Leah
"Let's get you fed," Jacob says, shoving his phone into his jacket pocket and taking me out of the room with his arm on the small of my back. Smugly I wonder if he thinks he needs to do that because I might bolt. I almost laugh, absurdly thinking that I have to follow him since I don't know where the food is.
I remember that he mentioned a maid, that she was going to help me with my clothes. Well, she was before I said that I didn't have a problem with my clothes and basically made it clear I had a problem with him getting me clothes. Still, it seemed like a wonderful thought that he might be able to provide me with someone else that was practically under his ownership. His maid. Someone that could be a person to talk to.
Tatiana, I think her name was…
And surely her loyalty was to her employer. He probably didn't own her. Or maybe he did. Maybe she's another virgin that he has holed up in his house. Maybe when he gets a new virgin, I'll be the new maid. Maybe it is all some twisted game.
I can't think about any of this when I see the dining table adorned with every breakfast food that I've ever heard of and then several things that I don't recognize at all. The table is massive like something a castle would hold. He's got a seat set at one end of the table, and me at the other. It seems absurd that we should head a table so far away from each other, but I'm excited to have space. Of course, after I sit down, he sits in the seat next to me and starts on a cup of coffee I see that he drank some of earlier. The maid, I assume, brings it to him from that other room. I see her face redden, but if she feared some sort of admonishment, Jacob offers none. I realize that her eyes are following me. Maybe I am onto something with the maid theory. She is maybe ten years older than me, if that, and undeniably attractive. I feel a twinge of fear and then...and I'm ashamed when I realize it, jealousy. I tell myself that it's self-preservation. I don't want to be the maid, or something worse if Jacob decides that once I'm not a virgin, I'm not worth anything. I'm suddenly terrified, this woman watching me so intently, that I fear that if I let Jacob take my virginity that I'll immediately become worthless. And if I don't let him fuck me, and he really doesn't just rape me and take it, maybe I'm still worthless. I take a too fast gulp of my orange juice before me, and I sputter some out. Jacob looks at me with what looks like genuine concern. That pisses me off. He doesn't get to look at me like that. Not when he’s the reason I'm a twig in the ocean, a soggy, shitty mess in the vastness of his infinite power. I feel the tears want to well up in my eyes. I can't let them. They're anger, but I'm sure he thinks they are sadness with the way he looks at me. It is almost like he actually gives a shit about how I feel, but I know he can't. If you care about people, you don't buy them. I hate that I'm born into this life, no matter. With my father, it hurts that the person who should care for me and love me is a worthless person who thinks I'm just a pawn. With a man who acts like I'm the most delicious thing he's ever put his mouth on, I'm a payment and a sex object. None of that translates into caring about how I feel. Not really.
It's really foolish, but the girlish part of me hates that the person to whom I'll give my virginity is taking it, no matter what I say or do, because I'm never going to be touched by someone who cares about me. After the way I felt about what he was able to do to me, how he made me come, who knows if I could even enjoy sex ever again.
I look at the maid, trying to ignore the way that Jacob is looking at me. He puts his hand over mine, and I don't want to look at him. "Don't fear me, Leah," he pleads. It is strange, but I want to believe the emotion I hear in his voice. I look away from the maid, who gives me a sweet smile. Huh?
"Oh?" I say to Jacob, my mouth hanging open stupidly.
"I know you're nervous. I want you to be comfortable. I know that you had a very cloistered life with your father. I know that this is all so strange. But I'm not trying to scare you. If you'd like to eat alone-"
"Yes." I don't let him finish that sentence. I don't want any consideration. None of his platitudes or shitty attempts at comforting me. I want him to go away if he's willing to do that.
He stands, taking his coffee with him. The maid walks toward me, and I feel confused as to how I'm supposed to talk to her. Does she know that I'm a prisoner? Is she a prisoner?
"H-hi," I say to her. She starts to pour me a cup of coffee. "Thank you," I say, giving her the best smile I can manage.
"Hello, Miss Leah," she says, smiling back at me. She starts to head out of the room, and I realize, I really don't want her to go.
"Wait!" I say, a little too loud. She turns around with a sweet smile on her face. "Can you sit with me?"
"You don't want to be alone?" she says. There seems to be more to what she's saying, but I don't quite get it. I just don't want to eat by myself when a seemingly nonthreatening person could possibly be a source of conversation. Maybe I am jealous or upset, wondering if there's something nefarious to her, but I think I can trust the maid. At least I can talk about something, anything, with her that might distract me from my current predicament.
