Twilight was falling when Gaby, Will and the victorious Mixed crew finally wheeled the Athene into the gig shed on St Saviour’s beach, where the Men’s and Women’s crews were holding a barbecue. The other members greeted them with cheers, although Len had complained that they’d rowed home like ‘a bunch of drunken snails’. Gaby was just relieved to have made it back before dark and discover if the electrifying frisson she and Will shared at the pub was still alive. It certainly was for her and the prospect of taking things further with him was the only thing that had got her through the exhausting journey home.
Will hung back with her while everyone else headed off to the farm for a shower, followed by more partying. A few yards away a fire glowed in the dusky light, and flickering flames lit an intense and hungry gleam in his eyes that told her all she needed to know. She looked into his face and a shiver of desire made goosebumps pop up all over her skin.
‘I might be about to crash and burn, but I can’t stand this any longer,’ he said.
‘Stand what?’ she asked innocently, fizzing like a bottle of champagne.
‘All this teasing and sparring. It might be post-race endorphins or the beer that’s taken hold of me. I don’t know, but I think I’ll go mad if we don’t get together. I thought you felt the same way in the pub. I could hardly bear to be that close to you without … Arghh. This is so difficult to say, but I really want you and it has to be now.’
‘Right now? Here on the beach?’ She pointed to the sand, buzzing with nervous anticipation. ‘There are a lot of people around who might object.’
‘Back at the farm. Where else?’ His smile melted away. ‘Or have I misread the signals completely, because if so, I’m an absolute tit and I’ll never trust my instincts again.’
Gaby couldn’t stand it any longer either. She raised herself up on tiptoes and whispered in his ear, ‘For once, your instincts are spot on, Mr Godrevy. Let’s both grab a shower and I’ll wait for you in my room.’
Despite their exhaustion, they almost sprinted back to the farm. After her shower, Gaby lay on her bed, waiting … Under her fluffy purple bathrobe, hardly the sexiest thing she owned, she didn’t have a lot on.
A soft knock on her door and a low voice saying, ‘Gaby,’ sent her into meltdown.
She was so sore and exhausted, she could hardly get off the bed to open the door, but nothing would have stopped her from letting Will in.
‘Hi …’ His face appeared around the crack in the door.
She giggled and closed the door behind him as quietly as she could. ‘You realise that everyone will know what’s going on with you coming to my room?’
‘I don’t give a fuck.’ He pulled her into his arms and almost before she had the chance to breathe, he kissed her.
Her whole body fizzed like a bath melt in hot water. Shaky already, the warmth of his body against hers turned her limbs to liquid. She kissed him back, greedily, and started to pull his T-shirt up.
He tugged the belt of the robe.
‘Oh my God.’ He rested his palm on her bare bottom. ‘A thong? I don’t think I can stand it.’
‘I wondered if you’d think it was a bit of a cliché, a lacy bra and a thong.’
‘A cliché?’ He let out a huge sigh. ‘You are absolutely bloody going to kill me. I don’t know how I’ve survived this long.’
‘What’s changed?’ she asked, warming her hands on the smooth skin of his back.
‘I have. I realised today that I’ve wasted far too much time already. Sitting behind you in that boat, and next to you in that pub, I thought: I can’t keep this up a moment longer.’ His face became serious. ‘If you’ve changed your mind about this, please say now.’
Gaby put her finger to his lips. ‘If I didn’t want it to happen, you’d have known about it long ago.’
Will opened his mouth and gently drew the tip of her finger in. Wow. He ran his tongue along the underside of her finger. She nearly took off through the roof.
He slipped the robe down her shoulders. ‘Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me?’
‘S-so y- you keep saying.’ His touch stole her breath away.
‘Because it’s true,’ he said. His eyes had an intensity she hadn’t seen before.
Every nerve tingled and she stood on tiptoes to kiss him. The cool air whispered over her bare skin as the robe fell to her feet. Will ran the back of his hand down her spine and kissed her again, exploring her mouth with his tongue, his hands on her waist. She could feel the imprint of every finger, and warmth radiated from his body to her own skin. His hand caressed her back, as he deepened the kiss. She scrunched up the robe between her toes as she kissed him back.
‘Who’d have thought it?’ she whispered, looking up into his face.
Holding her close with one hand, he trailed his hand deliciously along her spine. Gaby shivered. ‘Who’d have thought what?’ he said, his eyes unsure, expecting to be teased. She loved the way he didn’t know what she might say or do next. It made her feel powerful.
‘That the farmer was such a great kisser,’ she said.
He frowned. ‘Are you being sarcastic?’
‘Would I?’
‘Always,’ he said and unexpectedly swept her up into his arms.
‘Whoa!’ she cried, holding onto his neck.
He dropped her gently on the bed and knelt beside her. ‘You’re beautiful,’ he said.
A lump formed in her throat. She believed him completely. She smiled up at his rugged handsome face, at the brown eyes flecked with amber, and the tiny lines around them. He was real, no-bullshit sincere and she might possibly love him for it. She reached up and touched his cheek, the rasp of stubble making her fingertips tingle, a buzz that radiated through her whole body.
