Chapter 14: Cutting Off the Head of the Snake

 

 

MAMA, AS she was wont to do, was sitting regally in a high-backed chair (pulled from somewhere) in the middle of Gary and Tiggy’s barn while Gary tittered around her, sparkles dripping from his horn, the air glimmering around them both. Letnia was propped up against a wall, arms across her chest, eyes narrowed as she scowled at the ground. There was a cigar in her mouth, the smoke curling up around her head. Moishe stood off to the side, skin pale, eyes cool as he tracked my movements when we entered the barn.

The King and Justin were there as well, and Tiggy, who was sitting on the ground with a few brooms clutched to his chest. He waved at me as I entered.

“Precious,” Mama said. “How lovely it is to see you again, even if the circumstances are less than ideal. I was not made aware of your return to this brave new world.” And I could hear the harshness in her words, the underlying anger. She looked… less put together than she normally did. Her makeup was smeared and she had bags under her eyes, as if she hadn’t known a good night’s sleep in a long while.

“It’s a recent thing,” I said lightly. “Welcome to Camp HaveHeart.”

Her lips twitched. “You enjoy that far too much.”

I shrugged. “You would too.”

“I suppose. Thank you, Gary. I feel less weary now. Your horn has done wonders. I’m happy you had it returned to you.”

The sparkles stopped falling from Gary’s horn. “Me too, though I’m not used to it yet. I haven’t had my horn in years. It’s like I’ve forgotten what I’m capable of. Copious amounts of death, I’m sure.”

“As a unicorn should be.”

“You might need this,” the King told me, handing me a cloth. It was only then that I realized I was still covered in Gary’s rainbow. I glanced over at Ryan and saw colors smeared across his mouth and cheeks.

“So gross,” I breathed and proceeded to scrub my face as hard as I could. Once I was as clean as I was going to get, I handed it over to Ryan. “You’ve got something on your face.”

He frowned. “I do? What?”

“My horn spooge,” Gary said rather gleefully.

Even though he would deny it later, we all heard the little scream Ryan gave as he shoved his face into the cloth. “Did I get it?”

“Yeah. No. No, there’s some in your teeth? Um. So.”

“This is your fault!”

“Hey! You’re the one that tried to sex me up in front of villains and Kevin. Don’t you try and put that on me.”

“You did what?” Gary screeched. “And you didn’t invite me? Sam, I am offended. How very dare you.”

“Hi, Sam!”

“Hi, Tiggy.”

“Darks?”

“Being guarded by Lady Tina and the Foxy Ladies,” I said begrudgingly.

Tiggy hummed his approval.

“Where’s Kevin?” Gary asked. “I need him to compliment me continuously since I have my horn back. My self-esteem might not survive without it.”

I shook my head. “He was with Randall. Said something about a job he had for Kevin. I don’t know what.”

“Was it a blow job?”

“No, Gary. I don’t think Randall was asking Kevin for a blow job.”

“Oh. Right. Because that would be weird.”

“Because nothing about any of this is weird,” Justin muttered.

“You’re different.”

We all turned slowly toward the owner of the voice.

Moishe was watching me, head cocked, silvery blond hair hanging in wisps around his face.

“Pardon?”

“You,” he said. “You’re not who you once were.”

His penetrating gaze made me uncomfortable. It felt like my skin was crawling. “I don’t know that any of us are. Things have changed.”

“Yes. This is true. But perhaps more for you than others. Tell me, wizard, where have you been?”

Wizard. “Learning,” I said slowly.

Mama glanced interestedly between the two of us.

“Learning,” Moishe repeated. “And what is it you have learned?”

“Many things.”

“In such a short amount of time, it would seem.”

“Do you have a point?”

He smiled. It was chilling. “Just making conversation. We haven’t… seen you, Sam. Since Morgan’s funeral. And now, here you stand. Different. It’s curious. Your magic. It’s… capacious. When did you pass the Trials?”

Fucking elves. They knew far too much for their own good. “Things have changed,” I said again.

“So you’ve said. I worry.”

“About?”

“Moishe,” Mama said, sounding irritated, “I suggest if you have something to say, you say it.”

“Yes, Moishe,” Randall said, entering the barn. “I would certainly be interested to hear what you have to say as well.”

Moishe bowed toward Randall. Regardless of what Moishe thought of humans in general, he always seemed to have a deep respect for the wizard. “Randall. You see it. I know you do.”

Randall sighed. “He has his cornerstone. He has the dragons. He has control.”

Moishe didn’t look very impressed. “No one, not an elf, not a man, not even a dragon, should have that much magic shoved into them as quickly as he has. Even with a… cornerstone.” He said this last with a curl of disdain, glancing at Ryan, who bristled at my side.

“What’s he talking about?” he asked me.

I rolled my eyes. “I haven’t the slightest—”

“Magic is not meant to be forced,” Moishe said. “It is a powerful thing that cannot be trifled with. Sam is vibrating with it. None of you can sense it like I can. It is overwhelming. His aura is like the sun. No man can contain that much magic for long without consequences.”

“I have control,” I said, taking a step toward Moishe.

“Do you?” he asked.

“Saved you, didn’t I?”

“Moishe,” Mama said, “either speak in specifics or stop wasting my time. I’m exhausted, and I would rather have this out now so I may sleep.”

“If Sam loses control, he could destroy us all,” Moishe said bluntly. “Or worse, he could become so consumed by magic that he turns Dark. It’d be like the bird, wouldn’t it, Sam? That dead patch in the forest that will never again know life. You could take so much away from this world in order to shape it into your own.”

Everyone but Randall turned slowly to look at me.

I really fucking hated Moishe.

“I’m not going to go Dark,” I said, trying to smile as reassuringly as I could. “For one, to become a villain, you have to monologue. And we all know how I feel about that. I think I got that from my father—”

Gary gasped. “It’s already started! He’s monologuing. Sam! Sam. Can you hear me? You can’t turn evil yet. I’ve only just gotten back my horn and need to use it for the forces of good!”

Tiggy squinted at me. “Sam a bad guy?”

“Yes!” Gary wailed. “He’s going to become a villain, and then I shall have to become the hero of the story like I was meant to be, and there will be a final climactic showdown atop a mountain, and I will rend Sam in two and he will turn good again right before he dies—”

“Gary monologuing now!”

“You shut your mouth,” Gary snarled at Tiggy. “I can’t be a villain. I am a unicorn. It’s impossible for me to be evil.” He frowned. “Wait. Right? Is that right? I can’t be evil because I’m a unicorn? Honestly, I have no idea. I mean, I don’t know that I’ve ever met an evil unicorn before. Except for Terry, but he’s an accountant, so that’s to be expected.”

“Is that true?” Ryan asked me.

“About accountants? I don’t know. I mean, it sounds right—”

“Sam. What Moishe said.”

“No,” I said, glaring at Moishe. “It’s not.”

“Sort of,” Randall said.

“Traitor!”

“But I don’t think it’s as dire as Moishe is making it out to be,” Randall said. “Sam has always defied expectations. I’m watching him closely, but I do believe with Ryan as his cornerstone, we have little to worry about. At least for now.”

“Tiggy smash if Sam be evil,” Tiggy announced.

“You better not smash me.”

“Tiggy smash,” he insisted.

“Ugh. Fine.”

Tiggy looked pleased.

“Stop looking at me like I’m going to go Dark right this second,” I snapped at Ryan.

He crossed his arms over his chest, looking put out. “How am I supposed to know what’s going to happen? I don’t even know where you were for the last year.”

