CHAPTER ONE
Zek
Winning the rape case against Melissa Mills should have left me on a high that kept on giving, but I wasn’t that lucky. Not even for a day. The Securities and Exchange Commission had wrapped up their investigations on the insider trading scandal I’d so ignorantly played a part in, and deemed me guilty. My ass was going to trial.
I didn’t need money, or more stock, or anything, yet I’d made one of the dumbest decisions of my life going after the thing I needed least. In reality, I needed a woman to stand beside me and love me no matter who I was. That one need drove every other part of my life. And I’d had it, for about five minutes. Then, with one phone call and one moment of truth, I was escorting the woman who could give me everything I needed out of the door.
I’d been pacing ever since.
The sun came through the kitchen window, and yet I hadn’t stopped moving all night. There had to be a way to beat the odds. Surely I wasn’t the only man in history to make a vital mistake and find some form of mercy to cover it. With the lies that were spewed all over the news about me committing the rape, there should have been an uptick in my Karma, but no. Alisa was upset over me not telling her that I had in fact participated in the trading scandal.
The need to get in her face and bleed out my emotions was almost overwhelming, but I’d carefully and calmly walked her out. She hadn’t asked if I was guilty. Not once. It was simply because she didn’t want to know.
“How does someone love you and then pull that warmth back because of a mistake?” I ran my hands through my hair and let out a painful sigh as I talked myself through the emotional turmoil raging through me. “Maybe she didn’t love me after all. Maybe I made that shit up. It’s only been a handful of days that she’s been back in my life. Love isn’t what she was feeling. Remembrance? Infatuation? Loneliness?”
Anger bubbled up inside of me, but it didn’t belong to the thoughts of her reactions. It was all for my own horrible decisions. I dropped down in the chair closest to me in the kitchen and closed my eyes. The dull ache in the back of my head wasn’t going to go anywhere until I could force myself to sleep. It wasn’t happening anytime soon. I had a week or more to get my shit together and try to figure out how I could talk the SEC into giving me the least time behind bars possible.
I didn’t care about the company or my need for success. I cared about Alisa. Everything would fall back into place after the debris cleared and my time was served. I was confident in my ability to remake myself, to rebuild my legacy. But love?
“Fucking love,” I growled and got up, pulling my shirt over my head and walking to the bedroom. I had to get out of the house before I went mad.
She hadn’t said much when she left the night before. Just another promise that we would get through everything, but the disappointment in her eyes spoke volumes. Why had she come back into my life anyway? To remind me of what I could have had?
“Bullshit.” I dressed quickly, brushed my hair and checked my haggard reflection in the mirror. I looked about as good as I felt.
It was a good thing the office was shut down. I didn’t want to run into anyone other than Jeffery, who I owed a confession to. He was a good man, and the last thing I needed on my conscious was knowing that he found out the truth about my dealings from a broadcast and not me. He’d given far too much of himself to my firm to let that happen.
I locked up and got in my Lexus, rolling down the windows and leaving the radio off. I needed time with my thoughts, and yet having to relive every shitty moment that had brought me to this point was almost agonizing. I punished myself by doing it, but I couldn’t stop. I wanted so damn bad to be the man Alisa needed me to be. If I’d only run into her a week before Dane came to visit, then maybe...
“Maybe what?” I pulled into the parking garage and swallowed the hot lump of regret in my throat. Jeffery’s car was sitting in its usual spot and intense despair rolled through me. I could go to jail and pay my time, hell, I deserved it, but what about Jeff? What about my brother, Mark? Alisa? All of my employees?
Closing my eyes, I let my head drop back against the seat and pressed my palms to my eyes as they prickled with the sting of salty tears. Letting myself down was one thing, but all these people? These people who matter so fucking much to me?
A sob lodged in my throat, and I swallowed it back down. I hadn’t let myself cry since realizing my father wasn’t coming back as a boy. It was one of the worst days of my life, but this was chalking up to be a strong contender.
Breathing slowly, I finally got a hold of myself and pulled my emotions back. I could lament later in the shower where no one could hear me, and I didn’t have to reign myself in. After wiping my eyes, I got out of the car and walked toward the office building I’d worked so hard to build. Some part of me wanted to lament over losing the fortune and fame I’d created for myself over the years, but it was pointless. Without someone to share everything I’d worked toward with, it was just stuff that collected dust.
I took the elevator to the top floor and glanced down, wondering why the hell I’d decided to wear a suit. It was pointless to try and look the part of a well-to-do man. I wasn’t one. I was a thief, a liar, a swindler. I was the guy I’d always hated my whole life.
“One decision. One fucking bad choice.” I got off the elevator and unlocked the door to the darkened office. Nostalgia rolled over me. How badly I wanted to see Celia glance up from her desk and smile at me as the office buzzed with people, but it wasn’t going to happen. We were closed down until the investigation and new trial were over. I would survive the trial. I had no delusions there.
Alisa was an incredible attorney, and I’d been careful to use the proper accounts in transferring funds to Dane, but I’d messed up here and there. The biggest mistake I made was to not report the sale to the SEC after the IPO. Having been caught up in everything, it was a mistake they were sure to use to hold me to the flame. It almost made my guilt crystal clear. Omission of information was almost as bad as twisted truths.
“Zek?” Jeffery’s voice rose up from down the hall.
“Yeah. It’s me.” I walked into his office and stopped by the door. “You have time to talk?”
“You bet. Anything for you.” The tall, lanky guy who’d been my right hand stood and gave me a warm smile. “Things are better at home. Just in case you were wondering.”
