Thirteen

 

 

eat and I were idly playing Mario Kart later that night, and I had my usual blue vine hanging out of my mouth mid-lap.

“Wow, you guys are so cool,” Ben laughed as he walked in.

“Shut up, you know it,” I mumbled around my blue vine as I tried – and failed – to avoid a banana Donkey Kong threw on the track. “Damn you, Donkey Kong!” I grumbled.

“You know he can’t hear you?” Ben asked.

“No one asked you, small fry.” Beat cackled as she got the coveted bullet from her box.

“No!” I wailed, aiming for my own box and skidding off the road. “Argh!” But, I laughed along with Ben.

“You could have at least worn less daggy pyjamas. What if Cole comes over?”

“He’s got that family… Dammit Peach! Family thing, remember?” I said, sitting on the edge of my seat, my blue vine perilously close to falling on the floor.

“And, we told him he wasn’t welcome,” Beat said.

‘True. Girls’ night. Waluigi, I am going to beat you with a stick!” I groaned, trying to correct my oversteer.

“Ah yeah…” Ben said slowly, and then seemed to remember something. “Matt said something about their dad.”

“What?” I looked at him sharply but heard frantic beeping on my controller and just turned back to see myself hit with a star-powered Bowser. I groaned. “What about their dad?”

“I dunno. Just something about him? We were playing Halo at the time, I was distracted. Have they mentioned much to you about their dad?”

“Huh?” I asked as I ran into the side of Mushroom Gorge and tried to correct. “No, not much.”

“And, you’re not curious where they sprang from?”

“Not…right…now….argh!” I got inked and bounced off a bloody mushroom again, then waited for the cloud guy to put me back. “Sorry, Benny. Do you want to-?”

There was a knock on the back door and, after exchanging a surprised glance with me, Ben left to open it.

“Beat, can you… Dammit!” I dropped my controller as the eleventh player – so not me – crossed the finish line and the race was over.

Beat laughed. “I can’t believe I-”

“Aura!” Ben screamed from the back door, I ran out and found a small figure standing, shaking at the door, covered in blood.

“Matty!” I burst outside and caught him before he fell, lowering us gently so I cradled him in my lap in the floor.

“Is it his blood?” Beat asked from behind me. “I’ll get a cloth.”

“Matty, are you hurt? Where are you hurt?” I asked, looking him over.

Most of the blood seemed to have come from his nose, which was trickling still.

“Benny, grab some tissues.”

“When are your parents going to be home?” Beat asked. “Do we need an ambulance?”

I looked at Matt frantically. I didn’t know. I’d done basic first aid to coach, but I was no expert. There was usually an adult there to take over. In my playing and coaching days, I’d seen a fair few blood noses, some had been worse than this, from memory. But, there was still a lot of blood for such a small person.

“Matty… Matt, is it just your nose? Is anything else hurt?” I asked him.

He blinked, tears evident in his eyes. “Cole… Cole’s hurt.”

“What?” My mind was obviously not working, I couldn’t think between seeing the blood on Matt and hearing Cole was hurt. “I don’t get it, Matt. What happened?”

“Cole got cut. I tried to help, but he said to go. Grandma wasn’t home. I pressed the button and ran.”

I tried to piece the information together, but it was like I had a bunch of puzzle pieces and none of the edges fit together.

“Shit,” I heard Beat behind me. “We gotta go. Matt, stay here with Benny, Rory and I will go check on Cole.”

I nodded numbly, still staring at the blood on Matt’s shirt. Did people even have that much blood in them?

I felt a sharp sting across my cheek and my head was whipped sideways. Suddenly, my mind cleared. I turned back to Beat and nodded my thanks for the slap. She nodded back.

“Ben, stay here, clean him up. Try calling Phyllis, her number’s in the hall table I think. Don’t do anything else until you hear from me,” I said. If I was just a blood nose and a cut, we could deal with that. No need for ambulances or anything.

