Chapter Twenty-Four

Cooper

Four days. Four days since I’ve held her. Four days since I’ve touched her. Four days since I’ve looked in her eyes. I’m dying. I’m a shell. I’m going through the motions, but I’m empty without her.

Meghan told Tom in no uncertain words that she wasn’t allowing me next to Parker and that I fucked up more than Prince Harry’s naked ass in Vegas. I am to leave Parker alone. She is done. She doesn’t want to see me, talk to me, touch me, be near me. Nothing. She will not be training me or be at the rink at the times that I will be there, and she asks me to respect her wishes. Fuck that. I am not giving up so easy. I am not her ex. I will make sure she knows exactly what happened.

Monica didn’t go away without a fight.

Adam made her leave that day, but her ass was planted on my couch when I got home. The minute I saw her I turned around and hightailed it out of there, making just one phone call. To her father, the owner of my team. It came down to basically “get your daughter out of my fucking house or find someone else to take my place.” The decision was an easy one for him. When he called me fifteen minutes later to confirm his daughter would be out of the house in thirty minutes, he also had the nerve to blame me for her being like that.

My nerves are frazzled, and I just let it go, but you can bet your ass we will be having a conversation when I get back. Push comes to shove, I would pick Parker over him and his team any day.

Parker is due home any second. I know because she gets the kids at four p.m. on Friday. I plan to be there at four oh one to see her. I wait down the street in my car, looking like a fucking stalker, but I have no other choice.

My heart skips a beat, almost stopping when I see her Jeep pull up in her driveway. She gets out, turning her head toward the sound of her ex pulling up.

She is smiling at her kids, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. I want to run to her and grab her. I want to kiss away the pain that is in her eyes. I just want to be with her. All of me craves her.

She exchanges a couple of words with James while Allison jumps into her arms, wrapping herself around her mom. Looking at her, all I can think is, damn, she’s beautiful.

James seems to be asking her a question. Whatever he asks her makes her head shake. He reaches out and touches her face, and rage bubbles within me. I want to rip his fucking hand off. He shouldn’t be the one able to touch her. He threw her away.

It takes everything in my self-control to not drive up and break his hand for touching her. But I have to wait till he leaves to show myself. If I know anything about Parker, she is going to fight me tooth and fucking nail. And I’m going to love every fucking second of it, because, in the end, she’s mine. She just has to see it.

Fuck face—yup, my new name for James—gets in his car and backs out waving, leaving Allison and Parker giving each other Eskimo kisses. I take in the sight before me, something else knocking me on my ass. I love her. I know I love her, but I want to make babies with her. I want to have that with her. I want a part of me and a part of her. I want it all, and I want it with Parker.

I pull into the driveway, seeing her look over at me. She turns white. I don’t waste time getting out of the truck. “Cooper, did you bring subrises?” Allison asks with her bright blue eyes sparkling.

“Baby, Cooper just came to get something. He won’t be staying. Why don’t you bring in your bags and meet me in the house and we can make some cupcakes?” Parker asks, her voice tight.

“With swrinkles?”

“Double sprinkles. Go on inside, baby. Mom is going to be right in.”

“Okay, Momma. Cooper, I’ll keep you one for later,” she says and bounces inside the house, closing the door, leaving Parker alone.

She makes no time in putting up her walls. “I don’t know why you’re here. I told Tom to give you a message. Couldn’t you just respect me for once and listen instead of doing what it is you do?” Her voice trembles, my feet taking me a step forward to touch her. Watching her retreat is like a knife to the heart.

“I was a fool. I know this, you know this, and your fucking fiancée knows this, so please save me the I’m sorry speech and just fuck off. I can’t do this with you now. Actually, I don’t want to do this with you ever. You are here for another three weeks. In those three weeks I ask that you leave me alone. I ask that if you see me to not come up to me. That you turn around, if not for me, but for Allison and Matthew,” she says, her voice dipping so low it’s almost a whisper. I see her blinking away tears, not before one falls down her cheek, where she wipes it away fast, making sure I don’t see it. Problem is I do and that is the last straw.

