Epilogue: A Wish Upon the Stars

 

 

“AND NOW I will tell you about my brilliant plans to bring Verania to its knees,” the evil centaur and total douchebag Jeffrey said with a cackle.

“I blame you for all of this,” Gary said irritably.

“Me?” I snapped. “How is this my fault?”

“You’re the reason we’re here in the first place!”

“Um, excuse you? If you’ll recall, you’re the one who said that you needed me to go with you in order to suss out a potential partner for you and Kevin to have your weird three-way sex with. How was I to know that he was going to turn out to be this asshole?”

“Um,” Jeffrey said. “I’m standing right here.”

“Oh please,” Gary sneered. “Just because you believe in complete monogamy doesn’t mean that you can look down upon those who are into a more fluid lifestyle.”

“Hey! I don’t judge! You do you, you know? But did it have to be today of all days? You said it’d be quick.”

“You did say that,” Tiggy said, looking extraordinarily grumpy at having been restrained with some type of vermilion root that I’d never seen before. In fact, we all were, and it even somehow inhibited Gary’s magic. His horn was useless.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Jeffrey said, “I did plan on having sex with you. It wasn’t until I realized who you were that I came up with this plan.”

“No, Jeffrey,” Gary snarled, “that doesn’t make me feel any better. In fact, it makes me feel worse.”

“Oh. Well, if I could continue telling you about—”

“How did you even meet this dickbag?” I asked Gary.

“He’s a patron of Honest Helga’s,” Gary said, side-eyeing the fuck out of Jeffrey. “He likes to tie things up and whip them, and you know how I feel about that.”

“Unfortunately I do,” I muttered. “We really need to renegotiate the boundaries of our friendship.”

“If you’ll recall,” Gary said, “we did that four months ago, and those rules are good for at least another year. It’s not my fault that you suck at negotiating.”

“You do suck,” Tiggy said. “S’okay. You’re pretty.”

“Thank you, Tiggy, that’s very nice of you—hey!”

“Ahem,” Jeffrey said, beginning to pace at the mouth of the cave he’d trapped us in, somewhere in the Dark Woods. I was really starting to get sick of his attitude.

“Everyone,” I said. “Everyone. Jeffrey obviously has something important to say, which is why he rudely keeps interrupting us.”

Gary and Tiggy turned slowly to stare at him.

Jeffrey flushed, his right front hoof scuffing in the dirt. If he wasn’t an evil douchebag, I would have thought this half man/half horse was handsome. And he was hung—nope. Nope, nope, nope. “Yes, well. I appreciate your attention on what is a very serious matter. You see, it all started with my father—”

“Did I mention how handsome you looked today?” Gary asked me.

“Thank you,” I said, rather pleased. “I was worried that it was going to look like I was trying too hard, but Lady Tina said that—”

“Ah yes, Lady Tina, who seems to be your new best friend. I’m glad you brought that up, because I certainly wasn’t going to.”

I glared at him. “She is not my new best friend. If anything, we’re frenemies and I barely acknowledge her existence. It’s not my fault she said I dressed as if I still lived in the slums.”

Gary looked amused. “Well, to be fair, she does have a point.”

“A little one,” Tiggy agreed.

“I hate you both so much.”

“Can we… uh, bring back the focus this way?” Jeffrey asked, pointing at himself. “Like, all eyes on me? That’d be great.”

“Rude,” I said. “In case you didn’t hear, I was in the middle of being complimented, and you just happened to—”

“Why are you dressed up like that?” Jeffrey asked, looking me up and down. “It seems a little odd to be all gussied up and going out into the woods to help your friend find his hookup.”

“Oh,” I said, looking down at my outfit. I wore tight white silk dress trousers with knee-high black boots, a rather frilly white tunic opened at the throat, and a forest-green jerkin that had gold buttons running up the front and molded perfectly to my frame. “It’s sort of my wedding day.”

Jeffrey paled. “Say what now.”

“I’m getting hitched, dude. Like, fastening the ol’ ball and chain to my ankle so I’ll never be free. Getting dude-married to my one true love. Tying the knot. Taking a husband. Heh. And then later, I’m going to take my husband three or four times, if you know what I mean—”

“Yes, yes,” Gary said. “We all know what you mean. You should really keep your sexual deviancy to yourself.”

“Um, are we, or are we not, captured by the centaur who you were going to have a threesome with.”

