FOURTEEN

 

“You okay?” Mom sat at the edge of my bed, wearing her robe and holding a cup of coffee. The strong scent wafted under my nose as I rolled over in my bed. The covers rustled as they tangled around me.

“Yeah.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. I mean, I wasn’t really okay, but I would be. Soon.

I had a plan.

“What happened?” Her eyebrows knit together in a look of concern.

Brooke’s unkind words. Nick’s admission. Me running away. Nick insisting on walking me home. Us walking together in silence. Me racing inside without even saying goodbye.

The entire night flashed through my mind as a wave of nausea rolled over me.

“Nothing.” If I told her everything I’d end up a hot mess. So that was definitely a hard pass.

“Did Nick hurt you?”

“No,” I answered swiftly. At least not in the way she was thinking. “Brooke and I just got in a fight.” That should appease her.

She offered me a gentle smile and a pat on the leg through my comforter. “Well, friends fight all the time. You two will make up.”

I doubted it, but I smiled anyway.

After Mom left my room, I got dressed and ready for the day. Then I headed downstairs, wolfed down a bowl of cereal and slipped into a pair of tennis shoes.

“Can I use the car?” I asked Mom, who was sitting on the couch reading a magazine.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to take care of something,” I said, hoping that would be enough for her.

She smiled. “Gonna go talk to Brooke, huh?”

I nodded. Another lie. I was really racking them up this morning.

“Okay. Sure. Keys are on the kitchen counter.”

I snatched them up and raced outside. It was warmer this morning than it was last night. Still, a chill settled over me from the slight breeze. My t-shirt didn’t offer much in the way of protection. I hurried to Mom’s car, praying Nick wouldn’t spot me. I wasn’t quite ready to talk to him. There was someone else I needed to see first.

When I pulled up in front of the familiar house, my shoulders relaxed. As I walked up the front walkway, I felt like myself for the first time in weeks. Lifting my arm, I rapped on the door the way I’d done countless times in my life.

It popped open and Ava stood in front of me wearing a scowl. “What are you doing here?”

I wanted to wrap my arms around her neck. I wanted to shake her until she remembered we were besties. I wanted her to be my Ava again so bad I had to fight back a scream. But instead, I forced a smile.

“I came to say I’m sorry.”

Leaning against the doorframe, she crossed her arms over her chest. “I figured once your popular BFFs dumped you, you’d come crawling back to me. Just didn’t think it’d be this fast.”

“I know it seems like that’s why I’m here. I’d think the same thing. But that’s not why.” I bit my lip. This was so stupid. She’d never believe a word of it. Ava’d always been suspicious of people. And she was right. My timing sucked. But I had to keep going. It’s not like I had a lot of time. “I’ve missed you, Ava.”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes. “How gullible do you think I am?”

“I mean it. I miss you. I miss us.” I sighed. “I miss making up songs, and singing in choir and finishing each other’s sentences, and writing inappropriate poetry.” I giggled, and even though Ava didn’t laugh with me, her lips twitched slightly at the corners. “I miss staying up late to eat junk food and watch tv. I miss snapchatting, and texting and Starbucks runs late at night.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, and I realized I’d gone too far. “Okay, I have no idea what the last part of that meant, but yeah, I guess I kinda miss the other stuff too.” Her face hardens. “But it doesn’t matter. Those days are over. You really hurt me, Remy.”

“What exactly happened between us?”

She recoiled, her eyes widening. “Seriously? You want to rehash this?”

“I just want to understand.”

“What’s there to understand? You dumped me for the popular crowd.”

“After making cheer squad?”

“Yep.” She frowned.

“So, it wasn’t because of Nick? It was because of Brooke and the girls?”

She shrugged. “Why are you asking me this? You know better than I do.”

If only I could tell her. I took a deep breath. “It’s all a blur at this point, Ava.”

“Fine. You can play dumb if you need to. If it somehow makes you feel better,” she answered bitterly. “But no, I don’t think it was because of Nick. You and Nick hung out for weeks before you ditched me. I was actually really happy for you at first. You’d finally gotten close to Nick the way you’d wanted to for years. But then you made the cheer squad and became friends with Brooke and…well, now here we are.”

“I’ve screwed everything up, haven’t I?”

Ava nodded.

I laughed. At least she was being honest.

“Why? Are you and Nick over too?” I was surprised by her question. Surprised she cared, actually. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she was digging for dirt. But whatever. I didn’t care. It just felt good to talk to Ava.

“I think so.”

“You broke up?” Her mouth gaped.

“Not yet,” I said. “But I think I have to break things off.”

“Why?”

“He doesn’t know the real me.”

“Yeah, he does,” Ava said. “He’s known you for years. This Remy imposter has only been around a few months. There’s no way he thinks this is the real you.”

“But he didn’t really know me. I mean, we rarely ever talked before.”

“Well, yeah, but you lived next door to each other. It’s not like the guy’s blind. Besides, he told you he’d been sort of crushing on you from a distance for a long time.”

“He did?”

Ava frowned. “Did you hit your head or something recently?”

“No. I’m…confused, I guess.”

“Yeah, I’ve felt like that for awhile,” Ava said softly, her words cutting to my heart.

“I really am sorry, Ava. For everything.”

Pressing her lips together, she nodded. I figured it was the best I was going to get. Smiling at Ava one last time, I spun around and headed back to my mom’s car. One more person to talk to, and then I was going home.

My real home.

 

***

I had practiced what I was going to say a million times, but now that Nick was standing in front me, I’d lost the ability to speak. My tongue felt like it had swollen to crazy proportions and my lips refused to move. His blue eyes were even bluer than usual, if that was even possible. And had his muscles grown since I saw him last? Yeah, I think they had. Also, had he gotten tanner? Hotter?

Oh, man. Was I really doing this?

