A few days later, Jess walked down the track to Thrift Cottage. It was one of her first outings after coming home and she took it very easy as the effort still made her short of breath. Adam had phoned her once to see how she was and they’d arranged to meet at the cottage. He’d offered to come to the farm, but Jess was going stir-crazy and being fussed over by her mum, Will and Gaby, and even Len, bless him, was getting a bit much.
She stopped a few times on her way, to remind herself how beautiful the island was and to compose herself before she met Adam. He’d said nothing about their relationship since the hospital and she’d no idea what to expect when she saw him.
Adam must have been watching out for her because he was halfway down the path before she’d even opened the gate, an anxious look on his face.
‘Hi,’ he said, opening the gate for her. ‘How are you? Should you be up and about?’
‘Well, I won’t be rowing for a while, but I’m definitely a hundred times better than I was and I was going mad at home. They’re lovely, but you can have too much of a good thing.’ She touched his arm. ‘I wasn’t able to say thanks properly when I was in hospital, but I can now.’
Adam shook his head and glanced away; typically shy at anyone who praised him. ‘Forget it.’
‘That’s going to be tricky. You did save my life.’
He shrugged. ‘I was in the right place at the right time and I was lucky. We both were.’ He allowed himself a smile. ‘Although I’m apparently “a bloody stupid prat”, according to my old boss at the fire station.’
‘I expect running into a burning building with no kit on counts as bloody stupid.’
He looked straight at her and his voice was fierce. ‘I’d do it again. A hundred times if you were in there.’
‘Or anyone you loved?’
‘Maybe …’
Jess laughed and coughed.
His brow creased in concern. ‘Come inside.’
Jess went ahead of him into the cottage and sat down on the battered sofa in the tiny sitting room. With his bandaged hand, Adam picked a furry unicorn dressing gown off the armchair.
‘It won’t fit you,’ she said as he draped it over a dining chair.
‘Shame. I quite like the idea of turning up to rugby training in a furry robe with a silver horn. Emmy left it behind,’ he explained.
‘Perhaps she wanted an excuse to come back for it,’ said Jess, noticing the dining table was covered with colouring books, pencils and sharpie pens. Other signs of the ‘old’ Adam were scattered about: his jacket on the peg in the hall, a coffee mug she’d bought him on the table, still half full. He often drank the rest cold … but this wasn’t the ‘old’ Adam and she suppressed a shiver at the reminder of that sobering fact.
‘I haven’t had a chance to clear her things up yet. Emmy likes it here. She’s made a few friends and she loves the beach. She’s done a lot of paintings of the sea and pirates.’ He smiled. Despite her misgivings, Jess thought he seemed calmer, and more at ease with himself since she’d left him after the rowing championships.
‘I’m glad. They deserve some peace and quiet after what they’ve been through.’
A few seconds of silence ensued, and Adam seemed to struggle to know what to say next. He finally sat next to Jess on the sofa and held her hands tightly.
‘I thought I’d lost you forever.’
She looked down at his injured hand. ‘You haven’t.’
‘But what about Luca?’ His eyes searched hers.
‘He’s gone.’
‘I should say I’m sorry, but I’m not. I’m glad … and that’s so selfish of me. Has he upset you?’
‘No. It’s by mutual consent.’ Jess reached up and touched his face, the trace of stubble under her fingertips sending a rush of longing through her. ‘The issue being we both still love other people.’
Adam’s lips parted in disbelief. ‘Is that true?’
‘He’s gone back to his wife and I’m here with you now. Does that answer your question?’
Adam pulled her tightly to him and Jess kissed him, hardly able to believe she was in his arms after so long. His mouth and skin, the solidity of his body, felt so familiar and yet so wondrous at the same time. Luca had been a lovely interlude during a dark time in her life but she’d known, deep down, that she’d wanted Adam all along.
‘I still love you too,’ he said when they broke apart finally. ‘Every day we’ve been apart I’ve loved you more, but how can I expect you to share the burden of what might happen in the future? I can’t stand the thought of you worrying about me all the time, or worse, having to give up your life to care for me – or worrying about our kids inheriting this condition?’