Gary grinned. “My life is so exciting.”

“And now that you mention it,” Jeffrey said faintly, “the rest of you are all fancied up too.”

And they were! Gary’s mane and tail were streaked with pinks and purples, flowers from my mother’s garden woven into his braided hair. His horn had been polished and his hooves painted. I thought he was wearing mascara too, but I didn’t ask, because one never asked if a unicorn was wearing mascara. I most certainly didn’t want to purchase a one-way ticket to Gore City, seeing as it was now a viable destination.

Tiggy, as he was wont to do, didn’t accept any help from anyone in choosing his outfit. He wore green breeches and a yellow shirt with puffy sleeves. He topped it all off with a purple top hat that Mama had made especially for him. He looked like the world’s largest pimp. Randall approved.

“Thank you for noticing,” Gary said, batting his eyelashes at our captor. “Enchanté.”

“You are so gross,” I muttered.

Jeffrey looked rather fearful. “So what you’re saying is that I’ve kidnapped you on your wedding day.”

“Wow. You’re so quick. Good job, dude.”

“And that probably means there are people looking for you.”

“Literally thousands, most like. I don’t know if you know this, but my latest polls came out, and apparently I’m quite popular now. People find me appealing.”

“Which was barely ahead of off-putting,” Gary said gleefully.

“I smash you soon,” Tiggy promised Jeffrey.

“Oh no,” Jeffrey said.

“So!” I said. “Since we’ve established that I’m going to be marrying the dreamiest dream who has ever been dreamed, and that a billion people are probably descending upon our very location as we speak, maybe just let us go, huh? I swear I won’t let Tiggy smash you.”

“I smash you gooood,” Tiggy said.

“Okay, so he’ll smash you,” I admitted. “But that’s just par for the course. Unless this is going to be another Lartin thing. Because dude, that sucked. Are you super famous in the centaur world?”

“No. Well, I mean, not super famous, but I get by—”

“Eh, close enough. Tiggy, maybe not kill him smash him, but the sort of smashing where his bones are broken and he’ll regret being alive for the next six months, and whenever he hears our names, he will quake in fear.”

“I do that,” Tiggy said.

“Good,” I said. “Now that that’s settled, what say you let us out of here so we can get this show on the—”

“No!” Jeffrey snapped. “You know what? I’m in charge here. Meaning we’re going to do what I say. I have captured you, and therefore, this moment is mine. You will listen as I lay out my plan to take over Verania, and you will like it.”

“Oh, bitch,” Gary breathed. “Shouldn’t have said that, bitch.”

“That’s how you want to do it?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “Fine.”

Jeffrey looked surprised. “Really?”

“I mean, yeah. Sure. I guess.”

“Oh. Okay. I just—I thought there’d be more resistance.”

“Nah, you were pretty forceful, dude. I was impressed.”

“Ha!” Jeffrey crowed. “If only my father could be here to hear you say that. You hear that, Dad? I’m forceful. Suck on that, you absentee asshole!”

“You were going to have sex with him,” I whispered to Gary.

“Yeah,” Gary said, staring at Jeffrey. “My bad.”

“I was seven when my father left to go get a pack of cigarettes and never returned,” Jeffrey began. “I’ll be right back, he said. Don’t you worry, he said. But I did. I did worry. And for good reason too! Because he never came back!”

“Why do so many villains have daddy issues?” I whispered to Gary and Tiggy.

“Tiggy smash now?”

“Not yet, my friend. Not quite yet.”

“I have daddy issues, and you don’t see me turning into a villain,” Gary said.

“We-ell,” I said. “You’re firmly planted in a morally gray area, so I wouldn’t try and hang your hat on that.”

“And so what if I wrote a play in forty-seven acts when I was in the sixth grade entitled Daddy, Why Won’t You Love Me? I was only trying to find a creative outlet in order to deal with my childhood trauma!”

“Yeah, okay,” I said. “I do believe I’m sick of this. I would like to be rescued right about now.”

“You know,” Gary said, “for someone who only recently defeated an evil wizard and saved the world, you still need to be rescued a lot.”

I shrugged. “I only do it so other people feel like they contribute. I don’t like taking all the credit.”

“Sam, the King threw a parade in your honor, and you insisted on being the grand marshal and having a float with your face on it.”

“I asked you if that was too much. You said no!”