“He’s mad at me,” I told Mama. “For the whole leaving thing.”

“I don’t blame him in the slightest,” Mama said. “I’m pretty pissed off at you, precious, though Randall did explain your quest. I have half a mind to kick your ass myself. I’m not surprised that your hunk of meat wants to murder you.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Ryan said, blushing slightly.

She smiled at him. “Remember when you used to call me Queen of the Fuck Palace? Those were the good old days.”

Ryan looked down at the ground as he scuffed a foot against the dirt. I was going to fucking ruin his butt later, he was so adorable.

“Great,” I muttered. “This is just swell. Thanks, Moishe. You bitch.”

Moishe continued to stare at me.

“Where’s Kevin?” Gary asked Randall. “I need him here to tell me how not-evil I am and how beautiful I look since no one else is telling me.”

“You look beautiful,” Randall said. “And Kevin has left us for the moment on an errand. He’ll return shortly. We have other matters to attend to.”

“Matters other than me? What could possibly—oh. Right. Saving the world. I guess I’ll allow it.”

“Mama,” Justin said, “what happened? Why are you here?”

“Letnia,” Mama said. “I do believe I’m overcome with emotion. If you please.”

Letnia blew out thick blue smoke, her cigar smoldering between her fingers. Her single eye darted unerringly around the room, taking each of us in one by one. She reached up and adjusted her eye patch before she pushed herself off the wall. “We were betrayed.”

The King sighed.

“One of the whores,” Letnia spat, “hedged his bets and decided to throw in with the Darks. Gave away plans. Told them where we were weakest. Old Clearing fell. I got Mama out, though she fought me on it.”

“I don’t run,” Mama said, tapping her foot dangerously. “My high heels don’t allow for it.”

Letnia snorted. “Actually, you do. Because we did. We had no other choice. Either we ran, or we got captured just like your courtesans.”

“Yes,” Mama said, lip curling. “That. They have taken from me. They took Meridian City. They took the Tilted Cross. But now they have taken my children, and I want revenge.” She glanced at the King before looking back to Justin. “You have rescued your father. Your kin. I am here to ask for your help to rescue mine.”

Justin hesitated. “We don’t have the resources to take back Meridian City. Not when the City of Lockes is so close.”

Mama wasn’t pleased with that answer. “So the people of the City of Lockes matter more than those in Meridian City?”

Oh boy. Justin should probably just stop now before he made it worse.

“Of course not! We have other priorities at the moment.”

And he made it worse.

“Other priorities,” Mama repeated, and I immediately started making plans for finding another heir to the throne, seeing as how this one was so dead. “Other priorities. I see. So what you’re saying is that we’re not royalty. We’re not in the King’s Court. We’re here for your army and your knights to spend their leave fucking and drinking and snorting up their noses whatever they can afford. Therefore, our plight doesn’t matter as much as yours. We’re the excess of Verania. We don’t matter.”

“Mama,” the King said, stepping in before his son could make things even worse, “of course you matter. As do the lives of your children. Justin has filled me in as much as time has allowed on the status of the Resistance. Much of our army has been defeated and enslaved. The Knights of Castle Lockes have mobilized here in Camp HaveHeart, but they too are few in number.”

She stared at him, not backing down. “How could you not have known this was coming? How could you not have known how large of a group they had amassed?”

“I’ve learned that the forces of evil often move in a silent majority,” the King admitted. “They are disillusioned and disenfranchised. They gather behind one who speaks to them, who promises them things that are absolutely unethical and illegal, not to mention impossible. And they listen, because they don’t know any better. These Darks, they’ve… lost their way. And not just because of the paths they took in magic. But because they spread. Like a disease, spreading false news about the Crown or its wizards.”

“So what do you expect to accomplish here?” Mama asked. “You have your knights. You have this camp. You are the Resistance.” She glanced at me before looking back at the King. “You have Sam. And if what I was told about the prophecy is true, that means he has the dragons.”

“We’re working on it,” Justin said. “Before we even knew Sam was coming back, we’d made plans to get my father out and to find Gary’s horn. We have two unicorns now, and Gary has his horn. Randall has returned and Sam is back. We’re better off than we were.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Mama said mildly, but no one seemed to be fooled by her tone. “You have all of these things. Now what?”

Justin looked at me beseechingly. And since he was my best friend 5eva, I knew that it was probably time to step in and help him.

“We have no idea,” I said.

Well, shit.

“Come again?” Mama asked, voice low.

Justin’s face was in his hands.

“Um,” I said. “Yes. I’m gonna need a do-over. Okay. So, you were being all intimidating and awesome and beautiful and saying things like ‘That shan’t be what’s happening, and you are welcome for being in my presence, now what are you going to do?’ And to that I say, we’re still working on it.” I frowned. “Dammit. Why do I always have to tell the truth when I’m trying to lie with reassuring platitudes?”

Gary snorted. It came out the brightest pink I’d ever seen. It was pretty.

“Sam so special,” Tiggy said.

Mama stared at me. “If what Moishe has said about you is true and if you truly do have as much magic as he seems to think, what’s stopping you from marching into the City of Lockes and taking it back yourself? Surely if you’re the one the gods have chosen, then now would be the time to actually do what you were chosen for. Hell, if you’re so godsdamn powerful, why can’t you just wish him away. Or dead. Preferably dead.”

I winced. “It doesn’t quite… work. Like that?”

“Precious, I am growing tired of your vagaries. I suggest you speak in specifics before I lose my temper. We both know what happens when I lose my temper.”

“Mama smash?” Tiggy asked.

“Yes, lovely,” she said. “Mama smash.”

I sighed. “I’m… volatile.”

She blinked. “So there was truth to what Moishe said.”

“No. I’m absolutely not going to turn Dark. Have you seen me? I’d be the worst villain. Like, ever.”

“But….”

I glanced at Ryan, who was staring at me with eyes narrowed. “Buuuut. There… might? Have been some truth. To the whole. Um. Magic thing. It’s… a lot. In me. Right now. In a short amount of time.”

“What Sam is trying and failing miserably to say,” Randall interjected, “is that a wizard takes decades to construct his magic. To build it up, to familiarize himself with it, to trust it and himself. Then, and only then, does he take the Trials. And even then, sometimes a wizard will fail and must go back to figure out where he went wrong so that he may try again.”

“But not Sam,” Mama said.

“Not Sam,” Randall agreed. “Sam is different. He always has been, much to my dismay.” That certainly didn’t make me feel any better. “But isn’t that what we’ve always said about him? Ever since he came to the castle, he’s always been different.”

Justin opened his mouth, but before he could speak, I said, “I assume you’re going to say something really nice about me right now, so thank you in advance.”

He closed his mouth immediately.

“Morgan knew it,” Randall continued. “Better than anyone, I think. He—there was something about the two of them together. Morgan, he—well. It gave him purpose. Morgan was… alone for a very long time. Not without purpose, no, because he had his role as the King’s Wizard. But I—I failed him. I became convinced that becoming solitary was the only way to deal with my grief. I should have gone about it a different way. But I didn’t, and things changed.” He smiled sadly. “And then Vadoma came to him, and it gave him a reason. It drove him, and though it pained Morgan greatly to know Sam was in the slums, he still took his role seriously. The day he…. The day in the alley when Sam first exhibited his propensity for magic was, I think, the greatest day of his life.”

I looked away, swallowing thickly. Ryan curled his hand around my elbow, a solid presence offering me comfort.

