Leah
A spa day. Shopping. This is all so surreal.
But I know this is all a distraction. I know Jacob's not going to expect any more than he already does...
Because he expects to take my virginity. I guess tonight. I asked him to make me come when he was taking me away from my father, but now...do I want this?
I know I do. But I'm terrified. I hate that I feel like I have to question my every thought. My world is getting bigger...and smaller, all at once. I'm not trapped at my father's house, but all I can think about now is the man who owns me. What he wants. What he'll do to me.
Tatiana is looking up from her coffee cup with a well-manicured brow raised. She's thinking about something and leans forward when I meet her gaze and pull myself from my thoughts. "Mr. Renaud has given me a rather large list of things he wants me to help you with this month. Would it make you feel better if I shared it with you?"
The remaining tension I felt breaks within me. "Thank you so much. I feel so...lost. It would help to see the list, yes." I'm so grateful for Tatiana, I decide. Trust isn't an all or nothing thing, is it? Do I need to trust her completely, or can I only trust parts of her? I know that I shouldn't feel safe with her because I know where her loyalties lie, but I need at least this idea of safety.
Tatiana pulls her phone back out of her pocket and scrolls through a few things and brings up a list. It is long; I see when I start to look over it.
She's supposed to help me with my wardrobe, take me to the gym, buy food that I like, help me choose a college...
For a few moments, I'm excited that it sounds like I may have a real life. Not be sheltered and shut off anymore. But how can I be any of those things when Jacob owns me, he dictates and buys every portion of my life as well? I'm frustrated, but I don't want to tell Tatiana that now.
"Sounds like we're going to be busy," I tell Tatiana, handing her phone back to her and taking a final sip of my coffee.
"Yes, you are," Jacob says, reentering the room and making me jump enough to clank the now-empty coffee cup on the hard oak table. That sound only makes me jump more, and I imagine that I look as disheveled as I feel, like a bird with all ruffled feathers. How can he have this effect on me? So many effects on me...I think of what's to come. "I have a full day ahead as well, several deals to wrap up. I'm not going to come home tonight," Jacob says in a voice tinged with regret. He sounds like he's trying to sound calm and even, but I hear sadness coloring a voice I've only heard sounding ultra-confident before. He steps toward me and kisses me on the forehead. I turn to ice when he walks near me, but when his lips touch me, I stop breathing and the ice in my veins is now heat pooling in my belly. I hate myself for reacting this way to even the simplest of his touches. I try to push the thought away, and I see Tatiana is blushing. Perhaps she thinks she's witnessing some intimate moment.
And perhaps everything was written all over my face. Goodness gracious, what crazy shit has my life come to now? I suck in my lips and try not to watch Jacob leave. I can't help but notice the way he moves so elegantly, and how he sucks all the air out of the room with his departure. I notice that his scent lingers, and it stirs something in me. His whole home smells like a fresh burning fire, leather, linen, such a different environment than my father's house. It always smelled like alcohol, cigars, and cheap perfume.
Tatiana stands, and I do the same. She's looking at me strangely like she's sizing me up. "Haircut first," she says. No wonder she likes Jacob, she's bossy like him, too. Bossy seems like an understatement for Jacob...but I see the confidence they both have in their statements, and I feel like a small mousy girl all over again. "Just a trim," she says, reaching out and touching the end of my hair. "The length is beautiful, so is the color. But it needs more body." Her words are sweet, and I think it would be nice to have a haircut. I've only had a few in my life, as my father rarely let me leave the house, he'd had a few women he dated that paid attention to my existence who wanted to play with me like I was a doll. But Tatiana feels sweeter than they were. She's not sleeping with my father either, so even if she likes Jacob Renaud; her judgment has to be better than those gold-digging bimbos my father dragged home.
I've always thought my hair was dull. I look at Tatiana’s thick, curly black mane of hair and think it is a force to be reckoned with, yet mine is boring and stick straight. Still, I suppose with some professional help, I could have some actually glamorous hair. At least to get my hair cut I won't have to navigate a massive store or several, and try to figure out what to buy. Someone cutting my hair just requires me to sit still. I can do that.
I stand there realizing I have no idea what to do with myself. I need to put on shoes. I can't drive. Will Tatiana drive?
Tatiana looks at her phone. "The driver is ready for us, let's grab a coat and get you some shoes!" She's saying this with a cheery tone, and I don't know if she can see the lost-in-the-wilderness look on my face or she just happens to be saying what I need to hear to keep me grounded.
I follow her to the entryway of the home. I'm looking around this massive compound of a home, a massive mansion that is worlds apart from my father's house not just in size but in the way it looks. Every inch of Jacob's home is elegant, classy, beautiful. My father's house was so tacky; it always felt uncomfortable to be in. Not that I didn't have other reasons for hating being there. But I can't believe the scope of Jacob Renaud's house. The massive windows. The spiraling staircases. The vaulted ceilings. Marble and stone and other walls made of things I didn't know existed. Crown molding so elegant I feel like I'm in a palace. Based on what I know about Jacob's business holdings, well, the owner of Renaud Enterprises probably does live in what can be classified as a palace.
Tatiana walked into a closet by the massive dark wood double doors and pulled out a pair of slip-on boots, some gray socks, and a camel-colored, butter-soft cardigan. It was all simple items, ones I assumed belonged to Tatiana, but it felt like these items were nicer than anything I owned. I was glad to be giving in to letting her help me shop for clothes. It was clear that I couldn't exist in Jacob's world without getting a wardrobe upgrade. At least this one thing seemed a simple way to make me feel like I belonged.
Was that what I wanted? I slipped into the boots, luckily they were the right size and comfortable, and followed Tatiana, who closed and locked the door behind us. I took a moment to turn and look at the massive house since I didn't remember entering it, having been asleep when Jacob brought me in. It was a harrowing sight, a massive stone building reaching toward the sky, not unlike a castle. It was massive, breathtaking, and somehow it seemed that this foreboding tower of a home was exactly the kind of imposing home that Jacob Renaud would have. The sky even seemed gentrified around the idyllic setting. Looking ahead, I saw a driver, a circular driveway, impossibly large gardens and a gate around the whole compound. I knew my father had a large home that was separate from any neighbors, but his house was nothing like this secluded home. I felt a shiver creep over me. I was alone out here. I didn't know where I was and no one was going to save me from Jacob.
Still, I liked that I was far from my father's house, and I was heading away from the tower I was to be locked up in now, even if only for a day. No amount of lists that seemed to be constructing a life for me would convince me that I was anything but a prisoner.