CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

—Bella—

 

My eyes lifted and then closed from the brightness of the sun shining into the room. Once I was fully awake I drew the sheet under my chin as I quickly realized I wasn’t in my room. Those weren’t my drapes, and this wasn’t my sheet. I lifted my eyes wider, scanning the large space. My head and torso jutted upward taking in the room. A large four-poster bed with ornate wooden posts surrounded me. A lush Victorian style couch—small and cream—sat in a sitting area. A table with two chairs were to the left of the couch and it held beautiful flowers atop. The walls were white, clean, and crisp.

I seated myself on the edge of the bed while I clutched at the mattress. My toes dangled over the beautiful white rug that flowed beneath my suspended feet waiting for me to land in its softness. A noise, alerted that I wasn’t alone. This was Jax’s bedroom. I was naked and in Jax’s room. I closed my eyes tight, waiting for him to say something, anything. What would he say? Would he hurry me away? He didn’t move further from behind me, but I knew he was there watching me, perhaps waiting for me to respond the same way I had been waiting for him too, questioning what would come next.

The sheet offered coverage for my breasts, but my back still exposed, and my hair imaginably tangled and messy. I was on display for him and I was horrified.

“Bella,” his voice was deep and determined as it echoed throughout the room. I wanted to turn. I wanted to run. Was I embarrassed or angry that I allowed myself to be exposed to the one man I swore to loath? “Bella?” His steps sounded, moving into my direction.

A deep inhalation of breath entered through my lips and filled my lungs comforting me, making me feel real in a moment that had left me wondering if this, me here with Jax, in his room, was real or a dream. I’d given myself to him. I’d submitted to him. I’d wanted the compassion his kiss had promised and his touch that had overcome me last night.

Denuded of my reality I stood, having dropped to the floor landing onto the white, plush rug, and my toes sank into its softness. I curved my torso into a position that placed Jax into my sight. He stood bare chested, smoothness wrapped within the curves of his chest, firm, and impeccable. Shoulders wide and arms lowered at his sides. A towel clung taut at his hips and long, thick, strong legs stood firm. My eyes roamed along the beauty that was Jax. I reached his eyes that were dark, narrowed, and probing.

The sheet hid my naked flesh providing a barrier, a protection of sorts, careful not to leave me vulnerable even though I knew I’d already passed the point of vulnerability. I’d already passed the point of no return with Jax Moretti. He’d seen me, open, willing, determined. He’d brought orgasm from my body and lust from my lips. I sighed, pulling in another breath. “Jax,” I whispered just short of a breath.

He watched me as he stepped closer. His hands fisted at his sides and his lips thinned as he thought of what to say next. Maybe he felt just as vulnerable as I did. I shook off the thought knowing that Jax Moretti was nothing if not strong, nothing if not confidant. He exuded strength and confidence with every step, glare, and breath that entered his lungs. He didn’t speak. He only watched me, waiting, wondering just like I’d been.

I spoke knowing this awkwardness was going to crush me soon. “I’ll go and leave you to your day.” My fingers gripped the sheet, pulling it taught around my body, wanting… no, needing a thick separation between us and the sheet offered me a bit of what I needed to calm my uneasiness. I walked, padding along the softness of the rug until my feet lay bare atop the wooden floor. My head fell, my eyes closed, and a deep breath evaded me. I reached for the door gripping at the round knob.

“Bella… don’t go,” his voice was dark and authoritative.

I stilled, my hand remaining at the door, waiting for… I don’t know what I waited for. Perhaps I was waiting for Nessun Dormat to play or a crash to break the silence, but it didn’t come. I decided it was best to proceed, just walk back to a time that hating Jax was okay, a time when I wasn’t torn about my feelings. What were my feelings, though? What did I feel for him?

“Don’t leave,” a deep, hurried voice spoke, sounding closer to me. Then a hand, palm flat, fingers wide, pressed on the white wood holding it firm across my gaze.