“Yeah, not for a unicorn. You’re a human, Sam. Your ego needs to be kept in check. A unicorn, however, such as myself, needs to have their ego fed, because it helps to increase our magic, and therefore keeps us alive.”

“Tiggy, is that true?”

“No,” Tiggy said. “Gary a liar and a fat mouth.”

“Tiggy!” Gary gasped. “How dare you say such a truthful thing?”

Tiggy shrugged. “Just want to smash, but no one let Tiggy smash. What about what Tiggy want?”

“Aw,” Gary and I both said.

“Dude, I am going to hug you so hard when we get out of here.”

“Jeffrey, yoo-hoo, Jeffrey,” Gary said shrilly.

Jeffrey blinked, his words about something something daddy dying in his throat. “What?”

“Do you see that tall, strapping, handsome giant?”

“Um. Yes?”

“He is very dear to me.”

“O… kay?”

“Be a good fellow and release him so he can smash you. He’s earned it.”

Jeffrey frowned. “But… I don’t want to be smashed.”

Gary’s eyes narrowed. “Look, Jeffrey, it’s going to happen one way or another. I think it would be better for you if you just accepted that. You won’t like him when he’s angry.”

“Too late,” Tiggy growled.

“Uh-oh,” Gary said ominously.

“Uh-oh,” I agreed.

“Of course this is where I’d find you, Sam,” a voice said from the mouth of the cave.

And just like that, I knew we’d be okay.

Jeffrey whirled around just in time to see Morgan of Shadows step toward him. He looked fondly bemused as he took the scene before him in. Tiggy waved at him, and Gary blew kisses in his direction.

And me?

I just… stared in awe, as I’d done ever since the day I’d found him in the gardens. It’d been four months since the showdown with Myrin, and I still couldn’t get over the fact that Morgan was here, that he was alive, that he had chosen life, Verania, us, me, over crossing the veil.

When Myrin had taken his magic, Morgan had died. He sacrificed himself for me, for my Destiny of Dragons. But he hadn’t crossed the veil, not at that moment. He’d been in a sort of limbo that apparently wasn’t all that different than midtown City of Lockes. He’d conversed with gods on sidewalks lined with clouds, eaten with old friends in a diner run by elves almost as old as the Great White. I knew he’d seen Anya—his cornerstone—again, but he didn’t say much about that. I didn’t push. It wasn’t meant for me.

But even with all of that, even with the promise of a life ever after beckoning him, David’s Dragon had given Morgan a choice: either return to the living world or cross the veil to his reward for a life well lived.

He chose the King and the Prince. He chose his labs and his Grimoire. He chose Randall and Gary and Kevin and Tiggy. He chose Ryan. He chose Verania.

“But above all else,” he’d whispered in my ear as I sobbed into his shoulder in the garden, “I chose you, little one, because a world in which I could not see your face isn’t a world I’m ready to live in.”

So, yeah. Awe. Every godsdamn time.

“Oh girl,” Gary said to Jeffrey. “You’re in for it now.”

“Oh girl,” Tiggy agreed. “So in.”

“Morgan of Shadows,” Jeffrey squeaked.

“So it would appear,” Morgan said mildly. “I grew concerned when I realized no one had seen any of you for at least an hour. Which, as we all know, is surely a sign of shenanigans.”

“So many shenanigans,” Gary said. “And I apologize, Morgan, but you know how Sam is.”

“Yeah,” I said. “You know how I—wait a minute.”

“I mean, I tried to tell him that today of all days was not the time to try and go on an adventure,” Gary said. “But do you think he listened to me? Of course not. He just did what he always does. Why, I came along to make sure he didn’t end up hurting himself.”

I was outraged. “That’s not what happened at all! Jeffrey was supposed to be Gary and Kevin’s postwedding booty call! Gary asked me and Tiggy to go with him in case Jeffrey turned out to be, and I quote, a crazy-ass psycho who wants to lick my nuts and then chop them off and use them as earrings.” I frowned. “Which, now that I think about it, is an oddly specific thing that should have made me aware how stupid this was. I should have realized Gary was a fucking motherfucker with terrible ideas.”

“I have the best ideas,” Gary snarled at me. “Tiggy, tell him!”

“No, Tiggy! Tell Gary his ideas are dumb and stupid and that you love me!”