“But in the end, Morgan fell,” Letnia said. “Even he couldn’t stand up to Myrin. And we’re supposed to trust Sam to do what he could not?”

I snapped my head up, snarling in her direction. “If I could be half the wizard Morgan was, then I would consider myself lucky. He sacrificed himself for me. He believed in me, and I’m not going to let him down. I’m going to defeat Myrin. I don’t care what it takes.”

“Even if it means the death of your cornerstone?” Letnia shot back.

I went for her, but Ryan held me back. Lucky for her.

“That’s right,” Letnia snapped. “We know all about the prophecy now. Everything you kept hidden from us that day in Mama’s office in Meridian City. You kept secrets from us, secrets that could have helped us. What you’re capable of. The bird in the forest. And then you ran after Morgan died for you—”

“Letnia,” Mama barked, “shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“No,” Letnia said. “He needs to hear this. If he’s the chosen one, he needs to know what his actions have brought upon us.” She pushed herself off the wall, dropping her cigar and crushing it under the heel of her boot. Gary looked murderous, but I shook my head at him, knowing that she shouldn’t be the first person he stabbed with his horn now that he had it back. He needed to save that honor for someone truly despicable. “You left, Sam of Wilds. Morgan died for you, and even though you had the power to bring him back, you didn’t. All of those who have died because of Myrin could have been brought back, but instead you disappeared and we suffered. We might not have been as close to Morgan as you, but we still felt his loss. He didn’t belong to you. He belonged to Verania. To everyone. We all grieved. Especially after what came later. But we stayed, and we fought to save our homes. Without any wizards on our side. Because the two wizards that could have helped us were gone.” She spat on the ground at my feet. “Think of those that are suffering now and know that it rests upon you.”

It’d be easy, wouldn’t it?

To get her to shut up.

To silence her. I could do it. I really could.

Something simple, like taking her voice away.

Or fusing her lips together.

Or—

Or nothing.

Because that wasn’t who I was.

Maybe she was right. Maybe she wasn’t.

But she could never be as hard on me as I was on myself.

And she didn’t deserve my wrath.

So instead I focused on Gary. And Tiggy. My parents were safe. The King and Justin were together. Randall was here. And Ryan. Always Ryan. At my side. Anchoring me to him, never letting me float too far away. He was here. He was real. The world around me was colored in startling clarity, unlike the haze of the lost year in the forest.

This was something the Great White could never understand.

These were the people I fought for.

These were the people I’d lay down my life for.

To forsake them would mean going Dark.

And that’s not who I was.

So instead of making her head swell like a balloon, I took a breath. I took a step back until I was shoulder to shoulder with Ryan. He squeezed my elbow gently in recognition. I gave him a weak smile and looked back at Letnia.

Who was grinning at me quite scarily. “Good,” she said.

I blinked at her. “Excuse me?”

“I needed to see how in control you actually were.”

“You were testing me?”

She shrugged. “I still spoke what’s in my heart.”

“Well played,” I said, suitably impressed. “Like, that was some Mama levels of diabolicalness.”

Mama was frowning at Letnia. “Yes. Yes, it was. Thank you, Letnia, for allowing us to see how Sam would react. Also, if you try something like that again without consulting me beforehand, I will gut you. Are we clear?”

Letnia winked at Mama. Which, if you’ve never seen someone wearing an eye patch wink, I highly recommend it.

Mama turned back to me, and I wondered when she had started holding court with the actual King in her audience. The King didn’t seem too put off, so I chose to let it go. “You are a weapon.”

I frowned at that. “I’m not. I’m a person.”

“But the gods have given you the power to end all this foolishness.”

“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it—”

“Then what are you but a weapon?”

“I don’t know if I like you right now.”

“You misunderstand me, precious. I’m not denigrating you. I’m merely pointing out the obvious.” She sighed. “And I think that’s a problem many of us have. The stories told about you since you disappeared have become something akin to legend. And now that you’ve returned, there are great expectations upon you.”

“I didn’t ask for this.”

“Didn’t you? You told me once that when you were young, you would wish upon the stars to do something that mattered, to be someone who mattered.”

“Okay. True. But I think this is overdoing it a little.”

She shrugged. “Maybe. But here we are. I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Everything you’ve gone through. Seeing you as a savior. I can’t imagine the weight upon your shoulders. I can admit that in my darkest moments, I thought of you as a means to an end. When my children were being taken from me, I wondered what I could do to get you to help me. I wanted to use you. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that part of me still does.”

“And that’s something we have in common,” Randall said. “I’ve made… mistakes. I thought that… well. Bluntly, there was a time I thought of using Sam. Or rather what he’s capable of. His magic is beyond me, something I can plainly admit. I had hope, for however brief a time, that Sam could bring Myrin back. The bird in the forest fueled that hope. Because what’s death if not a cleansing?” He looked at me. “But that’s not the way of things, is it, Sam?”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing.

Randall sighed. “Part of the forest died that day when he brought the bird back to life. The smallest of creatures, and the ground and trees were black. I’ve seen it. And it helped me to realize that sometimes, it’s the magic we don’t use that makes us powerful.”

I remembered standing above Morgan’s body, life teeming around me as the people of Verania mourned, remembering that I could just take from them if I really wanted to. That I could burn the life from their bones and shove it back inside Morgan.

“So where does that leave us, then?” Letnia asked.

“When I was a child,” Mama said, “my mother used to tell me a story.”

“You had parents?” Gary asked. “Wow. I thought that the world was lacking in fierceness, and then all of a sudden, you existed in an explosion of fire and incredible corsets.”

“You flatter me.”

“Yes. I do. Now it’s your turn.”

“I look forward to seeing how many people you invite to Gore City now that you have your horn.”

Gary grinned at her.

“Do me!” Tiggy said, shoving his brooms off his lap and standing. “Do me now.”

“You are the best half-giant I have ever known,” Mama told him, and even if she’d met no other or a hundred, I knew she meant it. She loved them as much as she seemed to love me.

Tiggy smiled shyly before he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

She looked back at me, and I did my best not to squirm. “Do you know Naag?”

I shook my head.

“Naag was a snake who could take human form. It’s said that she shifted between the two, a woman and a serpent, in order to preserve the poison she carried within her. She fed upon men, paralyzing them with her bite and then taking their blood and seed from them while they still lay awake.”

“She sounds amazing,” Gary said.

“She was a monstrous murderer,” Mama told him.

“Oh. Right. I meant, she sounds terrible.” He looked at Tiggy and shook his head, mouthing amazing as if none of us could see him.

“One day, Naag became pregnant,” Mama said. “And a thousand snakes began to grow inside her, all potentially capable of becoming just like their mother. Had the children been born, they would have poisoned and then consumed the world, slowly but surely. So it was decided that she had to be stopped. And in the end, her head was severed from her body and she died, as did her unborn children. But even though her heart had stopped, her head was still capable of biting, so it was burned.”

Mama sat back, looking pleased with herself.

I stared at her. “These were the stories you were told as a child?”

“Explains a lot, doesn’t it?”

“It really does. I don’t know whether to be horrified for you or awestruck. I think it’s a little of both. I mean, like, snake babies died and everything.”

“They did.”

“Can I be honest?”

“Aren’t you always?”

“Eh, I’m sure a couple of people here would disagree with that.”

Ryan coughed like an asshole.

“Okay, but, so. I don’t understand what that has to do with what we’re talking about.”

Mama sighed.