Grabbing coats, Beat and I sprinted over to Phyllis’. The back door was ajar and we pushed our way into the semi-dark house carefully. There were blue and red flashing lights coming from the front of the house and I heard voices. We hurried towards the commotion and found police officers milling about in the hallway. When they saw us, they got a bit agro.

My hands flew up. “Uh, I’m Aurora Daniels, this is Beatrice Redwell. I live across the park. Matt came to us saying Cole was hurt…”

One of the police officers walked forward, a look of relief crossing his stern features. “Matt’s safe?”

I nodded. “I think so, he’s a little shaken and bloody but I think he’s okay.

He called to another officer. “Johnson! Go over to…” He looked at me. “What number, darling?”

“Uh…thirty-two on the park side.”

“Go over to number thirty-two, you’ll find Matt there. Is he alone, Aurora?”

I shook my head. “My little brother Ben’s with him.”

“Maybe keep the boys there for the moment until we get this straightened out. Matt doesn’t need to see this again.” The officer shook his head as Johnson hurried out.

Beat and I exchanged a glance and mouthed “again?” to each other before the officer spoke again.

“Sorry, I’m Sargent Lewis. An old family friend of the Jones’.”

“Is…uh… Is Cole okay?” I asked, looking around and not seeing him.

Sargent Lewis sighed. “This way. Trust me; he looks worse than he is. Always is; he bounces back strong this one.”

“Of… Of course,” I replied uncertainly.

Beat took my hand as I followed Sargent Lewis to the front of the house. Cole was sitting on the stairs while a paramedic looked him over. He didn’t look very pleased about the whole process. When I got a good look at him, I couldn’t stop a gasp escaping and Beat squeezed my hand.

Cole was shirtless, his pants were covered in blood, and he looked like he’d been beaten within in an inch of his life, to use the old cliché. There was a particular cut on his stomach that looked deep and still bled as the paramedic tried to bandage it up.

“I…am…fine,” Cole said through gritted teeth, trying to wave the woman away. “Lewis, can you…” He stopped when he saw me, and his face lost even more colour. “Lewis, get her out of here.”

“Cole, I-”

“She doesn’t need to see this,” Cole said, staring at Sargent Lewis angrily.

“Come on, love,” Sargent Lewis said, putting a hand on my shoulder. But, I pulled away and walked towards Cole like I was on auto-pilot.

“Give them a minute, Hopper,” Sargent Lewis seemed to sigh.

The paramedic looked peeved but stepped away. I knelt in front of Cole, trying to get him to look at me.

“What happened? When Matt turned up-”

“He’s safe?” Cole looked at me then.

I nodded. “He’s a little bloody and looks scared out of his mind, but he’s okay, I think.”

Cole’s head dropped into his hands. “Ugh, he doesn’t deserve this.”

“Doesn’t deserve what, Cole? Talk to me.” I wanted to touch him, to make some kind of contact, but I didn’t know what hurt and what didn’t. I put my hand gently on his knee. When he didn’t move, I assumed it was okay. His jeans were slippery under my hand, but I ignored the knowledge it was blood.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Rory,” he said. He pushed himself up, grunting and holding his side. He swayed a little, and then walked towards the paramedic.

“Matt! Cole!” I heard Phyllis screech, and then saw her rush into the house.

She grabbed Cole in a huge hug, heedless of the mess or his grunt of pain. But, he hugged her back, fiercely by the look of it. Phyllis was crying, repeating the words “where’s Matt.”

“Shush…” Cole patted her back. “Matty’s safe. He’s safe.”

“Grandma!” I heard Matt yell and barely moved out of the way before he barrelled past me.

The three of them stood hugging in the doorway and I knew I wasn’t needed, or maybe even wanted. I felt a hand on my arm and turned to find Beat. We started to leave.

“Aurora?” I heard Sargent Lewis say.

I turned to him; wiping away tears I only just realised burned my eyes.

