My heart began to pound as I saw the shock register on her face. She’d no doubt call the cops and have me arrested for stalking. I stepped toward her with my hands held up in surrender. “Kelly, please don’t be scared. I… I just need to talk to you. They wanted me to talk to some old fucking dude who knows nothing about me. But I… I couldn’t do that. You’re the only one I trust. You. No one else.”

She held up a hand to halt me. “Cain, you have to go back. Think of the shit storm this will cause. You can’t be here.”

The blonde-haired woman she was with clung to her arm. “Kelly, should I call the police?”

Kelly kept her eyes locked on me and shook her head. “No, Ez, it’s okay. I’ll call a cab and have him taken back. This is crazy.”

“Please, Kelly. I’m not gonna fucking hurt you. I just need to talk. That’s all. Just talk. I… I had another dream. It kind of shed some light on shit. I need to talk to you… to apologise… to explain.”

The woman called Ez turned Kelly around, and they had a whispered conversation with manic hand gestures. But then the woman pulled out her cell and dialled.

I stepped forward, closing the gap between Kelly and me and took her hand. “Please, Kelly, I need you. Don’t do this. Don’t send me back without hearing me out.”

She closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled a shaking breath. When she opened them again, I could see the pain and conflict reflected back at me. “Esme is calling herself a cab. She’s going home so that you and I can talk.”

Relief flooded my veins, and my legs almost gave way beneath me. I released her hand and ran my hands through my hair, letting the air from my lungs rush out. “Thank you. Thank you both.”

We stood waiting outside the gate in silence until the cab arrived. Kelly walked Esme to the car, and they had another whispered conversation that ended in a long hug. Esme smiled over at me before she climbed in, but her expression was tinged with a mixture of worry and sadness. I guessed that Kelly had told her about us.

Once the cab had pulled away, Kelly silently walked past me without eye contact and unlocked her front door. She held it open so I could step inside and then closed it and locked it behind us.

She removed her coat and flicked on the lights in the hallway. After assessing me with her gaze she said, “Well, you look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks. I was thinking the opposite of you.”

She gave me a small and brief smile and walked through into her living room. I followed and slipped off my coat. After throwing it over the couch, I slumped down against the soft cushions. And she eyed me warily.

“Okay, so what was so urgent that you had to break out of hospital?”

I peered up at her where she stood. “Aren’t you going to sit down?”

She huffed. “Is it imperative to the story?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Well then, just get on with it and then you can go back.”

Okay, she’s not going to be all warm and welcoming. Can’t say I blame her really. “Okay… I… I had another dream. I think this one was pretty significant and it kind of… explains a lot.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “Go on.”

“I… um… I had a woman… back home.”

She snorted. “Only one?”

Ouch. “Yes, only one. Her name was Melody… and she looks a lot like…”

She slumped onto the chair opposite me. “A lot like who?” Her expression told me she already knew the answer.

“Like you.” I gazed over at her. The guilt inside me squeezed at my gut, and I wanted to say so many things but just couldn’t find the words.

She nodded. “I see… I see.”

“I guess that explains why I was so drawn to you. And why I needed to be with you so badly.”

“I guess so,” she whispered, and her eyes glazed over with tears.

“Kelly, I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would’ve—”

She sneered at me. “You’d have what? Not wasted your time on someone as innocent as me?”

Dropping my gaze to my knotted fingers, I shook my head. “I wouldn’t have hurt you with the things I said. I’m so sorry. You’ve got to believe me, Kelly.”

She laughed humourlessly and swiped angrily at the errant tears trailing down her cheeks. “Have I? Oh well, then. Everything is hunky dory and you can go now.”

Knowing how much I had hurt her made me die a little inside. She didn’t deserve this. Immediately I stood and moved across the room to crouch before her. “Hey, come on. I didn’t mean to do this to you. I… feel like a total bastard. Not only have I hurt you, but I’ve been unfaithful to someone I can’t even really remember. What does that make me?”

Her face softened a little and she smiled. “A lucky guy to have so many women who want you.”

I returned her smile and pulled her into my chest. I stroked her hair and kissed her head. “This is all just so confusing. When I dreamed about her… the love I felt…”

She pushed me away. “Yeah, I get it. Please don’t torture me more, eh?”