He was the total package. He was literally all that and a bag of chips. And he was mine.

Well, sort of.

Not really.

See. That was the thing. He wasn’t mine at all, was he?

“What’s going on, Remy?” The pads of his fingers skimmed my jawline. I shivered, backing up. There’s no way I could go through with this while he did that. “Talk to me.”

I swallowed hard. “I just…I can’t…I’m not sure.” Breathe, Remy, breathe. I inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. Here goes nothing… “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Any of it,” I said, glancing around. “This isn’t my life.”

His forehead became a mess of squiggly lines. “Huh?”

I sighed. “This isn’t me, Nick. The girl you’ve fallen for, she’s not real.”

Nick stepped forward. Staring into my eyes, his hand reached out and circled my wrist. “You seem real to me.” He chuckled lightly.

He thought I was joking. I shook my head. “I’m being serious, Nick.”

His eyes flashed. “So am I. You’re not making any sense. I get that you’re mad about what Brooke said, but none of that changes anything between us.”

“Actually, it does. It changes everything.”

“How?” He closed his hand around mine. “We’re still us. We still care about each other.” His gaze crashed into mine. “Don’t we?”

Oh, god, he was hot. “Yeah.” Okay, forget all this. Let’s make out.

No, Remy, stay focused. I blinked.

“There is no us, Nick.”

“What?” He let go of my hand.

I felt sick. “None of this is real.”

“Stop saying that. It doesn’t make any sense.” He ran a trembling hand through his hair. “You’re trippin’ over nothing, Remy. So, I helped you make the cheer squad. So, what? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Or maybe it’s what you wanted,” I said. “You didn’t want to date me when I wasn’t a cheerleader and I wasn’t popular.”

His eyes darkened, his lips falling downward. “Is that really what you think of me?”

“Is it untrue?”

“Yes,” he said. “God, Remy, you know how I feel about you. I liked you long before you were a cheerleader.”

“What if I was in choir? What if I still hung out with Ava and I wore t-shirts and ripped jeans and wrote poetry. Would you still like me then?”

“Of course.”

Tears filled my eyes. “No, you wouldn’t, because that’s who I am in 2018 and you don’t like me. You don’t even notice me.”

“2018?” His expression went from sad to wary in two seconds flat.

“Yeah, that’s where I came from. I traveled back in time or something. I don’t really get it. But a few weeks ago, I was in 2018. I had a cell phone and internet and all kinds of cool apps. And you’d been my neighbor for years. But we’re not together. We’re not even friends.” I lowered my gaze. “These past few weeks have been like a dream come true with you. And that’s why it’s killing me to say goodbye, but I have to, Nick. I have to go back home. You’ve fallen for an imposter. This isn’t the real me. I don’t belong here.”

“You belong in 2018?” He raised his brows.

“Right.” I nodded enthusiastically, relieved that he believed me.

Turning away from me, he let out a frustrated groan. “God, Remy, if you wanted to break up with me you could’ve done it like a normal person. You didn’t have to make up some crazy story.”

“It’s not a crazy story.”

“Sure. Right. You’re really from 2018.”

“I am.” I reached for him.

He pushed my hands away. “Whatever.”

“Nick.”

“No, Remy, you’re right. I don’t know you,” he said sadly. “I honestly thought you were the only person I could trust. I thought you were the first person who I could be myself with. The only person who was honest with me. But I guess I was wrong.”

My heart cracked inside my chest, and the pain I felt was excruciating. Tears streamed down my face. This was so much worse than I even imagined. My heart split open more with every step he took away from me until I was certain it was completely broken in two.

It took all my strength not to run after him and take back everything I’d said. I didn’t want it to end like this. I’d only told him the truth because I was hoping it would lessen the blow. That maybe things could end well between us.

But that was stupid.

Naïve even.

Like who would believe I was a time-traveler from 2018?

Sure. it worked in the movies, but this was real life.

I’d really messed this up.

But it was too late to fix it. What was done was done.

After wiping the tears from my face, I sniffed and took some deep breaths. I didn’t want Mom or Preston asking any questions. As I hurried inside, I was more anxious than ever to get back to 2018. There was literally nothing for me here anymore. Nothing at all.

Mom was still on the couch and Preston was playing Nintendo. I stared at them a minute. Then I glanced around the house. I wouldn’t miss any of this, that was for sure.

“I’m going to bed,” I announced as I marched across the room.

“Already? It’s not even nighttime?” Mom sat up, wearing a concerned expression.

“I know, but I’m not feeling well.” Yeah, I was doing it this time. Playing the sick card.

“Do you need anything? Medicine?” She set her magazine down. “Need me to check your temperature?”

“No, Mom, I’m fine.” I waved away her concern, keeping my face turned away from her. I may have wiped away the tears, but I was sure sadness was painted all over my face. Was a broken heart visible?

Once upstairs, I closed my door softly. Then I changed into my jammies and slipped under the covers in my bed. Grabbing the Discman, I put in the same CD I was listening to the night I came here. Placing the headphones on my ears, I pressed play. Desperately, I prayed this would work.

As I stared up at the ceiling, I replayed my relationship with Nick.

Our trip to his old house.

Our almost kiss.

Our first kiss.

Our late-night phone calls.

Our drives to school.

Tears poured down my face, leaving the salty taste lingering on my tongue. I missed him already. I’d probably miss him forever.

It hurt so bad I prayed that when I went back I wouldn’t remember any of it. Then I promptly took back that prayer. As tough as it was, I never wanted to forget one minute with Nick.

Closing my eyes, I wished I was back home. Back in 2018. Back with Ava.

Back in the choir. Back to being a “band geek.”

Back in the present.

Back to when there were cell phones and internet.

Back to before I fell in love and had my heart broken.

Back to when life was normal.