“Cole’s…” He scrubbed the back of his neck. “Give him some time, love. He’ll be right as rain in a couple of days, if a little stiff. We’ve got the bastard now, although he’ll be out again by the end of next week mark my words, the worthless piece of shit,” Lewis growled and I was surprised by his tone. “Sorry, love, you don’t need to hear those things. Just give him a few days, and he’ll come to you. I’ve known the boy most of his life and I’ve never seen him the way he’s been lately, and Phyllis says that’s down to you.”

I nodded numbly, not really sure how else to react to that.

“I’ll get her home, sir,” Beat said from next to me.

“Good. Get some sugar into her and try to distract her. And, trust me when I say, he’ll be okay, love. This isn’t by far the worst those boys have faced at the hands of that arsehole.”

I wished Beat would slap me again… My brain didn’t seem to be working again. I nodded again and felt Beat steer me away.

“Johnson, make sure these two get home,” Lewis called.

“Yes, sir. Do you want me to talk to the parents?”

“That’s a good idea, son. Thanks.”

I saw Johnson nod and he smiled at us warmly as he ushered us out of the house.

“So, you like being a policeman?” Beat asked as we walked back through the park.

I listened to their conversation, hearing the words, but not really paying attention. My mind felt like static.

“It’s all right,” Johnson replied. “It’s only my first year, but it seems pretty good so far.”

“Do you still have to wait a year after school to apply?”

“You do. Interested in becoming a cop?”

“Maybe. I’ve thought about it, at least.”

“Well, I’ll look out for you in a couple of years then.”

“Thanks.”

After what seemed like an eternity, we walked back up the stairs to my house.

“Aura!” Mum squealed and ran to hug me.

“Missus Daniels, you’re probably wondering what’s happened?”

“Just a little, yes,” Mum said shakily. “Please, come in Officer Johnson. Tea? Coffee?”

“Coffee would be great, thanks.”

“Beat, honey, take Aura into the living room. Maybe put on some of your shows or something?”

“Okay, Cait.”

I let myself be steered to the couch. Beat turned on Red Dwarf – one of Dad’s old favourites that we’d taken to – passed me a box of blue vines and put an arm around me. While I tried to focus on Lister and Rimmer’s argument over Lister’s allocated cigarette allowance, I snuck a peek at Mum and Dad sitting with Johnson at the table.

“Aura? Beat?”

“Come here, Benny.” Beat put out her other arm and Ben snuggled against her other side on the couch.

“Is Cole okay?”

Beat kissed his head, smoothing back his hair. “He will be, sweetie. The Sargent promised.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. Officer Johnson might tell us, or maybe your mum and dad will. Have some lollies and try not to worry for now though, okay?”

Ben made an affirmative noise and reached for a box of red vines, which he promptly shared with Beat.

After a while, I felt myself relax a little. I found myself smiling at the jokes and I breathed more easily. I was still worried and had no idea what had happened, but it seemed the shock had passed.

Officer Johnson left and Mum and Dad came into the room, sitting on the opposite couch. Ben had fallen asleep and Beat paused the episode.

Mum and Dad shared a glance as though not sure what to say.

Dad cleared his throat. “Apparently, a man broke into the house and attacked the boys when they got home…” he started.

“But, they got him? The guy who did it?” I asked.

Mum nodded. “Officer Johnson couldn’t tell us a lot, it’s not his place. But, he said it’s not an isolated incident, though it is the worst one in a long while.”

“They’ve been through that before?” Beat asked.

Dad nodded. “Apparently, so. Officer Johnson certainly suggested it.”

“And, I thought my parents’ divorce was bad…” Beat breathed.

I remembered the incident with Matt’s broken leg, all Cole’s random injuries. Maybe the fights he got into were not the kind I had thought they were? But, who had been harassing them? Maybe it was their dad? At least they had him now, although Sargent Lewis didn’t seem to think they would for long. I wondered how he knew.