Tiggy looked conflicted. Then he turned to Morgan and said, “Tiggy wanted no part of this. Just minding my business. Getting dressed. Counting brooms. Then Sam and Gary say, Tiggy, you need to do bad things. Tiggy didn’t want to do bad things. But I love them, so I did them.”

“Oh my gods,” I moaned. “Morgan! Free us right this second. I need to squish his face so godsdamn hard!”

Morgan sighed but waved his hand.

The vermilion roots crumbled to dust, and Tiggy was already waiting with open arms as Gary and I charged at him.

Seventeen minutes later (after coming up with three new rules for the Sam/Gary/Tiggy Friendship), we finally stopped hugging and turned back to the others.

Jeffrey was chatting amiably with Morgan, completely unaware of the world of hurt coming his way.

“Morgan,” I said lightly, “you might want to take a step back and to the right.”

He did just that.

“Ooh,” Jeffrey said. “Should I move as well? Are we playing a game?”

“Yes. A game. And no, you can stay right where you are.”

“Okay. Gosh, this is so much fun. Hey, I hope you don’t mind, but Morgan said I could come to the wedding, so—”

“Tiggy!” I bellowed.

“TIGGY SMASH!”

Tiggy ran at Jeffrey, a large fist pulled back, ready to fly.

“Oh my goodness,” Jeffrey whispered.

Have you ever seen an angry half-giant who doesn’t appreciate when his best friends get captured punch a centaur at full speed?

No?

I hadn’t either. But suffice to say, I was not disappointed. I truly did not expect Jeffrey to go flying out of the cave, spinning end over end, legs all akimbo. It was a sight to behold. He went so far, I couldn’t even be sure where he landed. Or if he was alive.

“Well, then,” I said, clapping my hands. “That was exciting. Shall we?”

 

 

GARY AND Tiggy were walking ahead of us, Gary purring how big Tiggy’s fists were and how proud he was of the half-giant’s bravery. Tiggy, of course, was preening like a peacock in heat.

Morgan and I trailed behind them as we made our way back to the City of Lockes. Our shoulders bumped as we walked closely together. I’d taken his hand in mine, something I hadn’t really done since I was a kid but found myself doing more and more lately. There were nights I’d wake up gasping, sweat dripping down my face, sure that everything had been a dream, that I was still in the Dark Woods getting slammed by magic from the Great White, Morgan dead. Some mornings had found me curled up next to him in his own bed after I’d snuck in, needing the reassurance that he was really here, that he’d returned just like I’d remembered.

I was getting better.

But that didn’t mean I didn’t still want to hold his hand.

He didn’t seem to mind.

“Maybe next time, wait until a day you’re not getting married to do something like this,” he chided.

I rolled my eyes. “Like I have to worry about that again. Only time I’m getting married, dude. I’ve already got my hooks into Ryan. He’s never going to escape from me, no matter how hard he tries.”

“Ah, young love,” he said, a small smile on his face. “It’s very… intense.”

“Except now he’s probably going to kill me,” I muttered. “You know, for the whole getting kidnapped on our wedding day thing.”

“Eh. If he hasn’t left you for all your other faults, I highly doubt that this will be the thing that pushes him over the edge.”

“Wow,” I breathed. “That was so savage. You are awesome. I mean, I’m emotionally devastated like you wouldn’t believe, but go you. Good job.”

“Thank you,” he said, obviously pleased with himself. “I do find myself rather ignoring my usual hesitance at insulting you directly to your face. I guess a second chance at life will do that to a person.”

“Keep it up,” I said. “As long as it’s not always directed at me, that is. I still like to think I’m a good person sometimes.”

“You are,” he said, squeezing my hand. “The best, really.”

I smiled at the ground.

Much had changed since the Last Battle, as it was starting to be called (capitalized, so you know it’s true). We had mourned those we’d lost (Pete, always my lovely guard) and celebrated their lives. We’d begun to rebuild the villages and towns and cities of Verania. The King had opened the treasury, and thousands of people had come together to restore the shining jewel that was our country. We weren’t quite there yet, but I thought we would be soon.

The Darks had all been taken to Mantok, the prison in the Luri Desert. Vadoma decided she would oversee the transfer, and had somehow been given the position of Warden of Mantok, while simultaneously supervising the rebuilding of Mashallaha. There were calls for the Darks to be put to death for their part in the fall of Verania, but the King decreed there would be no more bloodshed. Instead, Randall, Morgan, and myself had warded the prison against Dark magic. It would be impossible for the Darks to escape.

