CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Dani
The next week passed quickly, with me either spending time with Mom or painting in Talen’s apartment. I tried to keep busy in an attempt to not overanalyze what happened between Talen and me in the bathtub, but my mind wouldn’t cooperate with my wishes. I thought about it endlessly, but even when we were together for our obligatory social dinners and outings, we didn’t speak of it.
By the time the following Wednesday arrived, I was desperate for some peace of mind. That morning, I loaded all my new paintings into Talen’s Land Rover and drove to my apartment. My show was coming up soon, and I needed to decide which pieces to show and which ones to leave out. Plus, I needed to coordinate with the gallery owner and make sure everything was in order.
Once all my paintings were laid out neatly, I began looking them over. I was certain that I only wanted to show new pieces. Some of my old stuff was good, great even, but it didn’t feel like me anymore. When I looked at them, I felt like someone else had painted them, like they were from a completely different life. My new work filled me with a sense of pride and accomplishment that I hadn’t felt in years. When I looked at those, I wanted to show them off to the world.
The only one I had second thoughts about was the one of Talen. My collection already held paintings of the view from his apartment, the Gaston Pharmaceuticals office building, and a distorted image of the chapel where we were married. I wasn’t sure throwing in a painting of Talen would be smart. What if he actually came to the show? What would he think if he saw how I viewed him? I felt certain it would scare him and freak him out. Still, my eyes kept falling on it, and I couldn’t help but think it was my best piece. There was something heartbreakingly real about it, something that made me question my decision.
That entire morning, I went back and forth about it. One second, I was sure I wanted to include it. It was so beautiful and showed my talent well. Then, the next second, I was just as sure that I didn’t want to show it. It could be awkward, embarrassing. Making the decision seemed impossible, so I forced myself not to worry about it for a while. I brewed a pot of coffee and made a list of all the paintings I was sure I wanted to include in the show.
When the list was finished, I called the gallery and asked to speak with the owner, hoping to work out the details before the big day snuck up on us all.
“Dani!” Amanda said. “How are you? I’ve been waiting to hear from you!”
“I know.” Guilt wiggled inside me like a worm. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long, but I just finished up my list for the show.”
“Oh, wonderful.” I could hear Amanda moving papers around on her desk. “How many pieces will you be showing this time?”
“Fourteen, maybe fifteen,” I said, my eyes once again falling on the painting of Talen. “I’m still unsure about one of the pieces.”
“Well, without seeing it, I say you should include it,” Amanda said firmly. “I’ve had a ton of people asking about your next show. The more pieces, the better.”
“Really?” I asked. I was surprised and flattered, especially since I’d felt like a failure after selling so few.
“Yes. It’s amazing really. They can’t wait.”
“Do you think I should bring a few of my old pieces too?” I asked. “I’m primarily focusing my attention on new work, but if you don’t think fourteen pieces will be enough.”
“Make it twenty,” Amanda said with confidence. “I’m telling you, people want to see the work. I really think you’ll sell a lot more this time around.”
“That’s fantastic news,” I said with a grin. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. People were excited to see my work, my work. It felt surreal.
“It really is,” Amanda said. “All of us here at the gallery can’t wait for the show. It’s going to be wonderful, Dani, just wonderful.”
“Thank you,” I said brightly. “Is there anything else you need from me?”
“Nope. Just make sure you bring the art the night before like always. We’ll have guys there to help you unload. Other than that, we’ll see you at the show.”
“Thanks so much, Amanda.”
We hung up, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I’d been nervous about the show before, but now I felt suddenly confident. My new stuff was going to sell. I just knew it. I couldn’t believe how lucky I felt.
Maybe, just maybe, everything was falling into place for me.
***
Later that afternoon, I stopped by my mom’s house for a visit. She seemed happy and alert when I arrived. Her eyes lit up as I stepped through the front door, but I could tell she was tired. I wondered if she’d been sleeping well, but I knew better than to ask. My mother was sensitive about her condition and hated when people pitied her. I did my best to keep her dignity intact, but it was my job to take care of her. If I didn’t watch out for her health, then no one would. She was my responsibility.
“Have you had lunch?” I asked. “Because I’m starving.”
“I thought about ordering a pizza. I haven’t had a good pie in ages.”
“Okay. Pizza it is. I’ll order it.”
I ordered the food and then sat down on the couch beside her. She was watching some television show I didn’t know. She seemed completely absorbed in it, and I didn’t want to interrupt her focus, but I also wanted to talk to her. There was so much I wanted to tell her, about my show and about my life.
She beat me to it. “Are you ready for your show?”