 

¢

 

I didn’t see or speak to Cole all the next week, and I did my best to get on with things and give him space. He hadn’t been to school, not that I was surprised with the way that wound had been bleeding. But, neither would he see me if I visited the house, though Phyllis invited me in and tried to get him to talk to me.

I tried not to harass him; Sargent Lewis had said to give him time, so I did. Once or twice a day, I sent him a text just to say I hoped he was doing okay. I didn’t ask any questions he might feel were prying. I didn’t even ask Phyllis any more about what happened.

Matt had refused to miss the end of season party for his team, and we decided to save Cole a piece of cake that Matt took home for him. Matt seemed a little quiet during the party, but was soon laughing and joking with his teammates as they ate too much sugar and pizza. Ben and I were tempted to ask Matt about the events of the weekend, but he’d seemed traumatised enough.

Friday, the last day of Term 3, Beat and I had our own end of season party for our team. I made my farewell speech to the team, making sure I was plenty soppy. I thanked them for their years of friendship and sportsmanship, for their dedication, their loyalty, yadda yadda yadda. By all accounts, it was great and even Coach cried. The Kezler twins gave me a farewell speech on behalf of the team, at which I cried. Then, there was a lot of soft drink and cake, laughing and reminiscing.

I woke up on the Sunday, entirely intending to force Cole to speak to me. Sargent Lewis had said to give him a few days, and I thought a week must be plenty. Cole didn’t strike me as the moping or wallowing, self-pitying kind, so I wondered what was behind his behaviour.

It was the time of year where you could have a storm one day and a trip to the beach the next. Sunday was the latter, a wonderfully sunny day that would be perfect for my first real dress of the season.

I was feeling fairly upbeat as I trotted down the stairs to have a cup of coffee before I left; I was convinced Cole would talk to me. I didn’t even care anymore what he talked to me about, he could talk to me about the weather for all I cared, I just wanted him to let me back in.

“You look lovely, sweetie.” Dad smiled as I came into the kitchen.

“Why, thank you. I decided it was finally dress season.”

“I see that. Although, I don’t think the hot spell is lasting. Rain’s forecast in the next few days.” He chuckled when I groaned.

“Oh well, the sun will be back.”

I drank my coffee quicker than usual, burning my tongue a little in my rush. Usually, I’d turn around and find I’d been sitting next to a coffee for long enough that it was stone cold. Good thing I was so partial to iced coffee.

“Heard anything from Cole, yet?” Dad ventured slowly.

The family had been great this last week, not pushing or prying, just supportive and caring. They asked occasionally if I’d heard anything, but I knew from extensive experience they were asking as much for their own benefit as mine, and understood when I didn’t answer.

“Nope. But, I feel like today will be better.” I smiled.

Maybe it was the fact that both the end of season parties had gone well? Maybe it was the sunshine? Maybe it was even nervous compensation for the fact exams were six weeks away? But, I felt ridiculously chipper.

“All right, I’m heading over to Phyllis’,” I said, putting my cup in the dishwasher.

“Okay, sweetie. Mum and Ben will be back a little while later. Are you home for dinner?”

“Mum and Ben are out?”

“Mm-hm.”

I nodded. “Okay, good to know. I’ll text about dinner.”

“Okie dokes, darling. Have a good day.”

As I walked out, I had a thought. Maybe, if Cole wouldn’t talk to me, I’d talk to Phyllis about what happened?

Phyllis was in when I knocked on the back door, but there was no sign of Matt or Cole. She smiled at me warmly.

“Aurora, lovely to see you.”

“You too, Phyllis. I was wondering if Cole might talk to me today?”

Her face fell a little. “I’m sorry, dear, Cole’s not home. He’s over at Declan’s, something about band practice?”

Shocked, I nodded. “No, of course. I’ll… Phyllis, can I ask you about what happened?”

The older woman smiled at me. “It’s not really my place, dear. Cole has made it very clear that if you find out, he’ll be the one to tell you. He won’t have anyone else tell you.”

