Sasha

I haven’t been so tired or so sore since I spent a week living on the beach and surfing with my ex-boyfriend in Maui five years ago. My alarm is chirping next to the bed when I open one eye to be sure the sun is up, and it is.

Could have fooled me, my body says it’s two in the morning, and I have five hours left to sleep, but the clock says it’s 7:00 a.m. My middle-of-the-night shenanigans with Xander have left me with a sex hangover, and that is bad news. Victoria and I are going to the zoo today, and then I promised more surfing lessons. I think we are going to have to schedule a power nap in there somewhere. Five-year-olds can still take naps, right? What am I saying? I’m twenty-nine, and I still enjoy the occasional nap.

I drag myself from the bed, and the memories of the night before start seeping from my sleepy brain. Damn Xander for being so persistent, damn him for being so charming, and damn him for being so great at sex.

I’ve always been a one-and-done girl. I’ve never even been able to make myself come more than once, but Xander can make me come with a look from across the room. I can’t even count how many orgasms he gave me last night, but I’m sure it’s more than I’ve had in the past five years combined.

How is this man not married or at least engaged or in a serious relationship? He’s got everything. He’s a prime catch, the perfect bachelor, but he’s forty-five years old, and as far as I can tell, he’s never been married.

That’s a conscious decision. You don’t end up alone when you have everything Xander does unless you want to be. Does he want to be alone? It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.

I wobble to the bathroom on jello legs to pee and brush my teeth. Thankfully, I don’t need to shower, so I throw on some shorts and a tank top and start toward Victoria’s room, but she’s already in the hall waiting for me, and she’s dressed, sort of.

“Hey there, you’re up.”

“Uh-huh, I’m hungry.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“Um, I dunno,” she answers, and I realize what a dumb question that is to ask a five-year-old.

“Is your daddy gone?”

“Yeah, he’s not in bed.”

“You slept with him last night?” I ask wondering how that happened when last I knew she was in her bed.

“Uh-huh, I heard a noise. Daddy said I couldn’t sleep with him anymore.” I’ll bet he did, at least until I move out anyway. That makes me sad. I don’t want to be the reason she can’t go to her daddy when she’s scared.

“You can come to my room if you get scared in the night, okay?”

Her eyes brighten, and she takes my hand. “So, is that what you’re wearing to the zoo today?” I ask looking at her ensemble. She’s wearing her bikini bottoms, galoshes, and a long-sleeved sweater with feather clips in her hair.

“I wanna go shell hunting first.” Shell hunting, huh? Well, that explains the outfit at least—a sweater for early morning breezes, boots to protect her feet in the tide pools, bikini because hey, it’s the beach, and feathers because… well, she’s got me there.

“Okay, that’s cool. How about some pancakes first?”

“Yes! Real pancakes?”

“Uh, yeah, what other kind is there?”

“My Zion makes the kind that you put in the toaster. They’re good, but real pancakes from the restaurant are better.”

“Eggos, yes. Eggos are excellent when you’re in a hurry, but we have all the time in the world. I’ll show you how to make them, come on.”

Downstairs, we get to work making pancakes. From what I can gather, Zion isn’t much into cooking. Victoria doesn’t come right out and complain, but her joy at being taught how to do things from scratch speaks for itself.

About an hour later, we are finishing our funny-face pancakes, and I receive a text.

Xander: How are my two favorite girls doing today?

I smile even though I know I will only be one of his favorite girls for a week or two.

Me: Great, just finishing pancakes, and then we are going shell hunting on the beach. How about you?

Xander: Not as good as pancakes and shell hunting but good, tired, but good.

Me: Tired? Why ever might you be tired?

Xander: Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with a certain somebody being stubborn and pig-headed last night.

Me: I have no idea what you’re talking about. I had a great night.

Xander: Mmm hmm, I did, too, eventually.

He makes it sound like I fought him off when he took me to bed—hardly. He’s just being a baby about me pumping the breaks.

Me: Okay, well we have to go, see you at dinner.

That ought to irritate the crap out of him. I practically dismissed him after he just told me he had a great time last night. Serves him right, I wasn’t the only one being unreasonable. He unlocked the door to my room and invaded my shower! If that isn’t pushy and cocky, I don’t know what is.

Xander: I have a meeting tonight, I won’t be home for dinner. Also, don’t wait up for me, I’ll be late.

Oh, well la-de-da. He’s going to be late, don’t wait up, huh? So much for being monogamous while I was staying with him. Oh well, I didn’t want things to get serious anyway. Or did I?

