CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Talen
I woke up on Sunday morning to a soft knock on my bedroom door. Still half asleep, I stumbled across the room to find Dani standing in the doorway with a shy smile on her face. She glanced behind me at my still messy bed, then turned around and looked toward the kitchen nervously.
“I made a little breakfast,” she said, her fingers twisting together. “Just muffins and stuff. If you’re interested.”
She was beautiful when she was nervous.
“Sure. I’ll be out in a second.”
Dani nodded and turned around while I grabbed a robe. I could’ve eaten breakfast in just my boxers. Dani had already seen me completely naked so it wouldn’t have been awkward, but I felt more comfortable like this. The boundaries between Dani and I were already blurred to the point of almost being nonexistent. I didn’t want to make things even more confusing for either of us.
Yawning, I sat down at the kitchen table and looked at the food in front of me. Dani had downplayed breakfast quite a bit. She hadn’t only made muffins, but eggs and bacon as well. Plus, she made freshly squeezed orange juice and coffee. I was impressed.
“What?” she asked when she noticed me staring at her.
I swept a hand over the table. “You didn’t have to do all this.”
“Oh, don’t worry, it wasn’t for you,” she said with a grin. “I just really like to cook.”
“I can see that,” I said, laughing. “How long have you been up?”
She shrugged. “About an hour. I couldn’t sleep.”
I watched her face for a few seconds. She seemed to be hiding something, but I couldn’t tell what it was. When she said she couldn’t sleep, there was something in her voice that made me wonder if she was okay. She didn’t look upset, but I didn’t know her well enough to be sure. I thought about asking her, but I remembered our much needed boundaries, and I stopped myself. Instead, I grabbed a muffin and began to eat.
The muffins were blueberry and beyond amazing. I groaned when I took the first bite, and Dani laughed. When I finished it, I ate two more.
“I take it you like the muffins?” Dani teased.
I gave her a serious look. “These are honestly the best muffins I’ve ever had.”
“Thank you. It’s my mother’s recipe.”
“Well, tell your mother thank you for me,” I said, grabbing another. “Because holy shit.”
Dani laughed and popped a piece of bacon in her mouth. We continued to eat in silence, neither of us wanting to interrupt the other while we ate, although I found myself looking at her often. She was still in her pajamas, and her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail. She wore no makeup, and her eyes were still slightly red from lack of sleep. I couldn’t help but think how beautiful she was. Even though I’d seen her dressed up, I knew I preferred her this way. She looked comfortable and at peace.
“So, have you really never had a girlfriend?” Dani asked.
I swallowed hard, surprised by her bold question. “Not really. Why do you ask?”
She shrugged. “I was just curious. When your mom said it the other day, I almost didn’t believe her.”
“Honestly, I’ve never really seen the point. Women are usually only after one thing. Money.”
“That’s not true,” Dani said, pointing a piece of bacon at me. “At least, not all women are like that.”
“All the women I’ve met,” I argued. “Plus, when you’re in a relationship with someone, they tend to nag you. I get enough of that from my father.”
“You do,” Dani agreed. “But again, not all women are like that. Do you really want to write them all off because of a few?”
“It’s worked pretty well for me so far,” I said with a shrug. I knew I sounded like an ass, but I refused to lie to her. Dani had made it this far on honesty. Our arrangement was a delicate one. I didn’t want to upset it by lying to her now.
Relationships always seemed like too much work to me. I never saw the point in spending all day, every day with another person. Even without trying it, I knew I would get annoyed. Instead of putting myself through that, I chose to avoid it altogether. I watched my friends go from girlfriend to girlfriend, and it almost never ended well. Someone was hurt or angry. Someone would yell or cry. It seemed like way too much drama to me.
“How’s your painting going?” I asked, changing the subject abruptly. “Is this new arrangement working out okay?”
“It is.” Dani nodded, giving me a bright smile. “Thank you again. It’s been a huge help. I did a couple new pieces yesterday, so hopefully, I’ll be ready for my next show.”
“When is it?” I asked.
She licked her lips and toyed with her muffin. “The Friday after the investors’ meeting. You’re welcome to come if you want to. It won’t be anything fancy, but they’re usually pretty fun. You don’t have to, but if you want.”
“Maybe,” I said, not liking the way my chest ached at the thought that Dani and I would be starting annulment proceedings by then. “I don’t want to promise just in case I don’t make it, but we’ll see.”
I really thought about going. Knowing Dani, her work would be exceptional, and I would have loved to see it. Still, I knew the damage a broken promise could create. After years of being disappointed by my father, I swore to myself that I would never make a promise I couldn’t keep. Luckily, I never had. I wasn’t about to start now and especially not with someone like Dani. She was too important to disappoint.