"No, I'd like if you could stay with me. Would that be all right?" I say in a calm, measured tone. I don't want to sound desperate. I don't know if this is even allowed or acceptable. Hopefully, I haven't done something to cross some invisible barrier or break some unknown rule. I let my mind wander for a moment to consider where Jacob has gone after he actually left to me to allow me to have breakfast without him there. I kind of thought he was going to stalk me until he could pounce on me and fuck me.
I focus on eating instead.
"Sure, I'll sit with you," the maid says. "I'm Tatiana.” I’m grateful she says her name again because I was struggling to remember it.
"I'm Leah," I say, giving her my best normal smile. "How long have you worked for Mr. Renaud?" I ask and instantly regret it. What if she's a slave and I'm asking something horrible? She seems so calm. Maybe she's been here a long time...
"Five years now," she says with a smile. "I have a five-year-old boy, my son. Mr. Renaud, he helped me put him in a good school this year, and he hired me when I was pregnant."
Wow. I don't know what to say to that.
"It isn't his baby!" She says with a laugh.
I laugh, too, hoping to lighten the mood some. I realize I'm being moody and she's being cheery. "That's very kind of him."
"Yes, Mr. Renaud is a very nice man," she says.
I digest that for a moment while eating a crepe. I don't imagine anyone else in his life would ever say that. I know that he owns an empire and that he's taken down others with lesser claims to business thrones. I know that he did shady, underhanded shit with my shady, underhanded father. But he seems to have a soft spot for the maid, and that's nice. I wonder if he's slept with her, which makes me feel kind of gross for thinking about it. It is rude when she's been so nice to me from the start.
"Do you have a picture?" I ask. "I'd love to see your little boy."
She sits down and pulls out her phone and shows me an image of the cutest little boy I've ever seen. I've not really seen a lot of children in person, but he's definitely adorable. "What a little angel, he's precious." It's the truth.
I feel a weird pang in my stomach. I wonder if I want children.
I wonder if Jacob does. And if he expects me to have them.
I take a huge gulp of coffee. These are so not the things that I want to think about. But I guess it is good that they're bugging me, because they're giving me the fuel to figure out how to get away from Jacob, away from everyone who tries to control me, and live my own life. I don't know exactly what I want, but I know that I want to make those decisions for myself.
And now I know that while Tatiana is very kind, she's very loyal to Jacob. She has her reasons.
And I have mine for not being loyal. Tatiana is nice. She's someone I can talk to. But I won't be able to trust her. There's no way that she knows how Jacob brought me here -- that he bought me, accepted me as payment. And I get the feeling that if I told her, I'd be wasting my breath. She'd not believe me. Or maybe she wouldn't care. She has a son to worry about, and I’m not her problem.
"Thanks for sitting with me," I say. I know I should make more conversation, but I have no idea what to say. Maybe I'd ask about her son, but what would I ask? I hope she volunteers something as a conversation topic, so I don't have to feel so awkward. Perhaps when I don't come up with a conversation topic, it will feel awkward already, but I'm certain that Tatiana has more experience with conversations than I do.
"No problem, Leah, I know that you've been through a lot and it would be nice to have some company without pressure," Tatiana says. Her eyes tell me there's more she's not saying. Hmm. Maybe I can't count her out just yet, but I still am not going to jump off any cliffs to think that I can trust Jacob. Tatiana, as far as I know, is more like me than him. She's taking care of her son. I'm trying to take care of me. Jacob Renaud is trying to own me.
"Yes, I hear that Jacob wants you to take me shopping today. I don't think I want to buy new clothes, though..." I shift in my seat. "I don't think so, anyway."
"Oh, Leah, he's not going to expect any more from you than he already does. Plus, you'll need something to wear to the office. I put your clothes away. You have barely anything. Let me help you out today. We'll have fun. Maybe go to the spa? Mr. Renaud owns a lovely place, they will see us without appointments." Tatiana's warmth is contagious. Somehow, I feel more comfortable and calm than maybe I ever have. It makes me wonder what having a mother, or even a friend, is like. I already know that I can't resist Tatiana when she gives me a very insistent look.
"Fine, that sounds pleasant," I say with a smile. "It can't hurt."
He won't expect any more than he already does. Oh, Tatiana knows something. But what, I don't know. And she says that I'll need something for the office. So she knows that I'm to work for Jacob. She put my clothes into a master bedroom closet. Good lord, I wonder what in the hell she thinks is going on. This is all so abnormal. I can't imagine that she knows the truth, but I don't know what would make any sense as an explanation, either.