Chapter Twenty-Nine

Denise

If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t be fighting for his life right now. I sit in the chapel, the lights from the candles filling the room and the soft sunlight coming into the stain glass windows.

It’s been twelve hours, twelve hours since he opened his eyes last, twelve hours since we heard his voice. Steve just about barred me from his room. Every single time the machine beeped or his pressure changed, I jumped up and questioned everything that he did. Zack just sat there, his eyes focused on the rise and fall of Jack’s chest. Lost in his own world of fear.

I look ahead at the altar, not even sure I know what to say. What could I bargain with? Take me instead of him. I’m sure Zack has already said that. I don’t even know what to do, and when I hear the door opening, I don’t even bothering looking to the side.

I feel someone sit next to me. His arm goes around my shoulder, and I know it’s Max.

“I failed them,” I say softly. “I failed them both. He came to me for help, came to me for an answer, and I failed him,” I say, a tear running down my face.

“You can’t do this to yourself,” he says, still holding me. “You are always trying to make sure everyone is okay,” he tells me. “Always.”

“Yeah,” I say, rubbing my face. “I tried to leave my heart at the door, but the pull was bigger than me. It was more powerful than me.”

“You love him,” he points out.

“I do,” I tell him, “with everything that I am, I love that kid.” I turn to him and more tears come out.

“You become attached to your kids. I know how you get,” he says, and I shake my head.

“It’s more than that with Jack,” I try to tell him. “He’s a part of me. Forget that I’m in love with his father, forget the fact that I was his doctor first. It’s different.” He brings me closer to him and kisses my head. “If I lose him, I don’t think I would be able to go on,” I whisper.

“I don’t want you to get hurt if Chantal comes back and tries to get him,” he tells me, being the sensible one.

“He may not have come from my body, and I may not have carried him and felt him grow in me, but he’s mine.” I turn to him. “Chantal will always be his mother, they will always have that bond, but it doesn’t break the bond I have with him. It doesn’t negate the fact that I hold him when he’s sick, or that I tuck him into bed at night and read him a bedtime story.” I sniffle. “She can’t take that from me. She can’t take it from us.”

“You need to go and sit with him,” he says to me. “Hold his hand and talk to him,” he tells me.

“I don’t know if I can.” I tell him the truth. “I don’t know if I can sit there and tell him that everything is going to be okay.” I now sob. “Because I know it could not be, and I’m not ready for that.”

“He needs you.” He doesn’t look at me. He just looks ahead. “They both do.” I just nod my head, knowing he’s right, knowing I need to go up there and see this through. “It’s a good thing those two deserve you, or I don’t know what I would do,” Max says. “I knew this day would come and you would find your somebody who would finally complete you. “You being a doctor was your life, it is your life, but having those two guys just makes your life complete and”—he starts to blink—“it’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

I nod my head, tucking my head on his shoulder as he holds me, and we are both quiet and lost in our own thoughts. Thoughts of us growing up, thoughts of when he finally made it, thoughts of when I ran to him, thoughts of when I moved in with him, thoughts of when I graduated medical school. Everything I’ve been through has brought me to this moment, and for all the heartbreak and sadness, I wouldn’t go back and change it. Not one little second, not one thing that would have led me off this path to them.

We walk back upstairs, and I walk into the room with Jack in the middle. Looking at the monitor, I see that his temperature has gone down one degree, which isn’t much, but it’s a start. I sit on the bed next to him while Zack just holds his hand and looks at me. His eyes beg me to tell him it’s going to be okay, beg me to tell him he is going to open his eyes, but I can’t do it. Not this time. “Did he open his eyes?” I ask him, and he just shakes his head.

“Jack,” I say to him, hoping his eyes flicker, hoping that he answers me with his sweet voice. “I know you’re really tired, and I know that you’re fighting your hardest,” I tell him, trying not to cry, “but your dad and I really, really want you to open your eyes.” I bring his hand to my mouth and kiss it. My tears fall on the bed, and Zack leans forward and pulls me onto his lap. We sit here and watch Jack. His chest rising and falling, watching the numbers on the monitors. Nurses come and go, checking him and looking at us with grim hope in their eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” I turn to Zack. “I’m so sorry that I made you try this.”

He rubs my cheek with his thumb. “You can’t take the blame for this,” he tells me. “It’s not your burden; you aren’t God.” Burying my face into his neck, I realize the night came quickly, and it’s been almost twenty-four hours since we’ve gotten here. The quiet nighttime is just too much to bear; I can’t stand it. The only thing I hear is the beep of his machine.

“How about I read you a story?” I tell Jack, getting up and climbing on the bed with him, just like I do at home when I read him the story. I don’t need the book to recite the part in the book.

“I love you for always …” I say with tears streaming down my face. Zack leans forward now with his face in my stomach as I tell his son how much I love him.

“You didn’t say it right.” I hear his voice, and I about jump out of my skin. Zack’s head shoots up as he looks at Jack, who is licking his lips.

