Chapter One
Aaron, that evening, had asked himself upon walking through the door why he kept going there, just like he asked himself every weekend. And yet there he was, standing at the stairs that ran down onto the thrashing dance floor, scanning the room for a clear path to his favorite corner seat at the bar. Despite the inebriation and the thrills of the music, a few people had gazed at him, scanned him, and produced a smile. He had smiled back and hurried to his seat where he felt a bit less like a prize exhibit at a fair.
Still, even now, he can feel a few pairs of eyes on the back of his head, making him too nervous to look around. He thinks he knows why they're looking: he's young, he's quiet, and he's probably turned some of them down before. But one thing that still seems to be flying over his head is just how gorgeous he is.
Aaron is a tall, lean, mousy-haired young man of twenty, retaking his first year of college for the third year running. His eyes are a piercing blue, his lips are full and soft, and his body is perfectly proportioned, built like a young swimmer or sprinter, with taut, moderately large muscles straining against his shirt.
As for why he's there... He himself isn't quite sure. He started going with the Pride Club in his first year of university, and slowly started going more and more often, with or without them. He can't always drink, he doesn't dance, and, so far, he has not met anyone he particularly fancied. His best guess is that it is better than sitting home doing nothing.
But suddenly someone catches his eye that makes him glad he came after all. A large man is pushing through the crowd, scowling a little, smiling a little, as he tries to make a beeline for the bar. He is at least as tall as Aaron, if not taller, and he is built like a figure athlete. His features suggest he is Hispanic, with shortish wavy black hair, dark eyes, and an olive complexion, made dusty by the strobe lights. His tee fits him about a size too small, and his five o' clock shadow is movie-star perfect. Ordinarily, Aaron would roll his eyes at this sort of a guy, mutter “jock,” and carry on sipping his drink. But this guy is different. This guy has...what could only be described as an aura around him.
Their eyes meet briefly and stay locked before Aaron realizes he's staring. And by that time, it's too late. The man has sat down next to him.
“Hey there, I know you from somewhere,” the man says with a friendly smile.
“Probably from here,” Aaron replies.
The man looks Aaron up and down. “If I had seen you here before, you'd remember me,” he says, his smile turning into a cocky grin.
Aaron laughs. “I... Nevermind.”
“No, no, out with it. You started saying something there,” the man presses before flagging down the bartender and pointing at the rum and the cola.
“I... I'm Aaron. Pleased to meet you,” he says, offering his hand.
The other man looks at his hand briefly, as though unsure why someone is shaking hands at a club, then shakes it anyway. “Javier. And that was not what you were about to say.”
Aaron laughs again. “No... I was about to say... I haven't gone home with anyone from here, so if I remembered you it would be for turning you down.”
“Well, then we've probably never spoken,” Javier says. “Because I don't think I've ever been turned down here.”
“Whoa there, stud.” Aaron's smile slips away after saying this as he wonders whether he has said anything awkward.
Javier laughs now. “You look like a tomato. What's come over you?”
Aaron shrugs. “Nothing. I'm just...a total social wreck.”
Javier shakes his head and accepts the glass the bartender hands him, taking a sip. “No, you're not. It's called small talk. It's meant to be awkward.” Javier pauses and his eyes rest on Aaron's glass. “How many of those have you had?”
Aaron looks down at his glass. “Three.”
“Oh, cool,” Javier replies. “What is it?”
“Vanilla cola.”
“No booze?”
“Well, no... Why are you so interested in my drink? Want to try it?” Aaron asks.
“No... More like I wanted to ask whether you want to go past small talk.” Javier grins.
Aaron feels his face blushing hot again. “Well...I...uh...”
“It's a good start. You haven't said 'no.'” Javier sips his rum and cola. “Whose record are we going to break? Yours of no hookups or mine of no rejections?”
Aaron's skin feels hotter and hotter. Usually by now he would have told the guy that he wasn't interested. But this time it's different. Because this time he is. “I... If you're the right guy, then maybe,” he eventually replies.
“The right guy? You some kind of a Victorian princess?” Javier raises an eyebrow.
Aaron laughs. “Not that... Just... Let's see where we go.” He shrugs a little, avoiding eye contact and raising his drink to his lips.
