Chapter 25

Ollie

I laid down next to Elana, my body shaking from the stress and passion that just emanated from it. She pulled the blanket over us and turned toward me as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close. Not only had I gotten to feel her like I wanted, but there was an inexplicable connection that seemed to take hold almost immediately. I brushed the hair from her face and smiled, leaning in and kissing each one of her eyelids. She smiled at me and laid her hands gently against my chest.

“I should tell you,” I said, realizing that the passion had overcome me. “I wasn’t wearing a condom.”

“I know,” she said with a smile. “I take birth control. I have since I was a young girl for medical reasons, but it seems to be a handy thing these days.”

“That was incredible,” I said, smiling at her. “You are incredible.”

“And you are one hell of a servant.” She giggled. “I think it’s time I gave you a raise.”

“I do it for my country,” I said with an English accent.

“I’m not the queen.”

“You’re my queen,” I said, making her blush and look down.

I lifted her chin and kissed her lips softly, turning on my back and pulling her onto my chest. She laid her head down and breathed softly, the only sounds being the beating of my heart and the crackling fire beside us. We laid there for quite a while, and I looked down as she yawned, her face starting to sink into a sleeping state. Carefully, I moved her to the side and stood up, pulling my boxers up and smiling down at her curled up in the blanket. I bent down and scooped her into my arms, the blanket wrapped around her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and snuggled in close to me as I walked her back to the bedroom. Gently, I laid her down, pulling the covers up over her. I climbed into the bed next to her and kissed her on the forehead, pulling her close to me.

Elana opened her eyes and stretched, looking around my bedroom and smiling. She turned over on her back and stared up at the ceiling fan that I realized at that moment really needed a good dusting. She sighed and turned back to me.

“You really need to get some decorating done in here.” She smiled. “No wonder you don’t feel at home. It’s barren like a hospital.”

“I know, I just haven’t had time,” I said. “I also am not very good at that kind of thing.”

“I can help,” she said excitedly. “And I promise not to make it girly.”

“I would love that,” I replied with a laugh.

“Ollie, are you sure you want me to spend the night?”

I lifted my head and looked at her face. I could see the shadow of hurt that I had caused when I left her in the middle of the night. Instantly, I felt incredibly guilty, realizing that I really had affected her on a level that I didn’t think I could do to someone. She was so perfect and so beautiful, and I had taken complete advantage of that. Now, when I was surer than ever about being with her, she was scared that I was going to leave again. I wasn’t even sure how I could correct this, except by showing her that I was in this, no matter what fears tried to rear their ugly heads.

“I’m so sorry for making it so you had to even ask that question,” I said, kissing her nose. “Yes, I am one hundred percent sure that I want you to stay with me. Besides, where am I gonna go? You’re in my apartment.”

I chuckled and then grimaced as she smiled and slapped me on the chest. She kissed me on the cheek and rolled over, pulling my arms around her and the pile of blankets surrounding her. It was the most relaxed I had been in a very long time, and it didn’t take long for me to fall asleep. All through the night, I kept my body wrapped around hers, our moves synchronized even as we slept. If I woke up, it was to make sure I was still holding her, and there wasn’t a minute that she pulled or moved away.

When I woke up to the rays of sun spilling out into my room, I smiled, looking over at Elana, still cuddled tightly against me. Her hair was strewn across the bed, and the gentle curve of her side down into her hip was exposed. I reached over and pulled the blanket over her skin, smiling as she moaned softly, cuddling deeper into the covers. I was shocked at the emotions flowing through me, being both confusing and comforting at the same time. I felt completely content and utterly primed by just waking up to this beautiful woman. I couldn’t even start to think where I would be if I hadn’t taken the chance and come back to get Elana. I had been in such a dark place, and she pulled me out of it by being who she was. I felt almost indebted to her, knowing that without her in my life, I might have packed it all back up and headed back out on the road, letting my ghosts chase me all the way out of the town. Madison wasn’t so scary when I carried a light with me into the dark alleys.