And the dragons! The dragons of Verania were held in awe and cherished as they should have been. GW, of course, hated the attention, as did Pat. Kevin spent most of the time demanding shinies. Leslie asked to keep all the orphans she could find. Zero scowled at everyone, telling them that they just didn’t understand him, that his soul burned with the fires of regret—but he could rarely finish his rants without them ending in a yawn.

Because his time had been drawing near.

When he needed to sleep.

The dragons and I had gone to the desert with him, returning him to his lair.

We’d sat in the ruins of that forgotten city under an ocean of stars, the six of us, knowing it would be the last time we were all together, at least in this life. For when Zero woke again, I would be nothing but bones and dust. I was okay with that. I thought he was too.

As dawn approached and Zero’s eyes started to droop, the dragons presented me with five gifts.

A red scale.

A black scale.

Two blue feathers.

And a white scale.

I wiped my eyes, knowing just how precious such gifts were. But still, I was confused. “What are these for?”

Zero rolled his eyes. “To bind your Grimoire with.”

“Your material hard-won in the face of adversity,” Pat said.

“Because the adversity you faced challenged you greatly,” Leslie said.

“And you were as brave as we knew you could be,” the Great White said.

“And also because I want you to carry a piece of me forever,” Kevin said. “Every time you pick up your Grimoire, you can stroke my scale and think of me.”

We all turned to look at him slowly.

“What?” he said. “Mine was just as heartfelt as yours!”

The others left Zero and me alone after saying their goodbyes, the dragons promising to be there when he woke again. It was calming for me to know that they’d be together even after I was gone.

“We’ll see each other again,” I told him.

Zero glanced at me. “You truly believe that?”

“Yeah, dude. I mean, we’re all the same, right? It might be a while, but we’ll be together again. I know it.”

“I’m going to hold you to that, wizard.”

“And hey, just think, when you wake up next, you’ll be fifteen.” I waggled my eyebrows. “Maybe find yourself a nice boy or girl and kiss them on the face.”

He blushed furiously while I laughed at him.

Nothing much was said after that. And when he gave a cracking yawn, jaws stretched wide, I knew it was time for him to go.

He pressed his snout against my hand. “I’ll miss you, Sam.”

My smile was a little wobbly. “Yeah, me too. And just remember something for me, okay?”

He nodded.

“You are beautiful. And your magic is a wonderful thing. The world knows it now. You no longer have to hide away.”

And then he slithered into his lair.

We waited in that forgotten city in the desert, just for a little while.

But then the dragons sighed as one, and I knew our friend was asleep.

As we flew from the desert, I looked back, just once, promising that I’d return as soon as I was able. He would be asleep, but I thought he’d know I was there while he dreamed.

So, yes. Much had changed.

Morgan was the King’s Wizard, and still my mentor. We’d decided that I would continue to work with Justin to prepare both of us for the day he’d assume the throne. I’d breathed a sigh of relief when it was agreed upon, not yet ready to take on the responsibilities of the job. I needed time to heal, time to gain better control of the magic that coursed through me. It was as strong as it’d ever been, but there was much I still needed to learn.

“Where are you?” Morgan asked, squeezing my hand again.

“What’s that?”

“You got lost in that head of yours.”

“Oh. Uh, I guess. I was just… thinking. About how grateful I am.”

“For?”

I shrugged. “Everything.”

He smiled at me, that same smile he’d given me for the first time as we stood in an alleyway in the slums. “That’s a very good thing to be grateful for. Now, we should put some haste in our steps. I’m told your knight was having bit of a meltdown when you couldn’t be located.”

“What a drama queen.”

“When one’s betrothed disappears on one’s wedding day, one tends to think the worst.”

“Well, crap. I didn’t think of it that way.”

“I thought not.”

“It’s a good thing I have you around, then. You know what? As a full-fledged wizard and the future King’s Wizard, I am going to make a royal decree.”

“I don’t think you can actually make a royal—”

“My royal decree is that you need to be around for a long time to make sure when I do stupid things, you are there to tell me said things are stupid. I will probably think you’re being overbearing, and we’ll most likely argue, but still.”

He looked away into the trees, but not before I saw the shine in his eyes. “That’s a good decree, Sam.”

