I’d made the decision to stay out of Kelly’s way for the rest of the day. I’d said some pretty fucked-up shit. None of which I meant. But that’s male pride for you. It was my intention to apologise at our appointment the next day. I was relieved that, since my memory was returning in pieces, the frequency of my appointments with Dr Darrow had been increased.

As it got to bedtime, regret was niggling at my brain and I wished there was some way I could contact her and apologise for my asshole behaviour. But alas, I would have to wait. After showering, I crawled into bed and switched the light off immediately. I had no interest in reading even though it was fairly early. I closed my eyes and it wasn’t long before sleep took me…

I let my eyes flutter open and turned my head to the side. She was smiling at me. Her beautiful green eyes full of life and vitality. Her deep red hair fell in curls and waves knotted with sleep around her pillow. My heart was filled with an intense love for the woman and I immediately pulled her into my arms. Her soft tits pressed against my bare chest and I slipped my hands down to cup her ass. I liked to wake and find her naked beside me. I leaned in and kissed her with a tenderness that I hoped she would read as my undying devotion to her. All the others before her… and there had been many… paled into insignificance when I looked at her. She made me a better man.

She reached out and cupped my face and I covered her hand with my own. “Have I told you how much I love you today?”

She smiled and shook her head no. “But then you have only just woken up, so I think I can forgive you.”

I pulled her and manoeuvred so that she was beneath me and placed a hand at either side of her head before I bent to kiss her full, luscious lips. She slipped her arms around me and played with my hair as I kissed the soft skin of her neck and trailed my tongue down to the ink on her shoulder. The tattooed roses and vines intertwined around her slender arm with our initials at the centre were the most beautiful way for her to affirm our love. Who needed a fucking wedding ring? I didn’t give a fuck that the rest of the crew ribbed me for being pussy whipped. They could stick with their fuck-‘em-and-leave-‘em lifestyle, but give me my woman and her smokin’-hot, curvaceous body any day of the fucking week.

“I want you, Cain. Make love to me.”

Her sweet voice made my spine tingle and my cock spring to life. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for this woman. The love in my heart for her was overwhelming, and as she wrapped her legs around me and I sunk myself inside her welcoming body, I felt the tension in my shoulders melt away. “God, I love you so much, Melody, so, so much.”

“Unh, Cain, I love you too…” Her softness beneath me felt so right. I was meant to be with her.

She was mine.

I sat up with a pounding heart and glanced to my side. Of course I was alone and in a fucking hospital bed in Scotland, covered in sweat.

What the fuck?

Melody?

Oh my God, that was it!

The reason I was drawn to Kelly. It must be that she reminded me of my girlfriend back home who must be called Melody. And now I’d been fucking unfaithful to her with my doctor. Bastard fucking shit! From the way my heart pounded for her in the dream it was clear that she was my true love. I clutched to the dream with both hands as I searched for something, anything to write on. But of course there was nothing in my room thanks to fucking security.

I dashed out the door and over to the nurses’ station. Glancing at the clock, I realised it was almost nine thirty, and my appointment with Kelly was at ten. Patty was behind the desk on the phone, and I drummed my fingers on its shiny surface, impatiently waiting for her to finish. Finally she hung up the call.

“Patty, please… do you have a pen and paper I can use? It’s… it’s urgent.”

Concern washed over her ageing features. “Cain, is everything okay, hon?”

“Yeah, yeah, fine, but I need to write some stuff down as soon as possible, please.” My words fell from my mouth in a rush as my heart continued to pound. She scrambled around her work station and pulled up some paper and a pencil and thrust them at me. I grabbed them and began scribbling illegibly and frantically, every piece of the dream I had managed to recall. My chest heaved like I was running a marathon, and Patty looked on with worry still etched on her face.

Once I was satisfied that I had documented every part of the dream I could remember, I made my way down the corridor and sat on the seat outside Kelly’s office. I had to explain. I had to apologise. I needed to find Melody as well as Rosa. And I needed to make Kelly see that I hadn’t intended to hurt her. That the reason I was so drawn to her was that she felt familiar to me and surely that was a good thing. Another piece of the puzzle clicked.

I bounced my knee and chewed on my nail. Why the fuck was time passing so slowly? I needed to speak to Kelly, and I was on the verge of barging into to her office and demanding that she speak to me when her door opened and some old dude stepped out. Must be another patient. He wore a pair of brown slacks and a cream shirt with a blazer. He looked a little too smart to be a patient, and I didn’t recognise him as one of the inmates.

“Cain Somers, I presume?” he asked, staring straight at me.

I scrunched my brow. “What’s it to you?”

“I’m Doctor Magnus Reilly. I’m replacing Doctor Darrow for—”

I stood quickly. “What the fuck? Replacing her why?”

He smiled warmly and held his hands up as he shook his head. “No, no, Mister Somers, you misunderstand me.” His voice was soft and he had a kindly nature, but that meant nothing at that precise moment. He continued, “It’s temporary. I’m just stepping in whilst Doctor Darrow takes some well-earned rest.”

I shook my head and clenched my fists. “Well, there’s no fucking way I’m talking to you, dude. She never told me she was going on vacation. Why would she do that? I mean… we were making progress. I don’t get it.” Anger rose within me, and I had to rein myself in before I punched the fucking wall.

“I understand your trepidation, Cain, but in all honesty I’m just as qualified to deal with your case as Doctor Darrow so—”

I stepped forward and pointed in his face. “Yeah? Well you don’t know me and I can’t trust you. So we’ll just forget it until Kelly gets back.” I turned and stomped down the corridor and back into my room, slamming the door almost off its hinges.

How the fuck dare she do this to me? And of all times she could do it, she fucking abandons me now when I need her the most.

