Chapter Five
“You look like crap, Raelynn.” Breanna’s voice was muffled by what was no doubt a sugar-loaded cereal.
I ignored her and made a beeline through the kitchen to the coffeemaker. It was closer to afternoon than morning, but coffee was what the pounding in my head called for.
I took a long, slow sip, saying a silent prayer thankful my dad always had coffee ready. I squinted my swollen eyes against the bright midday sun that filled the room through the open windows. “How do you stay so thin, when all you ever eat is junk?”
She shrugged and shoveled in another mouthful. Unlike me, she was refreshed and vibrant, her long dark hair shining. Her skin was flawless, she didn’t even need makeup. Never had. Considering she’d been out as late as I had, I wanted to hate her. I made a valiant effort not to despise my sister. It worked, for the most part.
“Ugh.” I flopped into the chair across from her.
“Rough night?”
My effort was successful right until I caught the twinkle in her tawny eyes. I glared at her over the rim of my coffee cup.
“So, where were you?” She snickered before digging back into her cereal.
“I should ask you the same thing since your truck was gone when I got home.” I narrowed my eyes.
Her smile was quick and far too bright. “I’m not hungover. So, does it matter?”
“Guess not.” I yawned. “For the record, I’m not hungover either.”
“Sure, you’re not.”
“I didn’t drink a thing…” I took another soothing sip of coffee. The warmth and caffeine seemed to slowly start to bring me back to the land of the living.
She tilted her head to the side, patiently waiting for me to come clean with her. I could ignore her and hope she’d let it go. But, Breanna Casey wasn’t going to let anything go, ever. If you looked up tenacious in the dictionary, you’d find her picture.
I set my cup on the table with a coffee sloshing clunk. “I took Jordan out to watch Hunter make a pass.”
She leaned across the table. “Oh, juicy.”
“Something like that.” I kept the juicy tidbits to myself.
“That explains the muddy jeans you left lying on the bathroom floor, I figured there was a good story to go with that one.”
I’d tossed them off when I’d gotten back. Jordan and I hadn’t spoken again on the way home. In fact, he hadn’t even said goodbye before he’d walked back to his house. His anger shouldn’t have bothered me. It did, though, and that was a big deal for me.
I wasn’t sure what part of it all had kept me from sleeping. I’d carefully built walls to protect myself. In one night, he’d busted right through them. I wanted to kiss him again, no matter what had happened between us before. I wanted to do more than kiss him, despite everything that had happened to me at college.
“I’m waiting.” She wagged her spoon at me. Tenacious.
“Jordan woke me up, had me drive him out to the canning factory to watch Hunter’s test pass. That’s it.”
“And? Because watching a test pass doesn’t leave you with muddy knees and looking like you cried all night. If I need to go kick someone’s ass, I will.”
I snorted a laugh. “I didn’t cry at all. I just didn’t sleep well. But, thanks.”
Breanna’s eyes narrowed as she calmly let the spoon drop into the bowl. A metal on ceramic clang echoed through the quiet kitchen. The stubborn question in her eyes would not go unanswered. In that, she reminded me of our mother. The jealousy that had been between us as teens, so thick you could have cut it with a knife, was long gone now.
My little sister had grown up, we both had.
Her voice softened. “What happened, Raelynn?”
“We kissed…twice.” I couldn’t look at her.
“Whoa, a kiss-kiss? I know I teased you about it but, I thought you were past the Jordan thing? Especially once you started seeing that hot guy, Caleb or whatever.” Something was wrong. The signs were in her voice. The teasing from before was replaced with a tension hovering under the surface. That I’d kissed Jordan bothered her.
“So, did I.” I managed not to flinch at the sound of Caleb’s name and not to call her out on the sudden change in demeanor.
“Wow, yeah, wow…so…”
“That about sums it up.” I spun the dark liquid around in my cup.
“I can see why you weren’t sleeping.”
I needed to change the subject. An impending storm was brewing, tension built between us. I had no desire to deal with Hurricane Breanna, I needed my sister. “Your turn, where did you run off to last night?”
She got up from the table to rinse out her cereal bowl and stow it in the dish washer. “I went to see a boy.”
“Really? At the crack of dawn?”
“He works nights. After work, he went out with his friends, who you were spying on.”
“He’s friends with Hunter?” Never once would I have thought my sister would have dated my ex. So, it had to be one of his friends. “Oh man, Bree, I’m telling you from experience that doesn’t go over well with Aiden.” I could clearly recall the fit my brother had pitched when he’d found out I was messing around with Hunter East.
Breanna cocked a hip on the table. Mom would have swatted her for it. “Hence the breakfast meeting. Not that Aiden would even notice nowadays.”
“True.” I waited a beat. “Which guy?”
A slow mischievous smile spread. “Matt Foster.”
Matt worked for the county and drove a supercharged Honda. He was cute, short hair and tattooed. Had the bad boy look down. Aiden would go nuts. He had a certain amount of disdain for guys who drove ricers. Ricers were modified imports with spoilers on the back that sounded like weed-eaters.
