Chloe
I met Nell in the local coffee house and we ordered subs for lunch. She was overly happy about me and Logan – mostly me – finally getting our shit together, as Nell had put it. I kind of was too. It felt nice to be happy without the misplaced guilt weighing me down.
The terrorists that killed Jace were sentenced four days ago. We didn’t go. I went to Logan’s where we waited for a call. They both got life, it still wasn’t enough. Even though it was a hard day we got through it knowing they’d never hurt anyone again. The day was quiet and we stuck together but once it was over it was like a weight had been lifted. Jace had justice.
Everything had clicked into place and I’d realised that I didn’t need to be scared of how I felt about Logan, he wanted me and he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Alright, I can’t not ask this,” she said, green eyes gleaming. Her hair was down and stylishly messy. She never really did anything but she had the type of hair that played along and looked great when she just washed it and left it.
“Go on,” I replied, narrowing my eyes cautiously.
“Who’s better in the sack?”
“Oh, fuck no!” I said. Did those words seriously just leave her mouth?
“Come on, Chlo. You’ve slept with brothers. Dish the dirt. My money’s on Logan, all that exercise and plenty of practice.”
I was so close to throwing my coffee in her face.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Nell!”
She sighed, rolling her eyes. “Alright. Just know that if the roles were reversed I would totally tell you.”
“You just asked me who’s better in bed my boyfriend or my dead ex.”
“So? This is girl talk. I seem to remember you telling me once that no subject was off limits in girl talk.”
“Well, now there’s a limit. Comparing Jace and Logan is officially one of them.”
My mind was screaming Logan, Logan, Logan. But that was probably because the love I had for him was different, more grown up. I suppose it didn’t hurt that he’d had a lot of practice too.
“Ugh, you’re no fun today.”
“How’s your love life?” I asked, earning me a flip of her middle finger. “Ah, now you’re all for girl talk limits, huh?”
“Screw you, Chlo.”
I grinned. “Seriously though, nothing happening there?”
“Nope. I think if I don’t get laid in the next couple days I’m going to become a nun.”
The idea of Nell being a nun was hilarious. She wasn’t a slut but the girl liked sex. I blamed her and her on/off sorta boyfriend, Damon, for both of their unhappy situations.
I rolled my eyes. “You and Damon need your heads banging together.”
“I don’t want Damon,” she said, frowning stubbornly.
Of course, you don’t!
“Well, what do you want, Nell?”
“Before I wanted good sex with a man that respected me. It didn’t have to be anything serious or life changing, just good sex while I focused on my degree.”
“Before what?” Was she actually about to admit that she wanted a relationship? Her and Damon had been together a few hundred times in high school but they were both as stubborn as each other so neither would admit what they wanted – a real, meaningful relationship with each other – first so they went around in circles, both claiming it was just a bit of fun.
She narrowed her eyes. “Before you and Logan.”
I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t really expecting her to admit she wanted something real with Damon either, though. “What do we have to do with it?”
“You two are all happy. It makes me sick.”
I popped a chip in my mouth and muttered, “Thanks.”
“Seriously, you two are the reason I’m unhappy right now. I hope you feel bad about it.” I laughed. “I met this guy.”
Of course.
“He’s on my course and he’s so sweet.”
“The problem is…?”
“He doesn’t do casual.”
I almost choked on nothing. “You asked him that? You want that? With him?”
“No,” she replied, looking horrified. “He’s mentioned it in passing before.”
“Damon?”
She growled. “I told you I don’t want him. I like Aaron.”
“Right, okay.” My head was spinning but then I never could keep up with her. “I’m failing to see the problem here then. You just said you want something more than casual.”
“I do.”
Now I completely understood why men thought women were confusing.
She sighed. “I can’t jump in like that.”
“Why not?”
“What if it doesn’t work out and I’m left with a broken heart?”
“Nell, if you get your heart broken you get it broken. You’ll survive. I did. But you can’t go through your life never taking any risks. Love is a risk, a chance, and if you never jump you’ll never find happiness.”
“That was deep, Chlo.”
“Plus, Aaron can’t break your heart, only Damon can do that.”
I was rewarded with a glare and then she brushed right over my comment, “I understand where you’re coming from but as much as I want something meaningful I’m not ready to jump yet.”
“That’s fine.” I understood full well that she wasn’t ready. Sometimes jumping before you could handle it only hurt everyone involved. “But if you really think this something could happen with this guy, then don’t let being afraid interfere with—”
“Okay!” she said. “I get it. I won’t let him go if he’s the one. Can we please change the subject now?” I wasn’t sure if she was referring to Aaron or Damon but I moved on like she’d asked.
“I love Logan.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I can’t tell him.”
“Why? I thought you were past that running shit.”
“I am and I don’t know why I can’t. There’s been so many times I’ve wanted to but I open my mouth and nothing comes out.”
She waved her hand at me. “You really have to get over this being a baby thing, Chlo.”
“Pot. Kettle. Black,” I said.
“You. Fuck. Off.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “It’s a big thing to tell someone you’re in love with them.”
“He’s told you. Seriously, I hate you sometimes! You’ve got this perfect guy who is totally in love with you, you’re safe with him, Chloe, he’ll never not say it back. What are you still scared of?”
“Saying it and losing him.” If I hadn’t loved Jace I wouldn’t have ended up with a broken heart, not that I regretted it, loving him was worth it but it already scared me how much I loved Logan. If he died on me, too, I don’t know what I’d do. I wouldn’t just be lost or stuck. I’d be nothing. I’d just exist.
“You won’t lose him. Not everyone dies young, sweetie. You’ve got to allow yourself to think of the future with Logan because you two are going to have a great one. Please, stop letting your fear keep you from being even more deliriously happy. Tell him.”
“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Nell, you always put things into perspective. Shame you can’t take your own advice, huh?”
“If you still want a lift to the garage you’re going the wrong way about it. Plus, I was just reciting what you said to me. You can’t take your own advice either.”
I held my hand up, surrendering. “Alright, sorry. No more Damon talk this week.”
“Promise?”
I crossed my heart and then smiled because it reminded me of Logan.
“Ugh,” she scoffed. “You’re disgusting when you’re all loved up.”
I was the happiest I could ever remember being, so I could definitely handle that.