CHAPTER NINE
Talen
I wasn’t a stranger to hangovers. In all my years of drinking, I’d had my fair share of horrible mornings, but this was the worst hangover of my life. When I woke, my throat was on fire. My head felt like it had been split open, and my stomach churned miserably, like it had a pulse of its own. I immediately felt the urge to vomit but swallowed it down. I couldn’t move, and I could barely breathe. My heart raced as I tried to piece together the events of the previous night.
The last thing I remembered was being in the strip club. I met some girl at the bar. Dana? Or Dena? I couldn’t remember. With my eyes closed, I could almost picture her face, but it was blurry. She had reddish brown hair and green eyes. Or maybe brown? I tried to focus more intently, but it was no use. I couldn’t remember anything. I groaned and put my hand on my forehead. My head felt sweaty, and I was instantly nauseated again. With a lot of effort, I pushed myself up and slowly opened my eyes.
Squinting against the sunlight, I blinked hard. Every cell in my body protested my change in position. The second I sat up, my stomach lurched, and my back began to ache. Opening my eyes had the same effect. My head hurt worse than ever. I leaned back against a pillow and tried again to open my sensitive eyes. When I did, I slowly began to look around the room.
I could tell I was in the penthouse suite, but I didn’t know which hotel. The bedroom was huge and ornate. Moving my head as gingerly as possible, I looked to my left and saw my clothes thrown across the room.
With a frown, I glanced down at my body. I wasn’t naked, but I only wore boxers and I needed to piss like a racehorse. Inch by inch, I slid from the bed, expecting to hurl at any moment. It wasn’t until I was fully upright that I noticed the lump of sheets on the other side of the bed was moving.
Shit.
As if I were a thousand years old, I walked around the bed so I could get a better look. And hell, it was the girl from the strip club. The side of her face was pressed into a pillow, and her mouth hung wide open. I stared at her, trying desperately to remember what happened. My mind was a blank. I couldn’t remember anything past laughing my ass off with her. Then kissing her. Then… what?
Dani. Just like that, her name sprang into my head.
“Oh, my god,” I groaned, pressing both fists to my temples and sitting down again. “What the fuck happened last night?”
I spoke softly, not wanting to wake her up yet. The bedroom door suddenly swung open, and Brandon stepped inside. He was frowning and looked to be hungover too. He looked from me to Dani and then back again, but I only shook my head. I didn’t know what to say. Brandon’s appearance surprised me more than anything else. He was dressed, head to toe, in an Elvis impersonator costume. He even had a wig plastered to his head.
“What the hell are you wearing?” I asked and would have laughed if I hadn’t been afraid the sound would shatter me.
“What?” Brandon frowned and moved toward a mirror on the wall. He looked at himself and grimaced. “Well, that’s nice.”
“What happened last night?” I asked weakly. “What the fuck did we do?”
“I don’t know.” Brandon pressed his hands to the back of his neck and stumbled over to the bed. He sat down, and we both glanced at Dani to see if she’d woken up. “Whatever it was must have been pretty crazy, because there’s a pile of puke in the living room the size of Texas.”
“Jesus,” I moaned. My head split open again.
“I remember her,” Brandon said, pointing to Dani. “She left the strip club with us.”
“I don’t even remember leaving,” I said softly. “I remember meeting her, but then everything else is a blank.”
“She definitely left with us, but I don’t know where we went from there.” Brandon shook his head. “Maybe we just came back here?”
“Maybe.” I wanted to believe Brandon, but something told me he was wrong. The size of my headache was enough to make me question everything. I wanted to wake up Dani and ask her, but I wasn’t ready to face her yet.
“Her friend was a stripper,” Brandon said, his brow furrowed in concentration. “Or something, right?”
“I have no idea. I wish I knew.”
“Let’s wake her up,” Brandon suggested.
“No. Let her sleep. She’ll probably freak out when she wakes up anyway.”
Brandon pulled the wig off his head and tossed it onto the floor. “She might remember something though.”
“If she does, she’ll still remember it in a few hours.”
“What should we do until then?” Brandon asked, scratching his head.
“I think I’m going to shower.” I tried to push myself off the bed, but I wasn’t strong enough. “Or not.”
Brandon snickered then winced, his hand landing on his forehead. “You look like an ass.”
“And you look like Elvis,” I shot back.
“Very funny.”
“I try.” I closed my eyes again, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and wake up in a different body. I hated myself for getting that drunk. Like a million other mornings, I silently swore that I would never drink again. Even then, I knew it was a lie, but it made me feel better all the same.
Brandon shot me a look. “You know what’s bothering me the most?”
“What’s that?”
“Why didn’t I bring a woman back? How did I strike out and you ended up with her?”
Dani moaned and closed her mouth, and I realized just how pretty she was. “Luck of the draw.”
“Bullshit,” Brandon muttered. “We both know I have more game than you.”
“Maybe not in an Elvis costume,” I pointed out.
“Hey,” he said sternly. “Elvis plays.”
I barked out a laugh, immediately regretting it. “Whatever you say.”
Dani groaned and rolled over. Brandon and I stared at her while her hand flew to her head. She groaned and rubbed her forehead between her thumb and forefinger. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t want to scare her. She probably didn’t even know where she was yet.
