SEVENTEEN

 

I was supposed to be studying. Instead, I’d been snapchatting with Ava for the past hour. We’d sent each other dozens of pictures of ourselves using Snapchat filters. I was taking a picture of myself as a cat when a notification came up that I got a snap from Ian.

My stomach dropped.

I clicked on it.

It was a selfie of him wearing a frown with the caption I’M SORRY.

Seriously? Even if I wasn’t over him and totally into someone else, I still would’ve been disgusted. Did he think this dumb picture would work?

Also, why was I still friends with him on here?

I guess I was too busy in 1993 to clean up my social media accounts. So, I did it now. I went through all of them and deleted Ian. Breathing a sigh of relief, I shot a text to Ava.

Me: Ian snapchatted me.

Ava: What did he say?

Me: I’m sorry.

Ava: Loser.

Me: Right?

Ava: What did you say?

Me: Nothing. I deleted him.

Ava: Good for you.

It would’ve been a huge accomplishment a few weeks ago. Before I’d gone back in time, I had been so into Ian. I’d like to think I wouldn’t have taken him back no matter what. But I sometimes wondered. If it weren’t for Nick, would I have fallen for Ian’s apologies? Would I have run right back into his arms?

Hopefully, I would’ve been smarter than that. But who knows?

Sliding off my bed, I walked to the window. Nick’s car was gone. I glanced at my phone. Biting my lip, I typed in Nick’s name. Nothing. Huh. Clicking out of that app, I went into Instagram and found him instantly. Smiling, I scrolled through his pictures. They were mostly of him and his friends, some football memes and gifs. I stopped when I came upon a picture of him and his sister. His arm was slung over her shoulders, and his smile was wide.

My mind traveled back to that night on his front lawn when he told me all about his sister. I wondered if that was all still true now.

Rubbing my thumb over the picture, I touched his face, wishing I could touch it in real life. God, I missed him so much my whole body ached. I missed the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, missed the way his hair fell over his forehead when he laughed, missed the way it felt when he kissed me.

Oh, god.

My heart stopped.

When I was touching the screen, I accidentally liked his picture.

I broke out in a sweat. This was bad. Really bad. The picture was from months ago. And we didn’t even follow each other. He would know I was stalking him.

Blowing out a breath, I lowered myself down on the edge of my bed and texted Ava.

Me: OMG! I did something really stupid.

Ava: What now?

Me: Now? Do I do stupid things a lot?

Ava: Seriously?

I laughed.

Me: I hate you.

Ava: Ditto.

I laughed again.

Me: I was stalking Nick’s account, and I accidentally liked an old pic.

Ava: What?

Me: Is it that bad?

Ava: Worse.

Me: Thanks a lot.

Ava: You want me to lie to you?

Me: Of course not.

Groaning, I lie back on my bed.

Me: Should I unlike it?

Ava: NO!

Yeah, I guess that was stupid. Then he’d see me like it and unlike it. Ugh. This was a disaster.

Me: What do I do?

Ava: Nothing.

She was right. It was too late to fix this.

This would never happen in 1993.

 

***

 

“Man, he’s so hot.” Ava sat next to me on the bleachers, her elbows resting on her knees.

I stared straight ahead watching Nick jog across the field, a football tucked under his arm. “Yeah, he is,” I mumbled.

Around us, everyone cheered, laughed or chatted. The scent of hot dogs, chips and sweat wafted under my nose. 

“I’ve always had a thing for guys in uniform,” Ava said.

Huh? Is Ava into Nick too?

I turned to her, following her gaze. It was locked on Sam who sat a few rows in front of us with the rest of the marching band.

I laughed. “Whoever said that probably didn’t mean a marching band uniform.”

“Shut up.” She wacked me in the leg. “He’s totally hot.”

My gaze found Nick again. He was throwing the football toward another player. “Oh, yeah, he is.”

“Have you told him yet that you got the solo?” Ava asked.

A wave of adrenaline rushed through me. I was shocked when my choir teacher announced that I’d gotten the solo in class today. And I still felt a little stunned.

