Gage

I was about to kill the sonofabitch. I can’t believe she beat me to it, and with my EpiPens, fucking genius.

I sit at the computer and connect with Adley’s school. Miss Kitty answers right away, her concerned face filling the screen. “Oh my God, are you okay? I tried to reconnect, but you didn’t answer and…”

“Kitty, please call the police again and tell them we caught the kidnapper and he’s… dead.”

“Oh, oh God, oh my God, is Adley…”

“She’s fine, shaken, traumatized to the core, but physically unharmed.”

“Clover?”

“Her nose is broken but other than that, I think she’s all right.”

“You?”

I shake my head. “I’m fine.”

“Thank heavens,” I watch her dial 911 on her phone and listen patiently while she relays the information. “They say it’s still too dangerous to go up the mountain. This is Detective James, he wants to know where the body is at,” she says with wide eyes. She hasn’t had time to think about what exactly transpired here yet.

“In my living room. I covered him with a blanket.”

She tells the detective what I’ve said and asks what happened. I give her an abbreviated account of how things went down.

“He says to stay away from the area where it took place and don’t move the body.”

“Okay, any idea how long it’s going to be? We need to get Clover to a hospital. If it starts to slow down, can I bring her down on an ATV?”

I wait while she asks, her eyes never leaving mine as she shakes her head. “He says not to leave the scene of the crime until authorities arrive.”

“How long?”

“The storm is supposed to start letting up this evening, but they’ll have to clear some snow before they can come up there.”

“We’re going upstairs so I can clean Clover up and get away from the body. Hey, there was a photographer up here last night. Tell the police to keep an eye out for him. If he didn’t leave when I told him to, he’s probably dead, too.”

She closes her eyes and breathes deep. Then she tells the detective what I’ve said.

“I have to go, tell them to hurry.”

“Of course, go take care of your girls. Gage?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so happy you’re all safe now.”

“Thanks, me, too. I’ll call you soon.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” I disconnect the call and turn the chair around. Clover is lying on the couch with the bag of frozen peas on her face and Adley curled up under her arm. I owe that woman my child’s life as well as my own. If anything had happened to Adley, I would have died.

I go to her and kneel down next to the couch to lay my body over both of them. “Thank you.”

“Are the police coming?” Her voice is shaky and sounds nasal from all the blood and swelling.

“Not yet, they can’t get up here. I think we should go upstairs and get you cleaned up and into bed.”

“I need to wait, I don’t think I can make it yet.”

“I’ll carry you, let me take Adley up first.” I try to pry Adley from Clover’s side, but she’s stiff as a board and white-knuckling her shirt. “Baby, come upstairs with me. We can all snuggle in my bed with Clover, but I can’t carry you both at the same time, honey. You need to let go of her shirt.”

“I’m scared,” she says her voice muffled against Clover’s body.

“Go with your daddy, honey, you’re safe now. That man can’t hurt anybody anymore,” Clover says.

Adley turns her face to me, and my heart shatters into microscopic shards. She looks small and afraid and helpless. “I don’t wanna see him.” Her bottom lip is trembling as tears fill my eyes.

“You don’t have to, he’s all covered up, and you can bury your face in the side of my neck as we walk, okay?”

Her brow furrows, and I can tell she wants to trust me, but it’s hard right now after all that’s happened here today. Slowly she releases her grip on the shirt and rolls toward me. I lift her up and push her face into my neck. “I’ll be back in a minute for you. Will you be okay?”

Stupid question. She won’t ever be okay again. She just killed a man, no matter that it was to save Adley and me. That blood is on her hands, and she already feels like she’s responsible for her parents’ deaths.

“I’ll be here.” Her eyes are closed, her mouth twisted in pain, and she’s covered in blood all of which is my fault. I turn and carry Adley upstairs changing her out of her bloody clothes quickly so that I can get back to Clover.

Tucking the comforter under her chin, I reassure her that I’ll be right back and hurry back downstairs.

Tears trickle down the sides of her face onto the pillow under her head. I slide my arms under her knees and around her shoulders lifting her gently trying not to jostle her and cause more pain. “I have some pain medicine left from having dental work. I think you should take it. The police can’t get up here until morning, and the pain is only going to get worse.”

“Okay.”

I expected an argument about that. Clover has said before that she doesn’t like to take medicine. How long does shock last? I think all three of us are still in the midst of it.