“Doesn’t he come into the shop a lot?”
“Yup, I deliver parts out to his house when he’s sleeping so that he doesn’t have to wake up early and come to the shop. Dad set it up.”
“Wow! Taking after me now, aren’t you? Sneaking around to hang out with guys your brother wouldn’t approve of.”
“Does that mean I get to make out with Slater too?” The sarcasm in her voice matched the smirk on her face.
I dropped my head to the table and banged it a few times for show.
“Total beefcake, I mean it.” She waggled her eyebrows, the storm had passed.
“You are enjoying this entirely too much.” My responding groan vibrated against the table.
“So, what, he’s a bad kisser? You spent nearly your entire senior year trying to get him to kiss you. Even when you had the hottest prom date on the planet, you still wanted Jordan.”
“Oh no.” I straightened in my chair. “Jordan’s a great kisser, but Devin’s my friend.”
After a moment, her face twisted into a grimace, the storm surfacing again in her brown eyes. “He would lose it if he knew.”
“Devin?” My gut clenched in a sickening fashion. I’d never want to hurt Devin, not in a million years.
“Yeah.”
I hadn’t even thought of him when I was with Jordan. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d been so wrapped up in myself, what this all meant for me, I’d forgotten about Devin. He was one of Jordan’s best friends, one of my best friends. That he had a thing for me was too much for me to wrap my head around.
“I’m not going tonight,” I stated abruptly. I couldn’t go. The fact was I could barely process being home again. Going to a street race with both Jordan and Devin in the same place at the same time? It was too much.
“What? Oh, come on, Rae. It’s the first race we’ve gone to together in years. Years.” She pouted, as I had expected, but bounced back quicker than I expected her to. Proving she was maturing, she gave me an option. “Well, if you change your mind we can go park out at the finish line with Rascal.” The thought of seeing Rascal, the street racing back half judge and one of my father’s long-time mechanics, made me smile. Everyone trusted Rascal as much as my dad did. When Rascal said a guy crossed the line first, that was final.
“That I might be able to handle.” I’d missed the races.
I avoided seeing Devin by not going to the dragstrip to see Aiden run. I hadn’t completely lied, I was tired. Breanna’s knowing glance as she left made me chuckle. She knew better.
I spent the day helping my mom clean. She was a small thing, smaller than me. Her blonde hair and clear blue eyes made her look younger than what she was. The happiness that her life brought, shone from every inch of her. Even while she scolded her toddler grandson and especially when she rocked her infant granddaughter.
I was blessed beyond measure with my family. I’d known that every moment I was away. Bringing emotional baggage home with me wasn’t a proud moment.
Mom rocked the baby as I finished cleaning the kitchen. Through the archway that led from the kitchen to the living room, she watched me. She had that look as if she could see right through me. She could probably see through all of us. The lines of concern on her face filled my heart with love.
“You keep too much to yourself, Raelynn.” Her voice wasn’t loud, but I still heard her from the other room.
I sighed softly with regret. She wasn’t wrong, I was keeping a lot to myself.
With both babies napping, it was the quietest the house had been all day. Finished with the kitchen, I joined Mom in the living room. A set of pictures on the mantel caught my eye. I’d wanted nothing more than for Jordan to take me to my senior prom. He’d scoffed at the idea of going back to a high school dance.
Devin hadn’t laughed at the idea. He took me and we’d had a great time. In the picture above the fireplace, we both looked happy…so very happy.
My heart ached for Devin because I hadn’t known he liked me. The picture, the way he gazed at me as he stood with his arm around my waist, made it obvious. My self-loathing only grew.
“You know you can talk to me.” The rocking chair creaked in concerned rhythm. “I worry about you and your brother.”
“I worry about Aiden, too.” Tucking my legs beneath me, I sat at her feet and placed my head in her lap. She shouldn’t be worried about me, I should be able to smile and tell her everything was okay. I was a coward, the only thing I could do was deflect her attention to Aiden. “I wonder sometimes why he ever married Wendy.”
“Well, he did. And babies need their mommas. All we can do is make the best of it.”
I couldn’t find a reason Aiden or the kids would need Wendy. Our history made it hard not to judge her. “They’ll have us, regardless.”
I left Mom with the kids and a clean house before stepping outside. On my first day back home I’d spent a lot of time sitting on the back porch. There was peace born from being home, I was safe here with none of the constant reminders of my failure and my shame.
When I’d been little, I would always lay on the trampoline and daydream. Breanna, full of boundless energy, had been the one to put the large toy to good use. Not me. I’d lay under the sun to tan or beneath the stars to gaze. Here was the safest of my happy places.
I crawled onto the squeaking springs with the hot black fabric creaking a little beneath the weight of me. For a long time, I lay there letting the sun warm my skin. As a kid, I’d fallen asleep that way countless times. The exhaustion of the last twenty-four hours took their toll on me, and I drifted off.
