CHAPTER TEN
Skye
Present Day…
Jagger whined louder as I unlocked our front door, his cry turning into a falsetto an opera singer would be proud of.
“I… don’t… want to!” he wailed in between high-pitched cries in what must have surely been the champion of all temper tantrums. “I’ll just get dirty again tomorrow and it’s a waste of water. Didn’t you know that there are children in Af… Africa who needs it!”
“Get in the bathtub,” I said in a low, firm voice, hanging my keys on the hook. I’d heard that excuse before.
Jagger flopped on the floor, his body going into the deadweight mode that made it nearly impossible for me to pick him up as he slithered like a snake between my hands. “No! I’m not taking a bath tonight.”
“Jagger Daniel Crawford, you are sweaty and you smell like a wet dog. You are taking a bath.”
He ground his teeth together and crossed his arms. “No. I’m. Not.”
I looked over my shoulder at where Jake stood in the open doorway. “Well, welcome to parenthood. This is what it’s like.”
I expected a look of fear or maybe even disgust on his face. It was his first time seeing one of Jagger’s fits and nothing about the situation was pretty. Jake just crouched down, though, and looked into Jagger’s face.
“What if I draw you a really special bath?”
Jagger blinked away tears, rubbing his hands under his tired eyes. But he was hooked, curious, I could tell. “What kind of special bath?”
“One with extra bubbles.”
Jagger seemed to consider this. “Okay,” he hiccupped and gave an Academy Award-winning sigh. “But will you read me a book too?”
“While you’re sudsing it up? Sure thing.”
Jagg wasn’t fully convinced. “Do SEALs take baths?”
Jake gave him a solemn nod. “You bet, but we had to take ice baths.”
Jagg looked appalled, making me nearly laugh out loud. “You have got to be kidding me. Why on earth would you do that?” He made an exaggerated brrrr shiver.
“They said it was to toughen us up.”
Jagg looked Jake up and down. “It must have worked real good.”
Jake laughed and rumpled his hair. “Ready for your bath?”
“Warm, right? With bubbles?”
“Absolutely. Kids aren’t allowed to take ice baths until they’re seven.”
Jagger wiped away pretend sweat. “Well, that’s good.” He huffed into a standing position and faced me, lifting his chin, giving me a haughty look that would have rivaled any prince. “All you had to say was extra bubbles and we could have avoided this whole embarrassing thing.” Jake barked out a laugh then snapped his mouth shut when I glared at him. Jagger grabbed his hand. “Come on, Jake. It’s this way. I think Mommy needs a rest.”
Jake glanced my way, and I gave him a weary thumbs-up. Mommy absolutely needed a rest. With a sigh, I followed them to the bathroom and peeked around the corner as Jake made Jagger his special bath. As always, Jagger talked a mile a minute, and I had to cover my mouth when he asked in a loud whisper, “Did the ice bath hurt your pee-pee? Cause I got in a swimming pool that was cold and woo-wee, I thought it was going to fall right off. Later I went to the bathroom and it was gone”
Hand still over my mouth, I tiptoed down the hall and called out, “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”
Once there, though, I couldn’t sit still. Cadence was out at a work event. With Jake giving Jagger his bath and no one to talk to, I felt at a loss. I got busy cleaning up some of the clutter in the small space and preheating the oven for dinner. Making my hands move made me feel semi-better.
Before long, Jagger was in the doorway, his damp hair brushed to the side and pajamas on. “This is how SEAL men wear their hair,” he announced.
I laughed. “Is that so? Well, I have to say, you’re the SEALest-looking boy I’ve ever seen.”
Jake emerged from behind him. “I should be going.”
A lump formed in my throat. The day before had been such an awful one, but having Jake nearby and visiting with Jagger was actually perfect, even with the craziness of Jagg’s tantrum. There was no room for our own personal drama because we hadn’t left any space for there to be. His presence, albeit slightly removed, was extremely comforting.
“All right,” I said, my tongue feeling thick. “Maybe you guys can get together later this week?”
“Sounds great.”
Jagger pushed his bottom lip out. Before he could complain, I interrupted him. “He has to go, Jaggy-poo. He has things to...”