“I think so too.”

And we walked on.

 

 

THE CITY was bustling as we entered the gates. A cheer went up at the sight of me, something I didn’t think I’d ever get used to.

I just waved and smiled.

The streets of Verania were decorated with streamers and flags in honor of our wedding day. It had been declared a holiday, and I was sure that at least sixty-four percent of the people had been drunk since nine that morning, but that was okay. If I’d been able to get drunk, I would have, but Mom and Dad had put a kibosh on apple wine, and for some reason Gary and Tiggy had agreed with them.

“There you are,” a shrill voice said.

I ground my teeth together.

“Lady Tina,” I said as Morgan dropped my hand. She stood before us, a frown on her face. Her hair was in perfectly perfect blonde ringlets, and her makeup was expertly applied. But gone were the days of the frilly dresses. Instead she wore the thin pink armor of the King’s Brigade, a newly formed faction of the Knights of Verania. She had argued for women’s equality in knighthood and had been granted her own unit, which was comprised of the former Foxy Lady Brigade. They had made themselves into a formidable bunch and had plans to start training other women to join their ranks starting next summer.

The King had gathered his heads of state and his closest advisors to approve such a group. All had voted aye until it reached me. I had glared at everyone in the room before mumbling my agreement.

I regretted everything about it.

“Do you just think you can mosey off into the woods on your wedding day?” she demanded. “Like this isn’t one of the most important days of my life?”

“Your life?” I snapped. “This has nothing to do with you.”

She rolled her eyes. “As if. If it weren’t for me, you and the Knight Commander probably wouldn’t even be together.”

“What? In what reality is that even a thing? You’re out of your godsdamn mind!”

“Please,” she sniffed delicately. “Never underestimate the power of a fangirl. Rystin, HaveHeart, whatever. We shipped you, therefore we made your love a real thing. You’re welcome.”

“I ship Sam and Ruv,” Gary whispered to Tiggy. “It’s my bad-touch ship.”

“Ruv’s dead,” Tiggy whispered back. “I ship Sam and broom. It called HaveBroom. Because I have a broom.”

“I love you so godsdamn much,” Gary said fiercely.

“I’m going to demand you are stripped of your rank,” I snarled at Lady Tina. “Just you wait. You will rue the day you took credit for my heart boner! Rue, you hear me? Rue.”

We continued to snark at each other as we made our way to the castle. I happened to glance back over my shoulder at one point to see Morgan trailing behind us, hands clasped behind his back, a serene smile on his face.

I couldn’t ask for anything more.

 

 

EVERY STORY has an ending.

And fairy tales tend to have the happiest of them all.

The ones where they lived happily ever after.

This, here, is my ending:

I stood outside the Great Doors leading to the throne room, breathing into a paper sack, trying not to hyperventilate, Mom and Dad rubbing my back, telling me that everything was going to be just fine.

“Honestly, Sam,” Mom said. “It’s going to be just fine.”

“I know,” I wheezed. “I’m just contemplating the fact that I’m only going to be with this one person for the rest of my life.”

Dad frowned. “Isn’t he your cornerstone? I thought that was already a thing.”

I blinked. “Huh. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess you’re right. Wow, how about that. Oh look! I’m perfectly fine now. Let’s do this!”

“I can’t help but feel that some of this is our fault,” Mom said to Dad.

“Hardly,” Dad said. “We’re good parents. It’s not our fault he turned out this way.”

“Are you guys still talking?” I demanded. “I need to go get married. You’re wasting my time!”

“Oh boy,” Dad said, but he leaned into the small side door, telling the Royal Announcer that we were ready.

Horns blew brightly.

I heard the Royal Announcer doing his job, and I took a deep breath.

“You ready?” Mom asked.

“So ready,” I said.

Dad was crying, but we didn’t point that out, because he was a strong Northern man, and Northern men didn’t cry (except for all the times they did).

They stood on either side of me, each of them taking me by the arm.

The Great Doors opened before us with a mighty groan.

“Sweet molasses,” I managed to say.

A thousand people stood as one and turned toward us.

I gulped but put one foot in front of another.

Off to my right were the King’s Brigade, all of them sighing and sobbing. Deidre had to be held back as she tried to lunge at me.