‘You might laugh, but I think the same about you,’ she said.
He kissed her again and lay beside her. ‘Actually, I don’t mind.’
And before she could say any more, Will was showing her just how much he didn’t mind.
*
It was completely dark when Gaby woke up and a dim glow from the radio alarm on the bedside table told her it was almost midnight. After they’d had sex, they did it again and finally, the exhaustion and wine took its toll. She was still lying with her head across his arm. Will was breathing softly with his lips slightly parted, as innocent as a lamb.
Gaby smiled to herself, recalling the languid, delicious sex they’d enjoyed after the first febrile round. Will had been everything she’d hoped: considerate but confident. She’d surprised him too, and had worried that everyone would hear when he cried out. As for that single bed, the way the headboard had clattered against the partition wall must have left her housemates in no doubt of what was happening. Will had said he didn’t care who knew what they were doing. Would he feel that way in the cold light of day – or night?
With a snuffle, he threw out an arm and the photo of Stevie on the bedside table fell with a clatter onto the floor. She flinched.
‘Whaaaa?’ he muttered, blinking awake with a start.
Gaby turned on the lamp and he screwed up his eyes.
‘What was that?’ he said, again, wincing in the light.
Extricating herself from beneath his limbs, Gaby clambered over him and lowered her feet to the floor. ‘Ouch!’
She fell back on top of Will, a sharp pain in her toe.
He pushed himself up, suddenly wide awake. ‘Are you OK?’
‘Yes.’ She winced, and held her toe.
‘You’ve cut yourself.’ Will grabbed a handful of tissues from the box by the bed and then groaned. ‘I’ve broken your photo and you’ve cut your foot.’
‘It’s not bad. Only a nick in my toe.’
‘Hold on.’
‘What for?’
He got out of bed and examined her foot. ‘Keep still.’
Gaby gritted her teeth, then let out a little squeal.
Will held out a thin sliver of glass. ‘More tissues. Quick,’ he said, taking the handful from her and holding them against her toe. Splotches of red appeared.
Gaby sank back on the bed, while he pressed tissues against her foot.
‘I’ll get another frame. I’ll order one the same. I am sorry.’ He was full of remorse. It was strange to see his softer side.
‘It really doesn’t matter,’ she said, trying to be kind. The broken photo was more painful than her foot.
‘It does. The man in the photo, with you and your parents? That’s your brother, Stevie, I assume?’
‘Yes.’
He sighed deeply. ‘Jess told me a little about it but asked me not to mention it and upset you. I’m really sorry.’
‘Absolutely no need to be. It’s been over a year now.’ Gaby sat up and examined her foot which had stopped bleeding. How romantic, she thought, but Will was looking at her tenderly.
‘What happened?’ he said gently. ‘Only if you want to tell me more.’
He lifted her hair off her face. Tears stung the back of her eyes, coming out of nowhere like a clap of thunder on a summer’s day. She took a big breath.
‘He was involved in a motorbike accident, shortly after his twenty-first birthday, for which I feel partly to blame. We’d had a row …’ She paused before going on. ‘He already owed Mum and Dad for a car they’d bought him and he still wanted the bike even though they hated it. It was second-hand off a mate; a great deal for cash, he said. He didn’t dare ask them to sub him the rest of the money, so I loaned him it from my savings.’ Her voice became roughened. It was hard to voice fears she held back from everyone else.
He held her hand. ‘You can’t blame yourself.’
‘All I know is that if I’d stuck to my guns and refused, he wouldn’t have had that fucking bike and he wouldn’t have been fucking killed. Oh shit.’ The bitterness and anger in her voice shocked her so what must Will think? She tried to soften her tone. ‘I’ve never told anyone that before. Bad timing. Sorry, when we’ve just … you know.’
Will held her. He didn’t say: ‘It’s not your fault. Don’t beat yourself up,’ as she might have expected, not that she’d planned on ever pouring out her heart like this. He simply listened and held her and stroked her hair until she stopped wanting to cry and her toe started hurting again.
‘What am I like?’ She smiled through her tears.
‘A normal person?’ he said. ‘A semi-normal person, anyway.’
‘Ha ha ha!’ Gaby picked up the pillow and hit him, eager to chase her tears away with laughter. She hadn’t asked or expected to talk about Stevie, but Will had somehow drawn feelings out of her that she’d never shared with anyone else. Her stomach fluttered. This – her feelings for Will – was becoming serious … dangerous and throwing up all kinds of possibilities she hadn’t planned for. Like staying longer than the summer …
Outside the door, they heard voices.
Will grimaced. ‘Arghh.’
Gaby sighed. ‘Too late now.’
‘This saves us creeping round and pretending. People may as well know.’
Her heart rate picked up. What was he going to say? ‘Know what?’
He swallowed hard. ‘This is probably the worst idea ever, but if I don’t say it, I don’t think I can handle it any more. Jesus, what am I doing? Shit. It’s just, I think I might love you.’ Immediately Will buried his head in his hands and let out a groan. ‘Oh God.’ He dragged his hands over his face. ‘Did I just say that? Scrub it. Forget it.’