Upstairs, I sit her on the edge of the bathtub and undress her with no assistance from her at all. I worry about putting her in the water, but I can’t get in with Adley in my bed right behind me. “Clover? Are you with me, beautiful? I want to put you in the tub, can you sit up?”

She nods, and I help her up before lowering her into the water. Most of her blood was on her clothes and the floor downstairs, but a fair amount is in her hair and drying on her face. “Here,” I hand her a wet washcloth. “Hold that over your face to loosen the dried blood. I don’t want to rub your skin and make it worse.”

She tips her head back placing the washcloth over her face. “I killed a man,” she murmurs from under the cloth.

“A bad man who was going to kill all of us. I didn’t have access to what he wanted. I gave him everything I had in my accounts, but the rest is tied up in investments.” I kneel down next to the tub by her head. “He was crazy, he was going to shoot Adley. I could feel it. I was so fucking scared I was moving in to head-butt him when you intervened. Did you get free in the bathroom?”

“Yes.” She holds up her wrists to show me the deep blistering burns she got burning off the zip ties.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I know how you feel about fire, but it was all I could think of, and my hands are too big and clumsy to light a match while tied up. Let me get some salve for those,” I say standing up. She grabs my hand before I can walk across the bathroom to the first aid kit I keep in the linen closet.

“I’m cursed, Gage. You and Adley need to get away from me. Everyone I love dies. Please, promise me when I leave, you won’t look for me.” Her words are delivered with an empty stare and a deep, deep sadness which causes physical pain in my chest.

“Honey, you’re in shock. None of this was your fault. Hell, you saved our lives. Lenny would have shown up eventually for his revenge. The fact that you were here when he did makes you a lucky charm, not a curse.”

“No, no, no. He wouldn’t have found you. It was me who led him here, he said so himself.”

“Or a higher power brought you to me to save our lives. It’s all in how you look at it.”

Her grip loosens, and her hand slips back into the steaming water. Her gaze lowers at first and then she looks away. I go about dressing her wounds, washing her hair and dressing her in my thermal underwear and a thick sweatshirt. Then I place her in bed next to Adley and give her two pain pills to help her nose and wrists. I also give them to her so she will sleep. She doesn’t seem stable. I’m worried she might try something stupid like walking out of here in a storm to put distance between us because she believes she’s cursed.

“Adley, baby, I’m going downstairs for some ice for Clover’s face. Do you want anything? You haven’t eaten in a long time, are you hungry?” Ollie looks up at me with worried eyes from the foot of the bed where he has taken up residence guarding my girls. I give him a pat on the head, but he ducks out from under my hand to keep Adley and Clover in his sights.

“No but…” She fidgets, and her eyes flash to the door and back to me.

“What baby? What is it?”

“He’s down there,” she whispers.

“Remember when that big ol raccoon died on the lawn a couple of summers ago?”

“Uh huh.”

“Remember how he came asking for food every day, and he sat in your lawn chair sometimes and looked so cute?”

“Yeah.”

“And was he like that when he was dead?”

Realization fills her eyes. “No, he was just lying there when he was dead.”

“That’s right. Lenny is dead. That’s just his body down there just like the raccoon’s body was in our yard. The bad part of Lenny is gone, his body can’t hurt us anymore.”

She knows the difference between dead and alive living on a mountain, but it’s different when the thing that’s dead is a person. “I’ll be right back. The medicine I gave Clover is going to make her sleepy, but she won’t hurt anymore. Try not to wake her up.”

“I won’t, Daddy.”

* * *

In the morning, I’m up before the sun bringing in firewood and shoveling my property and the beginning of the road down the mountain. I didn’t sleep, and neither did Adley until sunrise when she couldn’t keep her eyelids open anymore.

I wasn’t crazy about leaving the two of them in the house with a dead body, but if I want the cops up here as soon as possible, I had to make moves.

Usually, after a big storm, I take pictures of buildings on my property or the layer of ice on the tree branches or animals making fresh tracks in the white powder. Not today.

I don’t even look around at the scenic views. I have tunnel vision, and my only goal is to move snow and get Lenny’s damn body off my mountain. Like a machine, I shovel moving snow off the path. It’s taking forever, my stomach is eating my ass, and I am approaching exhaustion when I hear the sound of multiple ATVs on the trail beneath me.

