Sara
“I AM SO happy for you.” Lisa nudged my shoulder as we searched the crowded bar for two empty seats. Even though I came to Night Owls sparingly compared to everyone else, I’d sat on a bar stool more in the past few months than I had in eight years.
“But sad for me. I can’t even get a callback.” She huffed as she motioned to the bartender.
“It’s early. You have a ton of applications out there. Getting an offer this early is a fluke.” I handed her the first beer bottle the bartender slid in our direction.
She scoffed before grabbing it out of my hand. “It’s most definitely not a fluke. I’ve seen you in class. I bet you’re head chef in less than two years.”
“Yeah, sure.” I picked at the label on the bottle before lifting it to my lips for a long pull.
“So why so down in the dumps? You’ll graduate with your dream job lined up.” She snickered. “Ah, your goals aren’t so concrete anymore, are they?”
“What? Of course, they are. Get a decent job, find a new apartment for Victoria and me. That’s all I care about.”
She sighed, tapping an impatient finger on the bar as she awaited me to spill.
“Are you sure that’s all you care about. Or who . . .”
Lisa had become a good friend during the time we were roommates. She cared and worried about me and saw how full of shit I was from a mile away.
I shook my head as I stared off into space. “I never should’ve let it get this far.”
“Why are you saying that? Have you talked about what’s going to happen after graduation?”
“No,” I whispered as I topped off the bottle. My drinks didn’t last very long as of late, especially when I was trying to suppress the ache-of-the-bone sadness that consumed me every time I’d think of Drew and me going our separate ways. May was coming a hell of a lot faster than I wanted it to.
She lifted an eyebrow and folded her arms. “You haven’t talked about it at all? School is over in less than two months! You’re this sick about it but haven’t even discussed what your plans are?”
“Nope.” My lips made a pop sound at the P before my shoulders jerked with a sad laugh. “Pathetic, isn’t it?” Any time we became close to discussing an us after school ended, I either teared up or closed off. This wasn’t me. I’d never shied away from anything, but of course, I’d never been this afraid to lose someone. “I can’t ask him to move to the city, and I can’t relocate here and take Victoria away from her father.”
“How do you know Drew wants to live up here? He even has family already in Queens, right?” She leaned forward and squeezed my wrist. “I see the way he looks at you. I bet he’d pretty much follow you anywhere.”
I rolled my eyes, trying to summon bitchy Sara and ward away the burning in my nose and thickening in my throat. I needed her. Whiny Sara was getting on my damn nerves.
“You love him, right?”
“I only started letting myself have feelings recently.” The side of my mouth lifted in a smirk despite my heavy heart. “Please don’t make me talk about them.”
“Oh, come on. It’s me. The girl who had to text you during class to bring me a tampon the other day. I don’t think there are many boundaries between us.” We shared a laugh before she leaned closer. “It’s okay to love him, Sara.”
“Is it?” I laughed. “What happens when school stops and real life kicks in?” I exhaled a gust of frustrated air.
She dropped a hand on my forearm. “I think you guys need to talk and figure that out. Pick up the big girl pants.”
I nodded without meeting her gaze. I thought not knowing was the easy way out, but the uncertainty only compounded the dread.
“Hey, ladies.” Brian greeted us before ordering a drink. “Congrats on the offer, Sara! Glad some of us know what they’re doing after graduation.”
“You’ll have a master’s degree after graduation.” Lisa shook her head before taking a sip of beer. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Right,” he huffed. “Too bad we can’t all be like Drew with a company gunning for us for a year. Asshole doesn’t even have to interview.”
My blood ran cold as my entire body went rigid on the stool. Drew didn’t mention any solid plans or prospects after graduation. I assumed he was applying for different positions and he’d been spending a lot of time on their final project, but he hadn’t uttered a peep about any company pursuing him.
“Gunning for him?” I repeated Brian’s words, a sting of betrayal piercing my gut. Why didn’t he mention this? All he ever said was ‘trust me,’ and I was so deep in denial about what kind of a future we could have—if any—I never pressed.
