Gage

“Daddy, do we have to go home?” Adley asks when we walk out of the movie theater squinting in the bright afternoon sunlight.

“What else do you have in mind? We should probably get home to let Ollie outside.” Adley has hated being in our home since Lenny died there. She will find any excuse possible to come into town.

We had to move the computer table into the spare bedroom because she couldn’t concentrate sitting in the room where he was killed. She avoids the couches and fireplace like a senator skirts an issue. For now, we spend our time sitting at the kitchen island and hanging out in the music room or my bedroom when we want to watch a movie.

The doctors say it’s very normal after what she went through. One even suggested I sell the house to make things easier for her, and I’ve considered it. I hired a real estate agent, but I haven’t put it up yet. It’s hard to think of living anywhere else when I’ve put so much work into this place. This house was my refuge from the world after Constance died. It’s where Adley had all of her firsts. It’s where I thought I would live forever.

I wanted to give her some time and see if she felt differently, but it’s been a month, and she’s just as scared as she was thirty days ago.

She has nightmares, she won’t go outside without me, she won’t do anything without me, not even go to the bathroom. When I go to the clearing to chop wood, she comes with me. The only time she takes her eyes off me is when I use the bathroom or shower, and even then, she sits outside the door and talks to me.

I’m afraid it’s time for a change.

Adley sighs heavily. “Okay.”

I load her up into the truck feeling the eyes of the people in town on me. They’re still surprised to have an ex-celebrity living in their midst, but they’re getting used to it. We come into town for one thing or another every day so Adley can escape the oppressiveness of her environment at home.

I’m thankful the news coverage about the kidnapping and Lenny’s death was kept local, and interest subsided quickly. Those first two weeks after the murder, Blue Mountain was a beehive of activity. My identity was revealed locally, but the fallout was minimal as it was shadowed by Lenny’s death.

My mother has been in contact. Needless to say, she’s beyond hurt, and I’m not sure she will ever forgive me for keeping her granddaughter from her. When she’s had more time, I hope to visit her or have her come to us. It’s way past time for Adley to meet her grandma.

We are bumping along the road back home when Adley pipes up. “I want to call Clover.”

This is the first she’s spoken of her since the day she left us. “Why’s that?”

“I want to tell her I miss her, and I want to say thank you for saving us.”

Valid reasons, but how do I handle this? I don’t know if she remembers how things were when Clover left. After all, she was in shock.

“Honey, I’m not sure how Clover feels about us anymore.” I believe in honesty, and that’s as honest as it gets. I have no clue how she’s doing or where she is.

Freda told me she went back to California with her aunt, but strangely enough, I never asked her where in California she’s from. I still have her phone number, but she made it clear when she left that she was done here.

“She loves us. She was just scared when she had to go to the hospital is all.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Uh huh.” She pulls her leg up to turn toward me in her seat.

“Why did you wait until now to ask to call her?”

“She was sick. So, can I?” she says like that was a stupid question to ask.

“I don’t know, baby. I think if she wanted to talk, she would have called us by now. It’s been a month.”

“Oh. Well, I still wanna call her.”

“Even if she might not want to talk to you?” I ask knowing the question might hurt but better it be me that hurts her than Clover.

“She wants to talk to me,” she says, and the confidence in her voice surprises me.

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“I’ll think about it then.”

“Thank you, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome, baby.”

We pull into the garage, and I can hear Ollie barking from inside the house. He is excited that we’re home, but his barking unnerves Adley. She associates it with him protecting us from Lenny. I have to give her a piggyback ride into the house whenever we get home and check every room before she can fully relax.

“All aboard,” I say opening her door. She crawls on my back, and we proceed into the kitchen where we are met by an overly excited Ollie. “Hey, boy, how’s my favorite dog?” He jumps up planting his paws on my abs, and I scratch his ears while Adley slides down.

“Ready?” she says taking my hand to lead me around the house. We check each room by going in and looking around. At least we aren’t checking closets and under the bed anymore. Her therapist has convinced her that’s not necessary, which is a good thing because it took a good forty-five minutes to sweep the house every day when we were doing that.

I had a new security system installed. Not that the old one had anything to do with the kidnapping. We weren’t even using it when she was taken. That’s not how we operate anymore. Doors are locked at all times, and the security system is always set.