It takes a few minutes before I can see them, but when I do, I recognize Sheriff Brown, his deputy Brian and Dr. Miller from the small town at the base of Blue Mountain. There’re also two other men I don’t know riding together on one ATV.

I pause my back-breaking work and lean on my shovel to wait for them. When Sheriff Brown cuts his engine, he removes his ski mask and goggles. “Hey, Gage, you doing all right?” he asks, looking around at all the work I’ve managed to accomplish this morning.

“Nope.” No sense in lying. I’m a wreck. “Got the dead body of an old friend in my living room, my baby girl is scared out of her skin, and my girlfriend’s nose is broken, and her wrists are burned. I’ve had better days.”

He nods, and the rest of the crew cut their engines one by one and follow me into the house.

“Where’s Adley and…”

“Clover. They’re upstairs.”

“Good. Has anybody been walking around down here since last night other than you?”

“No. We went up to bed, not that we got any sleep, and left things as is down here.”

“Why don’t you tell me what happened while my crew manages the scene and loads up the body.”

“How are you getting him out of here on ATVs?” It’s not important. I don’t care if they roll him down the mountain on the trail rolled in my carpet, but I am curious.

“We’ll put him in a body bag and pull him on a stretcher,” he says looking at me with concern.

“Yeah, of course, I don’t know why I asked.”

“You haven’t slept?”

“No.”

“You’re probably still in shock. Add in a heaping dose of exhaustion, and you ask weird questions.”

I scoff. “Okay, well as long as I’m normal.”

He glances around the room. “So, dispatch says you know this guy?”

“Yeah, we were in a band before Adley was born. We haven’t seen each other since then.”

“So he kidnapped Adley?”

“Yes. I was taking Clover to my metal cabin to turn on the generator. It’s got a gym inside, and she wanted to use the treadmill. Anyway, Adley was attending class online with her teacher, Miss Kitty, so she stayed here.”

“How far away is this metal cabin?” he asks scribbling my information on a small pad of paper like detectives do in old movies.

“Usually about ten or fifteen minutes, but in the storm, it took us a little longer.”

“Okay, so you were gone say, forty-five minutes? Sound about right?”

“Yes.” He isn’t asking in a way that points fingers, but I’m feeling pretty guilty right about now.

“Why don’t you take it from there, just tell me what happened step by step.”

I describe the entire horrible day and evening to the Sheriff while strangers snap pictures of my home, invade my privacy, touch everything that is mine and help destroy the illusion of normalcy I’ve worked six years to create.

When I’m done, Dr. Miller asks me to take him to the girls. We go upstairs into my bedroom and find Adley sitting straight up in bed and Clover on her back still asleep.

“Hey, baby, did you sleep for a little bit?” I ask, and she shakes her head looking warily at the doctor. “This is Dr. Miller, honey, he’s going to have a look at Clover’s nose and make sure you’re all right.”

Using her feet, she pushes herself back against the headboard clutching the comforter under her chin. “You don’t have to be afraid, he’s here to help.”

“It’s okay, she’s been through something terrible, and I’m a strange man in her daddy’s bedroom,” he says turning to me. “I’ll check on Clover first.”

He approaches Clover’s side of the bed and holds up his hands for Adley to see. “I’m not going to hurt her, promise. Clover?” he says, and she opens her eyes to stare at the ceiling unmoving.

“Honey, the police and doctor are here,” I say stepping closer. She rolls her head toward the doctor when she hears my voice and her hand closest to Adley goes up automatically. Adley takes it.

“I hear you’ve got a broken nose and some burns. Would it be all right if I took a closer look?”

“Do you know this man, Gage?” she says in a raspy, nasally voice.

“Yes, he’s the doctor in the little town where Jerry has his shop. He treated me for strep throat a couple of years ago.”

“And a sprained ankle last winter,” he adds.

“Okay, you can look but don’t touch my face. It hurts like crazy.”

The doctor does what he can just looking at her nose, and then he peeks under the bandages on her wrists. “The burns will heal fine, but you’ll need surgery to fix your nose. It’s badly broken, and from what I can hear, there’s little to no airflow going on in your sinuses.”

Surgery. She’s going to leave and never come back. I was hoping it would be something that would heal on its own with a little pain medication. I can’t let her go alone. Adley and I will go and convince her not to leave us while we help her recover.

“Can I go now?” she asks too eagerly.