I send him a clipped I-couldn’t-care-less text. I don’t want him to know that blowing me off tonight hurts.

Me: Cool. Later.

Xander: Sasha?

I press the phone against my chest and look at the ceiling. I want to respond. I want to know what he has to say, but my pride won’t allow it, and I ignore his messages for the rest of the morning.

Victoria and I combed the beach for shells. We didn’t find many, but the few we came up with I told her we could use in a craft tomorrow. She thought this was the best news ever.

“We getta use glue and glitter and stuff?”

I open my eyes wide and lean in close to her face. “Yep, the messier, the better.”

“Awesome,” she says making a fist and pulling her arm down in the universal awesome gesture.

“Zion doesn’t do crafts,” she says poking her bottom lip out in a pout.

“That’s okay, some people are just naturally more crafty than others. Maybe when she comes home, we can teach her some crafts?”

“You would do that?”

“Of course.”

“I love you, my Sasha.” She steps in close to me and hugs my legs. I stroke her hair. Man, it’s easy for kids to express their feelings. When do adults lose that ability?

“I love you too, my Victoria.” She looks up at me still holding my legs and smiles a melt-your-heart kid smile that does just that.

“Shell time!” she yells running for the glass wall. I follow her, and my phone chimes a text alert again. Great, he’s going to keep it up until I respond. Well, I hope he can get used to rejection fast because I am not responding.

I glance down to see what kind of message he thinks will capture my attention, and I freeze.

Enrique: Nice digs.

Shit, shit, shit. How does he do that? Every time we have an encounter, I change my phone number. I’ve changed my phone number six times over the past year, and every time he figures it out. If I could go into the witness protection program and change my entire identity, I would. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, Enrique hasn’t exposed me to any illegal activities that would make me valuable to the authorities.

I have been crossing my fingers and my toes for the past two weeks since the car accident that he would decide that enough is enough. I guess I didn’t cross them hard enough.

Me: I got fired from my job because you rammed your car into mine and smashed my face. This is my new job. Leave me alone.

I don’t know why I bother to tell him to leave me alone. He won’t, ever. He’s a psychopath, and his thought process is as wacky as a super ball in a room full of cats. One second he wanted me, the next I was a devil temptress, and the next I didn’t exist.

I liked it best when I didn’t exist.

My phone chimes again, and Victoria yells from the stairs outside. “Sasha, come on!”

Enrique: Yeah, Sasha, come on. I’ve missed your beautiful face, come out and show it to me.

Holy shit, he’s near the house, and that means he’s near Victoria. No way am I letting that evil man hurt her. I fly into action racing outside, scooping Victoria up, and racing back in with her tucked under my arm.

Think, Sasha. How do you set the security system in the house again? Crap, I don’t do well with stuff like that under pressure.

“Why’d you do that?” Victoria yells when I stand her on the floor.

“How do you set the security system on the house, Victoria?”

Her eyes open wide, and she points toward the front door. I grab her hand and drag her up the staircase to the front door. “Shit, I can’t remember how to do this,” I say shaking my hands at my sides.

“Lift me up,” Victoria says, and I look at her confident little face. I lift her up, and she presses several buttons, and a light goes from green to red. The house is on lockdown, and it even feels different in here since she pressed that button.

“Are the bad men coming?” she says turning to me panic-stricken.

“I don’t know, maybe. We need to call your daddy. Let’s go to your bathroom just in case.” She nods her head, and I carry her down the hall to her bedroom and into her bathroom where I know the panic room is located just in case.

I press the speed dial number assigned to Xander, and he answers right away.

“It’s a business meeting, Sasha, I can’t get out of it or I would. I wish you would just let me explain…”

“Shut up. I’m not calling about that. I think someone is outside the house. Victoria and I are in her bathroom, and the alarms are set in the house.”

“Who is outside?”

“I’m not sure, just someone that shouldn’t be there.”

“Get into the panic room. I’m calling the police.” His voice is all business and a pinch of angry. He should be angry. I took this job knowing I have a crazy ex-husband. I put his only child in danger. I kept secrets from him.

“Your daddy says to go into the panic room,” I say to Victoria, and she pulls on the shelf system that disguises the panic room. I help her, and Xander gives me the code to enter on the keypad. The heavy door slides open, and Victoria and I step inside. As soon as we are inside, the door slides shut with a finality that gives me goosebumps all over my body.

