After Adam had left her at the fort, Jess had stayed alone for a few minutes, trying to calm down after hearing his devastating news. He’d told her that she should forget him. That was impossible … she had to try and speak to him again, but how and when? The sound of laughter and voices disturbed her and a group of rowers clambered up to the ruins with cool boxes and a disposable barbecue. Jess recognised them and had to feign a smile when they congratulated her on the victory.
Their presence made her decision and she walked down the path to go and find Luca and the rest of her crew. She needed to let them know she was OK before she decided what she could possibly do about Adam.
To her surprise, he was sitting on a rock at the bottom of the path. He jumped up as soon as he saw her and Jess joined him.
‘I thought you’d gone to meet Keri,’ she said.
‘I need to soon, but I didn’t want to leave you like that …’ Uncertainty clouded his eyes. ‘God, Jess, you’ll have to forgive me. I don’t know where I am at the moment.’
She touched his arm. ‘I’m glad you waited for me.’
He smiled at her tenderly. ‘Me too. Come on, people will be wondering where we’ve got to.’
They walked side by side onto the road that led into town. If it had been tough not knowing why Adam had taken off, knowing why was even harder. Adam did love her. He always had and that should have made her float on air, but the revelation that he might carry the gene for this terrible disease eclipsed any happiness. She’d rather have never seen him again and never known as long as he’d only take the test and it prove negative, but now she knew all she wanted to do was be by his side.
He didn’t look at her as they walked and they didn’t say anything. Every time Jess thought of something to say, it seemed trivial or hopeless.
They passed the boat shed bistro and the streets were still very busy even though the last race had finished. Jess stopped when she saw a figure detach itself from the crowds and head straight for her.
‘That’s Luca. I’d arranged to meet him at the deli café and I’m late.’
‘You should go to him.’ Adam touched her arm briefly.
‘I don’t want to leave you on your own.’
Jess was still torn.
‘He’ll be worried if you don’t show up at all but please, don’t tell him what we’ve talked about.’
‘I won’t, I promise, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of.’
‘It shouldn’t be but that’s how I do feel. Ashamed that I might have it and that I’m too scared to find out. Ashamed of how me being cowardly has hurt you.’
‘Please don’t torture yourself any more than you have. I’ll stand by you. If you need me, you know where I am whatever you decide.’
Luca spotted them and jogged towards them before Jess could cut him off. His smile faded briefly but was back in place quickly enough. He was used to hiding his feelings, thought Jess, who suspected he was jealous but didn’t want to let on.
‘Hello, Jess. I was starting to worry, but I now I know why you’re late. Congratulations, Adam.’
Adam’s brow furrowed. ‘Congratulations?’
‘On winning the race. We handed it to you on a plate, eh?’
‘Yeah. Thanks.’
Jess flashed him a hasty smile to cut off a conversation that was turning awkward. ‘Sorry I was late.’
Luca kissed her on the cheek. She felt as if she’d been branded. It was agony in front of Adam, knowing what she knew now, even if he’d insisted that nothing had changed between the two of them.
‘I’ll go and find Keri and Emmy,’ Adam muttered.
‘Family comes first, eh?’ said Luca.
He exchanged a momentary glance with Jess and in that split second, she shared his agony. ‘Yes. It does. See you around, Jess.’
Jess wasn’t sure if that was a question or a dismissal but daren’t say any more to him in front of Luca. He turned away and strode off towards an alley that led to the pottery café.
‘Bet you wondered where I was,’ said Jess, struggling to inject some chirpiness into her voice while every cell screamed at her to run after Adam.
Luca smiled. ‘It’s OK. I guessed where you were.’
‘Really? How could you?’
He put his arm around her. ‘Just an instinct. I suppose you two have things to work out.’
‘It’s not what you think.’
He smiled wryly. ‘Sure.’
Jess stopped dead in the street. ‘It really isn’t.’
His expression softened. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘I c-can’t. Adam told me something in confidence. It’s private, and it doesn’t make a difference to us.’ As much as she wanted to believe her statement, what Adam had told her had turned everything on its head. How on earth was she supposed to carry on as if nothing had happened?
He frowned but Jess could see he knew she was serious. ‘OK. I won’t push you,’ he said.
With Luca’s arm around her, once more Jess was conscious of envious glances from some of the other rowers. Of course Adam’s confession made a difference but Jess didn’t know exactly how yet. While she’d thought Adam didn’t care about her, she’d made the decision to move on. Now, she was caught in some terrible limbo.
‘I’ve been thinking hard about the future and Hugo’s offer of a job here for me.’ Luca’s voice brought her out of her reverie. ‘If I don’t accept it, have you thought of an alternative? I won’t be on Scilly forever, but you needn’t be, either. While all your memories, good and bad, are so rooted in this place and Adam is here, how will you ever leave them behind? Isn’t it time you saw the big wide world and let go?’
‘That’s …’ Jess was too stunned to respond.
‘I can see I’ve surprised you.’ Luca moved smoothly on while she tried to process what he’d said. ‘And of course, I’m not suggesting you move in with me in any formal way. We hardly know each other, but if you wanted to make a fresh start or even have a long break, you’d be welcome to stay in my apartment on any terms you feel happy with.’
Jess laughed in disbelief. ‘That sounds very exciting, but what would I do in London? I’m a flower farmer.’
‘I don’t know. Study? Work? Travel?’
‘Wow …’ His intense expression showed her that he was serious. Jess allowed herself to imagine the possibilities for a moment, then shook her head. ‘I know we have a good time, but as you say we’ve only known each other a short time.’
‘Long enough to know you’re a breath of fresh air. This is a no-strings offer. No promises. No expectations.’
‘Except I’ll have left Will and my mother to run the farm on their own. I can’t do that to them.’ I’m not sure I can do that to me, thought Jess. Or Adam. Yet it sounded so glamorous and exciting, so far from what she’d ever imagined for herself. So far away from the simple life she and Adam had once hoped for but which was now never going to happen. Was Luca’s idea so far-fetched? It might be the best thing she could do: leave all the bad memories behind and explore all the opportunities out there. Then she thought back to Adam, his head in his hands, and her stomach lurched. Why did life have to hurl these huge great curveballs at them all?
‘The offer stands. No pressure, but I know we’d have a great time.’
‘Jess!’ Will ran up, waving frantically. Her shoulders slumped in relief at the interruption. She needed time to tame her raging emotions. ‘Thank God we found you. We have to leave in the next ten minutes. Unless you’re staying here?’ Will looked pointedly at Luca. ‘But if you don’t come, there will only be four of us rowing and I don’t think Gaby will make it. We’ll have to leave the gig and hitch a ride with someone – if there are any boats free in this chaos.’
‘You’d better go.’ Luca kissed her. ‘I’ll come and see you at the farm tomorrow afternoon and we can talk more about it?’
Jess was frozen, her mind was so full of Adam’s confession and Luca’s offer that she could barely think, let alone speak.
‘Jess,’ Will hissed at her.
She snapped out of her trance. ‘See you tomorrow,’ she said to Luca and then to Will, ‘OK. Calm down. I’m coming.’
After the tumult of the past few hours, she was desperate to get back to the flower farm and have some peace and quiet – if that could ever be possible again.