Chapter Sixteen
I tried to convince myself it wasn’t cowardice that had me waiting until my house was empty to go home. I’d have to face them all soon anyway, we’d all be at the track testing for Street King Showdown. I wasn’t ashamed, not of Jordan or the staggering change in our relationship. I was still too emotionally raw to deal with any of their questions.
I’d cringed when I’d lied via text message to my sister, then again when I’d begged Hadley to cover for me with my family and tell them I was staying with her. She agreed, but only if I told her where I really was. She hadn’t been surprised.
I went home, grabbed a few things, shoved them into a bag, and jogged back to Jordan’s.
“Hoping they don’t catch you?” he asked with a raised brow when I came in, winded.
“N—” I stopped myself and shook my head, hair dancing around my face. “Not like you’re thinking.”
“How am I thinking?”
His face was a mask of caramel colored skin and dark eyes, unreadable even to me. It shouldn’t have surprised me. I wasn’t the only one stripped raw from the past twenty-four hours. “That I don’t want them to know I’m here with you.”
He said nothing. Bingo.
“It’s not that, Jordan. They know me. You know me, look at me, what would be the first thing you asked me if you saw me?” I’d seen myself in the mirror in my bathroom. I didn’t look like the girl who spent the night with the love of her life. My eyes were bloodshot, with dark circles, and I was pale and disheveled. Breanna would say I was a hot mess, and she’d be right.
Jordan and I had been on a rollercoaster of epic proportions. My very being was lighter and free for the first time in a long time. That didn’t mean I looked the part.
I waited until his muscles relaxed before I went to him. By the time I did, he was rubbing his face with his hands. “I’m sorry if I upset you.” I let him wrap me in his arms. “I just don’t want to see anyone else right now.”
“It’s okay.” He kissed me, tenderly. “I’m processing.”
“Me, too.”
A hot shower, toothpaste, and a change of clothes helped me process. I needed to breathe. The more I could, the more settled everything in my life was. It was as if chains I hadn’t known I carried had slipped off. The dirt and grime they’d left behind washed off me and down the drain with the dirty water.
I put on makeup, and for the first time in a long time, I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I could love the person who looked back at me.
I smiled and chewed on my lip when I passed the spare room and its weight bench. I almost giggled at the giddy, light feeling that came over me. Nothing that had happened there had been dirty or wrong, it had been beautiful.
Jordan turned to me in his bedroom. He stood half dressed, his chest bare, smelling of the same soap I’d found in his shower. The smile he greeted me with made my heart stutter a step in my chest. “You look good, Raelynn.”
I tucked a damp tendril of hair behind my ear. I wore nothing but a pair of fitted jeans and a black tank. Nothing fancy, nothing special, but to him I looked good. Quite frankly without a shirt he looked good enough to eat. “Not so bad yourself.”
He laughed, but I stopped him short of pulling his shirt down his chest. I traced the scars, from the big one at his shoulder to the barrage of smaller ones that the tattoo covered. Several of which were easily kissed from my height. So, I did.
“Raelynn.” His voice was so thick with arousal it stole my breath.
His hands slid up my sides and under my arms. He lifted me with ease, my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. There was no urgency, only a slow burning need. We tumbled back on the bed, his lips warm against my neck as his hands sought their own fortunes.
Without fear, I reached for his denim clad arousal. The groan I received in response was well worth my effort.
“Raelynn.” Again, the sound of my name on his lips sent chills across my flesh.
I stroked him, first through his jeans. When he’d had enough, he unzipped them and freed himself to my touch. When he kissed me after that, everything around me spun in a haze of desire.
“Yo! Jordan!”
The shout from the back of the house brought his head up, the slamming of the back door had him sliding off me and adjusting his clothes.
I knew the voice, we both did. Vic wouldn’t hesitate to walk all the way through the house to find him. They were like that, my brother and Devin too, Jordan’s place was home. They’d expect a head’s up if he wasn’t here alone. So, it wasn’t a surprise when Jordan jerked a shirt over his head on his way out of the bedroom. Leaving me without a word.
I lay flat on my back on the bed, fighting to catch my breath as the room continued to spin. It was several long minutes before I could breathe again, several after that before I could feel the heat drain from my face. I was too stunned to be annoyed by Vic’s interruption.
They were well into their conversation by the time I slipped from the bedroom and down the hall. I could hear them in the kitchen, Vic’s voice anxious and Jordan’s quiet.
“I don’t know man, I tried to call him but he wouldn’t answer. I texted him back and all he said was to ask you, that you’d know. But the car’s gone, Jordan, completely gone.”
“It’s his to take.” Jordan’s voice was so cold it stopped me from walking into the kitchen.
“What’s going on, Jordan?” Vic’s voice was shrill with tension. Though I couldn’t see around the corner, I could imagine the way Jordan rolled his shoulders in response. It wouldn’t be easy to keep us secret from Vic, but he would for me.
The front door was to my right. I could slip out of it and not face this at all. I could go home, and Jordan would never say a word to anyone. I could turn around too, go back and hide in his room until Vic left.
