Sienna
The skies open and the rain begins to fall.
It’s the perfect setting to say goodbye to my father.
I can’t believe Nate took me here.
I can’t believe he’s letting me say goodbye in the right way.
Once again, a glimmer of hope shines in my heart as I think that maybe Nate feels deeply for me. Maybe he’s not the monster I painted him out to be.
I know he has his reasons for keeping me close. I wish I knew what they were. I wish he would be transparent with me and talk to me about what’s going on.
But at this moment, all I know is that Nate has given me the greatest gift. He’s given me the gift of closure.
I walk slowly to my father’s grave.
I feel like my legs will give out any moment, but Nate is holding me up as if he knows I need his support.
I can’t do this.
I can’t say goodbye to my beloved father.
This can’t be the end.
I cross the cemetery, and I can see nothing except for Daddy’s casket.
It’s a sight I thought I’d never see, something I never even considered, losing Daddy.
Instinctively, I touch the diamonds around my neck.
The moment he gave them to me crosses my mind, like a distant memory. It was the last time that my world made sense.
But Nate’s strong arms around my body, holding me steady and giving me strength, remind me that, in my misery, I’ve also found something special...him.
He’s given me a new lease on life, someway, somehow, even if I am his prisoner.
His motives may not be clear to me, but slowly, I find that I’m able to trust him more and more.
“You okay, Sienna?” he asks as we approach the spot where my father will forever be put in the ground.
“Yeah. I can do this. I have to do this.”
The rain falls heavily now, sweeping across my face and mingling with my fresh tears.
I can see one thing...my father’s grave.
We get closer and closer, and my heart feels heavy. It’s a sullen and dark kind of emptiness that overtakes me.
I’ll never feel his arms around me.
I’ll never be able to call and ask for advice.
I’ll never smell his familiar scent, of pipe tobacco mixed with cologne.
This is really goodbye.
I’m fatherless.
I sink down and put my arms over the casket, hoping I can bring him back.
It’s not over, Daddy, is it?
Nate sits back, watching me.
Daddy, I whisper.
I just want to say this eternal goodbye.
I will love you for all the days of my life.
I will never forget you. And I know you’ll keep on living in my heart. Promise to never leave me. Promise to watch over me.
I love you, Daddy. And I’ll do my best to make you proud.
I say these final things to my father in the grave and then I collapse onto the rain-soaked ground.
My sobbing is uncontrollable. There’s no holding back from this pain inside me.
Blackness takes me over.
I feel nothing. I see nothing, except for inescapable grief and despair.
There’s no way out. There’s no way through. The heartache threatens to overwhelm me.
And just when I think there’s nothing left, a pair of big, strong arms pick me up.
I’m limp. He carries me back to the limousine.
Tears fall. Rain falls. And I fall back into him...Nate. He’s my only source of strength now.
“Shhh, baby, it’s okay,” he’s saying.
His words are music to my ears, comforting and full of reassurance.
“Can you tell me, Nate, that there will be a day when I’ll smile again?” I ask.
He takes his suit jacket off and puts it on the wet ground beneath the tree where we were.
“Sit here, Sienna.”
I curl up into a little ball on his coat. And I watch as he goes to get a bottle of champagne from the limousine.
He walks back to me, popping the cork on the way.
Then he sits next to me and leans against the tree. He offers me the bottle. I take a long swig, hoping to drown out my sorrows.
And then the most curious thing happens.
Nate says, “Remember that time your father caught us sneaking off the grounds, at, like, two in the morning?”
I look at him. His dark eyes penetrate mine even now.
“Yeah,” I say. “He was so pissed. I was grounded for a month.”
He laughs easily at the memory, then he drinks some champagne.
It’s as if he and I are having our own memorial service to honor my father.
“We were going to a party,” Nate says. “Remember? It was in Bel Air. You were all dressed up and everything.”
“Oh, yeah,” I say. “I was so excited to sneak away from the mansion, always wanting my freedom.”
I look at up at him from under my thick eyelashes. He grimaces at the word freedom. He knows that’s all I crave even now. And he knows that he’s standing in my way.
But I don’t mention it.
Instead, he sits with me for hours, under the big oak tree and we talk about my dad. He helps me remember all the things I might’ve forgotten. He helps to remember the good times.
The sun is starting to go down, but the rain doesn’t subside.
“Do you remember that party, Sienna? It was your dad’s fiftieth, I think. And your mom took the cake, the impeccably made cake that probably cost a fortune, and smashed it in his face.”
I start giggling just thinking of it.
And it’s the funniest thing.
I suddenly realize, I have indeed found my smile again.