CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Dani
After seeing Perry again, I was lost for a while. The days that followed led me down a confusing, unclear path that I couldn’t see a way out of. I painted more than I ever had as I tried to work through my impossible emotions. I was still in shock that he would dare show up at my apartment and beg my forgiveness, but he wasn’t my biggest concern. All his appearance did was solidify my feelings for Talen. Up until then, I’d been unsure how I felt. Everything was unclear and murky. I couldn’t figure anything out. Perry helped me change that.
It had been easy to send my ex-boyfriend away. There was a part of me that would always care about him, no matter how far apart we drifted. After five years with someone, I supposed you couldn’t help but feel something for them. Still, I was surprised by how little I actually felt when I saw him. The only emotion coursing through my veins was anger. I was livid, enraged, but I was no longer hurt. All the pain Perry had caused me was gone for good. In that moment, I knew that he could never hurt me again.
That knowledge was freeing but also terrifying. In a way, holding onto Perry would have been easier. It would have been better to throw myself into that pain and drown in it. I knew that the pain Perry caused me was minuscule compared to what I was going through with Talen. Already, my husband had managed to worm his way into my heart and my psyche. He occupied my mind more often than not, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
After I sent Perry away, I knew I could no longer hide from my feelings. They were real, and they demanded to be felt.
Still, that didn’t change the fact that I was confused. I cared about Talen, and deep down, I knew I was falling in love with him. He hurt me when he said our helicopter ride was just business. That one sentence broke my heart more than Perry did when he cheated on me. It was impossible, but it was true. Talen already held so much of me that I didn’t know how to extricate myself from him. Our time together was rapidly coming to an end, and I couldn’t stop it. I was desperate to slow it down and make it last just a little while longer.
I spent the first few days hiding from him, unable to face him. He called me a few times, but I couldn’t answer. I wasn’t ready to hear his voice. Knowing I needed to fulfill my obligation, I went back to his apartment and spent the past week either locked in the guest room, at my mom’s house, or painting. It hadn’t been hard to avoid Talen since he was hardly ever there. He’d been working eighteen-hour days getting ready for the meeting, and when he was home, it was only to sleep.
A month had never gone by so quickly or moved so slowly at once.
When our last Sunday together arrived, I grew sad as I stood in front of the canvas, knowing we only had one day left as “husband and wife.” The investor meeting was the following day. Talen and I would meet with them together, as partners.
I wasn’t worried. Each time we’d gone to dinner or some social outing, we’d been the epitome of wedded bliss. I wasn’t worried about the meeting, but I was worried about what came after. Once the investors left town, my job would be over. My duty would be fulfilled.
Talen promised that he’d begin the annulment process once the investors left. He didn’t want it to become public for several more months so we’d both have to lay low for a while, which wasn’t a problem for me. Aside from my upcoming art show, I had no desire to be in the public eye. I just wanted to get Mom settled into the new assisted living home and then quietly paint while I got over my broken heart.
Sunday evening, I decided to extend an olive branch to Talen. After all, the ruse would be over with the next day and we could begin the process of our break up.
Besides, despite my sadness, I was desperate to see him — more than just passing in the hall. I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things for dinner. For some reason, I was nervous as I emptied the bags in his kitchen. If I was going to let Talen go, I would need some semblance of closure. I couldn’t just walk away without one last night together. I cared about him too much to do that.
I felt him before I saw him, and turned to find Talen leaning on the kitchen counter. He wore sweats and a t-shirt that made my mouth water.
“Hi.”
I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “Hi.”
I began chopping vegetables and felt the heat of his gaze on me as I set to work. I knew he was surprised by my sudden onset of domesticity, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I wanted the night to be easy and fun. It was our last night together, and I just wanted to enjoy my time with him. While I still could.
“So,” he said, stepping into the kitchen beside me. “What’s all this?”
“Dinner.” I tried for a bright smile. “I figured, since it’s our last night together as a sort-of-married couple, we should make it special.”
“Special?” Talen asked with raised eyebrows.
“Yes. Special. And to me, special usually means food. So, I’m cooking.”
“You’re cooking,” Talen repeated. He seemed dumbfounded, and I couldn’t blame him. We’d been ignoring each other for over a week now, and then I’m suddenly smiling and making food. It was only fair that he wanted an explanation.
“Look,” I said. “I don’t want to make a big deal about this, okay? I know we haven’t really talked in a few days, but we have that meeting tomorrow, right?”
“Right,” Talen nodded.
“Once it’s over, our arrangement ends,” I said, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. “I just thought this would be a nice way to say goodbye.”