Jess held both his hands, her heart full to bursting. ‘Listen to me. You found the courage to run into a burning building and rescue me. You told Will it was because you were already dead, but you’re not. Even if your brother and dad were unlucky, there’s still a very good chance you’ll live to be as ancient as the old-timers propping up the bar at the Driftwood. Now tell me, if you didn’t know about this disease, would you still have rushed in to get me?’
He didn’t hesitate. ‘Yes, of course I would.’
‘So, if you really love me – why throw away my life now?’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘None of what’s happened to you is fair. Not finding out your father was a stranger, not him dying, or your brother – or this disease.’
‘Oh God, Jess. I want to be put out of my misery, but it’s a gamble that terrifies me. Many people in my situation don’t even get tested because there’s nothing to be gained from it other than peace of mind. It’s a living nightmare that I didn’t want to drag you into.’
He took a deep breath and seemed calmer again. More resigned.
Jess held him and said, ‘What you don’t understand is that I’d rather live in a nightmare with you than a dream with anybody else. I love you, Adam. I always have.’
There were tears in Adam’s eyes.
‘I know. I tried to make myself believe that you didn’t feel the same way, but deep down, I knew you did and that I’d hurt you so badly because I couldn’t handle my own problems.’
‘Then let me help you. Either as a friend or more.’
‘A friend?’ He shook his head firmly. ‘I can’t stay here with you as a friend. It’s all or nothing.’
A kernel of hope lodged in Jess’s mind. ‘I think we tried the nothing. It wasn’t working for either of us or you wouldn’t have come back, would you?’
‘I thought I was coming back for Emmy’s sake and to break off my ties with St Saviour’s, but now I realise I was being selfish. I couldn’t stay away. Jess, I’m so sorry … But if I do stay, I don’t have a job any more, unless you’ll give me a job as a flower picker.’
‘That’s easy. I can give you a job, but I have a reputation as a really tough boss.’
‘I know that. I want to stay so much …’
‘Then, let’s just be together in this moment. Forget everything that’s happened or might happen. We have now and I want to make the most of it.’ She rested her hand on Adam’s chest, almost as if she wanted to show how strong and steady it was and that she could cope with anything life threw at them, however long that life might be. ‘Haven’t you missed that?’
‘Missed it?’ Adam groaned. ‘It’s been agony. When I saw you with Luca the night before … and the morning after … Not that I blame you, but it ripped me apart.’
‘I don’t want to talk about Luca. Only you and me.’ Jess spread her hands over his thighs and touched her face to his. His body tensed and she wasn’t sure if it was desire or uncertainty.
‘It’s too soon, isn’t it?’ he said softly. ‘For you, after the fire?’
‘I won’t know until I try.’
He touched her cheek. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘Neither do I.’ She smiled at his bandaged hand. ‘What a pair we are. I guess we’ll just have to be extra careful with each other.’
With no more hesitation, Adam took her hand and led her to his bedroom and they lay down on the fading patchwork quilt she’d seen and loved so many times before. It took a while for him to undress her with one good hand, though she found it surprisingly easy to help him out of his jeans, T-shirt and boxer shorts. The breath she had left was taken away by the sight of him naked. He had scars from old rugby clashes and fresh bruises that must have come from his dash through the barn. He was definitely leaner than he had been but still beautiful and magnificent in her eyes. When he touched her, it was as if popping candy had been sprinkled all over her body. He lay beside her, kissing her and touching her until she bunched the sheet in her hands and cried out.
Afterwards, Adam lay staring at the ceiling, his hand covering hers, the tips of his fingers circling her nails.
‘I think we should tell people,’ he said.
Jess hardly dared to breathe. ‘Tell people what?’
He turned his head. ‘That we’re back together.’
Jess had to bite back the tears. ‘So, you’re going to trust me?’
He rolled over and traced his fingers over her breastbone, making her shiver with pleasure. ‘If you’re sure … but everyone will want to know why I left.’
‘They can carry on wondering. I don’t care about anything other than having you back in my life. Unless you want to tell them the truth, and I don’t see why they’re entitled to know anything beyond the fact that you’ve had a tough time. That should be enough for them until you’re ready to say more. Even on St Saviour’s, we’re entitled to some secrets but I’d like to tell Maisie if I can? Is that OK?’
