Chapter Eight
All three of us Casey kids had worked at the Speed Shop from the moment we were able. I’d always worked the front counter with Mom, Aiden in the back with Dad, and Breanna wherever she was needed. Aiden was a mechanic through and through, he lived and breathed cars. Working with people made me happy, I was well suited for working up front.
My baby sister had never been one for standing still for prolonged periods of time. Nor did her candid nature do well with our walk-in clientele. Now, Breanna had moved on to parts delivery driver and tow truck operator.
Most of the clientele always mentioned that she was the prettiest tow truck driver they’d ever seen. As she crawled into the rig without a word to me, I had to agree. Angry, her long dark hair flowing wild, she was more gorgeous than ever.
My parents had hired a replacement when I’d left for college. I’d met Hadley a few times during my brief visits home. From what I knew of her, I liked her. She was good in the shop, knew enough about the business that Mom had been able to pull back and partially retire. With Aiden running the shop and Hadley up front, my parents had more time together. With me coming home, it meant Mom was now fully retired. Hadley would take over all the accounting and bookkeeping. My parents trusted her that much, which was good enough for me.
I was the front desk girl at Casey’s Speed and Performance. The shop was family—our life—it was the glue that held us together. Being back made me happier than I had expected. Sometimes I’d wonder why I ever left. Then I remembered Jordan. He was never far from my thoughts—or decisions. In everything I did, there was a shadow of him, hovering just on the surface so that I couldn’t move past it.
“Hey girl,” Hadley drawled as I walked in. She wore the red fitted Casey’s tee and a pair of khaki shorts. I was struck, as I was the first time I’d seen her, by how pretty she was. The perfect cheerleader blonde. High cheekbones, big green eyes, a sculpted full mouth, and a cute little nose that turned up at the end. If it weren’t for the southern drawl and the twinkle of mischief in her eyes, I’d think of her as one of those prissy preppy girls.
Regardless, it was easy to see why my brother couldn’t stop looking at her anytime he walked in from the shop.
“Morning, Hadley, Raelynn.” Aiden nodded and went for the coffee pot on the counter. “Breanna gone already?”
“Yeah, your daddy called and had her go pick up a truck for him. He’s on his way in as well.” She beamed at Aiden. “This is the first time you beat him here.”
I chuckled as I stashed my purse behind the counter. “Bree wasn’t too happy when she left.”
Aiden shrugged. “Probably hungover. Wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Breanna, hungover?” I widened my eyes. I’d never seen Breanna drink a drop of alcohol.
“Yeah, don’t look so surprised.” Aiden took a sip from his mug and groaned. “Hadley, you’re the coffee goddess. I could worship you.”
Instantly, she blushed to match the color of her shirt and ducked into her office. “You’re welcome!” The cadence of her words slightly too high.
My brother winked with a shrug and pushed past the glass door that led back into the shop. He moved with a swagger I hadn’t seen in years, a confident hustle I hadn’t realized he’d been missing. All from a few seconds of flirting with Hadley.
“Are you glad to be back?” Hadley returned from her office, her smile dazzling. My gaze shifted between her and my brother. She saw my unspoken question and dropped her head with a solemn shake.
“He’s a flirt.” She played it off.
“Yup.”
“He likes making me blush.”
“Probably.”
“He’s married.” Her tone was somber now. “I wouldn’t go there with a married guy.”
“That’s good to know.” And it was. I never could fully trust a woman who tried to play house with someone else’s guy.
“Plus, I don’t think he thinks of me that way. He knows it’s easy to get my goat, so he enjoys messing with me. He keeps me on my toes.”
“Okay.” I didn’t call her on the bullshit in that statement. We didn’t know each other that well yet. I liked Hadley, calling her out could make things awkward.
“You think I’m full of it.”
I had to laugh. “After the past few days, I’m in no place to cast stones.”
She nudged me with her elbow and grinned. It was the sort of grin between two people who understood each other. For the first time in a while, I found kinship. We were a tight-knit family, a close group of friends. It was surprising to find I welcomed Hadley’s presence so quickly.
The morning was busy, as it always had been. The shop hadn’t lost any business since I’d been gone, in truth business had at least doubled. With Aiden racing at the track, sporting our decals, and Jordan doing the same on the street, we got a lot of advertisement from both crowds.