I raised my head and saw him standing there, watching me. A tongue swept across his lip and a hand skated through his thick, dark, wet mane. “I need to dress; I know…” My heart beat veraciously. “I know you’re busy, and I didn’t want to get in your way.” I was being decent to Jax. I’d normally wanted to knee him in the balls, or at the very least, slap him for bringing me here, but now… now, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or even for the matter, why I didn’t know.

“Have breakfast with me.” His eyes were hard, an edge of softness lingering, peeking through his façade.

“Why?” I don’t know why I asked, maybe I needed to know what he wanted from me. What had happened between us hadn’t been something I could’ve prepared for. Last night took me by surprise just as I was certain it had him. The thought that it didn’t affect him did cross my mind, but I suppressed that thought. Why?

“Join me for breakfast.” He watched me, firmly standing to my left. The towel remained snug against his waist revealing his V. And the tingles that had come last night were back.

“Jax, I’m wearing a sheet,” I said embarrassed, and my eyes fell as I waited for a response. I had never been easily embarrassed, not around Jax. Then again I had never been in only a sheet when I was in his presence either. So there was that.

There had been the first night that I’d met him, but even then embarrassment hadn’t been my worry. But now, here, in this moment, I was… different in a way that didn’t set well. I was vulnerable in another way. This time my heart was naked and bare for him.

“Sit, breakfast is on its way and then—” his eyes slid down and across my body. “—we will work on getting dressed.” Breakfast was on its way? Someone would know that I was here, with Jax, in a sheet? No, no, no. My head shook nervously.

Jax’s hand reached for mine that had fallen to my side. “Bella, it’s fine. We’re married, you remember.” Yes, I did remember. “Come,” he demanded as he led me from the suite’s entrance. “Sit.” He slid the white chair from the table with ease.

I arranged the sheet so that I could comfortably sit while it remained snug to my chest. “Thank you,” I offered as I felt his hand drop to my shoulder, softly gliding across the flesh. My eyes closed tightly, and a shiver erupted.

“Of course,” his response was flat, difficult to read. Perhaps I was attempting to read something that wasn’t there at all.

There were three knocks, soft and dainty. I knew it had to be Alessandra. She would have a smile on her face, that I was certain. This would surely make her day.

Alessandra was special, a mother figure to both Jax and myself. Jax hadn’t said as much, but Alessandra was definitely a kind and loving woman. I dropped my head as the door opened. I didn’t look at her as she wheeled a cart into the room. She had to have come up from the elevator that I hadn’t stepped foot inside. It sat at the end of the hall, and I suppose it was for instances such as this one.

“Good morning, Bella.” I slowly looked up from under my lashes. I felt dirty, caught in the act I suppose.

I smiled. “Morning.”

She was delighted, and I was embarrassed. She placed breakfast of eggs, bacon, and coffee in front of me and for Jax a simple croissant and tea. “Will there be anything else? Shall I hold your appointments for the day, Bella?”

I slipped the cream colored napkin across my sheet clad lap and raised my head. “What appointments?”

“Your fundraiser, you were scheduled to have a meeting with Megan at one this afternoon.”

What was today? Had I forgotten? “I’m not entirely sure to be honest. I haven’t been able to reach her.”

Jax sat across from me adding a bit of milk to his tea then stirring it with his spoon. “She’ll need to reschedule this meeting today… we will be pre occupied, Alessandra, and that will be all.” He dismissed her.

“Of course, Mr. Moretti, Bella.” She snuck a wink in my direction. I smiled then released it as soon as she’d turned.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t continue with this project.” The spoon clanked against the small plate that held his tea. The cup came to his lips and then he sipped. “I’m sure you can find something else to keep you busy. I’d like for you to redecorate.”

My posture straightened and my hands gripped the edge of the table. Heat flushed my cheeks and anger seethed through my veins. “Jax, I will not give this up, and you will certainly not keep me around as your personal decorator.”

He stilled, sitting his cup down harshly leaving the sound of porcelain to ring through my ears. He was angry that I refused what he suggested, but he’d get over it. “Isabella, I believe that you should consider your mouth.” He narrowed his eyes with warning.