“Do you know why he won’t speak to me, then?”

“Ah, now, that’s a bit more complicated. Without giving too much away, Cole has some issues of his own he needs to work through, dear. His…past…has left him with more than the scars on his body. With you, he started to heal, but that’s been set back a little bit now. Give him some more time to work through his pain.”

I’d fully intended not to let any excuses get in the way of talking to him, I wasn’t going to give him more time; I was going to be there for him now, hold him tight and not care if he spoke or not as long as he saw me. However, after Phyllis’ words, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Obviously, Cole had more to deal with than I realised and I had to respect that; him getting through his pain was more important to me than any pain I might have to deal with.

I nodded to Phyllis. “Thanks, I will. He’s…okay, though? I mean, considering?”

“He’s going to band practice, but otherwise he’s the same Cole we know and love, still drinking and smoking more than I’d like, out until all hours.” She sighed. “He’s legally an adult now, though, so there’s little I can do about it.”

I smiled at her. “Well, if you get a chance, tell him I came by?”

“Always, dear. I’ll see if I can get him to see you.”

“Thanks, Phyllis.”

We hugged swiftly and I headed back home, the day seemingly a lot less sunny than it had been despite the sun beating down on my head.

I crashed through the back door, my sour mood inadvertently causing me to slam it.

“You home already, sweetie?” Dad called, he was still in the kitchen.

“Yeah.”

He popped his head out the kitchen door. “Home for dinner, then?” he said, his voice full of love and sympathy; I knew he was really asking me a different question.

“Yeah, home for dinner,” I replied as I headed up to my room.

I may as well get some study in if I wasn’t doing anything else that day.

 

¢

 

Unlike Sunday, Tuesday dawned cloudy and raining heavily, and showed no signs of letting up well into the afternoon.

I stood at the sink, washing up those annoying dishes that couldn’t go in the dishwasher, staring out at the waterlogged park. That was how bored of study I was, that I had offered to wash the dishes. I had considered going out with the girls, getting out of the house, but even Cassidy had said she wanted to study; and, to be honest, I was feeling a bit like, if Cassidy was studying, I couldn’t go out. Again, I loved the girl, but she was not the most studious – not that she needed it, she was crazy intelligent.

As I stared aimlessly out the window, I realised a familiar figure was walking across the park, complete with up-turned collar. I refused to hope he might be coming to see me, and a part of me wasn’t going to leave it to chance, or even just up to him.

Mum and Dad were at work and Ben was up in his room. I could run up and tell Ben I was popping out, but Cole might have gone by then. I dropped the scrubbing brush, pulled off my fashionable green and yellow rubber gloves and raced out the door.

My instincts must have been right because, by the time I got down the stairs, he was heading in the other direction.

It wasn’t terribly cold despite the rain and cloud, so I was in jean shorts and a t-shirt. This was a choice I somewhat regretted as the chilled rain hit me. I gritted my teeth, blinking water out of my eyes and ran off after Cole feeling like a very driven, drowned rat.

“Cole!” I called as I got closer.

I hadn’t been sure if he’d hear me over the rain, but he stopped, seemed to gather himself, and turned around. I skidded to a stop in front of him. Like me, he was soaked. He wore his usual jeans and coat buttoned up, his hair hanging in his face. I suddenly felt very underdressed and ridiculous with my thin t-shirt plastered to my body like it was barely there.

With my mind trying to escape from what I was trying to make it do, I spared a moment to hope I hadn’t put on a black or red bra under my cream t-shirt. Sure, it might not have been see-through when I put it on this morning, but it sure as hell would be now.

Cole and I stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments. Well, I was feeling awkward, I had no idea how he was feeling. He looked bored, unimpressed, and not-so-patiently waiting for me to speak so he could get out of there.

“How are you?” I finally asked, stepping closer as though that was going to protect somehow me from the downpour.