“It’s obvious, Sam,” Gary said. “You need to find Naag’s head and then use it to poison Myrin. Or something.”

“But is Naag even real?” Justin asked. “I mean, I always thought that was an allegory. Like, it was supposed to teach children a lesson.”

“I suppose there are truths to those stories,” Ryan said, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully. “I mean, they have to come from somewhere, right?”

“Right,” I said. “So, we find a giant snake head and then… what. Bite Myrin with it?”

“My gods,” Mama said. “You are idiots.”

“It’s the youth of today,” the King assured her. “Always looking down at their parchments.”

“This isn’t news to us,” Randall said.

“Rude,” I said. “Also, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Not real snake head,” Tiggy said. “Symbolic.”

“Of what?” I asked, confused.

“Cut the head off. Body dies. Babies die.”

“Thanks, dude. I got that part. That still doesn’t explain where I’m going to find a gigantic head or—”

“Myrin is head,” Tiggy explained slowly.

Which explained nothing. “So we cut off his head and we use it to poison—ohhh. Wait. Guys! I have an idea! You know how Myrin’s in charge of the Darks, right? What if we defeated him? Then wouldn’t all the Darks just… die? Or stop, at the very least, because they wouldn’t have someone to stand behind. Like, think about it. It’s like that story Mama told us all that one time. You cut off the head and the body dies.”

“Wow,” Gary said. “That’s actually a really good idea for once. How the hell did you come up with that?”

“You know how it is, dude. You go into the woods with five dragons and get bad-touched for a year, and then you come back a wizard. I’ve got so many good ideas. Like, remember the firework corn? Okay, just stick with me here. What if we had firework zucchini. It would be the same thing as the corn, except it’s zucchini.”

I waited for rapturous applause.

There was none.

“Um, you guys can clap now. That’s why I paused.”

“His ideas are awful,” the King said, smiling fondly at me.

“Yes, Sam,” Mama said dryly. “It’s exactly like that story I told you one time. If our resources are spread as thin as you all say, then we don’t stand a chance of beating the Darks. The Resistance will be destroyed even before it steps foot outside Camp HaveHeart. But if we take on Myrin, if we defeat him, then the Darks won’t have anyone to lead them. And they’ll scatter like cockroaches in the light. Hopefully.”

“I know, right? I’m so glad I thought of it. Okay! So the plan is to defeat Myrin—wait. Wasn’t that the plan this whole time?”

“You should have taken him with you,” Randall said, staring up at the ceiling. I wondered who he was talking to.

“That’s where you come in,” Mama said, lips twitching. “You’re the one with the—”

“No, don’t you dare say it. Not you too!”

“—Destiny of Dragons, after all.”

“Ugh.”

“And you’ll have our support,” Letnia said. “Because what else do we have to lose?”

Well, our lives, for one, but no one liked a Negative Ned, so I kept that to myself. “There’s the optimism I’m looking for. Hurray. We’re saved.”

“We should have some assistance shortly,” Randall said. “But before our guests arrive, I will again suggest to Sam what I’ve already told him. You already have in your possession the key to everything.”

Everyone looked at me again, surprise on their faces.

I rolled my eyes. “He’s not talking about me, per se. He means the stupid Grimoires.”

Justin’s eyes widened. “You have Myrin’s Grimoire?”

“And Morgan’s,” Randall said. “And soon he’ll have mine.”

That… was unexpected. “You’re going to give me your Grimoire? But—”

“It would have been yours when I crossed the veil,” Randall said. “Might as well give it to you now. I don’t think it’ll hurt. Much.”

I was stunned. Randall’s Grimoire was legendary. A record of centuries of magic. The last time I’d asked to see it, he’d magicked me out a window and into a briar patch. It wasn’t my favorite memory of him. “Dude,” I said breathlessly. “Just… dude.”

“Did you break him?” Ryan asked, jostling me a little.

“Give him a few moments,” Randall said. “He’s processing.”

“Morgan told me once that wizards’ Grimoires were their legacy,” the King said to Randall. “That it was their magical past, present, and future.”

“Yes,” Randall said.

“Then is it wise to give all this power to one person?”

“Maybe not. But then there has never been a wizard quite like Sam before. And we have no other choice. Time is running out, Anthony. Myrin won’t allow Camp HaveHeart to exist much longer. We’ve defied him for too long. And now that Sam has returned and we’re all in one place, he’ll—Sam is his antithesis. His counterpoint. He doesn’t see it in terms of good and evil. The gods will have given him the same tools they’ve given Sam. We forget, I think, that Myrin also has a destiny. It remains to be seen whose will come to fruition.”

“Why does this sound a little too close to a suicide mission?” Mama asked, and for the first time since I’d known her, she actually sounded scared.

I grinned rakishly at her. “Dude. No worries. I’m Sam of Dragons. What’s the worst that could happen?”

 

 

RYAN DIDN’T speak as he pulled me from the barn, his jaw tense, his grip firm. I stumbled a little but caught myself before I fell to the ground. “Hey, man, where’s the fire? Slow down. I shouldn’t have said that. I mean, yeah, I know what the worst thing that could possibly happen is, what with being consumed and all and Verania being completely taken over by a madman, but still—okay, yeah, shutting up. Gods, that glare was impressive. Have I ever told you congratulations on your face? Because congratulations on your face.”

We were up the porch stairs and inside of his and Justin’s house, the door slamming shut behind us, before I could open my mouth again. Ryan dropped my hand and leaned against the door, eyes closed, head rocking back and hitting the wood in a steady beat.

I waited, because shit had gotten real and Ryan was pissed.

The minutes ticked by.

Then, “You just don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

He opened his eyes, and he looked absolutely exhausted. “This. Everything. It’s all a joke to you. A game.”

I bristled at that. “I don’t think this is a game—”

He growled as he pushed himself off the door, beginning to pace. “I thought the whole cavalier thing you do was just part of your charm. That it was a facet of who you are. A mask of sorts. To protect you from getting hurt. The gods only know that I do the same. I think all of us do. It’s part of being alive. We have to protect ourselves from the things that scare us the most.”

“I don’t understand.”

His eyes were blazing when he looked at me, and I couldn’t help but take a step back. “Sam, you could die.”

“Hey, that’s a given. I mean, we’re all going to die sometime, right? Like you said, it’s part of being alive.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Why do you do this? Why do you deflect? Don’t you see how serious this is? What this all means?”

“Trust me, I know exactly what this all means,” I snapped at him. “I’ve had to live with this—this thing over my head for a long time now. Do you know how that made me feel? What that did to me?”

He stopped pacing and just stared.

“It made me feel like nothing I did mattered. Because everything was already decided for me. Fuck, for all I know, you had no choice in the matter. Think about it, Ryan. A wizard needs a cornerstone, right? And I’m supposed to be the wizard to end all wizards. What does that say about you? Your life? What if you didn’t have a choice in any of this either?”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I refuse to believe that. I made my choice, Sam. I chose you that day. In front of everyone. And I did it because of how I feel about you. Stone crumbles, Sam. You said it yourself. That our paths are set, but stone crumbles.”

“How do you know?”

He scowled at me. “Do you really think that the gods made your parents want you more than anything in the world? That they would force Kevin and Tiggy and Gary to lay down their lives for you should they be called to do so? The gods didn’t make Morgan want to help you become the best you could be. They didn’t make Justin your best friend 5eva. They didn’t make the King trust in you to make you his wizard.” His breath hitched in his chest. “And they sure as fuck didn’t make me love you. I did that on my own. That was me. I did that. And I would do it again, Sam. And again. And again. But you’re wearing your godsdamn mask. I don’t know what you’re really thinking. What your plan is. What you’re going to do. All I know is that it seems like you have a death wish.”