I’m on her in a second, pinning her to my chest. “Babe, she lied, she is nothing, she is less than nothing. Yes, we dated for a while, I’m not going to lie. But it was never serious, at least not to me.” I’m trying to get it all out before she pushes me away. “I never loved her, let alone was engaged to her.”

“I saw the rock on her finger. I saw her in your shirt. The same shirt I held in my hands a couple of hours before. I saw it all in front of me, staring me in the face. Trust me, it’s something I can’t forget.” She tries to push me away, squirming in my arms.

“She bought that ring herself. I’ve never bought anyone a ring with promises of forever. Yes, she was at my house. Yes, she was wearing my shirt, but I swear to you, baby, nothing, absolutely nothing happened.” She needs to hear the words. She needs to believe. “She caught me off guard showing up. I went into the shower to get away from her and came out to her in my shirt. I texted you right away.”

“Please let me go. I can’t do this now. The kids are home. They can’t see me like this again. I swore to myself that they would never see me like this again.”

“Baby.” I pull her closer to look into her eyes. “I never touched her. She stayed the night, and the only reason is because it was too far for her to drive back. I should have kicked her ass out, but I didn’t think. That is on me.”

“No, Cooper, you didn’t. You think that her staying the night was okay? In what fucking universe do you live in? Would it be okay for James to spend the night?”

I feel fury and death. Grinding my teeth together, I tell her, “Parker, I get it.”

“No, Cooper, you don’t get it. You never will. I got involved with you, knowing it was a short time fling. Knowing you would be leaving when your time was up, but I couldn’t stay away, and that is on me. What I shouldn’t have done was let you in. I should have gone with my gut, but I didn’t. I shouldn’t have brought you around my kids. They shouldn’t have to deal with this again. We both know that this was going to happen later anyway, so it’s better now.” She looks down at her feet.

“What the fuck are you saying right now?” She is spewing shit in my face, making my heart beat faster. The thought of losing her now or later makes me see black because I know that without her I am nothing. “Do you not get where this is going? Do you not understand that I’m in this not just for the time I’m here, but after that? Do you not understand you’re it? You, Parker, you drive me fucking crazy, make me want to strangle you then smack that sass out of your mouth. You make me want to throw you over my shoulder and do all those naughty things that make you moan and scream for me. It doesn’t end for us. Not in three weeks and not ever. Parker, I love you.” I lay it out. I’ve never said that to anyone else but my family.

I don’t even know how she feels, but I don’t fucking care anymore. Being without her for four days knocked me on my ass and made me see what my life would be like without her, and it fucking sucks. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, brimming at the bottom of her lids, then falling over, and I catch them with my thumb.

“Babe, you have to know I would never ever do that to you. You have to know that after all this time you mean more to me than just fucking you over.”

“No, Cooper, I don’t know. You see, I had a husband who promised me forever. Who vowed to love me forever. Who made a family with me. Who came home every night and pretended to love me.” She blows out but doesn’t stop. “Seeing her there, in your house, in your fucking shirt and nothing else, it brought me back to that moment. I can’t and will not do this again. I can’t put myself out there for this to happen. I can’t put my kids in this. They deserve more. Fuck, I deserve more.”

“I don’t know what the future holds but know this. I would never ever do that to you. I would never step out on you. I can’t even think about touching someone else, let alone do the things you think I did. It’s you. You fucking ruined me.”

She finally sobs out and buries her face in my chest, letting my T-shirt catch her tears.

“Seeing what I saw, I was gutted. I didn’t think I could hurt that way again, but with you it was so much more. I don’t know how to explain it. You knew what I went through, so I didn’t understand how you could do this.” She tries to continue, but the front door is slammed shut, making me look up, and her head snaps back to where Matthew stands, staring down with anger contorting his countenance.

She wipes her face and puts on a smile. “Hey, we were just discussing something. I’ll be right in, honey.”

Matthew comes down the stairs, his eyes never leaving his mother’s. “Yeah, what exactly were you guys discussing? Was it his girlfriend showing up at the fucking arena that you own to see her Cooper?” He squeezes his hands into fists, not stopping for us to answer. “What exactly were you discussing, Cooper? How you came in here and promised her things only to fuck her over and make her feel like a fool again?”

Parker gasps. “Matthew, you will watch your mouth.”

