Carrie
I am, at this point, head over heels in love with Jeremy, I can say this for sure. He brings up emotions in me that make it hard to ignore. He is a deep and intense person and I might equate those qualities within myself also. My life with Jeremy has changed me drastically and while I can't say I'm on board with the fact that he's a serial killer, I'm not exactly against it and that frightens me. I should be afraid of him and I should be afraid of the dark feelings that are arising in me. Instead, I feel a warm kind of pleasure when I think about it and I'm really starting to wonder what that says about me.
He is a murderer and that fact that I have reconciled myself to that and that I even possibly enjoy it has me concerned that I might have those criminal impulses also.
I'm sitting in my beautiful room, thinking about everything, remembering the feel of Jeremy's hands all over my body, and the sensation of his hot breath against my skin. I could never give that up, not now. I fear I'm in so deep with this thing that I'll struggle for breath. I'll never find freedom again and yet the idea of that makes me swim with desire. I want to be his prisoner forever. I want him to put me on lock down and for me to never be able to leave his sight. If only his gaze could be upon me at every moment, then I could feel this hot rush of anticipation at every moment also. I am becoming so entrenched in this man that I have completely forgotten myself...or maybe it's the other way around. Maybe I am starting to find my true self at last.
The news is playing on the screen in my room. I'm constantly staying attuned to it so I can see what they uncover and if I'm close to being found. I've had it on mute but I turn the volume up as soon as I realize they are arresting Robin, the violent boy from my school who was expelled last year and who Jeremy's had framed for his crimes. Robin is in cuffs and they're leading him away, probably for the rest of his life, and I feel upset by it. They have a lot of evidence against him and he will likely go down for this. How could Jeremy condemn someone that's innocent to a torturous life? He's not that sinister, is he?
I decide that I need to confront Jeremy about this. I doll myself up a little and roam around the massive house to search for him. I finally find him in the study, or rather the library as it hosts two floors of rare and vintage books, along with the new age classics.
"Jeremy? Are you busy?"
"Not at all. Never too busy for you." He glances up at me from his paper.
"Have you heard the news? They've got that guy Robin pegged pretty good for the crime, for killing my classmates."
"And...?"
"And, I want to know how you could do it. How could you do a thing that would hurt somebody for so long? I thought your whole tagline is 'pain-free death’. And now you're willing to hurt this kid forever?"
He puts down his paper and looks at me carefully before asking, "Do you know what that 'kid' Robin was expelled for?"
"No," I say feeling uneasy now like maybe I shouldn't have broached the subject. "Why?"
"He is an elitist prick that will never accomplish anything on his own, known for his parent's money. He got into a drunk driving accident that killed two people, including a teacher's daughter. Were you aware of that?"
"No," I whisper as I shift between feet. "Still," I say finding my voice again. "That doesn't give you the right—"
He cuts me off. "Guess what his punishment was? Twelve hours of community service and expulsion. That was it."
"So he got off easy. What's the point?"
He shows me a file full of medical records. I take a seat across from his desk and sort through the information.
"They're all girls," Jeremy shows me. "Girlfriends of this Rob guy, And they're all dead. Do you think they were accidents? All of them?"
"I guess not. I mean, that is weird. So you're saying..."
"I'm saying his last girlfriend was admitted to the hospital on account of falling down the stairs. She has suffered permanent brain damage."
"Oh God." I am horrified by what I've just learned. "So this guy, he's a bad guy," I say almost to myself.
"Yes Carrie, you could say he's a very bad guy."
I feel Jeremy's imposing eyes taking in my expression, my body, my every move. Everything about him and even this moment turns me on as I've come to realize that Jeremy is like a modern day Robin Hood. He catches the bad guys, the criminals, the bullies. He punishes people who deserve it and for some reason that makes his mission more noble. He inches closer to me and traces his finger along my collarbone.
"Now," he says in that deep voice that melts me like butter. "Do you want to leave? Will you call the police and turn me in?"
"No," I say almost immediately and I catch his gaze and it draws me in and I get ready to hang on for dear life. This man has me in his snare and the problem is that I don't want to escape...not ever.