Clover

It’s been two and a half weeks since I moved in with Gage and Adley Mercury. Two and a half weeks of the three of us getting to know each other. Two and a half weeks of Gage and I flirting, telling painful secrets, and stealing private moments but never having sex.

Now, I’m not one to hop into bed with a guy I don’t know well. But, I’ve never been this attracted to a man the way I am attracted to Gage. It’s making me a little self-conscious. If not for the stolen kisses on the stairs when Adley isn’t looking, I would think he wanted to be just friends.

And then there is the fact that he still hasn’t admitted to being Apollo Mercury. I thought after our first night on the couch after lasagna and Once Upon a Time, it would only take him another day or two to disclose his real identity.

Nope.

I thought he would open up about his tattoos, too. Another big fat nope.

He hasn’t said a word about it. I thought maybe the music room would shed some light on the subject, but it seems to have been wiped clean of everything except the instruments.

Today I’m going to see if he will finally pick up one of the dozens of guitars hanging on the walls in the music room and play me a song.

“All finished?” I ask when Adley joins me in the kitchen for lunch.

“Yep, I have to start a project for science. It’s due next week.”

“What kind of project?”

She hoists her little body up onto a tall barstool at the island across from me. “It’s gotta be ‘bout safety or something.”

I smile at her vagueness. “Safety or something, huh?”

“Yeah. Boring,” she sings.

“Safety isn’t boring, it’s super important. Do you want some help?”

Her eyes light up, and her posture straightens. “Yes!”

“Okay, we will start after lunch. What’ll you have?”

“Let’s make mac and cheese.” I hesitate. Making mac and cheese requires using the gas stove, and I hate that thing. Couldn’t she have wanted a ham and cheese sandwich?

Fire is my archenemy. It took my parents and my home and my dog, Billy, when I was ten years old, something I will never forgive it for. I am wary of it, careful with it, and always conscious of its ability to destroy and end lives.

“Mac and cheese sounds great. I’ll cook, you two have a seat, and let me wait on you,” Gage says coming down the stairs effectively rescuing me.

“Yay, Daddy’s cooking today!” Adley squeals clapping her hands. No girl ever loved her daddy as much as she loves hers.

“Don’t get too excited, baby, it’s just noodles and cheese. I don’t have any special recipe or anything.”

“It’s macaroni and cheese, Daddy. That’s all it’s supposed to be, duh.”

Kids. They’re so complimentary one minute and condescending the next. “Yeah, Daddy, duh,” I cajole, and he gives me the stink eye. I have to laugh. “You look like The Rock when you do that.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. The Rock is a cool guy.”

“You say that like you know him personally,” I tease.

“He does! Daddy met him once in California when he was…” Adley stops suddenly realizing she said something she shouldn’t. A slip, a crack in their impenetrable armor of secrecy.

She looks at him, and he deflates. Shoulders sagging, eyes lowered, he sets the pan of water he just filled on the stove without lighting it. “I’m sorry, Daddy, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. I think it’s time we get it out in the open and talk about it anyway. I think Clover figured it out a long time ago, and she’s just been too nice to bring it up.” He steps to the island and rests his hands on it.

“You’re Apollo Mercury of The Denver Revival. Your last hit was Massive Love.”

He nods. “Why the secrecy?”

“It’s complicated. I needed space after Adley was born.”

I look around the huge mountain home. “Well, you found it.”

“I did, and I liked it up here, nobody telling me how to take care of my baby, no cameras or paparazzi, no expectations or demands. Just nature and my daughter.”

“But nobody knows where you went. Why didn’t you tell the band you were leaving? It was big news for a very long time. There were all kinds of conspiracy theories and crazy stories floating around that aliens kidnapped you.”

He shakes his head and snorts. “Yeah, I read that one. Ridiculous.”

“And avoidable.”

“I wasn’t thinking straight. I wanted to drop off the face of the earth, be invisible, a nobody. I needed quiet in my environment, in my brain.”

“You didn’t think after a year or so maybe you should tell people you were okay?”

“You sound like a mother.”

“Well, if mothers are sensible and compassionate, then I guess so. What about your mother? Did you at least tell her?”

“No. I love my mother very much, but she’s an actress, and there would be no way to stay hidden and still have a connection with her.”

Wow, even his mother thinks he’s dead, and she’s never met her granddaughter. That’s sad.

