Logan
I stood in the kitchen at the arse crack of dawn, drinking a glass of water and picking at a slice of toast. I needed to exercise and clear my head so that meant putting something in my body to work off but I also felt sick as a dog.
Me and Chloe had agreed to see each other at her house until things cooled down and although I knew that was for the best it still sucked. I wanted her here right now, clinging to me with her head firmly on my chest, whining about how evil I was to make her get up so early.
Jace walked into the kitchen and I had to do a double take. What the fuck was he doing up at this hour?
His steps faltered as he saw me. Then I got the silent treatment. This was getting fucking stupid. He was my brother and we’d just been reunited after three years and the atmosphere was so shitty I’d actually contemplated moving out early.
“Jace, man, we need to sort this out.”
His eyes were empty as he looked almost through me. “There’s nothing to sort out, Logan, she’s with you now.”
“Nothing to sort out? You’re my fucking brother.”
“Funny, that didn’t seem to stop you sleeping with my girlfriend.”
I knew that one was coming. “You have no clue what you’re talking about.”
He made a big show of sitting down on a stool. “Well, why don’t you explain it?”
Here’s where I become a bigger dick to my little brother. I put my glass down and sat opposite him. “You remember when you brought Chloe back here for the first time with Kieran and Jessie?”
“Not really, was years ago,” he replied.
“Well, I remember.” That day was imprinted on my mind, every single detail but the clearest memory was Chloe’s smile. I remember thinking she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. “I liked her from the start. She was different and we had so much in common. The more time I spent around her the more I liked her. I was falling for her and then you two got together.”
His jaw muscles clenched periodically. “You never said.”
“I know. I’m a couple years older and she was only just fourteen. Looking back I knew I should’ve said something but I was trying to do the decent thing and wait until I couldn’t get arrested for being with her. When you two got together it…” Fucking killed. I shook my head. “Well, I convinced myself it was nothing and my feelings for her would pass. I was sixteen and too young to have lost the one so I tried to ignore it. But it didn’t stop, I couldn’t ignore it and the more serious things got between you two the harder it was. We argued more and I hated that because it wasn’t your fault but I just couldn’t stop it hurting. The morning of your trip I was a dick because I’d heard you and her talking the night before about your future.” Marriage. “I’m sorry for that.”
He scratched the back of his neck. “You’ve loved her all along?”
“Yes.”
“My death worked out real well for you then.”
My hands fisted on my lap. “I am seconds from wrapping this chair around your fucking head, stop being such a little prick,” I growled.
It was stupid of me not to expect that but I didn’t think he’d go there.
“Every fight we had was because you resented me for having what you wanted?”
And now every fight he picked with me was because he resented and hated me for having what he wanted. Funny how life turned out sometimes.
“I didn’t resent you. I resented me. You and Chlo weren’t at fault, I was, and I didn’t exactly deal with it that well. Anyway, no matter what crap you piss out of your mouth you know that I didn’t plan anything to happen between us. I could’ve said something to you at any point in the time you were with her to make things hard, I could’ve told her how I felt and let that shit storm play out, but I didn’t. You’re my brother so I shoved it aside as best I could and kept my mouth closed. I would have never, ever said anything to her.”
“But then I died.”
“Then we thought you died. The first couple years were awful, we were both a mess, you know all this, and then I got her up. Of course, we became closer and I wanted her, just like I always had, but I wasn’t going to act on it.”
“So I was out of the picture but you were still going to lock it away?”
“Yeah. I waned to be the one she fell for but I wouldn’t do anything to sway her. I supported her – sorta – dating this Rhys twat when all I wanted to do was rip his balls from his body.”
“Huh,” he said, laughing with no humour whatsoever, “that’s exactly what I wanted to do to you when I realised you were together.”
I deserved that.
“I started noticing things,” I said, ignoring his jibe. “She was acting differently for a while, avoiding me whenever she could and looking at me a little longer than usual. At first I thought I was imagining it.” I’d imagined it a lot over the last seven years. “But I wasn’t. We kissed and then there was nothing we could do to stop it, not even taking a break or trying to be friends.”
“That’s lovely ’n’ all, Logan, but you still went there.”
We were never going to get anywhere. He knew we’d get his blessing if he’d been dead but he wasn’t so we weren’t getting it.
“Did you really expect her to drop everything when she saw you?” I asked.
“Not at all. I came back here fully prepared to be her friend. I imagined her with a boyfriend and as shitty as that made me feel I knew I couldn’t blame her or interfere. What I found is her boyfriend is my brother. You don’t go there, Logan, you just don’t.”
“But we did so now we’ve got to figure out a way that this doesn’t rip the family apart.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
I held my hands up. “Neither do I. Do you want to try?”
“No idea. Right now I feel betrayed by both of you. I want to knock you out and shake her.”
“You wouldn’t be able to knock me out and touch her like that and you’ll be in A&E.” Plus, I was fairly certain that Chloe could take him. The girl could claw someone’s eyes out if they pissed her off enough.
“Look at you playing the protective boyfriend.”
“I love her.”
His eyes narrowed. “So do I.”
“Yeah, I know. What are we going to do about it?”
“I’m not sure, Logan. I can’t just turn it off. You of all people should know that.”
“Oh, I do. I really do get that. I’m sorry we hurt you, Jace, but we didn’t know this would happen.”
He nodded once, roughly. “I know.”
“Come on, mate, do you want to figure this out?”
His hesitation wasn’t a good sign. I wasn’t willing to let this come between us. Now I wasn’t a complete fucking idiot, I knew that it’d take time and probably a lot of shouting but I was determined to stay with Chloe and keep my brother in my life.
“Yeah, I want to figure it out. She thought I was dead and moved on. You thought I was dead and…”
“Couldn’t fight wanting her anymore, not when I knew she felt the same. This isn’t just some fling, Jace; I wouldn’t put me or her through months of agonising over what to do and torturing ourselves for what we want over nothing. I love her and for some reason she loves me, too. I need you to know it wasn’t easy.”
He closed his eyes and breathed heavily for what felt like ages. “Alright,” he said, opening his eyes. “I’m not promising anything and I don’t like it but as pissed off as I am you’re still my brother. No guarantees, Logan, but I guess I can try to not want to kill you every time I set eyes on you.”
I smiled, pretending he hadn’t basically just kicked me in the gut. “Good. It’s a start.”
“Why hasn’t she been around much?” he asked.
“You don’t really need me to answer that.”
“God,” he groaned. “I hate that nothing is going to be the same. I just wish that I hadn’t gone on that stupid trip, then none of this would be happening.”
“We all wish that.”
He raised his eyebrow and smirked sarcastically. “I’m sure.”
“I mean it. Loving Chloe from afar was nowhere near as bad than thinking my little brother was dead.”
That shut the sarcastic little fucker up.
“Well, maybe you should tell her she doesn’t have to hide away at her house. She’s always hung out here.”
There was about a two-year gap where that wasn’t true and she’d only visited a handful of times.
“Is that a good idea?”
“We’re trying, aren’t we?” I nodded. “Then she should be here, trying with us. I’m going back to bed, feeling tired again. Later.”
I lifted my chin in a nod, head spinning from him saying he wanted Chloe back over here. Having that girl around me all day sounded like heaven but I wasn’t quite convinced that it was a good idea.
It would be awkward if he saw us together and awkward if we had to implement a no touching rule. But the only way Jace would get used to us together was if he saw us together, subtly. Plus, her parents were going away next week and I was looking forward to having her all to myself.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, feeling a banging headache coming on.