Goosebumps had popped out all over Gaby’s skin again and she didn’t feel quite steady. The man of her dreams was finally in her bed and had just said the three little words that she’d least expected. Other words, perhaps: let’s do this again. Let’s start behaving like adults for a change. But not I love you.
‘Judging by your silence, I just did an incredibly stupid thing.’
‘No. It was an incredibly brave thing.’ And the loveliest, most amazing thing anyone had ever said to her. But though her heart screamed to say the words back, how could she give him false hope when she knew she had to leave?
‘Brave? It’s that bad, then?’ He jumped up. ‘I’ll go.’
‘You’d probably better put some shoes on first or you’ll cut your feet and drip blood everywhere.’ Gaby smiled tenderly, even though her heart was aching. She pulled his arm. ‘Sit down.’
Will obeyed and sat next to her, looking as if the sky had fallen in on him. ‘I’m not the first person who’s said this to you, am I?’
‘Hmm. I’m afraid not. There have been a couple more.’
‘I knew it,’ he said gloomily. ‘And did they crash and burn too?’
‘It didn’t end well. Henry tried to kiss me straight after he’d told me and we both ended up in front of the head of Year Four. Then there was a man at the garden centre who wanted me to move into his sheltered bungalow, but I had to decline.’
The look of complete confusion on Will’s face gave way to a disbelieving shake of the head. ‘You never stop joking, do you?’
Gaby rested her hand on his thigh. ‘It’s no joke. I can see you’re serious. Is this the first time you’ve said it to anyone?’
‘What do you think?’
‘I heard there were other girlfriends in the past. I don’t know if any of them were serious.’
‘There was one I cared for a lot and maybe I thought it was love, but I wasn’t sure at the time. Now I know for certain that it wasn’t love because I know how I feel about you … I’m making a tit of myself again, aren’t I?’
‘No. God no. It’s amazing to have a guy say that to me. To hear you say it.’
‘But you’re not saying it back. That’s understandable.’
‘No … It’s not what I expected. That’s all.’
He covered his head with his hands and blew out a breath. ‘This has been a fucking disaster. I knew it was a stupid thing to do. Finally, we get together, have amazing sex …’
She touched his chest, felt his thumping heart under her fingertips. ‘It was amazing. Wonderful.’
‘But then I have to bring the whole thing crashing down. Stick my size-twelve boots in it and destroy it.’
‘I rather like your boots. In fact, it was your wellies that first attracted me to you.’
He frowned hard. ‘What?’
‘I love them. I love your boots and your knackered old jeans and your grouchy grumpy ways. Even when you’re being an awkward, perverse bastard, I love it all but …’
‘But …’ he echoed, his eyes pleading with her.
‘But I don’t see how it’s going to work, Will. No matter how I feel about you – even if I let myself feel the same way and believe me, I want to – I don’t see how we’re going to be together. Your life is here. You’re rooted to this soil. You thrive on it and me – I love it here too – but I can’t make it my home.’ Not forever, she thought. Not yet. If she didn’t escape now, she might never do all the things she’d promised herself and sworn on her brother’s memory. She wasn’t ready to let those dreams go yet. ‘It’s so beautiful here, but it’s just one patch of earth,’ she said as gently as she could. ‘It may well be that I see some more of the world and still realise that this is the best place on the planet and the place for me. But I have to see those other places, experience them. I owe it to Stevie, to my parents and to me.’
Will shook his head and heaved a sigh. ‘I know. Jess tried to warn me, but I think she was as worried about me hurting you as vice versa.’
Gaby thought for a moment, surprised that Will had gone so far as sharing how he felt with Jess. Her next words were quiet and tentative. ‘You know, I could ask you to come with me.’
‘I can’t.’ The response came back as swift and sure as an arrow.
Straight to her heart. She should never have tried. How was it that in a moment she’d got everything she wanted, yet she’d managed to throw it away? She’d spent so long hoping he’d show that he wanted her, that she hadn’t thought that he might feel more than just physical attraction – that he might love her.
Will laid his hand on her thigh. Every muscle, every bone ached to say she would stay. She longed to say she loved him too, but she couldn’t stay here in one place forever. There many places to see, so much life to experience elsewhere, and she wished she could live it with Will.
‘Will you still stay for the summer?’ he asked.
‘I was going to, but now I’m not so sure it’s the greatest idea.’ She spoke softly. ‘Part of me thinks if I hang around too long, I’ll never go and staying here wasn’t part of my plan.’
He pushed his hair out of his eyes roughly and let out a groan. ‘I never expected to feel this way, but it’s too late now. I can’t change the way I feel or that I’ve told you.’
She kissed him on the lips but couldn’t think of a word to say. He’d tossed all her expectations and plans in the air.
‘The way I see it, we have two choices,’ he murmured. ‘Go for it while we can. Even if that’s for a week. Or pretend this never happened.’
‘We’ve already tried the pretence. I don’t think it was working, do you?’ she said. ‘Oh!’
Without warning, he tipped her down onto the bed. His eyes were fierce as he looked into them. ‘In that case, time’s running out and we haven’t got a moment to waste.’
As she gave herself into the kiss, Gaby knew he was right, but she just wished it didn’t have to be that way.