I sit down at the desk in front of all of the computer monitors and look for anyone resembling Enrique. There aren’t many people on the beach today, and I don’t see any movement around the house or inside of it.

“Do you see the person outside?” Xander asks, and I can hear his car dinging when he opens the door. He’s coming home, not good.

“No, no, nobody. It’s probably a false alarm. I got all worked up for nothing. You should just stay at work. I’ll deal with the police when they get here.”

“I’m coming home. You can’t possibly expect me to sit around the office after a call like this. You’re in the panic room for Christ’s sake. What is going on?”

“I thought I heard somebody outside on the beach. I’m sorry, it’s stupid. I’m tired, and I overreacted.” If he comes home, and Enrique is outside, I don’t know what will happen. Enrique’s a loose cannon.

My phone chimes another text message. “Hang on a sec,” I say to Xander and look at my screen.

Enrique: Find yourself another job, or I’ll make this one obsolete.

Shit, today is definitely not a day when I am invisible. Today I am a giant red flashing light with a target on it. Enrique’s not done with me yet. Maybe he was trying to kill me two weeks ago when he tried to run me off the road. He should have stuck around and made sure instead of leaving it to look like a hit and run, idiot.

I don’t respond to his text. Anything I say at this point will only enrage him, and I still haven’t convinced Xander to stay at work.

“Sasha, what’s going on?”

I put the phone back to my ear. “Sorry, I got a text from Twyla. Listen this is silly. I’m sure it’s nothing, go ahead and stay at work, go to your meeting. I’ll call you when the police are gone.”

“No fucking way. I’m on my way. Sit tight and watch the driveway for the police,” he says and hangs up. He hangs up!

“Sasha, is that a bad man?” Victoria says stepping closer to the monitors and pointing at a shadow by the back of the house on the beach. I lean closer and squint my eyes. It’s hard to tell who it is, the cameras are pointed outward, and the sun is bright.

“I don’t know, honey. I was probably wrong. It was nothing. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

She turns to face me, and instead of looking at a five-year-old child that I am supposed to be protecting, it feels like I’m looking into the eyes of a wise adult who is looking out for me.

“It’s okay to be scared. That’s what the doctor lady says. Being scared keeps you safe cuz you got your eyes open more. Daddy’s coming to make it better.”

In essence, she’s saying trust your instincts and wait for my daddy. It figures a five-year-old is more intuitive than me. Everybody’s more intuitive than me.

The shadow man moves along the rocks that the Sullivan house is built into, and when he reaches the side, he’s gone. I try looking at other camera angles, but none pick up that exact area of the outside of the house.

“I think he’s gone now. I can’t see anyone anymore.”

She looks up and down at all the screens, too. “I don’t see anything either.”

We keep our eyes peeled, and a few minutes later, three cars are approaching the house—two police cruisers and Xander.

“Daddy’s home. It’s okay now, but we gotta stay in here till he comes to get us.”

Our role reversal is unnerving. I’m supposed to be making announcements like that. I’m supposed to know the code to put the house on lockdown. I’m supposed to reassure her that everything’s going to be okay, not the other way around.

“Have you ever had this happen before?” I ask her.

“No, Zion doesn’t go outside and play cuz she’s old. We watch TV a lot, and she keeps the alarm set all the time.”

So that’s why she knows so much about that damn TV show.

“How do you know so much about what to do in an emergency?”

“Me and Daddy practice a lot. I don’t want the bad men to get me again.”

“They won’t, I promise. No bad men will ever get you again.” I take her in my arms and stroke her hair while I watch the police officers get out of their cars and talk to Xander. He motions around to the cameras, and after a few minutes, the cops spread out and canvas the property. When they find nothing, Xander calls me.

“I’m sorry I called you, it was probably nothing.”

“You can come out of the panic room now. Disarm the alarm so I can come inside. We need to talk.” He sounds edgy and a little angry. He has every right to be, I just took him away from his work and scared the shit out of his kid.

“Okay,” is all I can think to say. I hang up, and Victoria and I exit the panic room and go to the front door where the police are waiting with Xander. I expect Xander to be cold and distant, but he is quite the opposite. He grabs me around the waist and crouches down to embrace Victoria at the same time. He squeezes us so tight it hurts, and Victoria lets out a squeak. “Daddy that hurts.”

“I’m sorry, princess, I was so worried about you two.”

“We were safe. I did just what you taught me. We pushed the numbers and went to the bathroom.” He pulls away, and she’s beaming with pride.