I laughed bitterly. “I don’t want to die.”

“Don’t you? Because you’re acting careless about everything. The Darks outside the castle. Myrin in Mashallaha. Fuck, Justin and Kevin even before we knew he was Kevin.”

“Yeah. Great. Bring up old shit. That’ll help.”

“It’s who you are!” he suddenly shouted at me. “Why can’t you see that?”

“Fine,” I said stiffly. “That’s who I am. I guess there’s nothing else about me. Thank you for pointing that out. I’ll remember that when—”

“Knock it off, Sam. You’ve never been good at playing the martyr before. You don’t need to start… now.” He shook his head, huffing out a breath. “That’s what this is, isn’t it? This… bravado. You think you’re not going to come out of this alive. That there’s no other way out.”

“Well, when you put it that way—”

He stood in front of me then, gripping me by the shoulders, gaze darting over my face. “Tell me,” he demanded. “Tell me that’s not true. Tell me that you’re not planning on sacrificing yourself.”

“Wouldn’t you do the same?”

He blinked. “I don’t—”

“You swore an oath to the King. To follow him. To protect him. If you were called upon to do so, you would lay down your life for him. Wouldn’t you?”

He didn’t like that very much if the look on his face said anything. “It’s not the same.”

“Isn’t it? You just said Gary and Tiggy and Kevin would lay down their lives for me if called upon to do so. And maybe you’re right. Because they’re my friends, and I would do the same for them. You would give your life for the King and Justin, because you’re a knight. And that is your job. It is your oath, Ryan. You pledged yourself to them. And I….” I shook my head. “You have your oath. And I have mine. It’s just a little more… cosmic.”

“You can’t die,” Ryan said hoarsely. “I won’t allow it.”

“I don’t want to. But we have to know there’s… I don’t know. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, Ryan. I want to, but I can’t. Because funnily enough, the gods are dicks like that.”

“You unimaginable son of a bitch.”

“Hey!”

“You still don’t get it, do you?” he snarled in my face, shaking my shoulders. “You fucking asshole.”

“You know, I think I’ve been good about not correcting you on your language so far, but dude, there’s a line. Think of the children—”

“I’m your cornerstone.”

I squinted at him. “Yeah.”

“Did you ever stop to think that you were mine too?”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my eyes felt wide and shocky. “But… you’re not a wizard.”

“No shit, Sam. But a cornerstone isn’t about magic. It isn’t about which one of us is a wizard and can do impossible things. It’s about you and me and everything that we are. You are my home, Sam. That is what a cornerstone is. I’m safe with you. I’m whole because of you. I’m in love with you, and I’m in awe of you. You left, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to be.”

“You did just fine without me,” I whispered, eyes burning.

“Because I had to. I had my duty. My oath. I did the best I could with what I had. And we survived. Somehow. But every night I looked upon those stars and I wished for you. I always have, Sam. And I always will.”

“Ryan—”

“No, you listen to me now. You talk and talk and talk, and now it’s my turn. So you keep your mouth shut until I tell you. Understand?”

I nodded slowly.

“You’re stupid.”

I scowled at him.

“No, you are. You’re reckless and ridiculous, and sometimes I want to chain you up and lock you in a room and never let you out again.”

“That’s creepy, if I’m being honest. And a little erotic—”

“No. Talking.”

Right. He was on a tirade that was really, really doing things for me.

“But as much as I know that all I want to do is to keep you safe, there are thousands of people counting on you, even if most of them don’t deserve you. They betrayed you, they dismissed you, they hated you, and yet you still came back. For them. For us. For me. Because you knew it was the right thing to do. I can’t say I’ll ever understand why you left when you did, but I know you had your reasons. And I waited. Okay? I waited, and I wished, and now you’re here. But you’re still wearing that godsdamn mask, and I can’t stand it. This is me, Sam. Your cornerstone. Don’t do this. Not with me.”

I laid my forehead against his. His breath was warm on my face. “I’m… scared.”

He sighed, shoulders slumping. “I know.”

“And I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I know that too.”

“And I really think you need to brush your teeth.”

He laughed quietly. “Gods. Did I say that I wished for you? I take that back. Get out.”

“Sorry, dude. You’re kind of stuck with me now. Like, for good.”

“I like the way that sounds. It’s—wait. What? Sam, you’re going to live a hell of a lot longer than I am if we get out of this. It’s going to—”

“Yeah. Um. About that.”

He pulled away. “What did you—”

“Okay, look,” I blurted out. “Maybe we should have talked about this, but hell, I kind of figured what with you being my cornerstone, it was already a rest-of-our-lives kind of thing. I mean, I love you and you love me, right? And I—” I sighed. “In the desert. On the way to Mashallaha, I made a wish upon the stars. I wanted to be mortal. Like you. And my parents. And Justin and the King. I wanted to grow old with you until we both have hair sticking out of our ears and we’re scowling at all the young people who are ruining society with their grossly liberal ideas on being able to marry their half sisters or goats or something.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

I frowned. “I don’t know. I got distracted by you being old and still somehow being hotter than the sun, and that led to goats, and—”

“Sam. Focus.”

“Right. Where was I? Oh yeah. I didn’t want… this. I didn’t want Randall’s life, or even Morgan’s. I can’t… I just can’t, okay? So I asked the gods that when all was said and done to make me mortal.”

“And they agreed?”

I shook my head, and the cautiously hopeful expression on his face fell. “No. Because gods are assholes, and I’m pretty sure that they dislike me as much as I dislike them.”

“I don’t understand,” he said helplessly, trying to pull away.

I didn’t let him. I kissed his forehead, his cheeks, the tip of his nose. “I did it myself.”

“What?” he whispered.

“Turns out there was something to the whole most powerful wizard in an age aside from feeding my ego. I…. Ever since Vadoma came to Castle Lockes, I’ve been on this path, this set path where it felt like I didn’t have a choice. That everything was spinning out of control. I went into the woods after—after you were hurt, because I didn’t see there could be any other way. I had to do what was asked of me, because it was bigger than just you or I. What we have. I love you, Ryan. More than anything. But like you said, I have an oath. To the Crown. To the country. To the people here. Even to Lady Fucking Tina, and I can’t believe I said that out loud. I think I’ve been hexed and—”

“Sam.”

I smiled tremulously at him. “I took control of my own destiny. Set my own path. Made my magic my bitch. The Great White shoved everything he had into me—and gods, that sounds terrible—and I took it. Because I had to. He taught me more in a year than any wizard should learn in a lifetime. And because of him, because of the fucking Destiny of Dragons, I learned things no wizard has ever learned before.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Like how to be mortal. It was… a light. All I had to do was snuff it out. And I did.”

He kissed me then. With all that he had. His cheeks were wet, and I was laughing, laughing, laughing against his mouth, his fingers digging into the sides of my head. He was frantic in his movements, muttering, “You’re so stupid, you’re so stupid, Sam, I love you, gods, I love you,” and it was the greatest feeling in the world. Being kissed by him. Being held by him. Being loved by him.

“Are you sure?” he asked, even though he didn’t stop kissing me.

“Yeah, dude,” I said, the words muffled against his mouth. “More sure than I’ve been about anything.”