A big boom cut me off. Out of the corner of my eye, Jake noticeably jerked. A lot. The color also drained from his face. Jagger didn’t seem to notice it, just ran to the sliding door and looked out into the yard, where big drops of rain were falling. “A lightning storm!”
I discreetly watched Jake. He had started to sweat, and his hands were shoved deep in his pockets. I hadn’t forgotten the way he reacted at the playground just a couple hours before. A simple truck backfiring had caused a very unusual reaction. No, not just unusual. Scary. But before I could even get up from the bench, the whole scene was over and Jake and Jagg were laughing about it. My heart had been pounding. Could he have hurt Jagger by throwing himself on top of him that way? Two hundred pounds versus fifty wasn’t much of a match. But Jagg had seemed fine, so I’d decided to watch more closely. The way I was watching Jake now.
Jake and I still hadn’t gotten around to talking about his time in the SEALs. For the first day since crossing paths again, I wondered if there was a dark story connected to his time served. Well, not if. It was clear there was a dark story, maybe several. Now, I wondered just how bad it had been.
I’d learned a fair amount about PTSD in the courses I’d taken at the city college. One of the biggest giveaways was the way a person reacted to loud noises. There was also avoidance of others, which was what he seemed to be doing right now as he inched toward the door. What he had done six years ago.
Avoidance.
Assumption of guilt that he couldn’t save a person.
The belief that it should have been he who died or was hurt instead — survivor’s guilt.
Was that why he left so many years ago? Was it less about me than I’d previously thought? Was it the belief that he shouldn’t be happy if Trey couldn’t be? His parents? How far did it go back?
It was something to consider.
Boom!
Jake jerked but no more than I did when the lightning strike hit this time. My hand went to my chest and Jagger shrieked and practically climbed up Jake like he was a monkey bar. “That was close!” Jagg announced when he was perched high on his father’s shoulder.
“Hey,” I said above the loud attack of rain. “Why don’t we invite Jake to stay for dinner?”
“Yes!” Jagger looked down at his father. “Will you stay? Huh? We can eat together and everything. Mommy cooks real good, ‘specially her lasagna. It’s fantabulous.”
Jake smiled up at him. “Sure, bud. I haven’t had lasagna in a long time, especially the fantabulous kind.”
Jagger wiggled down off his dad, then catapulted himself onto the couch headfirst, performing a pretty athletic-looking flip. “Yes! My dad is staying. Yes! Yes! Yes!”
I stepped closer to Jake as he sat and murmured, “Was that okay that I asked?”
He tilted his head up just enough so that we could connect eyes. “Sure,” he answered, then swiftly turned away.
Yep. There was definitely something going on.
“Great. I’ll get the lasagna ready.”
“Need some help?”
“No, thanks. I have it.” I forced myself to smile at him. Just talking was still hard. Every time I looked at Jake, I felt myself being pulled in multiple directions, my heart being torn up by my competing emotions.
I fixed dinner while Jagger showed Jake his room. I could hear their muffled talk and Jagger’s excited laughter as I tossed a salad and set the table. The experience felt like something from a dream. In my weakest moments, I’d allowed myself to imagine what life would look like if things had worked out between me and Jake. And now here we were, for one brief evening the perfect picture of domestic normalcy. It both filled my heart with joy and broke it, all the happiness spilling into a sea of loneliness and confusion.
The thunderstorm continued as we ate dinner, with the rain just getting worse. By the time Jagger’s bedtime rolled around, I was starting to wonder if all of Brooklyn might flood. As per Jagger’s request, Jake helped me put him to bed. Thanks to the excitement of the day, he was out after one book. I turned on his dolphin night-light, and Jake and I tiptoed out of the room, closing the door softly behind us.
“It’s still crazy out there,” I commented as I glanced out the living room sliding door. “Feel free to wait until the rain stops.”
I was giving him an opportunity to tell me that it wasn’t the rain that worried him. He didn’t take it though. He just sat on the end of the couch and nodded.
“Tea?”
“Sure.”