“I didn’t want to talk to the other guy. Only you. I only trust you.” I gazed into her eyes and was immediately drawn in. Without thinking, I slipped my hand to the back of her head and kissed her. After a few seconds she pulled away, and I realised I was being stupid. “Aww, fuck. I’m sorry. It’s like I can’t help myself around you.”

“Well, you have your woman to think about now. Although how she’d feel about being spoken of as your possession, I’m not sure.” She smiled and once again I felt like an asshole.

“I wrote everything down. From the dream. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to hear… as… as my doctor, I mean.”

“You’d better take a seat and tell me everything, then.”

I moved back to the couch and began to tell her everything I could remember about the woman who supposedly had my heart.

I listened to Cain talk about Melody and the way he had felt about her in his dream, and I fought my threatening tears. It served me right for falling for someone so inappropriately. And so damn quickly. What could I possibly love about him when I hardly knew him? I wished I could say it was just physical, but in all honesty it wasn’t. Sure there was a definite physical attraction and sex with him… wow. But there was so much more. It hurt so much that I had finally discovered what it felt like to love someone only to know that he had never really felt anything for me. It had been the woman I reminded his subconscious of that had his heart all along. In fact he loved her so much that he’d had her likeness tattooed on his skin. The reclining redhead on his forearm. A permanent reminder of his one true love. What a shame he only had shattered memories.

My mind drifted back to the difficult conversation I’d had with Clara. She had been wonderful. I’d cried and she had let me. And as I had told Esme earlier, Clara had totally figured me out. Her words rattled around my head.

“I know there is something you’re not able to tell me, Kelly. But you need to talk to someone. You need to share this pain. Please talk to a friend and let someone shoulder this burden with you. You can’t function and carry this alone. Whatever it is it will swallow you up if you don’t talk to someone.”

I was grateful to Clara for encouraging me to spill my darkest secrets to Esme. And she was right. It felt good to know that someone else knew and wasn’t judging me. But what had been the point? The object of my affections now sat before me telling me how much he loved someone else. Karma is a bitch.

Focusing my attention back on my patient, I made notes of the significant things. Tattoos of their initials, the room they’d made love in. The woman’s appearance. Her name—and an unusual one at that. All fairly significant memories. And I knew that as soon as I passed this information along to the authorities, they would place the final pieces of the jigsaw together and Cain would eventually go home. An email I had read before I was sent off on leave told me that they had discovered Cain’s home address but that I wasn’t to inform him of this until they completed their investigations and ensured he would be in no danger if he returned.

The paperwork was already being processed, and although these things took time, it wouldn’t be much longer. As soon as his replacement passport was issued, there would be no reason for him to be kept here. I realised that the quicker the breakthroughs came, the sooner he would be fully aware of his past and his real home.

At least there were no warrants out for his arrest. That was one saving grace. At least when he did go home, he would be able to commence the search for his sister; the police had uncovered nothing connected to her apart from a missing persons report. The authorities were simply dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s. And it was my duty to pass every breakthrough on to them. And this breakthrough would go some way to confirming what they had already ascertained. After all, his identity was pretty much confirmed. And if there was someone there, a loved one, whom they could contact to confirm his identity…

Sadness flooded me at the thought that somewhere across the sea there was a woman waiting and wondering where Cain was. Worrying about him. Her heart breaking at his disappearance. I pitied her but at the same time envied her. In my breaking heart and my confused mind, I wanted so much to be the one he wanted. In an ideal world, I wouldn’t be his doctor, and he wouldn’t have someone waiting for him.

But an ideal world it was not.

We drank coffee and sat in an uncomfortable, tense silence. He clenched his jaw and the crease in his brow deepened.

“Are you okay, Cain?”

He shook his head. “She must be worried sick. She must wonder where the hell I am. She must think I don’t love her anymore.” He lifted his head, and the pain in his eyes took my breath away.

“But when you get home and explain, she’ll understand. She’ll welcome you back with open arms. I can guarantee that.”

“But… what if I don’t feel the same anymore when I see her? What if the feelings I had in my dream never return? What if this amnesia has changed all that?”