There was a pit in my stomach. It was easy to figure out who had Vic all riled up when I stopped thinking about myself for longer than a minute.
“He said you could tell me. Tell me, man, this don’t feel right, he’s never—” I stepped into the kitchen and Vic broke off mid-sentence. Whatever he’d been about to say was replaced by two solemn words. “Oh, shit.”
“Yeah.” I sighed and slumped into the stool. “How’d he know?” I was asking Jordan, but Vic shrugged with him.
The answer came from my brother’s voice at the backdoor. “He saw the two of you in bed together this morning.” Aiden was propped against the doorframe, he’d left it open. “Incoming, Raelynn, he called Bree not me. I think I might have bought you like two or three minutes’ head start.”
Bewildered, I wondered why he was buying me a head start at all. Sure, Breanna had been hard to read since I’d been back, but who I was or wasn’t sleeping with didn’t seem to be something she’d be overly concerned with.
My sister blew past my brother in the doorway like a hurricane. “What the fuck?” Breanna’s voice was lit with anger. The sort of anger that one reserved for being betrayed by their own sister. She looked at Jordan one time and shook her head, before turning her dark glare on me. She looked every bit the manic gypsy, all long dark hair and anger. “You.”
I readied for the onslaught as she crossed the kitchen to me. I’d been on the receiving end of her anger more than a few times. I wasn’t overly concerned. Jordan wasn’t impressed. Breanna caught the threat in his eyes and ignored it. Even if she hadn’t known him our entire life, I don’t think she would have been afraid. When she was mad, she was ten foot tall and bulletproof.
“Outside,” I said calmly. She clenched her jaw before spinning on her heel. I pointed at Jordan. “Stay out of this.” I needed to figure out why my sex life had put a bug in my sister’s ass. I didn’t need him getting involved.
The haughty way she slung her hips as she stormed out left me feeling angry too. As if the way she walked, her long legs eating up the grass so that I’d have to practically run to keep up with her, put her at an advantage and she knew it.
“What’s your problem, Breanna?” My calm was barely contained, only siblings could make each other so angry with minimal effort.
“You.” She spun and turned all the rage in her body directly at me. “How dare you? Devin poured his heart out to you, he loves you, and you turn him down to go bang his best friend? Then lie to me about it? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Who I sleep with is none of your business.” I fought the urge to slap the self-righteous indignation right off her face. I couldn’t deny the lie or having Hadley cover for me. I didn’t have time in that moment to regret my actions. “What went on between me and Devin is none of your business.”
“It is my business when you hurt one of my friends, when you tear two people I care about apart.” She crossed her arms across her chest and sneered at me. I was struck for a moment by how terrifying and beautiful she was. My little sister, the warrior princess. “But, like always, all Raelynn thinks about is Raelynn.”
“That’s not true.” Adamantly I shook my head, but she continued before I could say anything else.
“Are you telling me you didn’t turn Devin down last night when he asked you out?” She snorted out a hateful laugh when I looked down at the grass instead of answering. “Are you telling me you didn’t immediately go home and fuck his best friend?”
“I did not.” I hadn’t, not right away. She made it sound wrong and dirty. It was as if all the mending I’d done on my spirit were washed away by one of the people I loved the most. When I looked up at her, angry tears were spilling over her eyes.
Behind me I could hear scuffling, I didn’t have to look to know it was my brother holding Jordan back.
“Don’t worry, Jordan.” She laughed hatefully. “I’m done. I needed to make sure it was true.”
“What’s that?” Jordan was angry too, practically shouting at her while I stood like a coward, my hands fisted at my sides. I couldn’t do anything but search desperately for any sign of the sister who loved me.
I didn’t see a trace of her.
“That my sister is a whore.” She spat the last word before storming away.
It hit me hard, right in the chest. I swayed on my feet. Jordan’s arms around my shoulders were the only thing that kept me from falling over. Tears spilled over my eyes and aching sobs filled my chest. I’d been called a lot of things by a lot of people, but never from my sister. Not like that, not with such authority and truth. She meant what she said and nothing I could say would change her opinion.
Breanna never looked back. Not even once.
“She’s wrong,” Jordan hissed, his voice filled with anger.
“No.” I shook my head as she spun her truck around in our driveway and slung gravel all the way down the street.
My dad stood on our back porch, shaded from the late afternoon sun. He looked across the street at me and gave what I could only interpret as a sad smile before turning back into the house.
He’d heard it all.
“Well, I’m glad that’s over without bloodshed.” Aiden shoved his fingers in his front pockets and whistled. He and Vic flanked Jordan and me.
The four of us stood there for a bit as if we were surveying the destruction left behind by Hurricane Breanna.
“Your sist—” Jordan started.
“Don’t man.” Aiden held up a hand. “She’s still my sister, even if I don’t completely agree with her. They both are. I’m Switzerland right now, leave me out of it.”
I pulled free of Jordan’s arms. “I need to go.”
