Four weeks after accepting the role on Skye, I was packed up and moving. I was following the removals van along the A87 and singing along to the MP3 player plugged into my car stereo. Images of Cain floated through my mind as I listened to the painful lyrics of “Simple Together” by Alanis Morissette, and tears began to fog my eyes. The rain beating down on the windscreen matched my solemn mood. I was supposed to be excited, but deep inside it felt like this new beginning was more of an ending.

Hearing Alanis sing about how she thought she was going to have this amazing life with the man she loved only to realise he didn’t feel the same shattered my heart into pieces. Cain had said he loved me, but I still lost him. And now I was moving away and he could never find me even if he wanted to.

But I doubted that he’d even remember me by now.

And how the hell could he have loved me anyway?

We pulled over the Skye Bridge and along the main road heading toward the little town of Portree. The quaint cottage I was renting was remote but beautiful and outside of the town, so I had the space and fresh air I wanted but also all the amenities like shops, doctors, and dentist only a short drive away. The best of both worlds. It was a complete contrast to North Kessock and Inverness, but it felt like the right move.

Several hours later, and the removal van pulled away, leaving me to begin my new life all alone. Esme was unable to help me on moving day due to work commitments, and even though Dermott had tried to insist, I had been strong and said no to his offer of help. I didn’t want to lead him on following his recent profession of undying love. But as I sat there on my leather couch surrounded by boxes, I wondered if I had made a phenomenal mistake. In more ways than one.

It had been a long and tiring day. I had kept bursting into tears for no apparent reason and I’d had to switch off my background music, as not only was it not helping me feel settled, it was stirring up emotions in me that I really needed to be free from.

At six in the evening, it was very dark outside. My cottage was the end one of a row of four on a farm track off the main road into Portree, and during the daytime the scenery was stunning. At night, however, the place was eerily quiet.

I wrapped my furry couch throw blanket around my shoulders and stepped out the back door. Peering up at the sky took my breath away. The blackness overhead hadn’t got the usual patches of light pollution I was used to. Instead the canopy was dotted with tiny white lights; some flickered and some just glowed. The sight was one I was sure I would never cease to be affected by, and a lump of emotion tightened my throat once more.

I turned to walk back into the house and inhaled a deep, cleansing breath of Skye’s cool evening air. Before I entered the house I exhaled, hoping that all my worries would leave my body along with the contents of my lungs.

Deciding that more unpacking could wait until morning, I walked through to my cute little hand-built kitchen and tugged the cork out of a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. I reached for a large wine glass and filled it almost to the brim with the dark red liquid. With one hand holding my blanket and the other clutching my glass, I made my way back through to the living room and flopped onto the sofa, almost spilling the precious contents of my glass.

I thought back to the conversation I’d had with Dermott the day after his revelation. He had turned up on my doorstep with a huge bunch of flowers and a heartfelt apology for vomiting his emotions all over me. But his resolve was set firm. Although he was sorry for how he had presented me with the news, he was still offering me a new start with him. And I would have been crazy if I totally dismissed it. He was a decent guy. Handsome, sexy, and sweet. The sex between us had always been good, but in all honesty the feelings just were not there. I had tried to explain this to him.

“But Kelly, you could learn to love me. Maybe I’m not the man for you right now because you’re still hung up on that arsehole—”

“Not helping, Dermott.”

“Sorry… sorry, I’m just jealous and bitter. But think about it. We have so many of the important things in common. We understand each other’s work life. We get on so well. We’re great friends. I think you’re fucking gorgeous, and I get the feeling you don’t find me utterly repulsive. Can’t we just give it a try? See how things go?”

I sighed deeply. “Dermott, I’ll be living over on Skye and you’ll be here. How the hell would it work?” And why was I sounding like I was actually considering this again?

He stepped toward me and cupped my face in his large hands. “We would make it work. I would do anything for you, Kelly. Anything.” His voice had lowered to a lust-filled whisper as he peered into my eyes and moved his face closer to mine. His hot breath tickled my lips and I locked my eyes on his, desperately wanting to feel something that would mean I could move on. Forget Cain.

“Long distance is just so… hard,” I croaked.

He brushed his lips against mine gently and ran his nose along my cheek. “We would make it work,” he repeated hopefully. “Please say you’ll think about it. About us.”

I closed my eyes and nodded. “I’ll think about us, Dermott, but I can’t promise anything.”