“I can’t believe….” He shook his head as he pulled back. “You did that for me?”

“Yeah. And for me too. Because I want to live my life the way I want. Not the way the gods want. Or Randall, or even Morgan.”

“Randall’s gonna be pissed.”

“Eh. He took it pretty well.”

“You told him?”

“Yep. He was more… shocked than angry. Granted, he could still be pissed at me later. You know how he is. Gets revenge when you least expect it.”

“You are so fucking stupid.”

I grinned at him. “You still pissed off at me?”

He frowned. “Why? I thought that’s what this whole thing was about, so we wouldn’t be angry with each other.”

“Yeah. Okay. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. But if you were still angry with me, we could totally have angry-we’re-fighting sex where you manhandle me and maybe I fuck you up against the wall. Or you could fuck me, and I could be this awesome bossy bottom who still tells you what to do, because that’s how we roll.”

He gaped at me.

I waggled my eyebrows at him.

And then I was up and over his shoulder, arms hanging down his back as he carted me toward his room. I laughed at him and spanked his ass, because it was there and deserved to be spanked. He growled at me and I smacked him again, my palm burning. It sent a zing through me, the feel of it, and I knew that’d be something we’d have to explore later, especially when he gasped the second time, clutching me tighter against him.

He wasn’t gentle when he threw me down on the bed, but I wasn’t expecting him to be. Everything was too ramped up after finally coming to a head, and I didn’t care who fucked who, just as long as one of us was eventually inside the other.

I got an idea of how things were going to go almost immediately. He towered above me, knees pressed against the edge of the bed. I smiled lazily at him, watching and waiting. He slid his tunic up and over his head, and there were miles of skin for me to gaze upon for the first time since I’d returned. He was thinner, yes, the muscles in his chest and stomach lean and pulled tight. There were scars across his chest too, ones that hadn’t been there when I left. I’d only glimpsed them briefly the day he’d returned to Camp HaveHeart. There were stories on his skin that I hadn’t been there for, and later, when all was done and we were happy, I’d demand an explanation for each and every single one of them. Of course, the one that needed no explanation was the scar I zeroed in on. The one right below his rib cage.

So I ignored him for the moment, the way he stood in front of me, posing and flexing (because no matter what happened, Ryan Foxheart would always be a bit of a douchebag), and pushed myself up. I crawled to the edge of the bed and sat back on my heels. I reached out and traced the scar with a finger. It was thick and ragged but white, the color of something long since healed. It wasn’t very large, and I was struck by the fact that something so insignificant could have led to something so devastating.

I could feel him staring at me, but I still leaned forward and pressed my lips against the scar where a man named Ruv had thrust Ryan’s own sword into his chest, pinning him against a wall. The muscles in his stomach jumped, and he brought one of his big hands to the back of my head, not pushing me closer or pulling me away, but just… holding.

I kissed the scar again and again and again.

He allowed it, but a moment later, the hand on the back of my head moved until he cupped my jaw, forcing me to look up at him. His bottom lip was sucked in between his teeth, and his pupils were blown out. Through his trousers, I could feel his dick in a hard line against my chest.

We watched each other for a beat or two before he leaned down, kissing me fiercely, still gripping my jaw, his beard scraping wonderfully against my face. It was still such a novelty, and I was delighted by it and him. He licked into my mouth, hot and wet, and I was already scrabbling for the ties on his trousers, trying to get as much skin exposed as possible. I was about to break the knots when they came loose, and I shoved my hand inside, grabbed his cock, and squeezed. He groaned against my mouth. I shoved his face away as I pulled his trousers down to his knees, his cock hard, the head flushed. Before he could say a word, I leaned forward and swallowed him down.

He gasped as he stood ramrod straight, hips twitching like he wanted to fuck my face. Spit was already leaking down my chin as I got him as wet as possible. I gagged when I tried to take him farther, out of practice after having been gone for so long. I pulled off and took a breath.

“Sam—”

“Shut up. I’m going to gag on your dick all I want.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, fingers tightening in my hair. “I have no argument against this.”

“Good.” I licked a line up his fat cock, tracing the vein underneath. I reached up and tugged on his balls, his pubic hair wiry to the touch. I sucked his cockhead back into my mouth, tongue pressing into his piss slit. His grip on my hair was harder now, almost to the point of pain, but I reveled in it, because it was sharp and bright and crystal clear. It wasn’t like one of the hazy dreams I’d had in the forest, my body trembling with magic, lightning crawling along my skin as dragons whispered in my ear. It was real, and almost shockingly so.

He said my name from somewhere above me, and I reached my free hand up his stomach and into his chest hair until I found a nipple. I twisted it gently as I bobbed my head on his dick, pushing myself farther and faster.

His hips started to move then, either by his own volition or an involuntary action. It took a few thrusts, but then my nose was pressed against his pubes, my eyes watering. He smelled of clean sweat and something so distinctly Ryan that an onslaught of memories washed over me, from the very first time we’d been together in Castle Lockes to the last time in Meridian City before everything went to hell. I was a little delirious at the thoughts of him, having spent so long pushing him from my mind.

He was muttering under his breath, saying, “That’s good, Sam, oh, that’s so good, look at you, look how well you’re taking it, you’re doing so good,” and I groaned at the praise, what felt like lightning arcing down my spine. Used to be we didn’t play this way. It was always Ryan doing the good job, Ryan doing so well, because that’s how we were. I didn’t need it, not before, and he did.

But now, hearing him whisper filthy things above me as he pulled his dick out of my mouth and smacked it wetly against my lips, telling me he was going to eat me out before he fucked me, because he needed to taste me on his tongue, I couldn’t help but feel grateful that he was taking charge. It was like he knew I was tired of keeping my shoulders squared and my head high. I was tired of being strong and doing what was right. I didn’t want that now. I wanted to be told what to do by someone who loved me, who only cared about making me feel good.

The sound I made when he said, “Open back up for me, okay?” was one I would probably be embarrassed about later, but I couldn’t find reason to care right then. I opened my mouth, and his cock was hot and heavy on my tongue. My face was a mess of saliva, and there was the bitter tang of precome on my lips, but I took as much as he gave me.

He stood above me, almost fully nude, strong and scarred and alive, and I was clothed before him, taking what he gave me. There was nowhere else I wanted to be. Everything else could wait. Verania could wait. I’d earned this.

My throat and jaw were sore when he grunted and pulled out, panting above me. His eyes were glassy as he looked down at me, tracing his thumb over my bottom lip. “Gods,” he whispered. “Look at you. Just look at you.”

I sucked his thumb into my mouth, and he hissed before he pulled it away and reached down to the bottom of my tunic. “Raise your arms.”

I did.

He pulled it off, and the air was slightly chilly against my heated skin. I’d long gotten over being self-conscious about the lightning-struck scars from when Myrin had tried to consume my magic. They were a part of me and marked me as a survivor.

Ryan stepped out of his trousers and kicked them away. He leaned down and kissed me, my lips swollen and sore. His rough hands traced down the scars on my chest, gentle and sweet. He reached the ties on my own trousers and tugged at them, my dick aching against the fabric. I reached up and cupped his face while he worked, sighing into his mouth, his beard scratching my cheeks and chin.

“Lift up,” he muttered, and I did. He pulled my trousers down, my dick slapping against my stomach. Once he got them past my hips, he pressed a hand against my chest, forcing me back against the bed. He stood upright again and pulled the trousers off my legs before he dropped them out of sight. He let my left leg fall off the edge of the bed but kept the right in his hand, pulling it up against his chest, turning his head and kissing the bone of my ankle.