Cole shrugged. “Fine. How are you?”

I laughed. “Soaking.”

He looked me up and down, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “So you are.”

“I… I’ve tried to visit.”

“I know.”

My patience was running thin; this was not how I’d imagined our reunion. I’d imagined it many times over the last week, and pretty much each one had started with a hug and a smile. This look of… Well, sarcastic indifference was not at all what I’d expected. And, frankly, despite all he’d been through, I felt like I was entitled to some amount of explanation, even if it wasn’t anywhere close to the truth.

I took a deep breath, remembering what Phyllis had said, and trying to be empathetic.

“I guess I just… I want you to know you can talk to me, if you want.”

He nodded. “I’d got that impression.”

I sighed, trying not to let him infuriate me. “Okay, well, so long as you know.”

“I do.”

“Good. How’s band practice going?”

He looked past me like he was bored or had somewhere he’d rather be. “Fine.”

“You’ve been often?”

“Two or three times a week.” He shrugged.

“Two or three…? You’ve gone to practice, but you couldn’t even just reply to one of my texts?”

Okay, Rory, you’ve lost it now…try to reign it in…it’s not his fault, the warning voice said.

Shut up! I told myself.

He smirked. “Sorry, been busy. I owed Declan.”

“Too busy to send one text to your girlfriend? The girl you professed to love?” I asked, letting myself get carried away in the anger. It was better and more comfortable than the doubts that were beginning to swirl around the back of my head. “You owed Declan? What about me?”

“You? What do I owe you?” he scoffed and I felt like I’d been lanced through the chest.

“What?”

“I don’t owe you anything. We had some fun, sure, but we both knew it wasn’t going to last. May as well end it before it just drags itself out.”

I felt tears prick at my eyes and a lump formed in my throat. I pushed past it. “You…? Cole, where is this coming from? I love you. I thought you loved me, too?”

“Oh, didn’t you know? I am incapable of loving, Hannibal.” The way he said my nickname no longer held any affection. “A fact I was reminded of quite recently.”

I forced the tears back. “Who reminded you? What is going on?”

“Bye, Hannibal.” He turned to leave but I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“No, you are not leaving until you give me some kind of explanation, you righteous jackarse! You do owe me that at least!”

Cole sighed, lifting up his jacket and top. He still wore a bandage around his middle.

“My father did this, Aurora,” he said, his voice flat and empty. “My own father. Mum left him when Matt was born so he wouldn’t go through the pain we’d gone through for six years. We were safe for a while, but he found us and he killed her. My father killed my mother. But, there wasn’t enough evidence, and the word of an angry eleven-year-old didn’t count for much. He was acquitted and somehow managed to win custody of us from Grandma. We spent a hellish time with him until Grandma won us back. Like we’re some kind of prize!

“Where did you think most of these scars came from? You think most of the guys I fight like to put their cigarettes out on my skin? Or, maybe that I liked it kinky in the bedroom? My father gave me these. And, I let him so Matty wouldn’t suffer. He used to think it was funny that I’d do anything to protect Matt.

“But, he did so much worse than mark my skin, Aurora. He tormented me, proved to me time and again I was just like him; nothing but a degenerate wanker, incapable of anything but bringing pain to those who loved them.” He tapped his head. “He’s always in here, you know, telling me I’m useless, I’ll never be anything, I’ll just wake up in twenty years and realise I’m the spitting image of him. After a while, I gave up trying to prove him wrong; it was just easier to be the man he knew I was. It’s all I’ll ever be, so let me go and get on with your own life.”

He stared at me, not jerking his arm out of my grasp, but just waiting for me to let him go. But, I couldn’t move. My mind both focussed on and pushed away the images his words had generated. So many things fell into place now and I could see why Phyllis hadn’t told me; she probably couldn’t talk about it any more easily than he could.

“Cole, I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I only get what I have coming to me.”

