TEN

 

“You and Nick, huh?” Aunt Kelly waggled her eyebrows.

“How long has this been going on?” Mom asked intently. No waggling of eyebrows on her end. I thought she’d be happy. She loved Nick. But her stern expression was not one of joy or happiness.

She was standing in front of me, hand on her hip, lips pursed. Her hair was sweaty and messy, and she was wearing that weird aerobics outfit again. Aunt Kelly sat on the recliner, wiping her brow with a workout towel. They were both staring at me with wide eyes. It was like a scene out of a bad nineties movie. And I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing. Mom narrowed her eyes. Aunt Kelly furrowed her brow. I fought to rein it in. “Sorry. It’s just…I have a hard time taking you seriously when you’re wearing that.”

Mom sighed. “Seriously, Rem. I don’t understand why you’re suddenly so worried about my workout clothes.” Shaking her head, she pinned me with a challenging look. Uh oh. “At least tell me you’re being safe.”

Huh? “Safe?”

“Yeah, you know,” Mom lowered her voice, glancing around. “Using a condom.”

“Ewww. Mom.” I threw up my hands as if that could shield me from her words.

“I’ve always told you that you can be open about this kind of thing with me,” she said as if to reassure me. As if that’s what I wanted. To have sex talks with my mom. Really? I’d had one with her back in junior high, and it was the most awkward conversation ever.

“Yeah, I know,” I said. “But there’s nothing to tell. We kissed. That’s all.” Mom’s shoulders relaxed in obvious relief. “And it was only the one time,” I added sourly.

Mom’s eyebrows jumped up. “That was your first kiss?”

Aunt Kelly laughed. “And we walked in on it? You’ve got some timing, girl.”

You could say that again. I frowned. It was such a magical moment. And then poof. It was over. My insides knotted as I pictured Nick’s face when Mom called out my name. Not only was it our first kiss. It was probably our last.

“Now that you and Nick are dating, I’ll have to set some ground rules.”

Ground rules. Great. That was another thing that hadn’t changed. Even the 2018 version of my mom loved setting ground rules. And were Nick and I dating? I hoped so.

“But right now, I need to hop in the shower.” Her head bounced toward me. “We’ll talk later.”

Can’t wait.

Groaning, I rested my head against the couch cushions and stared upward as Mom left the room.

“Oh, it’s not so bad,” Aunt Kelly said, once Mom was gone. “Your mom is actually way cooler about this than my mom would’ve been.”

“That doesn’t actually make me feel better.” I barely knew my grandma, but the stories I’d been told made her sound like some kind of tyrant.

“It’s hard, you know,” Kelly continued. “Having to raise you guys on her own. She’s doing her best.”

I sat forward. “You make her sound like a single mom.”

Aunt Kelly shrugged. “She kinda is.”

“No, she’s not,” I said firmly, protectiveness for my dad igniting in my gut. “Dad works on a job out of town for a few months, but then he comes back.”

“Yeah.” Aunt Kelly snorts. “For a couple of weeks. And when he’s gone, she hardly hears from him.”

“A couple of weeks?” That wasn’t right. After his last job he was back for over a month. And prior to that he was put on a local job.

“Yeah, I swear that man likes to be away from his family.”

“That’s not true.” I crossed my arms over my chest, anger swimming in my veins. Is it? He did seem distant when I talked to him earlier. And I’d never seen Aunt Kelly like this. She and my dad were super close. Then again, this version of Kelly seemed bitter, insecure. Nothing like the Kelly I knew. Sadness blanketed me. I wasn’t sure I liked all of these changes. I missed the way things were.

I missed my cool Aunt Kelly with her high-powered job, her cute clothes and closet full of shoes. I missed Dad facetiming us, joking around, and kissing Mom through the screen. I missed Ava and the choir and snapchatting my friends. My heart ached.

“Nick sure is a hottie, though. I’d hold on to that one.” Aunt Kelly threw me a wink.

I smiled, my heart flipping in my chest. He was a hottie. But the only way to hold on to him was to stay here. Everything about my life was different now, and most of it wasn’t great. But Nick was. And we had something special. A connection I’d never had with another guy. He was deep in a way that surprised me. And I wanted to get to know him better. I wanted to see if we had something.