Hadley and I found an easy rhythm. We didn’t run all over each other, and I was proud to find she wasn’t just pretty, she was smart too. She knew what she was talking about when it came to custom parts for race cars. It wasn’t hard to see why she made Aiden’s chest puff out.
Breanna didn’t spend much time up front with us, whenever she did, she wasn’t happy about it. Hadley noticed quickly that I was the cause of my sister’s attitude. “What’s her deal?”
“Casting stones.”
“Knowing Breanna, I’d say these stones are guy related?”
I snorted. “I’m really not sure what her deal is. We had an argument because she sold me out to a guy I was trying to avoid.”
“Uh-oh.” Hadley’s mouth formed an O.
“Yup. She’s my sister, shouldn’t there be some sort of loyalty?”
I took a moment to decide how much to tell her. I bit the bullet, I had to start trusting people if I wanted to heal. “I’m screwed, basically. Breanna’s mad because I’ve always had a thing for one guy. We have history, it’s complicated, and I’m not sure what’s going on between us now. Then another guy, a good friend, has a thing for me. She acts like she wants me to choose between the two, but I don’t have feelings for one of them and the other…”
“You want to be with him?” Hadley finished for me.
“I don’t know.” But, I did know. It was a lie that I told myself as easily as I told her.
Hadley sent her golden ponytail in motion with a shake of her head. “That wasn’t very convincing. As for Breanna, sounds like a huge bout of jealousy. She’s been the hottest ticket in town up until you came home. Now part of that attention is on you. She’ll get over it.”
“I guess.” I couldn’t see it, but I didn’t have time to worry anymore about it. The door from the shop opening spun my head around.
“What up, chick?” I found myself pulled into a hug by a younger, taller version of Vic. Isaac Morales had been my little sister’s shadow for most of their lives. It surprised me that this was the first time I’d seen him since I’d been home.
“Where were you the other night?” Genuine surprise and happiness colored my voice. Isaac was one of the familiar faces I’d expected to see at the races but hadn’t.
“I was there. I saw your little ass go all Amazonian on Slater.” He mussed my hair.
When had he gotten so tall? He was as tall as Aiden now and handsome with a ready smile. My heart swelled with pride. If Vic was like a big brother to me, Isaac was like a little one.
“I didn’t see you!” Usually, Isaac would have been with us or Hunter’s crew. He was as much a chameleon as his brother, able to slide from clique to clique without anyone seeming to care.
“Because he’s on a rapid descent into madness and it makes my eye twitch.” Breanna sashayed through the door and rubbed her right eye. When she moved her hand, it twitched.
I followed her twitchy gaze to the car my brother was pulling onto the dyno machine. It was a Honda on small tires used for street racing to give maximum grip to the asphalt. The small tires made the car sit low to the ground. The spoiler on the back, with its obnoxious yellow paint and green graphics, was a sight to behold.
Slowly, my eye started to twitch too. “Where did we go wrong with you, Isaac?”
“See what I mean?” Breanna pursed her lips in commiseration. My sister was back. At least for the moment.
“Come on now.” Isaac spread his hands. “Imports are as good as domestics. Hell, I’ll put my Honda up against any Street King.” The Street Kings were my brother’s friends and the guys they raced with. In Arkadia, they were the biggest show in town, everyone in the racing community throughout the state knew their names.
“Jordan?” My sister raised a brow. “Hunter East?”
“Jesus, that’s like throwing Daniel immediately to the lions.” Isaac made a face.
“You said any Street King.” I wagged my finger at him.
“Yeah, but nobody jumps straight for the top.” He raised a valid point. “I was thinking more along the lines of calling out my brother or Devin.”
“You totally should.” Breanna urged a little too happily, sarcasm oozing from her smirk.
“I’d smoke D-Mac.” He rolled his eyes at her.
“Aiden’s right through that door, make it happen.”
“Oh, I will. Bet. A hundred bucks of your money, Breanna, says I drag his ass.”
Her hand slapped into his almost immediately. “You’re on.”
Isaac swept out of the shop like a man with a purpose, heading straight for my brother.
“You just hustled him.” Hadley mused with a touch of awe.
“Yes, yes I did. But, my twitch is gone.” Her eye had stopped twitching completely.
It wasn’t long after Breanna left for another delivery that curiosity got the best of Hadley. “Like an Amazon? That sounds like a story.”