But he doesn’t. “Are you kidding me right now, Mom? He’s a douchebag. He used you, and all the while he had his girl waiting for him.” He moves toward us.

Parker steps in front of me, but I don’t lose my connection with her, putting my hands on her shoulders. She is ready to say something, but I cut her off.

“There seems to be some confusion with the facts. Did my ex-girlfriend show up surprising me? Yes. Did I want her? Absolutely not. Do I want her over your mother? Not a chance in hell. I messed up with your mom. I made her doubt me and us and for that I’m sorry. I get you are protecting your mom. It’s your role. It’s who you are, but you have to know that I’m going to be the one beside you helping to keep her safe. I will never ever do that to her,” I say to him, hoping he sees that we are on the same side. “I love her. I love all of her. I love everything that she is.” I’m putting myself out there to an almost sixteen-year-old, hoping to hell that he believes me.

“So all that stuff that you are engaged isn’t true? The blonde hanging all over you in my mom’s arena isn’t true?” That sentence makes Parker throw my hands down and glare at me.

“She walked into my fucking arena and brought that shit to my work space,” she hisses. Before I have a chance to answer, Matthew does it for me.

“Adam kicked her skanky ass to the curb.”

I know his mother said to watch his mouth, but I have no choice but to laugh out loud. He looks up at me and something clicks.

“Parker, why don’t you go wash your face so Allison doesn’t see you like this? I’ve got to have a talk with Matthew.”

She looks at me, not sure what to say. I know that all she wants is to protect her kids, but this boy is turning into a man. She needs to give him that.

“Ummm, okay, but you, mister, better watch your mouth.” She points to Matthew. “And you make sure he watches his mouth.” She turns to walk away, but I can’t let her go that fast. Grabbing her hand, I pull her to me, looking into her green eyes that are almost gray with the sun. I almost lost her. I kiss her mouth. Just a touch, but it’s enough to know that later we still need to finish this conversation.

I wait for the door to close shut before turning my eyes back on Matthew.

“I don’t know what you heard, but I want you to hear the truth from me. Did I date her? Yes. Yes, I did. Did I love her? Nope, not even a bit. Were we together while she was here? Not even for a second. I’m here, Matthew, and I’m not going anywhere. I love your mother. I love her so much I couldn’t breathe without her. I love her so much I’m not going anywhere. I’m here in front of you laying my cards on the table. That woman in there has me wrapped around her beautiful little fingers. I want a forever with her. I want your permission to give her that. I promise you this. I will never ever hurt her. At least not on purpose. Never on purpose. Man to man, you have to know that I’m not going anywhere.”

Matthew crosses his hands over his chest. “When my dad left, she tried not to make us see her upset. She tried to hide that she was hurt, but at night when all the lights were out and she thought I was sleeping I used to hear her sob. I used to hear her sob till I fell asleep. Hoping that I would fall asleep fast so I wouldn’t have to hear her. She is the best mom anyone can ever ask for. My dad didn’t deserve her. He was never there for her. I didn’t see it before because I was young. But she always bent to make him happy, and she always shielded us so we wouldn’t get that feeling that we were his second thought.” With that, his hands fall down to his sides. He just laid out all his secrets to me, all because he loves his mother more than anyone can think.

“I’m sorry that all of you had to go through that. I’m sorry that she was hurt.” I start to say with Matthew shaking his head.

“It’s not your fault we got hurt, it’s not your fault she cried. But this,” he says, twirling his hand around, “this is your fault. You bringing it to her home, that’s your fault. I don’t like it. I really, really hope you aren’t fucking her over.”

I don’t say anything. I just shake my head, trying to make him see that I’m not his father. But before I say anything, Allison comes outside, slamming the door, making the windows rattle.

“Matthew, can you make me pancakes?” She stands slanted with her hands on her tiny hips.

“Allison, what did Mom say?” He turns to walk to her, picking her up. She looks down and whispers something to him that I can’t hear. Whatever it is makes him lean down and blow bubbles onto her, setting her off on a giggling fit.

“Let’s go inside and see what Mom really wants to eat for dinner.” He looks over at me. “Cooper, you coming?” I know he doesn’t trust me. I know he’s still leery of me, but it’s an olive branch, and I’m going to grab onto it and never let it go.