I hurried into the kitchen, happy to have another task to give myself over to. I took my time heating water and selecting mugs. Normally, I would have offered a guest a glass of wine or a beer, but things were different with Jake. Given our track record, it was probably best if we both remained completely sober.
When I could think of no more excuses for staying in the kitchen, I brought the two mugs of steaming tea into the living room and set them on the coffee table. Taking a seat on the floor across from Jake, I crossed my legs and busied myself with braiding my hair. I felt Jake’s eyes on me. When I turned to him, though, he looked out the window.
“Where did you go?” I asked. “When you were with the SEALs.”
I was testing the waters, giving him space to open up to me. If I was right about my PTSD suspicions, it wasn’t likely that he’d admit to it all at once. Knowing Jake, he could even be in denial. But the scars on his body couldn’t be denied.
“The Philippines, and then Iraq. Afghanistan. Other places.”
“And you got back a few months ago?”
“Right.”
“Why didn’t you go on another deployment? You’re retired now, right?”
The muscles in his jaw twitched. I’d struck a sore spot. “I figured it was time for me to get home.”
It wasn’t much of an answer, but it also wasn’t my place to press. I simply nodded and blew on my tea. Jake and I fell into more silence as the rainstorm outside raged on.
“Something happened there.”
We’d sat in silence for so long I wondered if I’d imagined the words.
“Something?” I pressed carefully, softly exploring the shaky ground.
Jake looked at his lap. “There was an explosion.”
The tone of Jake’s voice was enough. My heart flipped. I could feel the sweat collecting in my palms.
He continued. “It wasn’t the first bombing I’d seen of course… but it was the worst.” He spoke in a monotone voice, as if he was a robot emotionally detached from the story. A shiver went down my back.
“What happened?” I whispered.
Jake pursed his lips and lifted his eyes from his lap. “There were twenty-six civilian deaths and five of my buddies didn’t make it. Plus, a number more injured. The hostages we were supposed to save…” He shook his head.
Quick imaginings of all the things Jake might have seen flashed through my head. I pushed down the pain in my chest and forced myself to speak. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
He gave one quick shake of his head. “It’s what I signed up for.”
So he wouldn’t have to see me again.
I swallowed hard, knowing the truth of that thought. Jake had signed up with the Navy to escape our small town and the memories there, but to also escape from me.
“Still, no one should have to see those things.”
“No one should have to die at the hands of bombers.”
The coldness in his voice made me want to break into a million little pieces and fly off into the universe. Though his words were clipped and strong, sorrow bled out of them. The agony crept across the room and made its way into my own heart. Still, I knew I only felt a fraction of the pain he did. A fraction of the pain the civilians who watched their loved ones die did.
I kept my features calm. There would be no point in showing just how much the conversation upset me. This was about Jake. “Is that why loud noises bother you?”
Jake flinched the slightest bit, as if someone had made a move to hit him. “They don’t bother me.”
For a few moments, I weighed my answer. “Okay,” I eventually said, knowing it would be counterproductive to call him a liar. “What does bother you?”
Jake’s eyes flashed. “My own ineptitude.”
I smiled, trying to lighten the mood that had grown dark and heavy. “Well, I already knew that.”
One corner of his mouth twitched upward the slightest bit. “Because you’re a studying to be a therapist?”
“Because you make your feelings about yourself so obvious.” I drew my legs up to my chest and hugged them. “Have you tried therapy? I’ve been going for six years. I still see my therapist every other week.”
“Therapy’s not for me. No offense to the future therapist sitting in front of me.”
I didn’t crack a smile. “It’s for everyone. There’s not a person alive who doesn’t deserve to be happy. You’re so much better than you think, Jake.”
He shook his head. “You say that, but there are things you don’t know.”
“So tell me.”
“I...” He trailed off and looked out the sliding door. Another flash of lightning brightened the sky. “I didn’t do my job. That day the bomb went off… if I had done what I was supposed to, we wouldn’t have suffered such a big loss.”
I struggled to speak. It felt like someone was pushing all the air out of my lungs. “You’re telling me you… what? Didn’t follow orders?”