There was Todd, he of the adorable ears. He had brought a date, and I was surprised to see that it was William, the man I’d tried to set Justin up with so very long ago who had made us call him Sir. I reminded myself to compliment Todd on the leather collar he was wearing around his neck and to ask what his hard limits were.

There were Katya and Brant, which—huh. I’d forgotten they even existed. How nice of them to be here.

There was Vadoma, surrounded by other gypsies, her eyes tracking me unnervingly with every step I took. Our relationship was… contentious, to say the least, but she had seemed thrilled to receive the invite and had even offered to read my fortune before the wedding. I had politely declined, telling her I would rather stab myself in the face with a dull spoon until I died.

Mama sat near the front, because she wouldn’t be anywhere else. She wore a tight, revealing dress that would most likely be considered inappropriate in at least three-fourths of Verania, but since she didn’t give a single fuck, neither did I. Next to her were Letnia and Moishe, the latter of whom stared at me, undoubtedly thinking about how he’d like to lick the magic off my skin, the gross asshole.

Dimitri buzzed with his fairies around the raised dais, their lights blinking brightly. “Say the word,” he whispered as I walked by him. “I can get you out of here and our love can blossom in the Dark Woods.”

“Not the time, dude,” I said through gritted teeth.

“I had to try. The last time there was a wedding here, it worked.”

He wasn’t wrong, but still. What a dick.

Gary and Tiggy stood to one side of the dais along with Terry, who for some reason had decided to stick around the City of Lockes, much to Gary’s dismay. Terry had recently told us that their parents were wrapping up their swingers tour and that we should probably expect them shortly. Gary hadn’t been too happy to hear that, but I was excited, because everyone knew the only thing better than two unicorns was four unicorns.

The doors to the garden were open so Kevin could stick his head in to take part in the proceedings. He winked at me, flicked his tongue salaciously in my direction, then proceeded to shed a tear because his son was getting married, Gary, look at our baby boy!

The crowd tittered.

I ignored them.

The King and Prince looked regal as fuck, crowns atop their heads as they sat upon their thrones. The King nodded at me, a twinkle in his eye, and Justin looked bored, but before I could turn and look at my husband-to-be, Justin broke protocol, jumped up, crossed the dais, and wrapped me in a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you,” he muttered. “And if you tell anyone I said that, I will lock you in the dungeons for the rest of your life. Best friends 5eva.”

I was gobsmacked. “You do love me more than anything in the—”

“Not. Another. Word.”

I closed my mouth immediately.

Randall stood near the King, his eyebrows having finally broken down the last of his face’s defenses, now waging the final battle for control of his head. He frowned hard at me, most likely already planning on berating me for my lateness. Morgan was next to him, looking amused. And just because I could, I stared at him in awe, still not quite believing that he was actually here.

But they all faded away before the last.

Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart.

He stood before me, looking uncharacteristically nervous and extraordinarily handsome in his best suit of armor, the one shot with red rock that he’d worn the night he’d been promoted to Knight Commander. His wavy hair was endearing, his beard neatly trimmed (as I refused to let him get rid of it after I’d been able to sit on his face). He was biting his bottom lip, his eyes wide. As my parents kissed my cheek and let me go, he flushed brightly when my father reached forward, hugging him and whispering words I couldn’t quite make out. Ryan just nodded to whatever my father was saying, glancing over at me. Dad let him go, kissed his forehead, then went to stand next to my mother.

It was just the two of us.

(Surrounded by a thousand people and all our loved ones, but whatever.)

“Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi.”

“Okay?”

I nodded. “Yeah, just this whole… thing. Gary wanted to have a three-way with a centaur named Jeffrey, and he kidnapped us and—”

Randall cleared his throat.

“Right, right,” I said hastily. “Not the time. I’ll tell you later.”

Ryan nodded rather maniacally. “Yeah, okay. Sure. Fine. Whatever.”

I frowned. “Are you all right?”

“Fine, fine. Just. You know. Getting married!”

“That was… shrieky. Do you not want to?”

His eyes bulged. “Are you out of your damn mind?”

“Watch your mouth! There are children present!”

He grabbed my hands and held them tightly. “Sam, there is nothing I want more.”

I blinked rapidly. “Okay. Yeah. Me too.”

He nodded, and that was that.