“Clover, don’t me mad. Daddy was sad cuz Mommy died and left him with me.”

I swear I can feel my heart break a little bit when she says those words. Gage looks shocked as if he never considered what his daughter thought about them living up here away from civilization.

“Baby, nobody is mad, and yes, I was sad Mommy died, but I was also very happy I still had you. Without you, I don’t know what would have happened to me.”

“You would still be a big rock star. It’s okay. I know you loved it. I watched some of your concerts on YouTube. Everybody loved you.”

He rounds the island and scoops her into his arms crushing her against his broad chest. “But I only loved you, and I wanted to dedicate my life to you. I didn’t lose anything when I gave up performing, baby. I gained you.”

Two fat hot tears run down my cheeks, and I swipe them away before anyone can see. I can’t hide the sniffling sound I make, though, and they both turn their heads to me.

Gage steps closer, and each of them wraps an arm around me enveloping me in their family love hug. “Now we don’t gotta keep secrets anymore?” Adley says against her father’s shirt muffling her voice.

“No more secrets.”

I lean forward and give him a soft kiss on his lips, and then I turn to Adley and kiss her forehead. “I like your dad, Adley, a lot.”

She rolls her eyes. “Duh, I know you guys kiss already. That’s not a secret.”

We look at each other stunned. “And I thought we were doing such a good job being discrete,” he says.

“She’s got skills.”

“Yeah. I got skills,” Adley repeats.

Gage pulls away and stands Adley on her feet. “Take your skills to the bathroom and wash up for lunch.”

She bunny hops away singing a song I don’t recognize.

“No more secrets?” he asks.

“Nope.”

“Can I ask you something then?”

“You may.”

“Why are you so afraid of fire?”

Shit. I walked right into that one and didn’t even realize it. He raises his eyebrows waiting for my answer. “I, uh, I lost my family in a house fire when I was ten. My mom and dad died, the house burned to the ground, and my dog was inside, too.”

“Clover, I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, you told me about your wife, and that was painful. Now we’re even.” I fiddle with the cuff of my shirt fighting back the tears that always come when I think of that horrible day.

“It’s not a contest, Clover. People we loved more than anything died. It’s something to bond over, though, the grief, the loss… it helps us empathize with each other.”

He reaches out his calloused hand and pulls me from my stool to hold me tight. I allow a few tears to fall but no more. I refuse to fall apart again like I’ve done a million times in my past. You’d think after all these years, the pain would be dull, but it’s as sharp and hot as the day it happened. It will always be this way because the fire was my fault.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, sit and watch this professional mac and cheese chef in action. Prepare to be astounded.”

I giggle. “Okay, Chef Mercury, let me have it.”

“Don’t say that unless you mean it.” His eyes are dark and full of desire. He does want me as much as I want him. I knew this wasn’t a one-way street with me wanting to jump him twenty-four seven and him never giving me a second thought.

“Oh, I mean it.”

He places his palms flat against the island and leans forward piercing me with a look so scorching hot, I feel dampness pooling between my thighs. “I’m holding you to that tonight. You’re sleeping in my bed. Door locked. No sleeping. All night.”

Holy shit. I can’t even respond, but I think my expression is speaking volumes.

“Is it done yet?” Adley says running into the room. “Daddy! You haven’t even turned it on. I’m starving,” she whines.

“Let’s do ham and cheese sandwiches instead. It’s faster anyway,” Gage says.

“Wait, what about astounding me with your professional chef skills?” I ask.

Adley scrunches up her face so much I burst out laughing. She looks at me like I have lost my mind, and she’s right, but not the way she thinks.

“Daddy’s not that good at cookin’. Member his hamburgers last week?” She shakes her head in disgust.

“Yeah, you’re right. Those were pretty terrible.”

“Hey! I’m a great cook. You said they weren’t bad,” Gage says pointing at me.

“That’s because I’m a nice person, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“It would take a lot more than that to hurt my feelings,” he scoffs.

“Oh good. Please don’t ever cook hamburgers in a pan again then. Hamburgers are only good grilled outside.”

“Point taken.”

“Like a campfire? Oh, I can’t wait to go to your camp, Clover! We can sleep outside in sleeping bags and hike and make stuff outta rocks and sticks.”