“I did,” he snarled. “But I should have done more. I should have saved them. It was a trap and I should have seen it. It should have been…”
He trailed off, leaving me to fill in the blank.
Me.
It should have been me, was what he was going to say, I knew with every cell in my body.
I shook my head in despair and disbelief. “You just said you followed orders, but what more could you have done?”
His eyes whipped back to mine. “Whatever it took.”
I chewed that over. Once again, we’d talked ourselves up against a wall.
“McCall had three kids,” Jake said, staring at something just over my shoulder. “Three kids and a wife… and now they’re forced to go on without him.”
“Not because of you,” I pleaded, silently begging him to understand.
“Any time a person who is there doesn’t stop the situation, doesn’t step in and save someone, Skye, it’s their fault.” He looked at me hard. “You should know that.”
A hurricane of pain hit me. I shut my eyes and watched the red spots dance around. How much more? I silently asked. How much more pain are we supposed to take?
The whole world was bleeding. Every day. Every night. Once the tunnel of pain ended there was bound to be another one with only flashes of light in between. I wanted to believe that all the hurt was taking us somewhere, that it was turning us into better people, that it was making us evolve. I wanted to believe that, somehow, the darkness was the pathway to the light.
What hurt me most was seeing that Jake didn’t believe anything close to the same thing I did. It was clear he had nothing to cling to on his darkest days. He was trapped in a whirlwind of regrets, self-hatred, guilt, and pain.
Jake’s words broke through the black. “I didn’t save McCall or the others, and I didn’t save Trey. Every day I get to live remembering that, and it shouldn’t be any other way.”
I jumped to my feet. “Stop. You have to put an end to this… this insanity.”
Jake stared at me like he didn’t recognize who I was. I closed the few feet between us and stopped right in front of him. “Look at me, Jake. I’ve been through shit too. Okay? And I’ll never understand exactly what happened to you over there. I don’t doubt that you’ve been through way more pain that I will ever experience, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it’s like to hurt. I understand what negative cycles are, and how we get trapped in them. You have to pull yourself out. No one else can do it for you.”
“Skye—”
“No. Don’t tell me you don’t deserve it or that you’re hopeless. I’m standing right in front of you, Jake, and I’m telling you you’re worth it. You may not see that, but I always will.”
The aching in my chest grew stronger, spilling into my limbs and head. In front of me sat a man experiencing real hurt. A man I’d always loved. A man I would always love, I realized, no matter what happened. I needed to pull him out of the dark well he was trapped in. I needed to help him heal. And in the process, maybe I could heal as well.
Jake’s shoulders shook with an exhale. “I promise to keep myself in check around Jagger. I promise.”
He didn’t understand, and I didn’t know enough to help him see how his thought process was hurting him. “This isn’t about Jagger. This is about you.” Our eyes connected and a magnetic force sprang up between us. “This is about us,” I whispered.
Jake lifted a hand the slightest bit, like he wanted to touch me but wouldn’t let himself. “Skye.”
I seized the sides of his head and pressed my lips to his. Jake’s mouth parted, and his hands grabbed my hips. Just as quickly as the kiss began, it ended. He pulled away and looked at me in despair. “We said that we couldn’t do this.”
“You need me, Jake. I need you. All that stuff in the past is over. We’re together now. Something or someone brought us back into each other’s lives. How about we just stop trying to fight it?”
His eyes searched mine, and I could see the turmoil playing out in them. “You have no idea how much I want that.”
“Try me.”
His face collapsed with the emotion he was trying to hold back. “I’ll hurt you.”
“Let me be the judge of that.”
Something new glimmered in his eyes. He was breaking. Hope sprung in my heart and filled me up. Maybe things really could work out.
I had to believe they could. If I didn’t, what the hell else did I have?
Without warning, Jake seized my waist and pulled me onto his lap. I collapsed against him with a shudder, relief flowing through me. My knees fell to either side of his lap and my chest pressed against his. Hot kisses covered my mouth, my jaw, my neck. Wherever Jake touched me, I burned with heat.
I dug my fingers into his shoulders and hung on with all my strength. I wanted to bind us together, to seal our broken hearts into one strong one, a heart that could weather anything.