“I gotta admit,” I said, sounding rather giddy, “the beard is doing it for me. Like, you have no idea.”

He grinned against my calf, sweat dripping from his brow. “Yeah?”

“Oh yeah. Don’t get me wrong. Clean-cut Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart is hot as shit, but Dirty Camp HaveHeart Ryan Foxheart is really my jam right now.”

“Dirty Camp HaveHeart Ryan Foxheart,” he repeated. “You capitalized that, didn’t you.”

I grinned up at him. “It’s gotta be true now. So, idea.”

“What’s that?”

“Let’s see how it feels on all my other parts. Because as much as I love you macking on my leg, I got some ideas about where else you can put your face.”

He snorted against my leg, and while it was disgusting, I was so godsdamn horny, I thought it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. People didn’t understand the need to laugh during sex. It couldn’t always be hot and heavy. It needed to be sweet and awkward too. “Ideas, huh?”

I nodded quickly. “So many ideas. Like, you don’t even know how many ideas.”

“That right? Let’s see if I can figure a few of them out. How about here, for example.” He bent forward slightly, hooking my leg over his shoulder, his lips and beard scraping against my knee.

I swallowed. “Good. That’s… that’s a good start.”

“Is it. And here?” He bent over the end of the bed, one hand at my side on the mattress, his face on my inner thigh. I fisted the comforter as I squirmed against the way he mouthed at my skin.

“Yeah,” I gasped. “That’s a good place too. We should have done this whole beard thing a hell of a long time ago. You are never allowed to shave. Ever. Unless you start looking homeless. Which, I guess technically we sort of are right now, so. I mean—oh my gods,” because he was at the crease of my legs and pelvis, and my dick was so hard it hurt. I felt him chuckle as I jerked out of his grasp and raised both legs toward my chest, exposing myself to him.

Hard to believe I’d once been weirdly prudish about sex when I was essentially asking Ryan to lick my asshole without saying a word.

He made a noise like he’d been punched, and I lifted my head in time to see him fall to his knees at the edge of the bed. There was a moment of almost excruciating anticipation where nothing fucking happened, and I couldn’t help but wiggle my hips a little.

Then I felt hands on the back of my thighs, pushing my legs farther against my torso, almost bending me in half. I watched him, and his eyes were hooded, the green of his irises so dark that it reminded me of my magic. His nose bumped against my balls, his breath against my perineum, and I was ready to fucking crawl out of my skin when I felt the flat of his tongue against my asshole, licking up to my balls.

I cried out, trying to push toward him and pull away at the same time, my skin oversensitive. Say what you will about Ryan Foxheart, but the man surely knew how to eat ass. His grip on my legs was tight as he pressed his face against me, sliding his tongue along my hole. I turned my head to the side, trying to catch my breath, my hand going between my legs and wrapping around my aching cock, giving it a good stroke or two.

“Stop,” he growled.

“Fucker,” I groaned. “Come on. Just let me—”

“You don’t touch yourself. Not today.”

“But—”

“Sam. I mean it. You keep your hands away from your dick. I’m going to be the only one who touches you.”

“Bastard,” I snapped at him as he licked my ass again.

“Do you understand?”

“Fuck you.”

He laughed quietly. “That’s another thing that isn’t happening today.”

And then his mouth was on my ass again, his hands trailing down the backs of my legs, and a finger pressed inside me alongside his tongue. I was babbling then, saying yes and Ryan and please and more you have to give me more. A second finger came in with the first, and I wrapped my legs around his neck when I felt him blow against my wet hole. I clenched down on his fingers, and he grunted like the breath had been knocked from his body.

I was shaking by the time he lifted his head, his beard glistening with saliva. He slid up my body, the bulk of his weight holding me down, and I squeezed my eyes shut as his hips ground down against mine, our cocks brushing together. Then he was kissing me, and it was wrong and fucking dirty, but I chased after the taste on his tongue, sucking it into my mouth, my legs around his waist, a hand on the back of his head, holding him against me. He thrust his hips, gasping into my mouth. The scars on my chest and stomach felt like they were burning, and he turned his head, panting heavily near my ear as he rubbed on me.

“Gods,” he muttered as he slowed his movements, instead choosing to circle his hips.

“If there’s no oil in here, I’m going to fucking murder you,” I threatened him. “You’re not boning me without it, no matter how much you put your tongue in my ass.”

He stared down at me.

I batted my eyelashes sweetly up at him.

“I think,” he said faintly, “there’s oil in the table next to the bed.”

“You should probably get it.”

“Yeah.”

“Now might even be good.”

He frowned. “Hey, I’m in charge. Remember the whole don’t touch your dick thing?”

“Distinctly. It will forever be ingrained in my memories, because dude, your dirty talk is A-plus work. But it’s cute how you think you’re in charge.”

“I’m about to fuck you,” he pointed out.

I rolled my eyes. “And when have you ever not known me to top from the bottom? Come on, Foxheart. You act like we haven’t had sex in a year or something.”

Something strangely fond crossed over his face. “You’re ridiculous.”

I leaned up and kissed him again before falling back onto the bed. “Damn right. Now get the oil, lube me up, and let’s get this show on the road. I’ve decided I want to ride you.”

He wheezed something fierce.

I patted his sweaty, furry chest. “Glad that works for you.”

He almost fell off the bed with how quickly he reached for the bedside table. I struggled not to laugh, but then said fuck it and laughed at him anyway. He scowled at me over his shoulder before opening the drawer and digging through it. When he found what he was looking for, he shut the drawer and moved above me again, laying the vial on my chest.

“I suppose I should ask why you have this, right? I mean, while fleeing Castle Lockes, you decided to save lube.”

“I knew when you came back that you’d bitch at me for not having it,” he said dryly. “It was one of the first things I grabbed.”

I blinked. “So… what you’re saying is that while you were all planning to flee for your lives, you had the wherewithal to think about boning me, knowing that when I returned, I was going to yell at you for not grabbing the oil?”

He looked smug. “Sounds about right.”

“I love you,” I whispered fervently. “Dude, you are the best person ever.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Okay. Whoa. Calm down there, Captain Ego. Rein it back in. Let’s not go too far here.”

“But you just said—”

“I know what I said. And now I’m telling you to calm the fuck down.”

“Mood ruined.”

“Funny, that. Your penis says otherwise.”

“Oh my gods.”

“It’s saying ohh, I’m so hard and I can’t wait to go up Sam’s butt—”

He put his hand over my mouth.

I licked his palm.

It’d been a long while since I’d found myself in such a position. When one is in the middle of the Dark Woods surrounded by dragons and getting slammed with magic, one doesn’t find a whole lot of time to finger oneself. And if I was being honest, I couldn’t remember if I’d ever even jerked it in the forest.

So being worked open stung, and I breathed through my nose, slow and steady, Ryan muttering soft praise as he worked me open further. I cracked open an eye to look at him only to find him staring down at his own finger with something akin to awe as he thrust into me, like even the simple action was enough to take his breath away. He was a knight, a warrior, hardened in battle and able to deal death if called upon to do so. But Ryan Foxheart was also a sap.

“Paint a picture, it’ll last longer,” I teased him.

He snorted. “You’re an idiot.”

“I’ve never claimed otherwise. You know, it’s—and that’s a second finger. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

I glared up at him. “If you do, I am going to murder everything about you.”

He rolled his eyes. “So romantic.”