“Now what? Do you want to play a game?” I ask.

“I want to call Clover.”

“I’m still thinking about it, baby. You just asked me five minutes ago.”

She shrugs her shoulder as if to say, oh well, I had to try. “Okay, what game?”

“Well, we don’t have enough to play Spades so how about Rummy?”

“I’ll get the cards.”

I sit at the island in the kitchen staring at my phone on the counter. Should I just let her call Clover and get it over with? I know she’s not going to let this go. It’s not in her nature to give up. Part of me wants her to do it because despite the way she left, I miss the shit out of her.

Everywhere I look, there are memories. Kissing her, holding her hand, talking for hours, learning what an exceptional person she is, how much she loved music, my music in particular.

If there were ever a perfect match for me, it was Clover. Maybe I should have fought harder for her? I could have ignored her request to go to the hospital alone. I could have been pushy and arrogant and insisted she stay in our lives. Why didn’t I?

Because she pushed me away. I could make the excuse that Adley needed me more, but that would be a lie. They both needed me, and I failed Clover.

I failed Clover. The words roll around in my head like towels in the dryer, and I stare out the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room out over the mountainside. I failed Constance when she was alive, and now she’s gone forever. There’s no way to make that right. I can’t let that happen again.

I’m going to let Adley call Clover when she comes back downstairs. No, I’m going to call Freda and find out where she lives, and I’m going to take Adley to talk to Clover in person. I’m going to fight for what I want instead of letting it float away. I’m done hiding. I’m going to make her understand just how much I love and care for her.

I walk into my office and close the door halfway to call Freda. She answers on the first ring.

“What’s up, sexy mountain man?” she says as a greeting, and I chuckle.

“Freda, I need you to tell me where Clover is staying with her aunt.”

“Why?”

“I’m going to tell her I love her.”

“It’s ‘bout time, ya fool. She’s in Berkeley. She never told ya where she was from?”

“No, she said California, but the town never came up in conversation.”

She scoffs and clucks her tongue. “Well, it shoulda, those are the kind of things people should know about.”

“You’re right. There are a lot of things we need to talk through.”

“I’ll text you her address.”

“Thank you, Freda.”

“Don’t be thankin’ me. Go get that girl and tell her ya love her cuz if you hurt her, I’ll chop your…”

“I get it, I get it, no need for that. I swear on my crown jewels I’m not going to hurt her.”

“Good boy, now go.” She disconnects the call, and I hold the phone away from me chuckling. That woman is bat-shit crazy for sure.

“Daddy?” Adley says from the door.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Are we playing or not?”

“Not.” Her face falls, and I feel bad for teasing her. “We’re going on a trip instead.”

Her eyes pop, and the smile that spreads across her face could light the world. “Where?”

“To California to see Clover.” I wait for the explosion of excitement but not for long.

“We get to see her? Are we gonna bring her home with us? Are we going on a plane?” She squeals jumping up and down clapping her hands.

“Yes, I don’t know, and yes to your questions. She doesn’t know we’re coming, and as I said before, I don’t know how she feels about us anymore, but I think it’s important to go and find out face to face.”

“What ‘bout people seeing you and stuff?”

“I don’t care anymore, baby. It’s time to come out of hiding and see what the world has to say about it.”

She tucks her chin down and raises her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yep, really. Let’s go get packed.”

“I don’t have a suitcase.”

“You don’t need one, rock stars pack duffle bags.”

“I’m not a rock star, silly.”

“No, but you’re the daughter of one, and you’re going to be one someday, so you might as well know how to pack like one.”

“You’re going to let me play the guitar now, too?”

I shrug. Why keep fighting the inevitable? She’s got more talent in her pinky finger than most musicians today and making it forbidden suddenly seems unimportant. “Yep, but I don’t want you to give up on the piano, okay?”

“Okay!” She rushes me and squeezes my legs tight. I smooth her hair back when she looks up at me.

“Hurry now, I’m going to book us a flight and see if Jerry can watch after Ollie while we’re gone.”

She takes off up the stairs, and I smile feeling like this is the first thing I’ve done since the kidnapping that’s really right.

And then I head upstairs to find my beard clippers and prepare to do something that’s long overdue. If I’m going to out myself, I may as well do it right and shave off this mask I’ve been hiding behind for six long years.

It’s time.