I needed to see her. I needed to talk to her. But the only way that could happen would be for me to break out of the fucking prison I was being kept in.

I had to think fast.

Esme and I sat enjoying the plush dining room of the Kingsmill Hotel. We’d had a wonderful afternoon of last-minute pampering following my eviction from work and were now eating a posh dinner in romantic surroundings that should have been experienced with a lover and not a best friend. Esme, my oldest and dearest friend, had been plugging me for information all day. But so far I had managed to avoid her questions and change the subject. She was staying over at mine, where she had parked her car, so I knew the Spanish Inquisition was set to continue into the night.

The problem was that she could read me like a book. The way she looked at me told me that she had drawn her own conclusions, and I knew I’d have to come clean at some point. We sat in ponderous silence, savouring a delicious meal, and I could feel her eyes on me.

I huffed and placed my cutlery down. “Okay… what do you want to know?”

Esme placed her wine glass down and clapped her hands like a giddy schoolgirl, making her blonde curls bounce. “Thank goodness! I thought you were going to keep this up all bloody night! Okay… so what’s his name? What does he look like? Have you fucked him? If so, was he good?” Her eyes were wide and her grin even wider. I couldn’t help but laugh. Sadly, the laughter was short-lived.

“Oh, Ez. As much as I really want to I… I can’t tell you. I would be putting you in a very awkward position, and that’s just not fair.” My lip began to tremble, and a look of grave concern replaced the excitement on my best friend’s face.

She reached across the table and squeezed my arm. In a just audible voice she asked, “Kel, how long have you known me?”

I shrugged. “I’ve know you most of my life.”

“And have I ever broken your trust in that time? Have I ever judged you? Have I ever given you a reason to not trust me?”

I shook my head as I dabbed my eyes with my free hand. “No, no and no.”

“Then whatever it is you can tell me. Okay?”

“Remember Clara, my therapist? I saw her today and she said I need to tell someone because I couldn’t tell her either.”

Esme’s worried gaze burned into me. “But you usually tell me everything. And I know how much you trust Clara. So this must be something big. Look, I promise I will listen with an open mind. Like I said, I won’t judge you.”

I swallowed to try and dislodge the ball of emotion that was tightening my throat. “But… this may be the one time you do judge me. And you’d have every right.”

“Kel, you’re worrying me, honey.”

I took a deep breath. “I… I kind of met someone. But… oh God, Esme what have I done?” My stomach knotted and my appetite was gone.

She scooted her chair around to me and took my hand firmly. “Go on.”

“He’s… he’s a patient.” I waited for the gasp and the look of horror to descend.

But her face stayed impassive, completely non-judgemental, and in that moment I loved her deeply for that. She nodded. “Okay. Tell me more.”

“He came in under suspicious circumstances. Unconscious, and we discovered he had overdosed. There was a suicide note. But… it’s stupid… I felt drawn to him immediately. Couldn’t stop thinking about him… still can’t. When he gained consciousness, he turned out to be American but was suffering amnesia. I’ve been working with him to figure things out, but he’s struggling to regain his memory. There have been… encounters…” Tears left wet trails down my face, and I closed my eyes as guilt and shame needled my insides, convicting me of my unethical and highly inappropriate behaviour.

“Oh, honey. Have you… have you slept with him?” I simply nodded and more tears spilled over. She scooted her chair around to my side of the table, pulled my head to her shoulder, and stroked my hair. “Kelly, do you love him? Have you fallen for him?”

I pulled away as I thought about her question. Oh my God… I wasn’t falling at all… I was already plummeting into the abyss. The deed was done. My heart was given.

I stared into her concerned gaze and my face crumpled. “Yes… Yes, I have fallen for him. But… he told me that he had used me for sex. I can’t blame him because I acted like I was ashamed of what I’d allowed to happen… And I was, but not because of him. I was ashamed because I’d broken so many bloody rules. But he was so cruel with the way he acted afterwards.”

“Oh, sweetie, no.” She folded her arms around me as I sobbed into her shoulder, and I clung to her as my anguish and self-hatred poured out.

Ten minutes later we were walking home arm in arm. I was inhaling deep lungfuls of air, trying to calm my raging heartbeat and churning stomach. Esme hadn’t outwardly judged me, but I wondered how she really felt and if she would admit it to me even if she was disgusted with me.

As if she read my mind, she stopped me in my tracks and turned me to face her. “I can see those cogs turning, Kel. But I want you to know that I don’t judge you. At all. Okay? So you’ve fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have. So what? These things happen and the heart makes up its own mind sometimes.”

I gasped at hearing her say the words that Cain had also said. “But… it’s got to stop. I can’t treat him when I have such strong feelings for him. This has happened so fast, and that in itself tells me that it can’t be real. I slept with him to get him out of my system, Ez. That’s all I thought it would take. But now I know I’m a fucking idiot. Sex with him was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. There was this deep connection. And despite what he said, I know he felt it too. I think his reaction afterwards was pride because I had rejected him and told him it had been a mistake.”

She appeared thoughtful for a few moments. “Once he regains his memory, will he be returned to the States?”

I shrugged. “I… I guess so.”

“Well, lovely, I think until then you are going to have to be strong and pass his case over. Tell Doctor Clayton you feel intimidated by him or something.”

I nodded, but the thought of not seeing him every day twisted my insides and made my heart ache. Fresh tears sprang forth, and once again I was enveloped in the arms of my very best friend.

We eventually reached my home and Esme gasped. “Oh, fuck. I… I think you have a visitor.”

I spun around to see a dark, shadowy figure sitting on my doorstep. I knew that Cain was locked in the ward back at the hospital, and so I presumed it was Dermott hoping for a late-night hook-up. That is until the figure stood and walked towards me.

“Kelly… I had to see you.”

My eyes widened and I covered my mouth. “Cain!”