“Really, Jax? You think I’m an animal in a cage that you can train?” My head tilted to the side watching him, his movements, however slight, were also tense.

“Bella,” he sighed, not speaking further.

He seemed different, tired maybe. My fingers slid from the edge of the table to the fork that lay out in front of me, touching along the pointy end. I was being a bitch again. As much as I had hated Jax, as much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t.

His face held indication that he was becoming bored with my disdainful words. I folded my posture. I knew this was how I protected myself from the pain and hurt that was sure to come. And they would come… eventually. I knew the moment I let down my protective walls with Jax Moretti my heart would belong to him. After last night I had no doubt. But Jax had already assured that he had no desire to love me. That had me thinking… What about me? What about my feelings? Was I expected to endure a relationship without love? I must stay away from the idea of love, right? Should I concede to the idea that a man could love me?

“Eat,” he ordered as he raised a small remote into the palm of his hand. Beautiful, light sounds filled the room, instantly calming me. 

“What is this?”

“Madam Butterfly,” he said with closed eyes. He was feeling the music, taking it into his soul. He seemed at peace when he listened to the opera. I was as well. I couldn’t possibly explain what the opera did to me. Magical, intense, unrealistic seeds of comfort and pleasure took deep root into my soul.

“Tell me the story.” I shifted toward the table while my chin rested on my hands.

He drew a deep breath and opened his eyes. “This one is a bit dark.” He sipped his tea then sat the small round teacup onto the dish it arrived on. “I recommend you simply appreciate the sound.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

Jax intrigued me in that moment. He had a secret kept behind his lips. Secrets I wanted to be privy of. A smile lifted his cheeks as his eyes narrowed with lines drawing at the edges of his dark eyes. “It’s no big deal.” 

“Tell me, Jax.” My lips were open, eyes wide, posture stiff and raised. I was determined to have the answers. “If it’s no big deal, then tell me.” The music continued and instead of enjoying it, I wanted to know. Secrets so familiar remained in my life. Secrets I’d never have knowledge of, but this he wouldn’t keep from me, and if he did I’d simply get the information on my own.

“No,” he said flatly.

“Maybe you don’t know,” I shot. “That’s fine, Jax. I’ll learn for myself.” I sipped at my coffee. I’d just told my husband, the boss of bosses, he hadn’t known something. This would surely make him feel inferior in some ridiculous way and cause him to want to prove himself. I was simply waiting.

“Bella, reverse psychology? Really?”

My head rose from the small white porcelain cup meeting his smile. He was playing with me and by the looks he’d been enjoying himself.

“You’re so cute when you’re frustrated. Okay, but I did warn you.”

I nod my head ready for the story behind the beautiful song.

“This takes place in Japan. A geisha girl is to marry an American. She is very excited about it and decides to secretly give up her religion and converts to Christianity… but her family is very upset once they find out.” I dipped my posture toward the table while I listened intently. “At fifteen, Butterfly marries the American out of convenience and becomes pregnant with his child.”

“That’s not so bad, young, but I’m sure their culture then wasn’t much different than ours.”

His eyes watched me, focused and dark. “He leaves her for three years. When he returns he brings his American wife so that she can raise the child. When he tells Butterfly of his plans, she runs away and cuts her throat, dying.” He didn’t hesitate. My posture became slack in the chair realizing I really didn’t want to know how horrible the ending was. “So you see why I didn’t want to tell you.” He sips his tea once more. “Bella, when I tell you something it’s for good reason. When I do not tell you something it’s for good reason. You need to learn to trust that I do, in fact, know what’s best. Now, I assume you don’t want to listen to this opera again?” he questioned.

But I won’t let the story detour me from the beautiful music. I wasn’t going to look weak. “I will, it’s beautiful.”

“Finish your breakfast, we have guests that’ll be here soon.” Jax rose from his chair disappearing into the closet.

I pecked at my food suddenly unable to eat while visions of the woman killing herself forced their way into my imagination.