Fifteen

Allison

“What the fuck are you watching?” My earphones are ripped out of my ear by Matthew.

“Game of Thrones,” I answer him and then look around for Max, who is sitting in the back with no one next to him, so I get up and walk down the aisle of the plane, throwing myself in the seat next to him. “Oh my God, she has dragon babies!”

He smiles and closes his phone off. “I thought it was stupid.” He eggs me on. We’ve been on the road for three days now, our only game out of town for a month. I was spoiled because next month I’ll be gone for eleven days. I’m dreading it. After I fell asleep in his bed and woke up wrapped around him like a monkey I’ve tried to pretend I don’t really want him other than a friend. The biggest thing is that I’ve failed at every turn. I know when he’s around. I know where he is every time we are in the same room. It’s like my body is on high alert for his. He hasn’t acted any different toward me, so at least he doesn’t feel this from me.

I remember the phone call to my mother two days ago before I left New York.

“Mom, how old are you when you stop having crushes on people?” I asked during one of our FaceTime chats

“Um, never,” she said while Cooper came in the room, opening the fridge. “You always get crushes on people.” The fridge door slammed shut.

“What the fuck does that mean?” He came up to the phone. “Hey, honey.”

“Hi, Dad.” I smiled seeing the look he was giving my mother.

“It means that just because you’re with someone or not doesn’t mean you stop crushing on people.” She turned to him.

“You have a crush on someone, Parker?” He slammed down the water bottle he had in his hand. “Seriously, who the fuck do you have a crush on?”

I laughed because the world could come to a stop and mass-produce only men and my mother would still look for Cooper.

She rolled her eyes at him. “I’m saying that you never stop feeling things and a crush is a feeling.”

“Okay, so who do you have a crush on?” he asked again as he folded his hands over his chest. “Tell me!”

“Oh, Jesus, okay, Anderson Cooper.” She threw her hand up, just throwing out a name, and Cooper laughed at her.

“He’s gay!”

“I have a huge crush on John Snow,” I told them, “like I would so have his babies.” And apparently that wasn’t something you should tell your father.

“Allison fucking Grant, do not talk like that. Where are you? Are you at the rink? Guys hear that and they pounce on women. Is your brother there? Where is your brother?”

“Simmer down there, Pops. No one is fertilizing me any time soon.” And that made him throw his head back and groan out while my mother giggled.

“Jesus, these girls are going to give me a heart attack and then they will have a gay stepfather.”

We all laughed, but the answer was right there. You never stop crushing on someone, so it was a crush and it would go away.

I get up from the seat without answering him and I’m yanked back down.

“Where are you going?” he asks me.

“I’m not going to sit here while you make fun of me and not tell me what is going to happen.” I look at him. “Tell me what happens. Does her hot husband die? I think he dies. He’s so hot.”

“He’s not that hot,” he says as the fasten seat belt sign turns on, so I fasten my seat belt and then we are on the ground.

I wait for everyone to get off before I get up and walk down the aisle of the empty plane now with no one behind me but Max. I reach up and start tugging my bag when he hovers over me, reaching over me, and grabbing my bag. His chest is to my back and my heart goes out of control.

“Thanks,” I say, looking down and walking down the steps. I fuss with my phone while I walk to the cars.

“You coming with me?” he asks as he walks beside me.

“I could get an Uber in seventeen minutes,” I tell him as soon as I open the app.

“Seventeen minutes I could be home after dropping you off,” he says, unlocking his car door.

“You’re the bestest, Mad Max,” I say, laughing at him as he groans.

He drops me off and waits for me to go in before driving off. I don’t bother turning on the lights. Instead, I just walk upstairs and undress, slipping under my covers. My dreams are all of dragons and I text him that the next day.

I think I’m a dragon lady. I’m Daenerys.

He doesn’t answer me and I think that he might be sleeping or even at the gym. I open my computer and start doing my work for the gala that is coming up. So far we are looking at a thousand people attending. It seems that if Doug invites you somewhere, you go.

I finalize all the details with the venue and make appointments with the planner. I look at my phone and see that it’s almost six. Where the fuck is Max? Should I call him? No, I tell myself, put down the phone. And I start making a little supper, but give up a minute later and order myself something.

I’m curled up on the couch watching another episode of Game of Thrones when my phone finally rings and I see it’s Denise.

“Hey.”

“Where are you?” she yells her question, so I pause the television.

“I’m home.”

“Come meet me for some pool. Steve is here also.”

I haven’t been out in forever since all my college friends all moved away.

“Sure,” I say, getting up as she gives me the address. I get my leather tights out, pairing them with a V-necked loose wrap shirt. I put a black lace bra under in case it opens when I move, pairing it with a black blazer and my black high-heeled booties. I slap on some lipstick and run out just as my Uber is here. I text Denise that I’m on my way and she tells me she’s in the back as we pull up to the little shack of a bar.

I open the bar door, and it’s almost all dark. This is an old and dungy bar, and I feel I’m way overdressed. People that look like they live sitting at the bar turn around. I walk to the back where there is a brighter light and as I walk in, I take in the two pool tables with more light. Denise shrieks and comes over, hugging me, and I can smell the booze on her.

“You came.” She grabs my hand and pulls me toward the second pool table and I see him. And my heart stops. He’s here, dressed in black jeans, a black T-shirt, and his black cap sitting on his head. But that isn’t what has my neck burning or my heart beating fast. It’s a gorgeous blonde standing between his legs looking at the pool table. His hands are on her hips.

I smile at Denise and hope to blink away the tears that might show up.

“Guys, look who came,” she says and then he sees me and his face goes white. His hands fly off the blonde and I wave to everyone saying, “Hi.”

She pulls me to the table he’s sitting at. “Aly is going to be on our team,” she tells her brother and the blonde, who is twirling her hair. “Allison, this is Shannon. She works at the hospital with us, but not on our floor. Shannon, this is the new PR for Max’s team.” She introduces us and I smile at her. She smiles back at me and leans her hand over the table to shake my hand.

“Nice to meet you,” she says and I nod.

“You’re here,” Steve says from behind me and getting me into a bear hug. “She’s on our team.” He turns as the waitress brings four glasses of beer. “Take one.” He picks one up and hands it to me, and I say thank you and grab it with my shaking hands. I take a sip of the beer that tastes almost like acid as it goes down my throat.

“Come with me,” Denise says, grabbing my hand again and dragging me to the pool table where she talks to me about the pool game, but as I look at her and try to take in the words she is saying the only thing I can do is feel Max staring at me. I stand here and smile as fake as I can. For the next hour, I ignore Max and his every move. He gets up to take shots. When he does this, Shannon sits in his chair. More and more people show up from the hospital and I’m introduced to all of them. And I stand here biding my time till I can sneak out.

When I finally get that chance, I whisper to Denise, “I have an early morning tomorrow.”

She turns around and nods at me.

“I’m going to sneak out. Say bye to your friends for me.”

She nods and hugs me again. “Okay,” she whispers as I grab my purse and walk against the wall to the exit where I flag down a cab and only when I’m sitting in the confines of this dark, dirty cab do I let go of the single tear that rolls down my face. Only then do I let my broken heart weep.