As she rolled back over, her eyes flickered open and fell on my face. She blinked a few times before she jumped up and scooted away from me.
I held up a hand. “It’s okay.”
“Where the hell are we?” she demanded, then winced and pressed her hand to her head again.
“Some penthouse,” I said and shrugged. “I don’t know where exactly.”
“What the fuck happened last night?” she asked, repeating the question I’d asked myself a hundred times this morning.
“We were hoping you could tell us,” Brandon said. Dani’s eyes turned to him, and she frowned. She looked from Brandon to me and then back again. I could see the wheels turning in her head, but she looked just as confused as we were.
Without a word, Dani lifted the covers and peered underneath them. She breathed a sigh of relief and covered herself up again.
“I don’t think anything happened,” I assured her.
“Me neither. I’m still dressed.”
I looked down at myself, hoping my morning I-haven’t-pissed-yet wood was gone. It wasn’t. “And I have my boxers on, so I think we’re good.”
“Well, there’s that at least,” she said weakly.
Dani fell back against her pillow and pushed out a breath. I could tell from her face that she was in pain. Her head was probably pounding, and I was sure her stomach was a wreck.
“Maybe we should get some breakfast,” I suggested. “We could probably all use something to eat.”
“God, I can’t even think about eating right now,” Dani groaned.
“It’ll help,” Brandon assured her. “I’ll order room service.”
With that, he headed back into the living room, and I turned to face the woman in my bed. I tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “For whatever the hell happened last night.”
She offered a tiny nod. “Me too. I just wish I knew what—”
Dani suddenly stopped talking. She’d been wringing her hands together just seconds before, but she was now frozen. Her eyes widened in horror, and she turned slowly toward me.
“What?” I was immediately on edge. “What is it?”
Without a word, Dani held up her hand. I stared at it, not sure what to look for. When my eyes fell on her ring finger, I stopped breathing. There was a small gold band wrapped around her finger. It was her left hand. I looked down at my own hand. I wore a matching ring.
In an instant, I flashed back to the night before. I remembered leaving the strip club with Dani on my arm and Brandon beside us. Brandon was screaming something at everyone we passed while Dani and I laughed nonstop. I couldn’t remember what Brandon yelled, but I could hear the tone of his voice. Happy. Jovial.
“Did we…” I began, but I couldn’t finish the sentence. “I mean, we didn’t?”
Her eyes nearly took up her entire face. “We couldn’t have. Right?”
I didn’t know what to say. Just minutes before, I had no memories of the previous night, and now, the ones I did have were confusing and unclear. I couldn’t make sense of anything.
“I ordered us some pancakes,” Brandon said, walking back in the bedroom. “And coffee. I think we all need coffee.”
Dani and I just stared at him in horror. The second I saw him again, I had another flash. The three of us were standing in a chapel. Dani was holding flowers, and I had two rings in my hand. That was all I remembered, but it was enough to confirm my fears. I was married. Dani and I got married. Dani, a stranger, was my wife. I felt my stomach bottom out, and I ran to the bathroom. I barely made it before I hurled in the toilet.
When I was done, I slowly made my way back to the bedroom. Brandon was frowning, clearly confused. He glanced at me, then back at Dani.
“What’s going on with you guys?” he asked blankly. “Why do you both look like that?”
I opened my mouth to explain, but Dani beat me to it. “You bought the suit off the minister.”
The confused look only got worse. “What?”
“I remember,” she said, louder this time. “We were in a chapel somewhere and you…” She gasped and pointed at my best friend. “You… There was a minister wearing an Elvis suit, and you bought it off him. You gave him three thousand dollars to trade clothes with you. You even… you even took the wig.”
“I did?” Brandon laughed. “That’s nuts! Wait, why were we in a chapel?”
Brandon’s eyes fell on my face and understanding finally dawned on him. His mouth fell open, and he took a step backward.
“Holy shit,” Dani muttered. She put her head in her hands and whispered to herself. I wanted to say something to comfort her, but there was nothing to say. We were both thoroughly freaked out.
“I can’t believe this happened,” I said, falling onto the bed beside her. “How did we… How could we have…?”
“I don’t know,” Dani said. “I don’t know. I barely remember anything. It’s just flashes of things, and nothing makes sense.”
“Same here,” I admitted. “But I think it’s pretty obvious that—”
“I know,” Dani interrupted. “Just don’t say it. Don’t say it.”
We fell into an awkward silence broken only by Dani’s repeated whispers of “holy shit.” When I looked back at Brandon, he was staring at me with a grin on his face.
I frowned and glared at him. “What the hell are you smiling about?” I demanded.
“Nothing, man,” he said, still grinning. “I just… This is fucking crazy.”
I glanced at the nearly catatonic Dani. “We know, but it isn’t funny.”
Brandon shrugged. “It’s kind of funny.”
“How?” Dani came alive, glaring at him. “How the hell is this funny?”
“You’re married,” Brandon said with a nervous laugh. “You two are fucking married.”
The second he said the words, everything suddenly became too real. I couldn’t process anything anymore. I leaned forward and let the ridiculous situation overwhelm me. I laughed softly, and Dani glanced at me in disbelief. Soon, I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t stop. Brandon joined me, and after a few seconds, so did my… gulp… wife.