“I actually really appreciate that,” Dani said, and I could tell she meant it. “My ex-boyfriend used to swear up and down that he would be at my shows, but he never was. In the five years we were together, he only made it to like five of them.”
“Five?” I asked. “That’s it?”
“Yeah.” Dani nodded. “In college, he was better about showing up, but after graduation, things just went downhill. He started working out of town all the time, and eventually, he met someone else. That’s why we broke up. He met some other woman and decided she was better than me.”
“I remember you mentioning that when we met.” I still didn’t remember much about that night, but I knew Dani had mentioned a deadbeat ex-boyfriend. “He sounds like an ass.”
“He is,” Dani agreed. “I just never saw it before. I always found excuses for his behavior. I just thought he was too busy or maybe he didn’t think I was talented enough to waste his time. The truth was that he just didn’t care anymore. I’m not sure he ever really did.”
I dropped my chin into my hand, genuinely curious. “Why do you say that?” Five years was a long time to be with someone. Even with my cynicism, I couldn’t imagine someone sticking around for that long if they didn’t care.
Dani shrugged. “Just little things. Like the fact that he never wanted to visit my mother. We were together five years, and he always made excuses not to see her. She lived so close, and yet, he just couldn’t be bothered. Even after she got sick, he just—”
“Sick?” I asked. “I didn’t know your mother was sick.”
She looked like a deer caught in headlights. She obviously hadn’t meant to say that part out loud. “Um, yeah. Early onset dementia.”
“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.” We were currently in the research phase for a new drug to treat dementia, so I’d done a great deal of reading on the subject. As sorry as I’d felt for the patient, I felt even more so for the family members being slowly forgotten by the person they loved.
“It’s okay,” she said, although it clearly wasn’t okay. “Perry knew how much she means to me and how difficult her diagnosis has been, but he never cared one way or the other. There were other things too. Like, he always promised we would take a trip to the Grand Canyon, and we never did. I’m twenty-five years old. I’ve lived here my whole life, and I’ve never seen it. Not even once.”
“Are you serious?” I wanted to ask more about her mom, but I could tell she wasn’t up for discussing it. Instead, I jumped on the Grand Canyon topic. “How is that even possible?”
“I know.” Dani laughed. “It’s ridiculous.”
I just shook my head. “That’s crazy.”
“That was Perry,” Dani said and shrugged again. “He was always talking about these big, grand plans, but they never came to fruition. I guess I should have seen it coming, you know? He was always gone, always uninterested in my life. I was stupid to stick around as long as I did.”
Hearing Dani talk about her ex-boyfriend made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but something about it bothered me. There wasn’t anything I could do to take away her pain, but I wished I could. From the look in her eyes, I could tell it still really hurt her to think about him.
“He seems like an idiot,” I said. “You’re better off without him.”
“I know.” She met my eyes. “I do. It just sucks that I wasted all that time on him, you know?”
“Yeah.”
I wanted to say more, but my stomach was clenched tightly, and I didn’t think I could. The more we talked about Perry, the more jealous I became. As anger soon followed, I didn’t know what was going on with me. I was livid with this Perry guy for treating Dani badly, but I was angrier with myself for caring. Dani and I weren’t together. Our marriage was nothing more than a business arrangement, and yet, here I was, feeling the green haze of jealousy mask my thoughts.
It didn’t make sense, but I couldn’t deny it. I sat there listening to Dani tell me all about Perry, and I hated it. I wanted nothing more than to change the subject to something else, anything else. Jealousy was not an emotion I was familiar with. I never let myself get close enough to a woman to feel even a twinge of it. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been with a woman long enough for her to tell me about an ex. Dani may have been the first.
Try as I might, I couldn’t shake my feelings of jealousy. As Dani and I finished breakfast, and the conversation continued, I felt myself getting more upset. I ate quickly and hurried to clean up. I was desperate to disappear into my room and be alone for a while. As much as I loved being around Dani, I couldn’t let her know how I felt. She couldn’t know that her ex made me jealous. She couldn’t know that I wished I’d been the one to spend those five years with her.
When I finally made it to my bedroom, I pulled the door closed behind me and fell onto my bed. I buried my face in my pillow and tried to drown out my own thoughts. Just an hour before, I was obsessing over boundaries. I was determined to keep things casual and professional with Dani, and now, here I was, in a jealous rage.
I breathed slowly, trying to calm down, but it was no use. The more I thought about it, the worse it became. In that moment, I realized Dani wasn’t just a business deal to me. She was already so much more.