Numbly, I walked across the street, leaving the three men staring after me. None of them stopped me, of that I was thankful. But when I looked back, Aiden’s hand was on Jordan’s chest, holding him in place. Aiden and I were a lot alike. His actions proving that he knew I needed something none of them could give.
“Hey there, Rae.” My dad stood making coffee at the kitchen counter. Rick Casey and his coffee were never far apart, no matter what time of the day it was.
“Hey.” I stopped at the back door and fought the tremble in my voice. “I guess you heard all that.”
“Yup.” He poured a cup and turned, cocking a hip on the counter behind him. I was struck with how very much Aiden looked like him. Right down to the errant hair that constantly fell over his right eye. “Your brother called me after he talked to your sister.”
“Daddy, I—” I wiped the tears from my face with the palms of my hands. “It’s stupid, I shouldn’t keep crying. Bu…”
“Your sister said some pretty awful things.”
“Yeah.” Awful things that were true.
“That weren’t true.” He practically read my mind.
I looked up at him. The set of his jaw, the surety in his eyes, told me he believed what he’d said just as much as Breanna had believed what she had said. “I know you’ve been through a lot, Rae. I know there are a lot of things you don’t tell us, but we saw the changes in you—” He held up a hand when I opened my mouth. “Hear me out, you’ve been different. But the person who felt that difference the most? Was Breanna.”
He let that hang in the air for a while. My dad didn’t say much, never really had, but he was an observer. I’d been naïve to think he hadn’t seen any difference in me. Just as Breanna was naively convinced he had no clue she was running off whenever she could. He knew all of us, very well.
He continued with the easy way he had, that was so much like Aiden. “She looks up to you, in a lot of ways she wants to be like you. But, she isn’t, she never will be. Breanna will never see the world like you do. You see the gray, everything in between the black and white. You see the good in the bad and the bad in the good.”
I accepted the cup of coffee he handed me. It lacked creamer but wasn’t half bad. I took a soothing sip and let him finish putting things in perspective for me. I hoped he could do the same for Breanna.
“Your sister sees black and white. Everything is either right or wrong, nothing can be a bit of both. I know, because I was a lot like her at that age. It took this really smart woman to show me life wasn’t always cut and dry.
“You’re a lot like that woman. I see it every time I look at you.” He tucked an errant strand of my hair behind my ear before I had the chance. “You’re just like her.”
“It’s funny.” I went to him and hugged him, surprised my voice didn’t come out in a squeak. “I was thinking how much Aiden reminds me of you.”
“Yup.” He wrapped an arm around me as I snuggled into his side. “Do you love him, Raelynn?”
He didn’t mean Aiden. “I think I always have.”
“That’s what I’ve been afraid of,” he said with a touch of humor in his voice. “I think your sister fancies herself in love with that McAllister boy.” He sighed, sadly. “It’s misguided and unrequited, much like his feelings for you. But, she thinks she loves him.”
I balked and started to argue with him. That Breanna would be in love with Devin was about the most ridiculous thing ever. He cut me off with a wave of his hand. “She looks at him the very same way you look at Jordan. Always has. Just because she doesn’t say it, doesn’t tell you, doesn’t make it less true in her eyes. Breanna keeps a lot of things to herself. She gets that from me. We don’t always say what we feel, we keep it inside until it’s too late.”
“Damn.” I had never thought of that. I wouldn’t have thought Breanna capable of keeping such a secret from me. Then again, I’d kept a lot from her. Keeping secrets from the people you loved, that loved you, wasn’t the best idea. That was a lesson I’d take to my grave.
“Yeah.” He squeezed me to him. “So, remember that. She was wrong, both with her words and for even saying them at all. But, she can’t help herself. When she loves something, when she feels that something is right, she’ll fight to the death to protect it…I know, I’m the same way.”
There wasn’t much I could say to any of that.
“Now, go let him know you’re all right. He’s chomping at the bit over there.”
Dad was right, Jordan was pacing in front of his shop as the sun started to set. My brother and Vic were getting the Malibu ready to be loaded. He met me in the middle of the street that ran between our houses.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” I let myself be wrapped in his arms. My dad had been the talk I needed, the strength I’d needed to find.
“Don’t be mad at her,” I whispered to him.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Raelynn,” Jordan argued. He held me at arm’s length and snorted. “I have every right to be mad at her. She came in my hou—”
I placed a finger over his lips to silence him. “She’s in love with him.”
“Devin?” His face lit up incredulously.
“Yeah.” This from Aiden as we walked up the driveway. “I’d bet he knows it too and that’s why he called her.”
“To start shit.” Vic shook his head sadly from the empty stall where Devin’s car had sat.
“Seemed like it.” Aiden loaded more stuff into the back of the shop truck.
“Dude,” was all Vic could say. He looked helpless, as if he were being forced to pick sides in a war he wanted no part of.
“Why don’t you go find him, check on him,” I offered.
“Nah, I’m good. Let’s get loaded up.” With that from Vic, the three of them went back to work as I watched, wondering how the best day of my life had turned into one of the worst. How sides could be chosen so easily when we were all supposed to be part of the same team.