The King stood. He smiled at Ryan and me before looking out at his subjects. “Much has happened since we last gathered here for such an event. We have seen the bravery of men and women of Verania as they rise to face adversity. We have seen the good in all of us, and the evil of those who would attempt to bring us to our knees. We have lived. And we have lost. But I know those who cannot be here today are smiling down upon us, their grace soothing whatever hurt remains. We have taken back our country, thanks in no small part to the men we have gathered here today for.”

He smiled at each of us in turn. “You have an oath to the Crown. To the country. To me and my son. And to each other. Though no legality is needed to see the bond between the two of you, I am honored to be present for your union. My son said once that hope is a weapon. And it is. But sometimes we must lay down our weapons to accept our rewards. And today, I believe the love between these two men is a reward to us all.

“And so, as your King, I give you my blessing. May you know only happiness for the rest of your days.”

He nodded at us, then took his seat upon his throne.

Randall stepped forward.

Shit. This was happening.

It was really happening.

Fuck yes.

Randall said, “Now, I must ask before we proceed. And I’m going to start with Knight Commander Foxheart, because last time he didn’t seem so sure.”

The crowed snickered.

Ryan blushed harder.

Gods, I was going to destroy him later.

“Knight Commander, are you here of your own volition and peace of mind?”

“Yes,” Ryan said immediately.

The crowd sighed in relief, the fucking drama queens.

(I sighed inwardly, so.)

“Sam of Dragons, are you here of your own volition and peace of mind?”

“Hell yeah,” I blurted out.

Morgan put his face in his hands.

Ryan grinned brightly.

Randall rolled his eyes. “We are gathered here today to join Knight Commander Foxheart and Sam of Dragons, who will one day stand as the King’s Wizard. They have both spoken and have agreed they are here of their own volition and peace of mind. Before we begin the ceremony, joining these men in a bond not easily broken, there is a question I must ask.”

“Oh, this is gonna be gooood,” I heard Gary whisper.

And since I couldn’t turn around and tell him to die horribly, I clenched my jaw instead.

Then Randall asked his question, and I swore once again that all the world held its breath.

“Should anyone here present know of any reason why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

No one spoke.

Someone coughed, but that was it.

I made sure to see who it was so I could ask the King to have them beheaded later.

It was Lady Tina.

Perfect.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

And then, “Are you sure. Anyone at all.”

I turned slowly to gape at Randall.

“Anybody who doesn’t want to see these two married.”

Silence.

“For any reason. Doesn’t even need to be a good reason. Just… anything.”

Silence.

“What are you doing?” I hissed at him.

He looked at me blandly and shrugged. “Just had to give everyone a fair shake. Did it last time. Figured it was only right to do it here too.”

“Oh my gods, I hate you so fucking much! A dick! A dick on all your appendages!”

He grinned at me. “I’m old. I’m allowed to do whatever I want.”

“He has a point, Sam,” Morgan said.

“Vile betrayer!”

“I love love,” Tiggy said loudly.

“Me too, kitten. It truly is a magical thing between two people.”

“Or three people,” Kevin pointed out. “If one was so inclined and did what they were supposed to do instead of choosing someone crazy and getting captured by them.”

“Excuse me?” Gary growled. “It’s not my fault I—”

“My gods,” Terry said with a sniff. “Have you ever thought of not being a whore?”

“Whaaaaat is happening,” Ryan said.

“Randall!” I bellowed. “You get us dude-hitched right this second, or I will never forgive you!”

“Oh no,” Randall said flatly. “Please, anything but that.”

Morgan elbowed him.

“Fine, fine. Dearly beloved—oh, I already said that part. Of all the—where was I? Right, right. The act of marriage is a sacred union between two—”

“And I now pronounce you husband and husband!” I cried. “I may kiss said husband!”

And so I did.

The crowd gasped dramatically.

But Ryan?

Gods, how he smiled against me. His strong arms wrapped around me, and he lifted me up as I kissed him with all I had. Every ounce of love and hope and wishes upon the stars for the future we could have, I gave to him.

He gave me the same in return.

And you know what?

We lived happily ever after.

 

 

UNTIL THE next day, when I woke up after giving Ryan the dicking of his life and realized that the Prince was still single, and I couldn’t have that. I vowed then and there to make it my mission to find my best friend 5eva the love of his life, if it was the last thing I did.

Little did I know then that it almost would be. Because apparently there was a generations-old decree of an arranged marriage between the prince of a faraway land and the firstborn of the King of Verania.

But that… well.

That’s a story for another day.