Jake’s mouth found mine again, a new force and hunger alive in his lips. Holding tight onto my waist, he stood, taking me with him. I wrapped my legs around his hips, each inch of me now clinging onto him for dear life. We’d said this was wrong, but what did we know? Maybe there was no way to avoid the fire. We just needed to walk through it and, eventually, make it to the other side.
I was used to walking through fire. I’d spent the last six years doing just that. With Jake by my side, it would be easier. We could weather the world together.
Jake walked us down the hallway as we continued to kiss. I broke my mouth off for one moment, just to tell him where to go. We burst into my dark bedroom, and he closed the door behind us. I could barely make out the outline of the furniture, but somehow Jake found the bed.
He flipped on the bedside light. “I want to see you.”
My stomach twisted. I wanted to see him too.
His mouth was hard and demanding against mine. Hungry. There was no other word to describe it as his teeth scraped across my bottom lip. I gasped at the nip of pain, and his tongue slid into my mouth, curling around mine. My hands clutched his hair, fingers threading into the silky strands. When my nails scratched his scalp, he moaned. The sound was desperate, needy.
It matched my own.
Without taking his eyes from me, he slowly stripped my clothes off, leaving burning trails everywhere his fingertips touched.
“Absolutely perfect,” he breathed as he lowered his head to my breasts.
I whimpered as he teased first one and then the other, circling them with his tongue. When his mouth closed over a tight nipple, I cried out. He sucked as his hand moved to the other, squeezing, kneading. Pinpricks of pain went through me as he tugged and pulled on my nipple, twisting even as his teeth dug into my other one.
The pain and pleasure danced through my nerves, leaving me breathless and wanting more. And he gave it without any hesitation.
I yelped when he picked me up and tossed me onto the bed, then grinned up at him as he stripped, revealing one delicious body part at a time. Once fully naked, he kneeled on the bed and crawled to me, the strong grace and power of his body not diminished by the scars that twisted his skin. As he climbed up me, the look in his eyes made me shiver, reminding me of the predatory look a prey must see moments before it was devoured. For a brief moment, I saw the dangerous soldier he once was, still was in many ways, and felt simultaneously afraid and protected as he leaned down to take my mouth.
He turned until I was lying on his chest, our mouths still connected. He squeezed me so tight it was hard to breathe, but I didn’t care.
Curling my braid around his fist, he held my head in place as he plundered my mouth, his teeth raking over my bottom lip. His erection pulsed against my thigh, evidence of how much he wanted this, wanted me.
“I’m going to fuck you until you beg me to stop,” he growled against my mouth, “until you come a thousand times on my tongue, fingers, cock.” His teeth nipped my jaw, and he turned my head until he was whispering in my ear, his tongue tracing the lobe between his words. “And when you think you can’t take any more of me, that’s just the beginning. Do you understand?” He pulled harder on my braid when I didn’t answer. “Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He growled again, and his teeth found my throat, then the top of my shoulder. He yanked me up his body until his lips wrapped around my nipple. He sucked, and I felt the pull of his mouth all the way to my sex, causing me to ache for him to fill me.
My desire for him became a living thing, so powerful it frightened me. I’d felt this way just once in my life, and that had ended so badly. Should I be doing this? The first time, yes, it was because of the emotion of seeing Jake again. But now? Now, my eyes were wide open. I knew he wasn’t the same man as before. I knew he didn’t want a relationship with me, probably wasn’t able to give himself to a relationship with me. Was I so willing to lose myself to him again?
“What’s wrong?”
The fire between us tamped down as he looked up at me, my head between both of his hands. I scooted down until we were face-to-face again and kissed him softly. “Nothing. Just overwhelmed a little, I think.”
“Worried?”
Maybe he should’ve been the therapist, because he nailed what I was thinking with a single word. “A little. This attraction between us is so powerful, I don’t want it to burn itself out.”
I don’t want you to leave, was the truth.
His face was solemn as he gazed up at me. “If I was a good man, I’d walk out the door right now and never look back. I’d leave, and you’d never have to worry about me again.”
