Leah
"Aww, princess," Jacob said, his mouth covering over my skin where he'd spanked me. I could feel the heat of his breath, and it made me whimper, my eyes scanning nowhere and making my toes pinch together inside the heels. "Don't be like that. You don't want it fast." He ran the back of his fingers down the seam of my ass, and I shivered against him. Instantly, his other hand stilled me, capturing my hip and gripping me into place. My heart was pelting through my stomach now. How could even the simplest moves reveal just how dangerous he was, how much I stood to...transform under his touch?
Fuck.
I'd lost this game before it even started. I wanted him. I was desperate for whatever came next. I didn't know if he would spank me, if he would fuck me, if he would talk to me more and do so with his breath so close to me. All of it drove me wild with desire for him. For some reason, that didn't make me want to break down in tears. Not right away. No, it made something feel like fluttering wings in my chest. I sucked in the strength I hoped to gain in a breath, and his hand released my hip, stroking slowly down my thigh, my calf, and then both his hands removed my heels. His palms went flat against my feet. It was odd, something about it was so intimate. It was as if I had no fucking clue what Jacob was up to. If he was just going to fuck me, he wouldn't go through all this, put me through all of this. Goddamn, he was claiming my virginity like it was a quest to be completed. That's what I was. Some perverse conquest.
I whimpered a little. I wanted him. I wanted to hate him.
Jacob ran his hands back up my legs and rose up until his stomach was grazing my back. "Are you okay, Leah?" His voice was quiet, a solemn sound.
It pulled me out of everything tumultuous in my mind and was like a homing missile to my truth.
"I'm scared," I said. I didn't want to say that out loud, but there I was, telling him the thing I didn't want to admit to myself.
"You have to let go," Jacob said, and he moved until our faces were touching, his hand cupping my face and our foreheads pressing together. "Let every sensation mean nothing more than the physical to you. Delve into everything, and let it wash over you. Don't let it all sink in until you're ready, and then completely let go. Give yourself to it."
I opened my mouth as if to speak, but I didn't know what to say. It was incomprehensible madness, and it was the truest thing he could have said to me.
"Why would you spank me?" I asked. I had to get to the concrete heart of something because when Jacob talked to me like that, it made me wonder what was truly going on his mind. He was a complex man. I didn't want to yearn to uncover his mysteries.
"Because sometimes pain is more pleasurable than anything else," Jacob said, his voice sounding like for a moment he was far away in thought. "And because it is a very useful tool for both distraction and arousal. It can help you focus."
"Hitting me can do that?" I was incredulous, even though I'd felt how even a few hard swats warmed my pussy.
"Oh, princess," Jacob said with a laugh. "I know you enjoy this," he said through gritted teeth, landing several swats on my ass in quick succession that made me yelp.
The evidence of how good it felt was pooling under me on the bed. "Yes," I said finally.
"Yes?" He asked.
I knew what he was asking for. Now, I remembered his question. And before I could consider whether or not I wanted to answer him, I was. "I have thought about how if you're going to fuck me that it better be the best goddamn orgasm of my life. I thought the person I gave my virginity to would love me."
I felt strong for a moment when the first half of the statement came out of my mouth.
So why the fuck did I have to say the second part?
He said nothing. Jacob swatted my ass. When he switched to the other cheek, he used one hand to rub the previously abused skin. When he was done and rubbing both of my ass cheeks with his palms, I had sticky thighs and hazy thoughts. Would it be so bad if I did love Jacob Renaud? He had everything.
Including me.
I couldn't help the first line of those thoughts any more than the last, and when he pressed his fingers inside me and curled them, I was already spasming around him, my pussy squeezing his fingers and my body tremoring with the orgasm he'd already brought me to. It felt so good, and the instant he'd contacted my sensitive inner walls, I let all my worries fall away and melted into every sensation he brought me. It all felt so damn good. I wanted to be high on pleasure rather than tugged around by my own inner turmoil.
"Yes, Leah, we all have such hopes," Jacob said. His other hand stroked my back, pushed some of my hair out of the way, and he placed a palm on my back. He removed his fingers from my pussy and lined up his cock at my entrance.
Oh.
Oh, fuck, he was going to do it. There was no more lead-up right now. I didn't need it. My wet pussy was fluttering from the orgasm that he'd just given me and I was sweating all over and desperate for more. For the very thing that had been in every inch of my thoughts, waiting for it to come.
"But you know you could never love a man like me," Jacob said.
I didn't get to ponder that thought or why he'd say that because he slammed the full length of his massive cock into my pussy and I was screaming. It didn't hurt, it didn't even overwhelm me. It did something more than that. It erased every doubt in my body and made me desperate for him to fill me. His hands captured both of mine, and he pumped hard into me, pulling me by my wrists and teasing my nipples with the way my breasts slid over the fabric of the bed sheets.
My mind was a cavern of stars, and somewhere in the immense pleasure of him stretching and hitting every part of my soul with the pleasure his cock unlocked, filling me, I heard his words in my mind and the question my own brain demanded I answer.
What kind of man could I love?
I didn't know if I could love anyone. I was barely able to love myself, still learning.
Jacob...why had he said what he did? I was hyper aware of his every touch, but I zeroed in on the way his hands punishingly held mine. His fingers were bruising me. His grip was so tight. I wasn't struggling. It was almost as if he was. There was no avoiding it now. I was caught up in whatever mystery Jacob Renaud housed in his dangerous soul. I just hoped that it would capture me as well because I needed to escape. For my own soul. For my own sanity.
His deep thrusts were bringing me to another orgasm, and when my pleasure swelled, the fear was consumed by a possibility. Some sick ray of hope that made me think I would never feel this way with anyone else, and maybe I could love Jacob Renaud.
When I had finished coming, he released my hands and pulled out of my pussy with a wet sound and a feeling that made me whimper.
Jacob turned me over to my back and looked me square in the eyes. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't bring myself to. There was a wild look in his eyes. He never broke eye contact with those soulful portals to his internal enigma peering into my own open soul. His cock slid back into me, slowly this time, and with slow, deliberately tender movements that were just as claiming, he stroked inside me, his face never leaving mine, until he was close to the crescendo of his own pleasure. When he was about to come, then he dropped his face to my breasts and buried his face next to my heart. It must have thundered in his ears as the intimate movement made me cling to him, squeezing him with my inner walls and my arms, I came too.