“You were perfect, princess, absolutely perfect.” He kisses her on the cheek and then surprises me with a kiss on the forehead. “I’m so glad you’re safe. Did you see the man?” He asks letting go of Victoria and moving to stand next to me with his arm still around my waist.

“I saw a shadow, but I couldn’t tell if it was a man or woman.”

“Down on the beach, southwest corner of the house?” One of the police officers with the name Dugger sewn on the breast of his uniform asks.

“Yes, why?”

“There was a pile of cigarette butts, and Dr. Sullivan here says he doesn’t smoke. Do you smoke, ma’am?”

“No, never. What kind of cigarettes?”

“If you don’t smoke, why do you ask?” another officer asks.

“I, uh, I don’t know. The question just popped into my head.”

“Do you know someone who smokes that would be lurking around the house?” Officer number one asks.

“No, no, I just didn’t think anybody smoked anymore, ya know. It’s so unhealthy, and everybody’s doing gluten-free diets and vapor cigarettes these days. I don’t know why I asked, nervous I guess.”

“They were Fiestas, Mexican cigarettes. We don’t see a lot of those in this area,” he says.

My blood runs cold at the mention of Fiesta cigarettes. If I had any doubt that Enrique was outside the house today, it’s gone now. He smokes Fiesta cigarettes by the carton. So much so that I figured if he wouldn’t let me out of our marriage, at least he wouldn’t live to be an old man smoking that many hard-core cigarettes every day.

I nod and answer a few more questions that I assume are asked at every call the officers go on. When they are satisfied, Xander tells them he will send a copy of the closed caption video that he has, and the officers are on their way.

“Let’s go downstairs,” he says motioning toward the steps.

“We can’t look for shells now,” Victoria says looking disappointed.

“Everything is fine, but I think we will have an indoor day today just to be safe,” Xander explains carefully choosing his words so as not to draw attention to the possibility of danger.

“Maybe we can watch Dallas?” I suggest.

“Yes!” Victoria says racing down the stairs and plopping herself onto the couch.

“We will be right there, princess. Sasha and I are going to talk for a minute.”

Her little face clouds with worry. “She’s not in trouble, is she? It’s not her fault the bad man was outside.”

“No, honey, she’s not in trouble at all. I just want to thank her for taking such good care of you, that’s all.” Her face brightens, and she goes to work pressing buttons on the remotes.

He takes me by the upper arm and leads me into the kitchen rather roughly. In a low I’m trying not to lose my cool in front of my kid voice, he begins to question me. “What’s going on here, Sasha? You know who that was out there, don’t you?”

“No, I told you I wasn’t even sure anyone there. It was just a feeling.”

“A feeling that came from what?”

“I thought I saw something from the patio, and it freaked me out.”

“Why would seeing someone outside on the beach freak you out?”

I decide some attitude is in order to distract him from the matter at hand. I put my hand on my hip and tilt my head to the side before I answer. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m taking care of the most important thing in the world to you, and you have a million-dollar security system going on around here. Oh, and let’s not forget she’s been kidnapped in the past, and I have no idea what happened to her, but it’s made her more cautious than a gambling addict on parole in Vegas.”

His gaze goes to his daughter on the couch across the room, and a muscle twitches in his jaw. “Her mother, Star, was mixed up with some very bad people. Drugs, prostitution, and…” he pauses like it’s physically painful to go on. “Child trafficking.”

“Oh my God, Xander, she didn’t…” I can’t say it either. It’s too horrible to think that this sweet little girl’s mother tried to sell her into that sick and twisted dark world.

“No, she didn’t, but she was going to if I didn’t give her what she wanted. It’s complicated, I can’t talk about it now, but tonight when she’s gone to bed, I will.

“Okay, thank you.”

“And when I do, I want you to tell me why you’re just as skittish about strangers and safety as she is.” I look down at my bare feet and stuff my hands in my front pockets. I don’t want to tell him about Enrique, the less he knows about him, the better. I just want to do this job, get paid, and disappear from their lives leaving them safe and sound the way I found them.

“Okay.” I agree, it’s easier than being evasive, but when the time comes, I’ll make something up. It’s better that way.

“Good, let’s go watch an inappropriate and ancient night-time soap opera with my five-year-old daughter, shall we?”

I chuckle at his description of Victoria’s favorite show. “Don’t you have to go back to the clinic?”

“No. I told them to cancel the rest of my day.”