“How are your plans for the camp coming along? We’ve been so caught up with having you around I’d almost forgotten to ask.” He dumps out the water in the pan and returns the box of mac and cheese to the pantry coming back with a loaf of bread instead.

“I haven’t done anything yet. I don’t know where to start.”

“How about start with a location.”

“I would like to have it somewhere near the base of the mountain.”

“Blue Mountain?”

“Yes, here, do you think it’s doable?”

“You’ll have to search for real estate and get a few permits, but I don’t see why not. I’ll start looking for you. What’s your budget?”

Heat floods my cheeks. I don’t actually have the money to start a camp lined up yet. “I guess it’s more of a dream than a solid plan at this point. I was going to apply for a loan.”

“I know a guy. How many kids were you thinking about housing? Are you going to have sessions or will it be more of an all-summer thing?”

“I thought about having two-week long sessions for younger kids and month-long sessions for older ones. I also wanted to do day camp for preschool aged kids, you know, drop off right before lunch and pick up around two or three. Long enough to expose them to the outdoors but not so long that they are exhausted.”

“Good idea. I wish I’d known about preschool day camp when you were little, baby. I would have let you go,” he says to Adley.

“It’s okay. I get to go now, and ima be special cuz the owner’s my nanny.”

I reach out and smooth her sun-kissed hair away from her cheeks with both of my hands. “You sure are. You will get all-star special treatment at Camp Coexist.” I kiss her on the nose, and she giggles.

Gage slides our plates across the counter, but not before I catch him gazing at us looking lost in thought. Is he wondering if this is how it would have been if his wife hadn’t died? I wish he didn’t blame himself for the tragic accident that took his wife from him. It wasn’t his fault, it was a medical condition, but I can tell he can’t stop beating himself up for it.

Some would say the same about me. I blame myself for what happened to my parents. The difference is, it was my fault.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” I ask.

“Daddy’s lergic to ham.”

“You are? That’s a weird thing to be allergic to. Is it all pork or just lunch meat?”

“Lunch meat. I think it’s the preservatives or something. I have an EpiPen, though, so don’t get any big ideas,” he says with a smirk.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Seriously, though, shouldn’t I know where it’s at in case of an emergency? Wait, do you have any allergies?” I say turning to Adley. “Oh my God, I never thought to ask. I could have given you nuts or something.”

“Nope. I eat everything.”

“I’ll testify to that,” Gage says.

“Me, too, I don’t have any allergies either.”

“The EpiPen is in the top drawer of my desk in my office. You won’t need it, though. I won’t touch processed lunch meat with a ten-foot pole.”

“You never know. It might be mixed with something, better safe than sorry.”

“You’re going to make a great camp leader.”

“Why, because I’m obsessive about safety?”

“Well, yeah that, too, but I just meant in general. I can’t see you doing anything else.”

“I hope not. It’s been my dream since I was thirteen. My Aunt Heather raised me, and she loved camping. We went hiking in the Black Hills once, and I was hooked for life. The big snow-capped mountains kissing the edge of the sky, the smell of pine needles and dirt, all the different birds and animals. I was in heaven.” I close my eyes and visualize it for a moment.

“Sounds like here,” Adley says around a bite of her sandwich.

“Yeah, it does, doesn’t it? You’re a lucky girl. You get to live here. I only got to visit once a month.”

“You get to live here, too, with us. Right, Daddy?”

“Yes, she does. For as long as she wants.”

“Even after she opens the camp?” Her eyes pop, and she squishes her sandwich when she grips it too hard.

“Sure, if she wants to. Hopefully, we can find you a piece of land nearby so you won’t have to go far to work. Unless…”

I swallow the bite of sandwich I had in my mouth before I choke on it. It sounded a lot like the two of them just invited me to live with them indefinitely. No, that can’t be right. I must have misunderstood.

“Unless what, Daddy?”

“Unless you want to have the camp on the mountain instead of at its base. I own most everything up here. You could build on my land for free and purchase it when you start making a profit down the line. There’s a small lake not too far away that would be the perfect spot. The only drawback I can see is getting the kids up here.”

I stare at him in disbelief with half a sandwich in one hand and my other hand hanging limply at my side. How can such a wonderful man be hidden away from the world on a mountain? I think I might be falling in love and not only with him, but with Adley. They are everything I never allowed myself to dream I would have one day.