“Dude, your hand is in my asshole. I don’t know about you, but that’s not really romantic.”

“It’s two fingers. Not my hand. Gods, Sam, you’re acting like I’m fisting you.”

I groaned, pushing down against his fingers as he crooked them up. “We’ll work up to that some other time. Now you need to fuck me.”

His eyes were wide. “What the hell do you mean we’ll work up to fisting? I am not going to put my fist up your—”

“I was talking about fisting you,” I snapped at him.

He swallowed with an audible click. “Uh. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Right. That. Would be. Um.”

Enough. Enough, enough, enough.

I put my foot flat against his chest, pushing him back away from me. I winced as his fingers slid loose, but I ignored it. He looked down at me in surprise, but before he could react, there was a pulse of magic and we flipped places, Ryan on his back on the bed, me sitting atop him.

His eyes bulged. “Did you just—ungh.”

“Yes, yes,” I grunted. “I magicked you under me because you were moving too fucking slow.” I reached behind me, running my palm along the crack of my ass, slicking up my hand before I grabbed his dick and stroked it. The cords in his neck stood out as he tilted his head back, throat exposed and taut.

“I thought you said magic in bed wasn’t—”

“I’m a godsdamn wizard now. I’ll do it when I want.”

“Oh my gods,” he muttered. “That should not be as hot as it is. What the hell is wrong with me?”

And it did hurt when I raised myself up, lined his cock up with my ass, and sank down slowly. Ryan Foxheart was not without his faults, but the size of his dick was not one of them. And while I didn’t bottom very often, it would have been such a waste not letting him fuck me every now and then.

By the time I was flush against his hips, we were both panting, my hands curling into his chest hair. His knees were bent and his feet were flat against the bed as I rose and began to lower myself again. He gripped my hips and pushed up, knocking the breath from my chest. He watched me closely as he did it again and again and again, my dick slapping against his stomach, the sound obscene and wet.

“Come on,” I muttered. “Harder. Fuck me harder.”

He groaned as he pushed back up into me harshly, almost knocking me off his lap in the process, his thick thighs quivering underneath me. Any pain I’d felt was long gone, and it felt as if I was floating. It was different, though, than it’d been in the Dark Woods. Then I’d be immersed in a dense fog for days on end, the voices of dragons and Morgan whispering in my ear. Here there were fingers digging into my hips hard enough that I wondered if they’d leave bruises and I was stuffed full, mouth open in a soundless moan.

Ryan sat up quickly then, legs going off the edge of the bed, feet on the floor. He wrapped his arms around me, my legs on either side of him. He mouthed at my throat as he fucked me deeply, my name on his lips, my cock rubbing against the skin of his stomach.

I tilted my head until my forehead pressed against his, and he reached between us, his hand still sticky with oil as he circled my cock. He jerked me off quickly, the practiced twist of his wrist causing me to gasp. I came between us a moment later, spunk on his chest and chin. He bit my shoulder brutally, blunt teeth sinking into my skin as he tensed, hips stuttering, a low whine crawling from his throat.

We stayed like that for a time, breathing and breathing, sticky and sated.

Finally I managed to say, “Dude. We win. At everything.”

He only hugged me harder.

 

 

LATER, AFTER we’d stripped the bed and cleaned ourselves up, twilight was beginning to set in, torches lit around the camp, their light coming in through an open window. I was hungry, but I wanted sleep more. The idea of moving my head from Ryan’s chest was too difficult to comprehend, especially with his hand tracing small circles on my bare back.

Neither of us had spoken for a while, content with only the sounds of the camp coming through the window. Randall said he didn’t expect Kevin back until the next day, and even though he wouldn’t tell me who the dragon would return with, I hadn’t had the strength to argue with him.

Ryan broke the silence first. “What they said. In the barn. Mama. Randall.”

I’d been on the verge of dozing, and it took me a moment to parse through his words. “They said a lot of things.”

“About you being a weapon. About using you.”

“Oh. That.”

“I didn’t like it.”

I kissed his chest. “Glad you got my back.”

He huffed out a breath. “I’m being serious.”

“I know. But they had a point.”

“No. They didn’t. You’re not something to be used.”

“Well, you just used me pretty damn well, so.”

“Sam.”

I sighed. “Look. I—I get it. Okay? I do. I really, really do. You know better than anyone how much I hate this whole… thing. Having all of this put on me. I mean, dude. Have you seen me? Who in their right mind would put the fate of Verania in my hands?”

“Right?”

“Rude. But also true. I’m not… mad. At them. For saying what they did. Because you can’t help how you feel. And I can’t say if our roles were reversed that I wouldn’t have thought the same thing they did.”

“How close was it?”

“What?”

“At Morgan’s funeral. How close were you to bringing him back?”

I closed my eyes. I hadn’t told anyone about that, but of course he knew. “It was close,” I admitted. “More than I care to think about. I was hurting and scared and… I don’t know. I didn’t know where Randall was. I didn’t know where Myrin was. I didn’t know if you were going to wake up. The King proclaimed I was to be his wizard, and I had this voice in my head, this stupid fucking voice that kept saying come away with me, o human child, in the forest deep, in the dark of the wild, and I told myself that I had to do what was right, and that it wasn’t going to be what I wanted to do.”

“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

I shook my head. “If it’d been you there on that slab, I don’t know if I could have stopped myself.”

“Sam—”

“No. You don’t get to take that away from me. Everyone expects me to save them because that’s what they were told I was going to do. That I’m this good person, that I’m this light, but if it’d been you instead of Morgan, I don’t know if I would have cared. I would have burned the life out of them if only it meant you could take another breath.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“I don’t know if I need you to.”

“What happened to you? In the forest?”

I ran a finger along the jut of his hip bone. “You ever wake from a dream, and it’s so clear that you’re sure you’ll remember it forever? But then you go about your day and it fades slowly and surely until you can only remember bits and pieces, and even then, you’re not sure if you’re remembering it correctly.”

“Like that?”

“A lot of it. But what I can remember is Kevin hitting on me, Leslie mothering him and Pat getting annoyed, Zero complaining about everything, and GW wishing we would all go away and leave him alone.”

“So… pretty much normal, then.”

“Right? Our lives are so weird, man.”

“Was it worth it?”

“I don’t know yet. But we’ll find out soon enough. One way or another.”

“I love you, you know.”

I smiled against his chest. “I know. I love you too, dude.”

I felt more than heard his laugh, his chest rumbling against my ear. “I’m not mad anymore.”

“No?”

“Nah.”

“The sex was that good, huh?”

“Oh my gods.”

“Seriously. I legit just fucked the anger out of you. Wow. I’m amazing.”

“Sam,” he groaned.

“I’ll keep that in mind for the future if I ever make you mad again. Just fuck it all away.”

“Yeah, let me know how that works out for you.”

And when he burst out into bright, beautiful laughter as I bit the skin of his chest, I promised myself that I was going to do what was necessary to make sure I heard that sound for the rest of my life.

 

 

HE WAS on the verge of sleep when he mumbled, “Can’t believe you’d do that for me.”

“Do what?” I asked, blinking slowly.

“Be mortal. Grow old with me. I can’t wait, Sam. It’s gonna be good. I promise. You won’t regret it.” And then he was snoring.

And later, before I followed him into sleep, I looked out the window and saw the shimmer of stars in the sky.

And I made a wish.

Please. Please. Please let me have this. Let me have these moments for as long as I can.

I closed my eyes.

And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t dream.