“You can do that?”

“I own half the clinic. Yeah, I can do pretty much whatever I want.”

“But what about all the patients? Won’t they be mad?”

“No, they love me. They’ll understand.”

I snort. “If my plastic surgeon suddenly canceled my appointment, I’d be pissed off.”

“Good thing I never had a family emergency and canceled your appointment, huh?”

“I guess so.” He cups my cheek with his hand, and my eyes immediately go to Victoria on the couch where, thank God, she’s already found Dallas and has become engrossed in the show. I move his hand from my face. “Not in front of her. I don’t want to confuse her.”

“Why would she be confused?” A deep groove forms between his eyes, and his mouth turns down.

“Because this is temporary, and I don’t want her to get the wrong idea.”

“Who says it’s temporary?”

“You. Me. Last night we agreed. Don’t you remember that little chat?”

He looks up to his left like he’s thinking, but I know he hasn’t forgotten.

“Oh, in the shower? Yes, I vaguely remember that,” he says playfully.

“Then you remember our arrangement.”

“Yes, the one where you’re mine and I’m yours until I don’t need a nanny anymore?”

“That’s the one.”

“I don’t remember anything about keeping it from Tori. There’s no way I’m going to be able to hide the way I feel for you from her.”

The way he feels about me? What does he mean by that? Shit, he can’t think this is going to be a long-term thing. There’s no way I’m going to hitch my crazy caboose to his nice, normal train.

“Xander, I don’t want her to get hurt when I leave.”

“Then don’t leave.”

“You already have a nanny, one who loves and adores Victoria and has since she was born. She’s like a mother to her. In a week or two, there will be no place for me here, and I’ll have to go.”

“What if I don’t want you to stay on as a nanny? What if I want you to stay on as something else, as my girlfriend?” He brushes a stray curl from my face behind my ear, and I can’t help but lean into his hand when he cups my cheek this time.

His girlfriend. Holy shit. I wasn’t expecting that, and he isn’t going to expect my answer. As hard as it is, I have to say no to anything more than two weeks of bliss. After today, I shouldn’t even stay that long. I have no idea what Enrique is going to pull next. It’s for their own good. If Enrique thinks I’m anything more than the hired help, he will do everything within his power to make their lives and mine miserable.

“Xander, I’m flattered, but we already talked about this. We are from different worlds. I can’t give you more than a couple of weeks, I’m sorry.” God, that hurt like a hot poker straight to my heart. I could fall so hard for this man if I allowed myself to. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted and, as usual, nothing I can have.

“I’m going to amend our arrangement,” he says, and I try to interrupt, but he places his fingers on my lips to stop me. “You are mine, and I am yours until this position is no longer available, and that includes PDA.”

“PDA?”

“Public displays of affection… as in it’s okay for Tori to know we are more than nanny and daddy.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Xander. What about when we run into your friends or co-workers or your family? What will they think when they find out I’m the nanny? Isn’t that kind of frowned upon or unethical?”

“I don’t give a shit what’s frowned upon or who sees me kissing and touching you, Sasha. I’m sure you’ve guessed that I don’t have the best reputation, and the reason for that is I live my life for me, not other people. If somebody thinks I’m immoral or unethical for sleeping with my fucking nanny, they can kiss my ass.”

“Well, what about me? I don’t especially like being looked upon as a whore.”

He throws up his hands and backs away from me leaning his ass on one of the kitchen islands. “Nobody is going to think that. Hell, what are the chances we will run into anyone anyway? My family doesn’t live in California, and you said yours is in Minneapolis.”

“I don’t like it.”

“I do.”

“I don’t.” I feel like a three-year-old arguing like this. I can’t tell him the truth, though. I don’t give two shits about someone seeing us either, but I’m scared my ex-husband will murder us if he finds out we are dating.

“Come watch with me!” Victoria yells, and we both look in her direction. She’s sitting with her arms crossed over her chest, eyes narrowed, glaring at us.

“I think she heard some of that,” I whisper to Xander.

He locks eyes with me, grabs my hand lacing his fingers securely with mine, and with purpose, he leads me to the couch and sits down pulling me into his lap right in front of his daughter. And just like that, he made it clear to her that I am more than just the nanny. Great.

Victoria’s arms fall to her sides, her eyes soften, and the smile that spreads across her sweet face could light up ten city blocks.

Xander doesn’t know it, but that one brazen show of affection is about to change his life.

Sometimes life can get twisted.