“How about we break the ice with a little kiss?” Javier says.
Had he leaned in at that exact moment, Aaron would most likely have reverted to his usual judgment of “jock” and turned Javier down. That is the usual way it goes down with people who speak to him like that. But Aaron waits for the lean...and it doesn't happen. His eyes make contact with Javier's.
“How about it?” Javier repeats.
Aaron looks at Javier's lips, his strong jaw, his thick hair...and all he can think is 'fuck it.' “Yeah, I'd like that,” he says, leaning a little closer to Javier.
Their lips lock in a passionate kiss. Aaron has kissed quite a few guys. But he's never felt this before. It is electric. Brushing lips is like teasing static. Pressing together is like Javier's body is charging him up. Their tongues meeting, and Javier's teeth lightly nibbling his lips, makes him feel like he is melting away. Pure energy.
As they break the kiss, Aaron looks up into Javier's dark eyes. He feels completely bewitched. Javier smirks like he knows he's winning and dives in for another kiss, one hand at Aaron's head, running his fingers through Aaron's hair, the other resting on Aaron's thigh.
That, Aaron is not quite ready for. Fighting his own urges, he holds Javier's hand to prevent it from sliding further up, and breaks the kiss.
“What?” Javier asks. “Not yet?”
Aaron feels hot, thrilled, ready... “No, not yet.”
“That's cool, if you want to take it a bit slower,” Javier replies.
Aaron doesn't want to fuck, not yet. But he does want to with Javier. He needs to. But... Not yet. “I would actually... Can we take it slow? Properly slow.”
Javier raises an eyebrow. “How slow?”
Aaron sighs. He knows that this is where it ends. This is where it always ends in places like this. And yet... He likes Javier. It's such a shame... “I was thinking... I've got to get home. But... You know that Cafe Red, on the corner by the old library?”
Javier nods.
“Can we meet there?”
“Don't you have your own place?”
Aaron laughs as he counts out his change. “Not... Not like that. At the cafe. For an actual coffee. Tomorrow, around...say...eleven?”
Javier blinks. “This...is not a dating bar.”
Aaron feels uncomfortable again suddenly. “I... I know that... I just... I... I like you. I would like to...get to know you.”
Javier stares a few seconds longer, then smiles softly. “Sure, dude, I'll meet you there.”
“Really? You can say if you don't want to,” Aaron adds. “You don't need to pretend.”
“I'll be there, Aaron,” Javier insists.
“Uh...cool. I'll be going then,” Aaron replies with an awkward grin. “See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.”
***
Sitting at the coffee table, Aaron feels stupid more than anything. Stupid for asking. Stupid for going along with the pretense that Javier would even show up. And stupid for sitting there sipping coffee, waiting for a date who is obviously not going to arrive, when he could be at the park, at school, or seeing a few friends. Looking at his phone he reminds himself that it's not even eleven yet, and then feels stupid for not exchanging phone numbers. It was all just so...awkward.
Still, he has come prepared. To look a little less alone and neglected, he picks up a textbook he had brought with him to pass the time. It isn't interesting, but it's a great barrier against the quiet but piercing voice of social anxiety which is trying to tell him he's an idiot.
“Hey, what are you reading?” a voice quietly says from across the table.
Aaron lowers the book. It's Javier. He's actually there. He wants to say something smart, something bold, something sexy. “You're here.”
Javier laughs under his breath. “Yes, I am.”
Aaron stands up and hugs Javier. “I'm so glad you're giving me a chance,” he continues, leaning in for a kiss.
Javier leans back. Aaron moves again.
Javier leans away again, almost instinctively, with a sudden deer-in-headlights stare, before glancing around the room.
Aaron feels offended first, then confused, then offended again. Javier moves to sit down and Aaron returns to his seat. “What was that?” Aaron asks, unsure whether to be offended or not.
“I... I would rather not in public, in...daylight,” Javier explains. “If that's cool with you?”
Aaron's eyes grow wide with realization. “You... You're not out?” he whispers. “You've come on a date and you're not out?”
“It's complicated, okay?” Javier replies.
“Oh God, I'm so sorry...” Aaron begins, then another thought crosses his mind. “Why did you agree to come though?”