I blinked in surprise. “What?”
“Your show,” she repeated patiently. “It’s coming up soon, isn’t it?”
“It is.” I couldn’t believe she remembered. Lately, I had to remind her about my show every time I saw her. It was amazing that she actually remembered it without prompting. More than that, she asked me about it.
She raised her eyebrows expectantly. “Well, are you ready?”
“I am.” I snuggled closer to her, pleased beyond measure at how lucid she was. “I actually spoke to Amanda, the gallery owner, this morning and got all the details squared away. She said people are really excited to see my new work.”
“That’s wonderful!” she gushed. “It’ll be fantastic. I know it.”
“I hope so,” I said with a sigh. “I’ve been working really hard, painting nonstop. This show will be almost entirely new pieces.”
She patted my hand. “That’s great. I know your art makes you happy, honey.”
I traced a figure eight over the soft skin of her palm. “It’s my calling. I think I’d go crazy if I didn’t paint.”
“Craziness does run in our family,” she said with a wink. I barked out a laugh, surprised at her words, but she chuckled to let me know she was kidding.
“Very funny, Mom,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“I thought it was.” She shrugged.
Just then, the doorbell rang. It was the pizza. I jumped up and opened the door. After I paid, I went into the kitchen to grab a couple plates and some napkins. I carried the pizza and everything else into the living room and laid it on the coffee table. My mom wasted no time. She grabbed two slices of pizza and ate them both before I’d even finished my first.
“Hungry?” I teased. She just nodded and grabbed a third piece. I laughed at first, but then my concern began to creep in. I wondered if she’d been eating. Without telling her why, I disappeared into the kitchen to check the fridge.
When I opened it, I saw that three of the five meals I made her were still there. She’d eaten, but not much. A pit formed in my stomach, and I immediately hated myself for not checking in more often. If she wasn’t eating well, it was my fault. Even with my arrangement with Talen, I couldn’t let my mother’s care slip. I was all she had.
“What are you doing in there?” my mother called.
“Just getting a drink!” I called back, trying to keep my voice even. I grabbed two sodas from the fridge and hurried back into the living room.
When I sat down, she turned to face me with a smile. I smiled back, but I wasn’t sure it was believable. I still felt guilty for not stopping by every day.
“Will Perry make it to your show?” she asked after taking another bite.
My heart fell. “Um, no, he won’t. We broke up, Mom. Remember?”
“You did?” she asked, her face a picture of surprise.
Tears burned my eyes. “Yeah. A little while ago.”
“I’m sorry, honey,” she said, reaching over and patting my hand. “Are you okay?”
“I am. I really am. I think it’s for the best.”
“I agree,” she said firmly. “You always deserved better than him.”
“What?” My mother always sang Perry’s praises. She pushed me toward marriage with him more times than I could count.
“I’m sorry, honey, but you did,” she said. “He never treated you right. Always leaving town. Never going to your shows. He just wasn’t the right man for you, Dani.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything before?” I asked, also surprised and pleased that she remembered. “I always thought you liked him.”
“You seemed happy. I didn’t want to ruin your happiness because of my own opinions. It’s obvious now that you weren’t happy though.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can tell the difference. You’re so much happier now. I can see it in your face. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before. Being single suits you.”
She smiled at me brightly. I tried to smile back, but my mind was fixated on that word. Single. She thought I was happy to be on my own. In a way, I was single, but that wasn’t entirely true. Talen and I were technically married. No matter what our situation really was, we were legally a couple.
My mom was so alert that day that I almost considered telling her the truth. She seemed like she would be able to handle it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was already worried about her sleeping and eating habits. The last thing I needed to do was add any extra stress to her life. I knew she wouldn’t approve of my arrangement with Talen. She wouldn’t be able to understand my reasons for sticking around.
Sometimes, I didn’t understand my reasons, either. Sure, the money would be life-changing. My mother needed it for her care, but it was more than that. Somewhere along the way, I stopped viewing Talen as a means to an end, and I started seeing him as a man. Maybe it was after we slept together. Or maybe it was when he surprised me with my art supplies. I didn’t know when exactly it happened, but it did. Talen was no longer in my life simply because of a drunken marriage deal. He wasn’t just my pretend husband. He was more than that.
As I sat with my mother, I realized that she was right. I was happier than I’d ever been before. Everything seemed to be falling into place, and I was truly happy. Still, it wasn’t for the reasons she thought. My happiness wasn’t a product of my life as a single woman. No, my happiness came from one thing, and I was just now beginning to realize what that one thing was. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, not even to myself, I knew the truth. It was Talen.