“Yes. I would recommend it actually. It’s already had time to fuse in a way that we don’t want. The sooner you get it fixed, the better.”

“You’re leaving me?” Adley says sounding panicked.

“I have to go to the hospital, honey. I’m sorry.

I’ll be back as soon as I can. Don’t worry it won’t take long. I’m sorry I have to go.”

“We will go with you. I’ll pack a bag for the three of us, and we can stay in a motel so we’re close by.”

“No. I’m going alone. Adley needs to be where things are familiar, and you two can get your lives back in order. I’ll be fine. Freda will come and take care of me. I’m supposed to be with her this weekend anyway.”

“But you’ll be back when you’re all better?” Adley asks. Good girl, she might be able to feed me that shit about being cursed but not Adley. She loves her, and she has to know this is going to break her heart.

“I don’t know, honey. It’s almost spring, and I need to get started on the plans for the summer camp. I think you and your daddy could use some time alone.”

“No! We don’t need time alone, we need you!” she yells, and Clover winces.

“I’m sorry, honey, I need to go.” She sits up and turns her back on my baby. Tears are streaming down both of their faces, and I have to choose which one to console.

Of course, it’s my daughter.

I scoop her out of my bed and hold her while she sobs into my chest. When Clover stands, the doctor helps her. Our eyes lock for a second, and I turn my back on her. How can she hurt Adley this way? How can she hurt me this way? How can she walk away from what we have together? I love her. I haven’t told her in so many words, but I do, and I thought she loved me, too. I thought she loved us.

In Adley’s bedroom, I close the door and lay down with her clinging to me. I pull the blanket up over both of us and wait for Adley to finish crying. When she’s calmer, I pull her away and put on a brave face for my little princess.

“She’s not comin’ back, is she?”

I sigh and bite my bottom lip. “I don’t think so, no.”

“But why? Is it cuz I let the bad man take me away?”

“Oh no, baby, it’s not your fault at all. Remember when Clover told us how her parents died in a fire?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, she has this silly idea, kind of like that silly idea you just had. She thinks it was her fault because she was learning how to light a match for her daddy’s birthday cake. But it wasn’t her fault. It was an accident. Accidents happen all the time. And Lenny, him coming in here and taking you away wasn’t an accident, but it also wasn’t your fault. He was mad at me for quitting the band. Sometimes anger sits in your head for a long time and makes you crazy. I think that’s what happened to Lenny.”

“You quit the band because of me.”

“No. I quit the band for myself and you. I was sad that your mommy was gone, and I wanted to give you as much of me as possible. Kids are supposed to have two parents, and I felt bad you only had one. I made a promise to you in the hospital that I would be the best mommy and daddy that I could be so that you wouldn’t feel gypped.”

“I don’t feel gypped.”

“Good, then I must be doing it right.”

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby.”

“I was wearing pink jammies with pacifiers and angels on them the day you made that promise.”

“What?” I prop my head up on my elbow.

“I remember what you said.”

She was two weeks old when I held her in my arms in the NICU and made that vow. There’s no way she could remember. It was a terrible day. She almost died three times, and they were letting me hold her in case she tried it again and succeeded.

“Did you see a picture?” I ask, but I’m almost one hundred percent sure no one took a picture that day of all days.

“No. I was floating by the light watching you hold me. I didn’t wanna leave you there all alone.”

“You were floating?”

“Yeah, and I wasn’t alone. There was a beautiful lady there, too. She asked me if I wanted to go with her, but I told her no, I had to stay with my daddy.”

She had an out-of-body experience at two weeks old? Was the beautiful lady an angel? Was she dying in my arms? I feel two big tears slide down my cheeks.

“Daddy, don’t cry. I stayed to make you happy.”

“I know, baby, I know. Thank you.” I take her in my arms and squeeze her so tight she complains that she can’t breathe. I loosen my hold and cuddle her close.

Then I visualize Lenny putting his gun to her head. I remember the time she hit her head in the lake when she jumped off a tire swing. The day she lost control skiing and flipped over an embankment that I thought was a cliff. Every time I thought I might lose her. Every time she proved to me how special she is. Nothing is taking my little fighter.

If Clover can’t see how wonderful she is and how in love we are with her, then it’s her loss. We will be fine without her. Who needs a nanny? Not us. Who needs a sexy girlfriend? Not me.

We were doing great before Clover, and we will do great after her.

I hope.