Chapter Six—Andy
As I drove over to Declan’s the next day, I was anxious. I’d been having serious thoughts about quitting the last few days. Declan was sending mixed signals and it was beginning to mess with my head. There was no doubt I’d fallen in love with him and with Emily. She was getting attached to me and if something blew up between us, I’d have to walk away. I couldn’t stand the thought of doing that to her. Not after everything she’d been through.
I was nervous when I walked into the house. Declan was standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of scotch. My favorite red wine was opened on the counter and there was a full glass sitting on the counter. “What’s going on, Dec?”
He downed his scotch and ran his fingers through his hair. He was nervous too. I looked at him. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
He cleared his throat. “I want you to nanny full-time. Name your price.”
“What? That’s what I’m doing. What do you mean?”
“I mean I want you to move in. I want this to be permanent. You can have the guest room. If you want to keep teaching that’s fine. I’ll double what I’m paying you now. Whatever you need. Just name it.”
I rubbed my hand over my face. “Declan, I don’t know if I can do that.” I needed him to understand, but I didn’t know how to tell him.
“Christ, Andy. Is this about that night in college? We’ve never talked about it, but I should have apologized by now.”
“What’s there to apologize for, Dec? I made a pass at you. You’re not into guys, I get it. It’s just…”
He walked toward me and took my wine glass out of my hand. “I never said I wasn’t into guys, I said I wasn’t gay.”
“What’s the difference?”
“There's a difference to me.” He grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head. The next thing I knew his lips were on my neck. He was sucking and licking. I wanted to stop him and ask him what the hell he was talking about but I couldn't. It felt too damn good. Everything felt so good. His hands moved down my chest as he kissed his way down my neck. I grabbed the back of his head and ran my fingers through his hair.
He greedily unbuttoned my jeans and in a second his hand was on my cock. I couldn’t stop myself, I wanted him too. I unclasped his pants and ran my palm over his cock and then reached in his boxers so I could feel him. Jesus, his thick hard cock felt perfect in my hand. I’d dreamed so many times about touching him like that—about him touching me like that.
His head fell back and he moaned. “Fuck, Andy. That feels good.” I grabbed his ass and pressed him against me. He pushed my hand away and put both of his hands around our cocks, pressing them together, as he jerked both of us off.
“Oh God, Declan. I've wanted this for so long,” I whispered against his ear, pulling him closer. “I'm not gonna last long,” I said breathlessly. I looked down between us again. I watched our cocks rub together, it was the hottest thing I'd ever seen.
Declan groaned. “Fuck, Andy.” When I saw the first drop of milky cum spurt out of the tip of his beautiful cock, I came harder than I ever had in my life. I pressed my forehead against his. We were both breathing hard. I went to kiss him. I wanted to show him how I felt about him. But he turned his head away.
“Declan.” He didn’t respond. He just rested his head on my shoulder. I lifted his head with my hands. “Declan, kiss me.”
He squeezed his eyes closed. “I can’t.”
I stepped back from him and went into the hall bath and cleaned up. I walked back out. I was tired of whatever game he was playing. “What the fuck was that, Declan?”
“Andy. Don’t make a big fucking thing of it. I don’t kiss on the mouth.”
“For the life of me, Declan, I can’t figure you out. Let me get this straight. You’re not gay and yet you just jerked me off in the middle of your kitchen. You don’t kiss on the mouth, but you want me to move in with you and live in your guest room and what? Let you fuck me every now and then? But I can’t kiss you. Am I getting this right so far?”
“Andy, it’s not like that. And I don’t fuck.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Declan. Do you even hear yourself?”
He rubbed his face. “Look. I know I’m fucked up. But I can’t do this. I don’t know how to fucking do it. All I know is I want you here. Okay? Emily needs you. I need you. The rest we can figure out. I mean can’t we just—I don’t know—get each other off? Why can’t that be enough? I’ll pay you whatever you want.”
I shook my head. “You are fucked up, Declan. You think if you don’t kiss or fuck you’re not gay? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way. I can’t do this. I’m not gonna be your dirty fucking secret.”
“Jesus, Andy, it’s not like that. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. My father. God, if you only knew. I know I’m fucked up. Just…”
I interrupted him. “Declan, whatever your father did to you is in the past. He’s dead. But I can’t do whatever it is you’re asking me to.” I turned and walked toward the door.
“What the fuck do you want from me, Andy? You want me to buy you flowers—take you on dates? What the fuck do you want?”
“I want everything, Declan. I want dates. I want flowers. I want to kiss you. I want to fuck you and I want you to fuck me. I want to sleep in your bed. I want everything. If you can’t give it all to me, then I don’t want anything.”
I opened the front door. “Declan, I can’t keep this up. It’s too hard for me. You probably need to find someone else to keep Emily during the week. I’m too attached already. She has camp next week. I need to take some time off. Tell her I’ll see her in a few days.”
“Fuck, Andy. Don’t leave. I’ll pay you whatever you want. I’ll do whatever you want. We can just go back to how things were.”
“No, Dec, I told you what I want.”