Talen’s face was unreadable as I spoke. For a second, I swore I saw a trace of sadness fly through his eyes, but it was gone before I could be sure. He cleared his throat and plastered a smile on his face.
“You’re right,” he said. “This is perfect. What can I help with?”
I smiled back and instructed him to slice the tomatoes for the salad. My mother taught me to cook when I was really young, so I knew my way around a kitchen better than most people my age. I wasn’t a professional, and my meals didn’t always turn out perfectly, but I was making what Madison called my “famous” rigatoni for Talen. I never screwed up my rigatoni.
While we cooked, I talked about my paintings and my upcoming show. Talen seemed interested, but he was quiet throughout the whole conversation. He smiled and nodded. He commented occasionally, but it was rare. He spent most of the time helping me with dinner while I rambled on like an idiot. I felt dumb, but whenever I fell silent, he would ask me a question to keep me talking. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said he liked the sound of my voice. Whenever I spoke, a look of contentment settled on his features. I didn’t know what to think of it.
After dinner was finally ready, I laid it on the table and grabbed some plates. When the table was set, I knew there was only one thing missing.
“Do you have any wine? I forgot to pick up a bottle, and you can’t really eat Italian food without it.”
“No, you can’t,” Talen agreed. “I should have a bottle of red somewhere. Let me check.”
He went back into the kitchen to look. I watched him as he moved, my eyes trailing over his body. Now that I’d seen him naked a few times, I knew exactly what was under those clothes, and I was desperate to see it again. It was our last night together, and I couldn’t let it pass without being with him again. Just one last time.
Talen brought the wine back to the table, and I averted my eyes. I didn’t want him to know I’d been watching. He poured us each a glass as we started to eat. The food was good, better than I expected. I was pleased with myself, and the more Talen ate, the happier I became. He helped himself to seconds.
“You like it?” I asked, finally breaking the silence that was growing awkward.
“I love it,” he corrected and shoveled in another mouthful. “It’s delicious.”
“Thank you.”
Then the silence stretched again, and I didn’t know how to break it in a way that didn’t seem forced or unnatural. I tried to keep the conversation going, but Talen seemed far away. He would answer me, but then the conversation would fade again. Part of me wondered if he was mad at me, but he didn’t seem angry. If anything, he seemed sad. He looked to be thinking about something the entire night. I wanted to ask him about it, but I didn’t think he would tell me.
“Excuse me,” I said and stood, preparing to use the bathroom.
“Where are you going?” The words shot out of him like a bullet, his eyes frantic as he stood too.
He cared.
Even if I couldn’t believe it before, I believed it then. It was clearly written on his face. He was afraid I was leaving him.
I gave him a gentle smile, touched beyond measure. “I’ll be right back. Promise.”
Looking embarrassed, he began to gather our dirty dishes and take them into the kitchen. I finished in the bathroom and stood in the kitchen’s doorway, just watching him as he did the simple domestic chore. He was so beautiful and moved with a purposeful grace that was so attractive.
Before I could stop myself, I stepped toward him. I moved right behind him and kissed the back of his neck lightly. His entire body went rigid, and his hands froze in the sink. I couldn’t tell if I’d made a mistake, but I kept going. I slid my hands under his shirt, rubbing my fingers up the skin on his back. He shivered at my touch, and I could hear his breathing become unsteady.
When he turned to face me, his eyes were dark as they searched my face. When he kissed me, it was fierce and full of desire. I’d spent days wanting him inside of me. We groped at each other’s bodies while we kissed, our tongues twining together in a sensual dance. I moved my hands under his shirt, explored the muscles of his chest again. He felt so good that I moaned against his mouth. The sound seemed to awaken him even more.
Talen groaned and pulled me closer to him. He gripped my ass in a vice-like grip, moving his lips down to kiss my neck. I gasped for breath, my entire body alive with desire. His tongue tasted the skin on my neck, and I trembled uncontrollably. Every inch of my skin was on fire as he touched me.
I grabbed at his body, desperate to touch every inch of him that I could. His scent filled my brain, overwhelming me as he kissed my lips again. I tangled my fingers in his hair, kissing him back harder than ever.
His hands were still on my ass as we kissed. He slid them down until he lifted me off my feet. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held onto his neck. His hands rested beneath me, holding me up. Our kiss deepened even more, our tongues fighting against each other. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t feel anything other than Talen’s body pressed tightly against my own. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anyone in my entire life.
When he sat me down on the kitchen island, I was no longer confused about my feelings. This was what I’d been waiting for. The chance to be with Talen again, the chance to feel his skin and kiss his lips. In that moment, everything became clear.