“Haven’t had the chance,” I said, shaking my head. “Maybe I’ll get to after the game.”

Our team made a touchdown, and everyone screamed and clapped. Ava and I flinched. The cheerleaders jumped up and down with their pom poms, kicking up their legs and squealing. I’d seen the cheer squad in action before at rallies and stuff, but it was weird watching them this time now that I had memories of being out there with them.

Glancing over to the edge of the bleachers, I remembered seeing Ava with her mom at that game in the nineties.

“Hey, how’s it going with your mom?” I asked. It wasn’t something Ava talked about. Not unless I asked.

She shrugged. “Okay.” Frowning, she added, “Same.”

“Still miserable, huh?”

Ava offered me a knowing smile. “Yep.”

“I’m sorry, Aves.”

She waved away my words. “It’s whatever.”

That was her way of ending the conversation. I took the hint, returning my attention to the game. Ian and Melissa walked in front of the bleachers, hands linked. I was surprised by the way my stomach soured. It’s not like I wanted to be with him.

Melissa could have him.

Whatever.

But still.

“Are they together now?” Ava asked, eyes narrowing.

“I don’t know. Seems like it.”

“She deserves him.”

I nodded, but irritation nagged at me. He cheated on me, and now he got the girl? And what about me? I was the one alone.

Always alone.

Ignoring Ian, I spotted Nick on the field and smiled. I hadn’t always been alone. I’d been with Nick. I mean, okay, so not in this lifetime. And what we had hadn’t lasted that long. But it had happened.

I remembered it.

Every. Single. Detail.

It did happen.

And now I needed to make it happen again.

Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands and watched the game. Well, if I’m being honest, I wasn’t really watching the game. I was mostly watching Nick.

At halftime, the marching band took the field. Sam waved at Ava as he passed, and she giggled into her hand.

“Wow, you’re super into him,” I teased.

“Totes,” she joked back, and we both laughed.

While Ava was fixated on Sam, I searched for Nick. He and his teammates were filing off the field. When he passed the cheerleaders, Brooke bounded over to him, her hand resting on his arm. My stomach constricted. She laughed, tossing her hair back. I waited for him to back away from her, but he didn’t. He leaned in close, speaking near her ear. It almost looked like they’d kiss.

Bile rose in my throat.

Was he into her?

Averting my gaze from the two of them, I blew out a ragged breath. My eyes were hot, my throat dry.

I knew it would be hard to see Nick with someone else, but I never once imagined that someone would be Brooke.

This was way too hard.

“You okay?” Ava hand landed on my shoulder.

“Yeah. Fine.” I cleared my throat. “Um…I need to go the bathroom.”

Standing on shaky legs, I carefully walked down the bleachers. They creaked and rattled under my feet. I almost tripped over a purse and someone’s nacho tray. But eventually I made it to the bottom without falling, thank god.

“Remy!” Ian’s voice rang out right before I made it to the bathroom.

I thought about ignoring him, but Ian was persistent. I liked it when we were together. Now it was annoying. After blowing out an exasperated breath, I slowly turned. Crossing my arms over my chest, I said, “Yeah?”

“Are you gonna stay mad at me forever?” He swaggered in my direction, cocking a half-smile. Once upon a time it worked on me.

But not today.

“Yep.” I started to turn, but he stopped me.

“Wait. Please, stop. I’ve said I was sorry a million times. What more do you want?”

“Nothing,” I told him “I want you to leave me alone.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I really do.”

“But I want you back, Rem.”

Of course he did. Ian liked a challenge. He never wanted me this bad when he actually had me.

“You’re with Melissa,” I reminded him.

“No, I’m not.”

I laughed bitterly. “I just saw you with her.”

“I know, but I don’t want her. I want you.”

“Did you tell her that?”

He pressed his lips together.

I laughed again. “You didn’t, did you?”

“If I do, will you take me back?”

“You just did.” I pointed over his shoulder to where Melissa had walked up a second before. Her lips curled downward, her forehead pulling together in an ugly and severe way. “And no, I’m not taking you back.”

Shaking my head, I whirled around and headed toward the bathroom, leaving Ian to deal with his epic fail.