“That tech company in Seattle. We talk about owning our own company, but we know that’s as likely as hitting the lottery at the same time you get struck by lightning. They’re actually the reason why Drew wanted his master’s in the first place. He applied there before he even started graduate school. He’s had an offer for a year, they’re just waiting for him to finish his master’s.” His face fell as he studied my reaction, most likely realizing I had no clue what he was talking about.
My cheeks were cold, and I was sure I was pale as a ghost. Seattle? Upstate was far enough. He had a job offer across the country—an offer he’d had for a year? I sucked in a quick breath through my nostrils in an effort to not lose my shit in front of anyone. Lisa’s sympathetic gaze only made it that much worse.
“Listen, I’m sure he’s got a good reason for not bringing it up. I mean, maybe he’s not taking it. It’s a six-figure starting salary but . . . um . . . maybe he changed his mind.”
“Stop talking, Brian.” My voice was low and dry. The quick breaths I was taking to relax only accelerated the anger washing over me in a red haze.
“Funny seeing you here,” a familiar husky whisper fanned against my neck as an arm snaked around my waist. Instead of leaning into him, I stiffened even more. My finger scratched the rest of the beer bottle label off, my insides too tense and pissed off to turn to Drew’s voice.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” I clipped as my head swiveled around. I leveled my eyes at Drew’s perplexed glare.
“You have an offer for a company in Seattle? A six-figure offer, and you never thought to tell me?” Drew eyes traveled over my shoulder as his jaw ticked at Brian.
“Hey, I didn’t know you didn’t tell her. I mean, dude, I thought you would have said—”
“Brian, I feel like playing some pool.” Lisa shot up from her seat and pulled him by the arm. “Oh, look, I think the table’s free. Let’s go.”
Brian’s face crumpled in confusion. “What table? They’re all full.”
“Ugh,” she groaned. “Take a hint and let them talk.” She pushed Brian away from the bar and toward the back, giving me a wince of concern before stalking toward the not empty pool tables.
“Sara, I’m sorry.” Drew slid into Lisa’s vacant seat and grabbed my hand. I let it hang there and wouldn’t let him intertwine our fingers. Something inside was about to blow, either in tears or fists pounding into his chest. I was afraid making a sound or a move would set me off, so I stayed stoic and silent.
“Seattle,” a humorless laugh escaped me. “All these months you knew and never thought to tell me you were leaving at the end of the year to take a job in Seattle.”
“I didn’t take it. They’ve been asking me to come in to finalize the offer, but I never accepted.”
“But, it’s the whole reason you went to graduate school in the first place. How can you not take it, just like that?” My head dropped into my shaking hands. I pinched the bridge of my nose to ease the hurt, but it didn’t work.
“Fucking Brian,” he muttered under his breath. “Plans change, Caldwell. I told you to trust me.” His dark eyes pleaded with mine under his long lashes. He was so beautiful. Even while I was furious, he took my damn breath away. My beer bottle label now annihilated, I went after my napkin, pulling it and shredding the shit out of it in a failed effort to calm my nerves.
“It’s a little hard to do that after you lied to me for all these months.” I regarded Drew with an icy glare, doing my best to be pissed off and not devastated. He reached for my hand again, but I yanked it away.
“Plans change. It happens. When I applied at Ontech, things were different.” He inched closer and draped his arm around me. Drew winced when I stiffened and scooted away from him. I couldn’t touch him now or have him touching me in any way. I was upset on too many levels: scared, sad, angry, and the worst one, uncertain.
His features hardened as he sat back. “You never exactly factored me into your plans either.”
My jaw dropped as my eyes widened. “Drew, I can’t uproot my daughter. You know that.”
“That’s not what I meant.” His hand raked through his hair. “I know you can’t move from Queens and I’d never ask you to. You won’t even talk about what would happen with us after you graduated.”
My angry eyes fell to my fidgeting hands. He had me on that one. I couldn’t be upset with him not telling me about an offer when I acted as if I never wanted to talk about our future. Truth was, I couldn’t handle it. I burst into random tears at the thought of us having to part ways. He caught me a couple of times but never called me on it. I wasn’t a crier, but this new stage of my life reduced me to a blubbering mess.