Maybe if we did it would be strong enough to follow us back to 2018.

I doubted it, but I had to try. I couldn’t go back. Not yet. It may have been selfish, but I had to see where this thing with Nick would take me. I’d hate myself forever if I didn’t.

 

***

 

The ground rules weren’t so bad, and most were what I expected. They were pretty much the same rules Mom had for Ian and every guy I’d dated prior to that. Basically, we couldn’t be in my room with the door closed or be alone in either of our houses. And I had to tell Mom where we were going on our dates.

The problem was that I wasn’t sure there would be a date. Or that Nick would even want to be alone with me.

It had been more than twenty-four hours since our kiss in his front yard, and I hadn’t heard from him at all. I hadn’t even seen him in the front yard. Last night, his car had been gone until after I went to bed. And today he must’ve been holed up in his house. His car stayed put in the driveway, the curtains closed tight to the house.

Okay, okay, I know I sounded like a total stalker. But, to be fair, I was used to stalking people. Well, social media stalking, anyway. Since I didn’t have that anymore, staring out my window was the only way I could try to check up on him. I was worried that our relationship had been ruined before it had even begun.

Brooke had called earlier today. I ended up spilling the entire story about our kiss and its disastrous ending, mainly because she wouldn’t stop fishing for information. She assured me it was no big deal, but also offered to talk to Nick for me if I wanted. But she seemed overly eager to be involved, so I begged her not to. I couldn’t figure out what her angle was, and I still didn’t fully trust her.

Lying on my bed, I stared at the ceiling listening to the music blaring from my boombox. I’d started branching out from the Wilson Phillips CD, and was now listening to Mariah Carey. Bouncing my feet in time to the music, I lightly hummed along and wondered what Nick was up to. Where had he been all last night? Was he with another girl? One who’s mom wouldn’t walk in on them kissing? Oh, god. A fresh wave of embarrassment rolled over me.

If only I had my cell so I could check his Instagram or Facebook or Snapchat and find out what he was doing. Then again, maybe I didn’t want to know.

My bedroom door swung open, and Mom walked in, her eyebrows raised. Walking into the room, she turned my music down. “Nick’s on the phone for you,” she said breathlessly as if she’d been running.

“Really?” Pulse jumpstarting, I sat up. “I didn’t even hear the phone ring.”

Mom cocked her head to the side. “I can’t imagine why,” she said sarcastically, her gaze traveling down to my boombox.

Oh. Right. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

“I like loud music. You know that,” she said. “But there’s no need to make your ears bleed.”

“Got it.” I scooted to the edge of my bed and reached for my phone.

“Go ahead.” Mom turned to walk out of the room. “I’ll hang it up downstairs.”

“Thanks.” Hands shaking, I picked it up. “Hey, Nick.” I attempted to sound breezy and carefree, as if I hadn’t been lying here obsessing about him.

“Hey,” he answered.

My heart did that tumbling thing it always did at the sound of his voice. In my ear there was a loud click when Mom hung up the other phone. “What’s up?”

“Wanted to see if you still needed a ride tomorrow to school.”

My stomach dropped. He was so formal. So distant. So, unlike yesterday. “Um…yeah.”

“Cool. See ya in the morning.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled.

After setting the phone down, I sat there numbly. Man, I could kill my mom for driving up at that exact moment. I mean, her stupid aerobics class couldn’t have gone a little longer? But wait. Could he have really been that upset about Mom interrupting us? There’s no way he’d avoid me just because of that. It had to be something else….oh, god, maybe it had nothing to do with Mom. Maybe I was a terrible kisser.

Heat working its way up my spine, I relived yesterday’s kiss. It was freakin’ epic on my end. But what was it like from his? Was I slobbery? Unpracticed? I’d kissed plenty of times, but not in this lifetime. And even in 2018, my love life was pretty crappy. I tried to remember if Ian had ever told me I was a good kisser. He hadn’t, had he? And then he randomly kissed someone else at a party.

How had I not figured this out before?

I was a bad kisser.

And it was ruining everything.