For years, I had wondered what I would feel like when I was in a relationship again. I thought about how strange it would be to do the same things with another woman that I had done with Lillie. At the time, it was painful to think that I could do that and not feel like I was doing something to dishonor our relationship. But this wasn’t the same. At least, it wasn’t like I thought it would be when I had finally found another woman to be with. My relationship with Elana was nothing like the relationship I had with Lillie. In fact, they seemed to be polar opposites in almost every way, except the feeling I had and the need I felt to protect Elana from everything.

Elana and I were built from the same mold. We laughed about so many things that no one else on earth would either understand or find funny at all. The majority of the time that I spent with her was spent laughing at something one of us did or said. When we weren’t laughing, we were flirting with each other, and it never felt like it was going to get old at all. Not to mention the fact that we had common interests such as our dedication to work, our history, our interest in different sports, and even down to the type of food that we liked to eat. We were two peas in a pod, just trying to make it through the cruelty of life.

Lillie was different, but not in a bad way. She was extremely happy all the time, making the best out of any situation that she came across. She was always able to channel her negative feelings and turn them into something positive, and she did that for everyone around her, too. She was a beautiful person on the inside and the outside. Her gorgeous smile radiated through every space that she ventured into. At the same time though, we had a lot of differences. She didn’t participate in the same sarcastic jokes that Elana and I enjoyed. She tried when she was with us, and even though I often found it adorable that she didn’t get our humor, it was hard for me to let my sarcastic frame of mind show through when I was with her.

One of the things that Lillie loved the most was art. She would talk about art, take me to art museums, create amazing masterpieces, and try desperately to get me to understand the meaning behind different pieces. It was hard for me because I have a scientific and technical mind, and it was difficult for me to understand the abstract ideas that hid behind the layers of paintings and the steel of sculptures. I loved sports, but they were never an interest to her. She used to tell me all the time how boring sports were to her and how she didn’t see the point in something if it didn’t bring beauty to life.

When it came to cooking, you would sooner find sweaters in her oven than any sort of meal. She had no interest whatsoever in learning to cook, wanting to learn to cook, or even considering cooking for someone else. She was simple in that aspect of life. She was more than happy to just throw together a quick salad, usually already combined at the store, put some dressing on it, and eat that twice a day, every day. Maybe that was why I couldn’t remember the last time that I ate a salad at home or even in a restaurant. I now opted for the soup instead of the salad when it was included. Elana, on the other hand, loved cheeseburgers and beer, just like me.

I was having a hard time remembering exactly what made me think that Lillie had been the only woman that would ever make me happy in this life. I had been so self-absorbed with guilt and grief that she seemed like the only woman that would ever love me. Could it be possible that Elana was actually better suited to me than Lillie ever was? Was that even a question that I was allowed to ask?

Immediately, I shook the thoughts from my head, chills spilling down my body. I couldn’t continue to look at life the way that I had before, not now that I knew there was a real opportunity for love right at my fingertips. Elana was amazing, and comparing her to Lillie was pointless. They were two completely different women, and they both affected me in two completely different ways. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder, if Lillie had lived, what our lives would be like today. Would we even still be together? And if we were, would our love be as strong as it seemed to be when we were on that campus?

I hated even thinking about any of this. I had made it a point to not let myself fall victim to the ghost of Lillie that my own mind created. When she died, it was beyond painful, and my brain tried to protect itself from anything like that again, but it was destroying any chance I had at being happy. I just didn’t like to think about it. It made me feel like it was a betrayal of Lillie’s memory, something I never wanted to do. I took in a deep breath and turned over on my back, looking up at the ceiling. I needed to shake these feelings at all costs. The last thing I needed was to scare myself single again, hurting me and Elana at the same time.

Slowly, I inched my way out from under the covers, making sure that Elana was still sound asleep. I grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom, closing the door and starting the shower. I wanted to clear my thoughts before Elana woke up, so I breathed in the steam and stepped in under the hot water. Hopefully, my feelings could evolve, giving way to a beautiful life with Elana by my side.