“This is more than just an offer, Drew. It’s a six-figure starting salary.” My breathing quickened as I tried to digest the bombshell dropped into my lap moments ago. “No one gets that right after graduation.” I lifted my head and met his dark chocolate eyes. “It sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime. You can’t give that up.”
“I got another opportunity of a lifetime.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’m not leaving to go to Seattle. I can stay here and do just as well.” I squinted in disbelief before he gave me a nod. “Maybe not that well out of the gate, but I’ll have my master’s and I’m IT; I can work anywhere.”
“Before me . . . us . . . you would have said yes without hesitation, right?”
He offered an irritated shrug. “Probably. Maybe. There is a you and an us, so thinking in hypotheticals is a moot point.”
“So that’s a yes, then?” I exhaled the air that stilled in my lungs since I’d heard the word “Seattle.”
“Stop assuming. I don’t know what’s racing through that brain of yours, but you’re more important to me than anything or anyone. I don’t know how else to convince you.”
What I had with Drew always felt too perfect, too precious to keep. It was as if our love was on loan, and now our time was up. It would be so easy to ask him to stay and give this up for me. I couldn’t do that, no matter how much my heart would shatter at letting him go. Our age gap wasn’t huge, but it was big enough to have a different perspective. His heart was pure and full of love for me, but it was clouding his judgment. This was only the first concession he’d have to make for a life with me, and even though he wasn’t your average twenty-five-year-old, he had the shortsightedness of one. I saw clearly and far into the future, and the vision broke my heart.
“I think . . .” My voice scratched as it tried to form words. “If you don’t take this, you’ll regret it. And resent me for it.” My teeth sank into my bottom lip, the finality of what I was feeling turning my stomach over. A tear snaked down my cheek before I could stop it. There was an odd relief to your worst fear being realized.
“Wait just a fucking minute. Back up. You don’t want to be one of my regrets? Do you have any idea how I feel about you? I don’t care what I have to sacrifice. Jobs are a dime a dozen as far as I’m concerned. I could settle for something closer.” He framed my face and kissed my lips. Although I wanted to with everything I had, I couldn’t kiss him back.
“Stop it, Sara. Brian made a big deal out of nothing.”
“Sacrifice.” I nodded as my hand draped over my eyes. “You have to sacrifice for me. Settle for me.” I grabbed my purse and stood. “Tell Lisa I’ll see her at home.”
“No!” Drew bellowed and stepped in front of me. His eyes searched my face in panic. “That’s not what I meant. I love you. I love Victoria. I’d do anything for the both of you.”
I cupped his cheek. “Including spite yourself. You should listen to your aunt. Don’t let some woman and her kid drag you down.”
Drew’s chest now heaved along with mine as he grabbed my wrist. “Are we really back here again? You aren’t dragging me down. I won’t let you do this. We’re so fucking happy. Why would you throw it all away?”
“Because I don’t want you to throw it all away. All you worked for up to this point. You’re not thinking clearly.”
“I’m thinking fine, Sara,” Drew yelled through gritted teeth. I felt the leering of a thousand eyes on us. “I’m fine with staying in New York, being someone’s dad. I’d take on whatever I need to keep us together but you’re still fucking running.” Drew’s jaw ticked as his hold on me tightened.
“Take on?” A heavy sigh fell from my lips as the choice I had to make became achingly apparent. “We aren’t your sacrifice or something you have to take on. Take the job, live your life and we’ll live ours. Please let me go.” My voice croaked as I tore my eyes from his.
“Miss, is there a problem?” A bouncer approached Drew and me, looking between us and the hold he had on my wrist.
“No, no problem. I was just leaving.” I gazed into Drew’s glassy eyes one more time. Ripping off a Band-Aid was never more excruciating. He was the only man I’d ever loved, and that wouldn’t change, no matter what state we both lived in. I couldn’t and wouldn’t be a burden on him. Maybe he didn’t see it now, but in time he would. Hurting him now would prevent him hating me later.
The bouncer was the only reason he wouldn’t follow me to my car, and I took advantage of the out.
“Goodbye, Kostas.”