My heart pounded, and I was grateful that I was on top of him, holding him down. Not that I could’ve made him stay if he didn’t want to. God, please don’t let him want to go.
Then he grinned, and the old Jake was back as that devilish dimple appeared. “Since I’m not leaving, sounds like you need to make a choice. You can either worry about flames burning out…” he wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me until I was sitting on his chest, my mound just inches from his mouth, “or you can come on my face.”
I smiled down at him, at the delectable dimple winking back up at me. I loved that playful Jake was back, if only for a little while. I would play along. Tapping my lip as if I was thinking hard, I murmured, “Decisions, decisions.”
Then he pulled me forward, and his tongue was inside me. All playfulness vanished in that instant. Teeth and tongue explored and tasted as I ground down harder on his face, seeking the first of the releases he promised. And I was close. So very close.
Erotic wasn’t a good enough description of what was happening to me now. When he opened his warm chocolate eyes and watched me watch him, I’d never experienced anything so sensual in my life. His hands reached up, his palms capturing my breasts as his tongue thrust into me, then sucked my labia into his mouth. His teeth grazed my clit, and I ground down harder. He took it, giving back. And when I exploded, he took that too, his fingers pinching my nipples as I clamped a hand over my mouth to stifle the scream.
Then I was on my back, and he was between my legs again, two fingers diving inside me as he took my clit between his teeth. His knuckles grazed my walls as he twisted his fingers, finding my G-spot. He thrust hard and fast, his tongue working its magic as he drove me toward yet another edge.
I leaped, again stifling my screams as my legs clamped around his head. But he didn’t stop. I hadn’t stopped falling before he was building me up again. I began to cry deep, heaving sobs of pleasure that were so overwhelming, I couldn’t contain everything I was feeling.
When I exploded again, he climbed up my body, crushing his mouth to mine. “Taste how good you are,” he demanded and I licked his lips, his chin, finding it sexy as hell to do so. “Can you taste how perfect you are?”
The thing was, I felt perfect for the first time in forever. And I didn’t want the feeling to end.
“I fucking want you,” he said against my mouth and caught my lower lip between his teeth. I shuddered as he sucked it into his mouth.
“Then take me,” I begged. “Hard.”
He raised his head until our eyes met. “I will, baby. I will.”
Sliding away, I groaned at the loss of his weight, then yelped as he dragged me by my ankles to the edge of the bed. Standing in front of me, he spread my legs wide, gazing down at my sex until I squirmed.
“Please,” I begged, and his eyes snapped back to me. He pulled me again until my ass hit his thighs before lifting my feet until they were resting on his shoulders.
“Play with your nipples,” he instructed, then growled low in his chest when I licked my finger before circling the puckered flesh.
His eyes seemed to grow darker and he lowered himself to the bed, pressing my legs back, bending me until my knees were resting on my shoulders. His cock nudged my entrance, and I willed him to slip inside me, give me what I needed.
“Watch me fuck you.”
I licked my lips and lowered my gaze to the point where our bodies almost connected. He entered me slowly, and I gasped at the burn of him stretching my already raw flesh. Inch by inch, my body consumed him, until the hardness of his pubic bone pressed against my clit.
When he was balls deep, he shifted until both of my wrists were in his hands. With ease, he pulled them over my head, holding them captive as my legs began to shake from the burden and blessing of his weight.
I was at his mercy.
And heaven help me, I loved it.
I loved how vulnerable I was to him. How much trust I held.
“I’m going to fuck you now,” he growled, “and you’re going to come on my cock, understand?”
I nodded, and he withdrew just enough that I moaned at the loss of him. I didn’t have to wait long before he was filling me again with a body shattering thrust.
There was a hard edge to Jake’s hunger for me as he found a rhythm, spearing me over and over with his delicious cock. My breasts rocked on my chest with each violent thrust vibrating through me. My hips ached. My fingers itched to touch him. My mouth needed his kiss.
“Touch you,” I panted, wiggling my fingers, trying to fight my hands from the hard circle of his grasp. He let me go, and my fingers went straight for his hair, his shoulders.