“I know and that’s fine. Seeing as you won’t let me help you move, I may just turn up on your doorstep with flowers.”

I opened my eyes and smiled. “Maybe call first?”

He shrugged. “Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t.”

Back in the present, I took a gulp of my wine and stared out of the window into the diamond-speckled night sky. I wondered if Cain was safe—or had the rival bike gang found him? My heart stuttered in my chest at the thought of his not being alive, and my eyes began to sting. The probability was, however, that I wouldn’t find out either way.

Later on I took myself off to bed with a heaviness in my heart that I desperately hoped would be gone by morning. Esme was due to come up, and I wanted to make the most of the visit from my best friend.

Snuggling under my duvet, I lay in silence in my new and unfamiliar surroundings, suddenly feeling wide awake. And the problem with being wide awake was that every noise freaked me out and every thought was of Cain and me together…

I opened my eyes and Cain was lying on top of me, kissing my neck as he glided his cock in and out of my slick, wet pussy. I gasped and darted my eyes around the room, suddenly completely disorientated. It was my new room… but what was Cain doing here?

“It’s okay, baby. You’re dreaming.”

My heart sank at his words, but I could smell him and feel him deep inside of me, so I doubted my subconscious mind anyway. “Unh… Are you sure?” I gripped his body, relishing the rhythm of our bodies’ movements and held onto him as tightly as I could—pulling him deeper still—as I began my climb toward the ecstasy only he could bring.

He groaned carnally but nodded. “I wanted to tell you… you should move on. Dermott is offering you a life that I can’t give you. He loves you… I always knew it. You should be with him. He deserves you, Kelly. You should be with someone who can give you all the things you need. I’m not that man.” The pain in his voice made my heart shatter.

I shook my head as I gazed up at him. I reached out to touch his cheek. His skin was cool and he closed his eyes for a moment, sighing deeply.

I bit my lip as he ground his pelvis into mine. “But I want you. It’s you that I love.” Pleasure and love coursed through my veins and I wanted to stay there forever.

He opened his eyes and shook his head as he suddenly pulled out of my body “It was just sex, Kelly. That’s all. I could never be good enough for you.”

The feeling of loss and emptiness was overwhelming, and I was pulled back from the precipice of my orgasm. I reached out for him. “No! No, please don’t say that. It’s not true, Cain. Take that back.”

As if he wasn’t listening, he pushed himself off of the bed and continued, “I could never be what you need. And it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not here… Dermott could be if you let him.” He stood and walked toward the door, and I tried to shout out, but my voice became trapped in my throat. The bed sheets wrapped around my limbs and I was tied in place, unable to move. Unable to go to him. I tried in vain to shout once more as tears sprang from my eyes, leaving cold, wet trails down my face. My heart rate picked up. What did he mean, he wasn’t here? Did he mean physically? Had something happened to him in America? Oh my God, I needed to get up, but regardless of how much I tried to flail, I couldn’t move…

“Nooooo!” I woke myself up as I screamed into the cool morning air of my new bedroom. I must have been tossing and turning, as my legs were tangled in the bedding and I was covered in a sheen of sweat despite the low temperature in the room. Immediately I went against every single promise I had made to myself and clambered out of bed, grabbed my robe, and dashed down the stairs to where my laptop sat on the coffee table.

Firing it up, I was grateful that broadband worked out in the sticks, and I chewed on my nails whilst I waited for the search engine to appear before me. After three attempts of trying to type with my shaking fingers, I managed to search for Cain’s name. Nothing at all relating to my Cain Somers was found, and my heart rate began to calm a little. “They say that no news is good news, right?” I asked the room full of boxes.

Taking a deep breath and mentally chastising myself for being ridiculous, I closed the lid on the laptop and went to the kitchen to make myself a coffee. Once I was holding the cup of Italian roast, I leaned against the countertop and surveyed the work needed to get the place looking and feeling like home. I decided that I wouldn’t get it done by the time Esme arrived and instead went back to the living room to sit on the couch.

As I sat there, I replayed the dream I had about Cain. Maybe this was my subconscious telling me what I needed to hear. And maybe Cain being the one to tell me to move on was something that deep down I really needed. It was like he was giving me permission. Even though I didn’t believe in premonitions, my state of mind was telling me that I needed to take heed. I didn’t like it, admittedly, but if I really thought about it, moving on was all I could do. And this latest torturous dream had made me realise that I was doomed to a miserable life if I didn’t at least try to let go.