Javier shrugs. “I suppose I like you,” he answers in an oddly bold-toned whisper.
“If you're going to be this quiet here...would you prefer to walk and talk?” Aaron asks. “Would you be more comfortable?”
Javier nods. “Yeah, I'm not big on enclosed spaces.”
“Other than clubs.”
“Other than clubs,” he agrees with a grin.
Putting his book away and leaving the money for his coffee, Aaron wonders why it is that Javier makes him feel so light, so excited, so brimming with joy. He has never felt like this before for anyone, and he had assumed that to feel like this you had to have known someone for months, maybe even years. Until the day before he had been a love-at-first-sight cynic, but the more time he spends in Javier's company, the more he believes.
Exiting the cafe, Aaron reaches for Javier's hand, which is promptly stuffed in a pocket. “Yeah...right...” he says dejectedly.
Javier grins. “Let's just...find somewhere a bit more private.”
Aaron feels his heart light up. All he wants is to touch Javier again, to feel that electricity... He follows Javier to a local park. He knows this park well. He used to go there all the time during his first year of college, when he took nothing seriously. Javier clearly knows the way there too. All Aaron can think of are the collapsing willow branches in his favorite corner of the park, providing a natural curtain to shelter them from prying eyes. And then he can feel Javier's electric skin again.
Javier seems to have had the same idea and is marching straight toward the willows.
“Uh, so you know them too?” Aaron says, nodding at the trees.
“Yeah, I used to come here a lot as a kid,” Javier replies.
“Oh, yeah, sure...” Aaron nods.
“Why? What did you think I knew them from?” Javier asks, looking entertained.
“Well... I... You...” Aaron stammers, blushing.
“Nah, I get it. I already let on that I'm a bit of a slut.” Javier laughs. “But I prefer to go home with my dates. Rolling around in the wet grass in a park at night really isn't my thing.”
“I guess not,” Aaron replies, still feeling a bit awkward about the whole thing. He wishes he had the confidence to own who he is, to speak so boldly and so bluntly as Javier does. And yet...he is fully out, and Javier isn't. Javier is still at the stage of sneaking around behind society's back, scared to be seen holding hands with a man whilst the sun is up. How can he be so confident, so unapologetic, and yet so...scared? Aaron shrugs it off. Everyone in their own time, after all.
Under the willow, with the light streaming through the leaves like golden arrows, they embrace again.
It feels good.
Aaron wraps his arms around Javier, noting that they are indeed the exact same height. He runs his fingers through those thick dark locks. Javier seizes Aaron's hips and pulls him close, pressing their bodies together. They stare deeply into each other's eyes and feel at peace. Every point where their bodies are touching is flooded with energy and love, so sensitive they can feel their own pulses in their fingertips, and each other's pulse in their touching chests.
Javier leans down, his lips brushing Aaron's gently. Aaron feels shivers travel down his spine and closes his eyes gently. Javier's breath on his lips tastes so sweet.
“Hey beautiful,” Javier whispers against Aaron's lips. “Wanna make out?”
Aaron feels a tension in his heart, his hands, and his groin as the blood leaves his brain and prepares for something much more serious than making out. He wants so, so much more. For the first time in his life, he truly wants to fuck someone. Not just in the abstract sense of desiring a physical relationship, but in the sense that he has finally met someone to attach that desire to. He never wanted to fuck anyone he knew before. But he wants to fuck Javier. And it's driving him crazy.
He grips his fingers in Javier's hair and pulls his date into a deep and passionate kiss. It wasn't a fluke last night. The same sparks fly as soon as their lips make contact. Is this what love feels like? It strikes him that he can't really know for sure. All he knows is that nobody has made him feel like this before.
Javier puts his hands under Aaron's thighs. Aaron feels the olive-skinned man's large hands gripping him firmly and lifting him up. He feels a little nervous and collapses against Javier's chest for some support as he wraps his legs around Javier's hips.
It just feels so...right. More right than anything he has ever done before. This is the guy. He wants to be with him, to know him, to taste him. And yet...
Aaron breaks the kiss, leaning away from Javier as he starts moving in again. “I can't do this,” Aaron says.