He released my legs, and I groaned, pain radiating through my hips as I wrapped around his waist. His hand curled around my braid again, pulling my head back until our mouths met, our tongues clashing in sync with our bodies.
I cried out, and his mouth captured the sound as my body tightened and I raced toward the cliff. He cursed as my body clamped down on him, but he didn’t stop, didn’t give me time to recover. He pounded, slamming into me over and over, the sound of skin slapping together so erotic.
Without warning, he pulled out and flipped me onto my stomach. He pulled my hips up until my weight was resting on my elbows, and his mouth was on my ass. His tongue washed down my crack, and I gasped, trying to pull away from the unfamiliar sensation. His fingers dug into my hips, holding me still while he tongued the hard rim of my anus. It was so different, so wrong but right, and I found myself pushing back harder against his face instead of trying to pull away as my mind screamed for me to do.
Then his tongue was gone, and his weight was on me, his hand settling on the back of my neck, holding me down.
“I’ll fuck your ass someday,” he said, making me shiver, “every part of you will be mine.”
Before I could answer, the weight was gone, and he slammed into me again. My arms buckled, and I collapsed onto my chest, my fingers gripping the bedsheets as I desperately held on.
Again at his total mercy, I surrendered to everything he was doing. Everything I was feeling. So good. Everything was so incredibly good.
Even when a finger slipped into my ass, burning and stretching that virgin territory, I surrendered, my only sound the wail that issued from my throat.
It was insane, all that I felt as he forced me from one climax to another.
His sweat dropped onto my back, rolled down my spine, and I found the strength to push myself up until my back was connected with his front. The angle changed, and his finger slipped out of me, his hands clamping on my hips to raise and lower me at his will.
There was a thunderclap, barely heard above the thunder of our bodies slapping together. Jake didn’t flinch. Didn’t lose the steady rhythm. If anything, he picked up speed, nearly breaking me in two with his urgency.
Wrapping an arm around my waist, he flipped us until I was on top, riding him now. Desperate to see his face, I broke away only long enough to turn around before sinking down on him again, wincing as he stretched the sore skin. I wouldn’t be walking right tomorrow, but I didn’t care.
This time, it was my sweat dripping down on him, and I realized I didn’t care about that either. All that mattered was how he looked up at me as I rode him, the curses coming from his mouth as I pushed him closer to his own release.
Our fingers linked and he sat up, changing the angle of penetration again. I wrapped my arms and legs around him as I continued to ride.
My fingers found a scar on his back, reminding me of all he’d been through, and I bent my head to kiss the round scar on his shoulder.
And I rode.
Rode until his tongue plunged into my mouth as he finally found his own release deep inside of me.
As our harsh breaths filled the room, I pressed tight against him. Sweat coated our bodies, sealing us together. I could feel it running down my face and the sides of my torso. Jake’s lips found mine, kissing me softly, then he kissed my nose, my eyes, my hair. Wrapping my arms tighter around him, I pulled him closer to me and nuzzled my face into his neck.
The now-humid air pressed around us, creating our own little haven. I closed my eyes tight and sucked in a deep breath. His familiar scent filled me. When he went to pull away, I held on tighter.
Don’t go, I wanted to say, but I kept my lips firmly pressed together.
He kissed me one last time and very gently pulled away and slid off the bed. I listened to the rustle of his clothes being pulled on, then the soft click of the door as it opened.
I waited as he stood in the doorway, appearing as lost as the little boy he’d been the first day I’d laid eyes on him. I sat up in bed and he turned back to me. I gave him a gentle smile, releasing him from the guilt of leaving. Of maybe staying. I wasn’t sure.
“See you soon?” he asked, his voice hesitant, unsure.
“Yes. Soon.”
He still didn’t move. “Skye…?”
“Yes?”
“It’s not safe for me to stay.”
Then he was gone, the door clicking closed behind him, leaving me to wonder what he meant by that.
Instead of running after him, I hugged my pillow, breathed in the scent that still lingered there. He was right to leave, I told myself. It was better this way. I could ask nothing from Jake but for him to be there for our son.
As I fell asleep, I knew that and accepted it, even as it broke my heart.