I smiled, but I knew it would be tinged with sadness. “I’m sure the feelings will return.”

He tilted his head to one side and scrutinised me. “Are you saying that as my doctor because you know it to be true or as someone who’s just too damn kind to say what she’s really thinking?”

I cringed. “A little of both, I suppose.”

The telephone rang and my heart leapt. We both turned toward it and gulped. Cain glanced over at me. “You haven’t seen me. I haven’t been here. You have no clue where I am.”

I nodded and lifted the receiver. “Hello?”

“Kelly? Oh, thank God. Are you okay?”

“Hi, Alex,” I answered as breezily as I could. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just chilling with a good book.” I grabbed a magazine from the table and fanned my heated skin. I glanced over and caught a look of incredulity on Cain’s face, and when I flipped the magazine over, I was greeted with a stern-looking man staring at me in accusation from the cover of Psychologist’s Monthly. I cringed and rolled my eyes before remembering I was on the phone. “Is… is everything okay?”

“No… no, it’s really not. Cain Somers has somehow managed to get out of the hospital and has absconded.”

I gasped and glanced over to where Cain sat chewing his nails. “Oh, no! But how?”

“He seems to have overridden the door code.”

“Oh, gosh. But what made you think I wouldn’t be okay?”

“Look… please don’t take this the wrong way, but… Patty thinks he’s fixated on you. Apparently he went ballistic when he discovered you’d gone on leave. He refused to speak with Magnus.”

“I see. I see. Well, you don’t need to worry. He’s not been here,” I lied through my teeth.

“Just keep your doors locked and dial 999 if he turns up, okay?”

“Sure. Yes. But you know, Alex, I think he’s harmless. Maybe a little stir-crazy and fed up. That’s all. It’s my guess he just needed some fresh air.”

“I hope you’re right, Kelly. Sorry to bother you on your time off. Especially at this late hour.”

“No worries. Bye, Alex.” I hung up and watched as Cain stood and grabbed his coat.

“Where are you going to go?”

“I’ll go back. I’ll apologise and tell them I needed some air like you said. Don’t worry. I won’t mention you.”

I nodded and kept my eyes locked on his for a moment longer than necessary. He stepped toward me and pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. Being there felt so right, regardless of what I had discovered. The heat of his body seeped through my clothing and into my skin as if there were no barrier between us. Just like the time we had made love here in my home. The memory flooded my heart with a mixture of longing and pain, twisting at me and taunting me with something I could never have again.

Loosening his grip, he cupped my cheek. “Kelly, what I said before about using you. I… I didn’t mean it, okay? I felt such a deep connection to you that it fucking freaked me out. I’m kind of sad that things have happened this way, and I’m angry with myself for how I treated you. You’re a truly amazing woman. Damn sexy too.”

He smiled, and I melted into his penetrating blue gaze. I knew what he was going to say. I knew I was his doctor, and it needed to be this way. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

“What happened between us… Now that I remember Melody, I should regret it… but… I can’t. Making love to you felt… so right. Even though now I know it was wrong. But regardless of all that… I don’t deserve you. The more I remember, the more I think I don’t deserve to be loved… by anyone. And I know I could never give you what you need. I’m too fucking messed up. I’m not whole. I’m half a fucking man right now. And this latest memory has just thrown more crazy into the melting pot. I love someone in the US? Fuck, why can’t I remember her if she’s so damned important to me? It’s terrifying. What the hell will she think of me when I go back? Because I have to go back. I have to find Rosa. How can I give anyone a part of myself when I’m not whole? I have so much to figure out… even with Melody. I have so many fears, and no one deserves to have to deal with that shit. I can’t think of a future with anyone until I get my past straight in my head. But you deserve that. You deserve someone who can commit to a future with you completely. And I’m so sorry, but I can’t do that. The sad thing is that even though you reminded me of someone I love… I know I really do love you, but… I just can’t deal with all of this right now. I’m so sorry, Kelly.” His voice broke and my heart squeezed as more tears spilled over from my eyes. He kissed my forehead and pressed his lips there for a few seconds before pulling away and walking toward the front door.

I didn’t follow.