“Yeah, apparently.” Jordan invaded my mind again, whether I wanted him to or not, pulling me back to the way his eyes had flashed with anger and how his jaw had clenched. It wasn’t fear that threatened when I recalled that night, but something more dangerous. I swallowed back the whisper of arousal.
“Which means you’ll have fun with this.” She set a full nitrous bottle down by the counter.
“What?” I couldn’t help but groan when I read Jordan’s name on the label.
“He should be here after four to pick it up. That gives you plenty of time to tell me the story.” She gave my back a friendly pat.
After four, which meant after work. He contracted, did granite counter tops and fireplaces. He’d tried jobs where he worked for other people, even here with Aiden and my dad. Those jobs never panned out. Jordan wasn’t the sort of guy to take orders from someone else.
I leaned my face against the cool steel of the bottle. “Do you know Hunter East?”
She gave her eyebrows a wiggle and winked. “Oh yeah, he’s a looker. Sweet, too.”
“Yeah, well, we dated when I was in high school. So, after the race Saturday night he was talking to me. Jordan comes over throwing his weight around, Hunter wasn’t going to back down. They were about to start swinging.” I put a hand to my stomach. “I hate stuff like that, ya know? Especially when two big guys act like the only way to prove their manhood is to smash each other’s face in.”
She put a hand up. “I can see why Breanna had her panties in a bunch today. She was annoyed this morning because you didn’t let it go down. I doubt she understands why that bothers you or why you don’t like that attention, because she likes drama.”
“She’s young still, I hope she never finds out why that sort of violence really isn’t all that exciting.” I absently brushed my fingertips across my throat. “I couldn’t stand there and watch it happen, especially since it seemed to center around Hunter talking to me. I’m not Jordan’s property, I’m—”
“Your own woman. Girl, I feel ya on that one.”
I moved away from the bottle, as if it would put more space between Jordan and my thoughts. “I jumped in between them and did better at breaking it up than Devin and Aiden.”
“Bullshit.” Aiden slipped through the door with another nitrous bottle and placed it beside the one on the counter with far more ease than Hadley had. “We had it, she just likes to show off.” He flexed his muscles at me. “She’s stronger than she looks.”
The flexing wasn’t for my benefit. I stopped just short of a full eye roll. The charming way she tried to not watch him earned her a genuine flash of a smile from Aiden. Me? I socked him in the shoulder.
“Ow! See, I rest my case.”
****
I was laughing with a customer when Jordan made his appearance. I was still smiling when I turned to see who had come in, jangling the bells that hung on the door. I’d lost track of time, got busy enough that I’d finally stopped thinking about those two nitrous bottles sitting on the counter. My smile slipped away. There was a sharp, stabbing pain in my soul as his face hardened at the sight of me. I was almost sick.
I fought to keep myself professional, acknowledged him with a crisp wave of my hand, and tried not to call for Hadley. I can handle him myself.
He leaned against the counter as I finished with my customer. From the corner of my eye I could see the easy confidence in his stance, the heavy muscle that could move as quick as a cat if provoked. He was relaxed, at ease, as if he had nothing in the world to fear. I should envy that, instead I found myself remembering the way his lips slid against mine, the sheer strength of his body when I’d been pressed against him.
My cheeks burned pink as Jordan replaced my happy customer. His presence knocked me so left of center, that I fumbled with the paper as I tore off his sale receipt. I mentally cursed him for making me tremble, for leaving me so flustered I couldn’t think. This wasn’t like me, I wasn’t the girl that went all jittery because the guy she liked was standing right in front of her. Damn him. Damn him for making me that girl, time and again.
I refused to admit I was afraid he’d be angry with me.
The fear didn’t leave me worried that he’d physically hurt me. No, I feared that when I looked at him, I’d see the same look I’d seen in his eyes when he’d told me to go that day. I couldn’t bear it twice in one lifetime.
I gathered the bottles with trembling hands and spoke to the counter, hating myself for the way my voice cracked. “Did you leave the empties in the back with Aiden?”
“Are you going to look at me?” The tone in his voice was placating, calmed enough that I brought my gaze to his, curious as to what I would see there in place of the anger I’d feared.
“Ow, shit!” I banged my leg on the counter, the metal cylinder I’d been carrying slipping from my grasp.