When I woke, it was late afternoon and the trampoline was shaded by the line of trees on the side of my yard. I was awake and refreshed. Birds chirped happily in the trees nearest me. Cocooned in the safety of fond memories of afternoon naps, I hadn’t dreamed at all.
The roar of a revving engine pierced the sunny disposition of the chirping birds leaving no doubt what had wakened me. I rolled onto my stomach and propped my chin on my arms. It wasn’t Jordan I saw in the shop, but Devin. My disappointment left me feeling somewhat guilty.
I reminded myself of how Jordan had strung me along when I was younger, how he still tried to. I couldn’t do that to Devin. I loved him too much for that.
He worked on the car, disappearing occasionally beneath the hood. There wasn’t a girl in the state who could say no to Devin’s disarming good looks. Judging from the way he kept checking his phone, they were chasing after him even now.
He never looked up, never noticed me, so I slipped off the trampoline and went inside. I couldn’t fathom what he saw in me. I knew the type of girls that flocked to Devin McAllister. There was no competition, there wasn’t any amount of makeup that would make me that pretty.
****
“I still can’t believe you left the house like that.” Breanna laughed at me as she let down the tailgate of her truck. She’d kept her end of the bargain, we were set back in the field near where Rascal would set up to call the races.
Like that was no makeup, my hair piled on my head, and wearing a pair of cut off sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“I mean, if it was me nobody would be surprised, but Raelynn without her hair done or her face on? That ain’t right.”
“I haven’t worn makeup since I’ve been home.” I hopped up onto the open tailgate.
“I noticed, what’s up with that?”
“I’m not trying to impress anybody.” It was true, I wasn’t. I’d read somewhere, before everything that happened to me, that abuse survivors didn’t like to draw attention to themselves. That wasn’t it, apparently, as I’d drawn plenty of Jordan’s attention without the makeup. Worse, I’d liked it.
“Apparently, you don’t have to try.” It was easier to ignore the implications of what she said than think about anyone’s misplaced interest.
Rascal waved as he made his way across the short distance between us and the concrete road. He wore a two-way radio on his hip and moved as if he had all the time in the world to get where he was going. He was a rascally thing, hence the name. Older than all of us, with gray flecked in his beard, he was street racing old guard and had been part of my life for as far back as I could remember.
“Look at this, I’ve got my own personal cheering section!”
“Woohoo, Rascal!” I shouted and tossed my arms up in the air. Even though my heart wasn’t in it, I earned a little dance from the skinny man.
After a quick hug and a laugh, he made his way back to the road, his radio to his ear. I didn’t need to see the other end of the street, nor hear the voice on the other end of the radio to know it was Vic. The only person Rascal would talk to on that thing was the Race-Master.
From the other end and the makeshift starting line, I could hear engines fire up. If I looked hard enough, I could almost make out Vic pulling two cars up to the line. We were out on a private farm. One of Jordan’s favorite spots to race. Years ago, he’d made a deal with the guy who owned the property. For enough cash, the farmer didn’t call the cops. If anyone wrecked, we wouldn’t tell the cops he knew we were there. Simple as that.
The spot was only used once a month or so. Nobody ever had the money to pay for it more than that.
On race nights, racers came from all over, even neighboring counties. The ages of the drivers varied from young to old. Out here, street racing was a lifelong obsession for most of us. I’d missed it almost immediately when I’d started college, more than I’d missed anything else. Racing, in general, had made the Casey name, but street racing had made all of us who we were.
The top drivers in the area raced in a list type setting. Word was it came from somewhere in the southern part of Texas. Whoever had come up with the idea had made street racing far more competitive. Tonight, there would be a race for the top spot, what had always been Jordan’s spot, and a handful of grudge races. Street racers would race anytime, anywhere, but doing it in front of an audience meant you gained respect from those watching.
“Who’s running first off the trailer?”
“I’m not sure.” Breanna squinted and focused her attention on the opposite end of the road.
Neither of us recognized the first two cars, which wasn’t unusual when out-of-towners raced. Regardless, there was still a rush. It only grew more intense when I started recognizing the cars that were racing. After each run, the resounding cheers from the other end of the track added excitement.
“Jordan in the top spot?”
Breanna spoke around a piece of hard candy. “Well, yeah. He’s given it up to Hunter a few times the past few years. That’s why he started running turbos.” I was smug over Hunter dethroning Jordan. Even if it had only been temporary. “Hunter was pissed at SKS when he lost to Jordan last year.”
The Street King Showdown was an annual race held for street racers at the drag strip. They ran the back half of the track, where there was less. There was a big pay day as well as a year’s worth of bragging rights.
Rascal’s voice caught my attention. “Matt Foster just called out Devin for five hundred!”
I looked over to Breanna with a raised brow. Her new boyfriend versus our friend.
“Looks like your boyfriend called out my boyfriend.” She hopped off the tailgate.
“He’s not my boyfriend!” I shouted before double timing it to follow her. This wasn’t a race I was going to miss. Devin wouldn’t ever be my boyfriend, but I was enough of my brother’s sister to enjoy watching a ricer get smoked by one of us.