“Water,” I tell Zack, and he leans over and gets the cup of water that I always want to be fresh beside the bed. “Can you take a little sip?” I tell him and then press the button for the nurse. He takes a tiny sip, and then I touch his forehead to find the fever now gone.

“Page Steve,” I tell Mallory. “Fever is gone, and he’s awake.” She smiles and runs out and goes to call Steve. This time, Shirley and Arnold race inside the room, and she puts her hand to her mouth and silently cries.

“You scared the bejesus out of Grandpa,” she says, coming over to him as he blinks his eyes slowly. He doesn’t say anything, and I put the straw in his mouth again.

“I have to pee,” he finally says, and I just nod as I get up and make sure everything is attached before Zack lifts him and carries him to the bathroom.

Steve comes in about thirty minutes later, the blanket mark still on his face from when he was sleeping. “Well, what do we have here?” he says, taking in Jack who is now sitting up and attempting to eat some Jell-O and chicken broth.

“I’m eating yellow Jell-O,” he says, laughing. “It rhymes.”

“It does,” he says, coming over and smiling at me. “I take it you took all his vitals?”

I roll my eyes. “Obviously,” I tell him, and he laughs. “His pressure is a little bit high, but it’s normal.”

“Well, then,” he says, grabbing the chart. “I’m going to look over this and see if you’re on your A game,” he says, coming in and doing all the tests I just did. “You scared a lot of people with your long nap,” Steve tells Jack with a smile. “Happy you woke up.”

I walk out with him and wait for him to turn around. “What now?”

“Now we wait and hope that fever doesn’t come back,” he says, bringing me close and hugging me. “I will do everything I can for him.”

I hug him back. “I wouldn’t trust him with anyone else,” I say honestly and then go back to my men.

Shirley and Arnold go home, leaving the three of us in the room. Zack and I cuddle Jack in the middle of us, and I finally close my eyes. When I wake, Zack has his arm around the three of us.

I kiss Jack’s cheek and slowly move away from him, having Zack open his eyes. “I have to go to the bathroom,” I tell him, and I walk out, going to the nurses’ desk first. “Did anyone take any more vitals while I was sleeping?” I ask them, and Mallory looks at me with one eyebrow perked up. “Don’t use that eyebrow on me.”

“I will use what I want to with you. You aren’t a doctor right now. You’re a patient’s family member,” she says, crossing her arms.

“Now go away and get something to eat. You look like you’re all sticks and bones.” Now I really do roll my eyes. I walk to the bathroom and the whole day we spend on pins and needles as we wait to see if his fever will spike again. He goes a full twenty-four hours before we can say that he is out of the woods.

“Knock, knock.” We hear from the door on the second day, and Evie and Janet walk in followed by Darryl and Brock.

“Hey,” I say, smiling at Evie. “How is she feeling?”

“Amazing,” Janet says. “We were going to stay in a motel,” she says and then looks over my shoulder at Zack, “but someone canceled, and we are staying two blocks over.”

“It’s so cool,” Brock says. “We even got our own robes.”

“How is Jack doing?” I look over and see that Evie jumped in bed with him and is now playing on his iPad as they giggle together.

“He’s doing good,” I tell her. “If he goes another night without a fever, they will let him go home.”

She squeezes my hand. “Being the strong one is harder than it looks,” she whispers to me. “It’s being a mom.” She walks to the bed as I look at them.

I sit down and take in the chatter around me. “So in three weeks, we are all going to gather and shave our heads.” I hear Zack and finally look up. “The whole team is doing it and Michael also.”

“Everyone is going to look like us?” Evie says, looking at Jack who nods his head.

“I bet I can get my team to do it too,” Brock says. “I’ll do it for sure.”

“That sounds amazing,” I say when Steve comes in smiling with Olivier following him.

“I heard there was a party,” Olivier says, smiling and waving at everyone. “And what is going to be amazing?”

“Everyone is shaving their head for me,” Jack says. “And Evie too.”

“Really?” Steve says. “Maybe I should do it too.” He runs his hand through his hair.

“Everyone is going to do it,” Jack says. “Except Denise.”

I shake my head. “He loves my hair.” I smile, and he smiles back at me.

“Brock said his team would probably do it also,” Zack says, and Olivier looks at him.

“Give me your coach’s name and number, and I think I could work something out,” Olivier says to Brock, who smiles and then looks at me.

“Cool,” he says, and the rest of the day, Evie and Jack watch a movie, color, and Jack gets up and walks around with her. I grab my camera and take a picture of them walking down the hall hand in hand.

Two days later, we all get in the car to drive Arnold and Shirley back to the airport. “For the first time, I don’t have to worry leaving them,” she says in my ear as they wait in line to check their luggage. “You love them with everything you have, and I couldn’t wish for more.”

I hug her, and then we make plans for them to come down soon. The three of us walk back to the truck with Jack in the middle of us. “How you feeling?” I ask him again for the fiftieth time that day, but at least it isn’t a hundred.

“I’m fine,” he says. “Can we have movie night?” he asks us, knowing we will give him whatever he wants.