Proving how fast the bulk of him could move, Jordan was suddenly around the counter kneeling in front of me. The dropped bottle cradled in his hands. It never hit the ground.
“Thanks.” I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. His face wasn’t hard and unforgiving as I feared it would be. Instead, it was as calm as his voice. It was his eyes that threw me off. The rejection I’d feared wasn’t visible.
His eyes were darker than a moonless night and teeming with something I couldn’t place. It was an emotion that terrified me more than the violence I’d seen in his eyes on race night, more than the rejection I’d been so afraid of.
“That left a mark.” Carefully, he set the bottle on the ground and reached for my leg. The warm pad of his thumb brushed across the scrape at the bottom of my knee. Every part of my being responded to the simple touch. My trembling hands fisted to still the rapid beating of my heart. The tenderness in his voice was one reserved for someone cherished. I had to close my eyes against the feeling it brought to my chest. If I could have, I’d have crossed my legs against the way his voice rumbled right through me, steeping me in forbidden arousal. “Put something on that.”
“And the other bottle.” I managed to pass it to him as he stood. I took a step back when he stepped closer to me. I felt it, I know he did too, that magnetic pull that always seemed to be there when we stood too close.
“Now you’re running away from me?” His voice was strained. Was it pain I heard, rejection even? Surely not, not from the almighty Jordan Slater.
It was inconceivable to me that Jordan would see my retreat as rejection. As that’s what I had done without realizing it. I had retreated across the counter without handing him the receipt. “N…n…o,” I stammered. “It’s not that I—”
“I’m sorry, Raelynn.” His hand reached out to mine and drew back before making contact. His lips formed a thin line as he dipped his head.
I’d expected a lot from him but not an apology.
“For what?” I couldn’t look at him, not then, not when I could barely contain the trembles that still shook my hands. I couldn’t hide what I was feeling from Jordan. If he could see my face, he could see right through me. I focused instead on the white material of the t-shirt that was stretched snug across his chest. His muscles were tight with tension, as if he, too, barely held himself together.
“For a lot of things. For last night, for knocking that smile off your face when I came in, making you drop stuff, stutter, all of it. I’ll see you later.” He rubbed a hand down his face and shook his head. Then with a slap of his fist to the counter, he took the receipt and the bottles and headed out the door.
He left me standing there, staring at the strength in his retreating back. I was more confused now than I’d been since I’d been home. My stomach twisted and my chest ached. I had to fight to draw breath. There were no bad memories, not even in my own twisted ball of pain and longing. Where Jordan was, no one else existed, not even Caleb and the pain he’d brought.
“Seriously, Raelynn? You’re going to stand there and let him walk out like that?” Hadley seemed to pop up out of the nowhere that was her office.
She was right. I was moving even as the door swung shut behind him. It wasn’t Jordan that left me all out of sorts but me all on my own. I couldn’t place him anymore, in neither spot he’d occupied in my life. One minute I wanted him so badly I could barely function and the next, I wanted everything to be how it had been before.
“Jordan!”
He turned from where he slid the bottles into the back of his work truck. “Yeah?”
“I—” I stopped a few feet from him, even though I wanted to throw myself into his arms. “I’m sorry too.”
The grin was slow and sincere as it spread. “Yeah, well.”
“It wouldn’t work between us, would it?” Even after all this time, after all the things that I’d put myself through, I was still that teenage girl standing in his driveway begging him to want me. But, if he didn’t, then I’d know where to place him, where he fit in.
“Probably not.” His voice echoed with a sort of ache that shook me more than I cared for.
“This sucks.” I wrapped my arms around myself like it was cold outside. It wasn’t, but it felt as if ice-water was coursing through me.
“It does.” For a long moment, we just watched each other. So many things we should both say hung in the air between us. Finally, Jordan gave a roll of his shoulders and a sad smile. He climbed into his truck and closed the door. I had to admit to a rush of relief with that barrier in place.
I saw that same look of longing in his eyes again and my breath caught. It was what I’d wanted to see that day long ago, what I’d dreamed of seeing since I understood what that feeling could mean. “Later.” I forced out though my mouth had gone dry. I waved once and retreated inside.
Where Jordan was concerned, I didn’t know what to do or what to feel. I was a hot mess. I was shattered.