing, not ready to let her go.
“Come with me,” she said, her eyes searching mine.
A lump formed in my throat. It was a simple request, but it revealed something big. She was opening the door and letting me into her life.
And I was prepared to walk through it.
We got dressed and climbed into her car then drove the fifteen minutes to school. Our two month near silence broken, we chatted non-stop, catching each other up to the newest events. Business was booming for her, and she was looking to hire a manager to help her out. I watched her talk on as she drove. Her eyes shone, and her cheeks nearly cracked from smiling.
At a stoplight, I reached out and took her hand. She gave me a squeeze.
“Jonah,” Candace said when the little boy climbed into the back seat with his Star Wars backpack, “This is my friend, Niall.”
Jonah’s dark eyes studied me, sizing me up. I held my breath and waited for his assessment. Finally, he nodded. “Can we go get ice cream?”
Candace burst out laughing and pulled away from the school’s curb. “Why would we go get ice cream?”
“Because I have a new friend. That’s something you celebrate. And you always say celebrations call for ice cream.”
I looked at Candace. “Is that so?”
She blushed a bit. “Okay, I may or may not have a bit of an addiction to ice cream.”
“She likes the worms and dirt,” Jonah offered.
Candace laughed. “It’s a sundae! It’s gummy worms. I swear.”
We pulled up to the ice cream store and piled out of the car. As we walked across the sidewalk, Candace sidled a little closer to me.
I reached out my hand, wanting to touch her, but Jonah suddenly stepped in-between us. Taking my hand in his, he looked up at me. “What’s your favorite?”
I swallowed hard and felt the back of my eyes begin to burn. “Vanilla.”
His nose wrinkled.
“Seriously?” Candace asked, her nose wrinkled too.
“That’s boring,” Jonah added but gripped my hand even harder.
I pretended to be offended. “Or is it timeless? Classy? Understated?”
“It’s bor-ring,” Jonah confidently repeated, his little head bobbing up and down as he nodded.
Candace went in front of us and opened the door to the ice cream shop, a wide smile on her face as she turned to look at me. “It’s anything but boring,” she said, looking deep into my eyes.
“I like Niall,” Jonah said as we went through the door, his hand still in mine. “Even if he does like vanilla.”
Candace squeezed my other hand. “I like him too.”
I opened my mouth but couldn’t get any words out. For the first time in my life, I’d lost my ability to speak, thanks to joy. How could it be that I’d gone so long without the simple pleasure of feeling accepted and wanted?
The woman who stood in front of me was as close to perfect as anyone could get. I knew that for sure. And the little boy with us was as innocent as any creature could be.
They accepted me.
Through their acceptance, I knew I was wanted.
And through being wanted, I knew something else too. I’d found the place I never even knew I was looking for.
I’d found home.
THE END
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