‘Yes. Will should know too.’
‘Yes. He should.’
‘And your mother?’
Jess grimaced. ‘I don’t know. She’s had enough shocks in the past few days. Perhaps she’s not quite ready to hear it yet.’
‘Maybe when I know for certain.’ He checked himself. ‘If I decide to find out.’
Jess nestled under his arm and looked him deep in the eyes. ‘Whatever you decide, and whatever the outcome, I’ll be here by your side always. I love you.’
*
They walked hand in hand back to the farm, smiling at the handful of people who saw them together, enjoying the gobsmacked faces. When they got home, Gaby and Will met them at the gate.
Will gawped at seeing them together, but Gaby broke into a smile, as if she’d guessed what might happen. As soon as they were all within hearing distance, everyone spoke at the same time.
Gaby almost skipped up to them. ‘We’ve got something to tell you!’
‘So have we, but you go first,’ said Jess.
Gaby held up her hands. ‘Oh no. You first. Absolutely you should go first.’
Will and Adam exchanged glances. Jess suspected Will still didn’t trust Adam and that only the whole truth would help him understand.
‘Jess and I are back together,’ said Adam.
‘I can see that, mate.’ Will gave Jess a hard stare. ‘Jess?’
Jess squeezed Adam’s hand. ‘We are back together and we’ve something else to tell you both, but it can wait.’
Will shared a glance with Gaby. ‘OK. Now … our news. The thing is that we – me and Gaby – have a plan. I don’t want to ruin your day and we want to discuss it with you and Mum first, but … I’d like to leave the farm. Not forever, just a year or so. Gaby was willing to stay on, but you know I’ve wanted to see what’s beyond the farm for a long time. I didn’t do it when Dad left, but if I don’t try now, I never will. I can see this might come as a shock after what’s happened and we haven’t told Mum our plans yet but …’
Jess ran up and hugged him. ‘Oh for goodness’ sake, stop wittering. I know you’ve always wanted to spread your wings.’
‘And you don’t hate me for taking him away?’ said Gaby anxiously.
Jess had to smile at this fresh turn of events. So now she had another hurdle to get over: running the farm without Will for the near future but somehow, she wasn’t as daunted as she might have been. She’d have Adam by her side and that was all that mattered. ‘As long as you bring him back from time to time, no. Why don’t you tell me more about it?’
‘You’re staying here, then?’ said Will to Adam.
‘Yes. That’s the plan. Jess is moving into the cottage as soon as we can find somewhere for Keri and Emmy to rent. They’re going to stay over the summer and see how they like life on the isles.’ Adam’s voice was brighter. Even with the shadow of a potential illness hovering, he already sounded more hopeful about his immediate future and Jess dared to believe that was because he had her to support and love him.
Will blew out a breath. ‘Wow. This is a turnaround.’ He frowned but turned to Jess. ‘I feel bad about leaving you with the farm to run.’
‘We won’t go if you feel you can’t manage,’ Gaby added. ‘I promise. We’ve discussed it.’
‘Adam could help run it,’ said Jess.
Will gasped. ‘Adam?’
Jess broke into a grin. ‘Yes. I think he’d be great.’
‘And I am looking for a job, after all,’ said Adam with a wry smile and a squeeze of Jess’s hand.
Will frowned. ‘Mate, I appreciate the sentiment but with respect you know bugger all about flower farming.’
Adam put his arm around Jess who was revelling in Will’s incredulous face. ‘I can learn,’ he said. ‘With Jess to teach me and crack the whip.’
‘You can be sure of that!’ Jess said in delight.
‘It’s what I want. What we both want, whatever happens afterwards,’ he said, stealing a glance at Jess, whose arm tightened around his back. ‘So you guys go and do what you want to. You only have one life.’
‘True …’ Will looked at Adam. ‘Is everything all right, mate?’
‘Yeah … Shall we go and see the Athene?’ said Adam, which Jess knew was code for ‘let’s have a proper talk’.
Will hesitated, then nodded. ‘I think we’d better. Is this something I need to hear with a large pint in my hand?’
Adam slapped him on the back. ‘I think we’ll both do that later.’