I couldn’t remember him ever sounding so defeated, so expressionless, so conditioned. He reminded me of a movie I’d watched one time where the cast all got brainwashed and had wandered around numb, like robots.

“You are not your father, Cole,” I said quietly, starting to feel like one of those numb robots myself, anything to not acknowledge the barrage of emotions running through me.

His look was pure scorn. “You don’t know my father.”

“No, but I know you. You’re stupid smart, Cole. If you just applied yourself, you’d be able to do whatever you wanted. And, I know you love. Look at Matt; you love him so much you took years of abuse.”

“That’s different.”

“No, you can’t deny the love you have for your brother. So, you don’t love me! One day, maybe, I’ll get over it, but I will always love you.” My voice broke slightly and my heart ached. I looked down for a moment, trying to compose myself. Whether I chose to believe he didn’t love me or not didn’t really seem to matter right now, I hurt for him and Matt and everything they’d been through, and the fact that there was nothing I could do for them.

When I finally looked up, it looked like I’d actually broken through his stupid, expressionless robot-face. His eyes burned with something like a mixture of regret and fear and deep sadness.

“I…” He cleared his throat. “I need to get back.”

“Not before you tell me yourself.”

“You are very demanding today.” His face had shut down again, and all that was left was anger and annoyance.

“I don’t like to be left hanging. You want to break up with me, Cole Fielding; you have to make me believe it.” I set my jaw, willing the tears to keep until I got home at least; it was all very well acting tough until you started blubbering like a baby.

He smirked. “How am I supposed to do that? I’ve already told you I can’t love you.”

“And, you were so convincing, too,” I said, my voice dripping in sarcasm.

“What else do you need to convince you? It’s over, Hannibal. You have nothing I want or need, and I have nothing to offer you. Go and see if Jaime will take you back.” He sneered. “If he still wants you after he’s had enough of Kelly Preston.”

My palm smacked against his cheek before I realised I’d swung. We both looked at each other in shock, and then he began smirking.

“It’s too bad that’s not like you. We could have made a great couple.”

“Right back at you.”

He sighed as though I bored him. “Let me go.”

I didn’t know why he didn’t just pull away, it’s not like I held him particularly tightly and my hand was numb from the cold anyway. Maybe he didn’t actually want this? Maybe all I had to do was fight for him? Maybe if I could prove to him that he was worth it to me?

“No,” I replied before I pulled him closer and kissed him.

I’d always thought that supposedly great, upside-down kiss in Spiderman was awkward with all the rain, and now I knew kissing in the rain was awkward. Especially when it got more passionate and you forgot about avoiding the rain when you breathed. Having said that, it was in hindsight that I thought all this. At the time, my brain worked a little less coherently.

He responded almost instantaneously, his kiss hard and saying more than words ever could. How he thought that was supposed to make me believe him, I didn’t know.

He wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close. I didn’t even notice how wet his coat was considering I was already as wet as I was ever going to be. My hands wound through his hair, the butterflies unleashed. I lost myself in his kiss and his touch as he ran his hand down my body. It wasn’t until his hand kept sliding towards the waist of my shorts that I realised what game he was playing.

The butterflies sank like stones.

I pulled back, letting him see my disappointment. I was rewarded with the most arrogant smirk I had ever seen on his beautiful face. I shook my head and let him go.

“What?” he asked. “I just thought I’d have a go before Jaime got his hands on you.”

My heart clenched in a way that had nothing to do with butterflies even though I desperately wanted to believe that all this was an act, that he was just pushing me away because he thought it would cause me less harm in the long run. But, if it’s what he wanted, who was I to try to force him to do otherwise.

“Congratulations,” I said, my eyes hot. “You’ve convinced me.”

I turned on my heel, not waiting to see the look in his face or giving him a chance to reply. As I walked, I turned my face to the rain, letting the sky cry for me. I was wet, I was cold, and I was walking away from the first boy I’d ever loved. If I ever needed Beat and blue vines, now was the time.