“I’m always wondering how you are.” I walked out of his office and moved down to mine. “I keep thinking that wife of yours is going to stab you in your sleep. She’s a little...” I glanced over my shoulder and smiled as he chuckled.
“Yep. No need to go there. I’m well aware. I sleep with one eye open. What can I say?” He followed me into the office and sat down in the chair across from my desk as I pulled off my coat.
“I haven’t slept too well in quite some time, but it is what it is.” I dropped down in my seat and crossed my hands over my stomach as he watched me closely. Did he already know about the SEC? Had they contacted him as part of the investigation? Surely they had. Why hadn’t he mentioned it?
“I’m thrilled to hear that the case with Miss Mills went so well.” He ran his hand through his hair. “That was some crazy shit. It’s like that old saying, ‘when it rains, it pours’ right? Jeez man. It’s just been nonstop with you lately.”
“Yeah, well, it’s just getting worse too. I’m glad the truth came out about Melissa. Piss poor judgment on my part, but I was lonely and she was in my face.” I shrugged. “It’s over now, thank God.”
“What’s getting worse? Did the SEC investigation get wrapped up or is something else going on?” He shifted a little in his seat.
Paranoia rose up the center of my chest and threatened to choke me out, but I pushed it back down. After Celia turned on me, my ability to trust anyone was quickly diminishing, even if I was officially the bad guy.
“Yeah. They’re pressing charges against me and the firm. You need to pull out now so that you’re not dragged through the mud with everything. The trial will be quick from what I understand.” I pursed my lips, trying to decide if I should come clean with the man sitting across from me. I’d trusted him with everything related to my business for the last fifteen years. Why would this be any different?
“Shit, Zek.” He moved to the edge of his chair. “That’s horrible news.”
“I know. I’m just going to take it day by day, and work with them to see if I can’t come up with a way to lessen the impact of what might be coming.” I shrugged, trying to appear casual and unconcerned. There was no way I was letting anyone see just how internally fucked up I was. It was hard to breathe when I thought about spending any of my time behind bars, but that was for me to struggle through alone.
“What can I do?” His earnest care urged me to be honest with him, but I couldn’t.
“Nothing. Just draft up the partnership dissolution papers based on our original agreement. There is a clause regarding insolvency and death. Utilize some of that verbiage, and let’s split the value of the firm so that your half is protected. Mine won’t be.”
“What? No. That’s bullshit. I’m not leaving you high and dry. It’s not happening.” He pressed his hands to his knees and leaned forward, staring at me with the same look he had every time he wasn’t willing to budge.
“Draft the agreement, Jeffery. Please. That’s what you can do for me.” I picked up my phone and glanced down as the news feeds with the Jessup trading scandal popped up. The SEC had made their statement to the press and it looked like I was only one of the guys Dane hit up and then served up to the authorities.
Little bastard. He better hope I don’t see him in a dark alley somewhere.
“Did you do it?” Jeffery stood up and pushed a hand through his hair. “I mean, it doesn’t matter if you did. I know you, and if you did do it, you just made a mistake. I’ve spent my career here with you because of the man you are. This one thing doesn’t change that.”
I forced back the wave of emotion that hit me moments before in the car. I nodded and stood, extending my hand. “I’m sorry for all of this. Honestly, I am. I would take it all back in a heartbeat if I could.”
He grasped my hand tightly and nodded. “Well, you can’t, but it’s okay. People mess up. All of us. We’ll fix it. Just keep me involved in helping you do anything you need me to do. I’m not splitting the partnership. If you go down, I’ll be beside you. We’ll rebuild when everything is settled. Got it?”
I nodded, unable to speak.
He turned and walked out of my office, closing my door as I bent over and pressed my hands to my face as tight as I could. I didn’t deserve his loyalty, and yet he wasn’t willing to retract it. There was no strength left in me to push him to do as I said and protect himself. Weakness reared its ugly head, and I let him go, let him cling to me even though I knew I was dropping down into a dark hole that wouldn’t grant me freedom for a while.
I took a shaky breath and walked to my filing cabinet, working to pull out the various documents the SEC would request be part of the case file. Alisa would want to walk through the details of every part of what happened with Dane too.
“If she’s still taking the case.” My voice was broken, soft and shot another arrow of despair through me. I almost wanted to tell her to deny me representation so that I could break apart in front of a stranger. Knowing that it would most likely be her beside me as the verdict was read, and my guilt proclaimed was too much. Too painful.
I pulled out my phone and texted her that I was at the office pulling out files. She didn’t respond, which didn’t surprise me much. She needed space, room to think and breathe, or at least those were her parting remarks from the night before.
I’d have given just about anything for one more night in her arms before the news came through. I was a bastard for pushing her toward a relationship when I knew her ethics pulled her back continuously. I needed to back off and let everything settle before trying to force my desires onto her again. It was easier said than done. The minute I got around her, my body woke up, my heart beat faster. She’d awoken the parts of me that made me want to promise her forever if it meant us being together. Even if I couldn’t come through on the promise.
I’d been focused on the wrong things for the last twenty years of my life. I had no clue if I would be able to shift my desires and dreams once everything blew over, but I knew for sure that if Alisa was willing to give us a try, that I was just greedy enough to ask her to be mine. If that meant stepping back for the time being in hopes of a future together, then I would do it. If she wanted nothing to do with me, I would figure out how to respect that as well.
I dropped the files on my desk and sat down to pull up the news feeds over the investigation on Jessup. Sickness rolled through me as a scrolled through the names on the list. Dane had been a busy boy. Funny enough... his name wasn’t anywhere.
“Now... why is that?”