Chapter 35

Ollie

After talking to Tammy, I went home and really did a lot of thinking about the best way to show Elana how much I cared about her and how much I really knew her as a person. I wrote down a list of things, most of them being too generic for my taste, or hers for that matter. I wanted to get her attention. On Sunday, when I was driving back to my place to watch the game, I passed the library, and instantly, I had a lightbulb moment. I ran home and wrote out several notes, driving back to the library to hide my love slips all over the area where she was working. I was going to miss football, but I didn’t give a damn about that. Elana was much more important. I had to be stealthy, not wanting the people working there to see me scoping out what looked like a disaster area where she was doing a re-shelving.

I went through the books carefully, making sure enough of the paper was hanging out of the books to catch her eye. I knew with as anal retentive as she was, she wouldn’t be able to help herself, and they would be pulled out immediately. There were just so many different things that could go wrong with this whole scenario. If she did find them, it didn’t mean she would read them. She might just pull them out of the books and toss them into the recycling bin without a second thought, assuming it was some asshole student making her life harder. Then there was the possibility that someone else would find them before Elana did. If they threw them out, she wouldn’t see them for sure. If they read them, they would probably have a really good day thinking they had an admirer or a stalker, which was a possible thought as well. Either way, I was hellbent on getting those notes planted, taking my time to sneak around and pick the perfect places. I figured I had a good opportunity of getting them to Elana since the other employees were avoiding that section of the stacks like the plague.

If she did find these and happened to sit down and read them all, it then all hinged on whether she caught on to the fact that they were actually about her in the first place. There were a couple in there that could have been said for many people, but then there were those that specifically drew examples from the things that we had done together. She was extremely intelligent, so I had no doubt in my mind that if fate fell in my hands and she actually got to read them, she would know who sent them and what they were about.

When I was done putting all the papers in, I stood back to make sure they were actually noticeable. They were, especially to a woman like Elana who would be looking for imperfections in her work area. She was extremely meticulous and careful with the things she cared about, and for as long as I had known her, she cared about the library and books more than anything else in her life. She was born to be a librarian, and I had found myself wondering while sifting through piles of investment papers, what it was like to do something that you loved enough that you would do it for free?

I walked out of the library, throwing my coat over my shoulder and nodding my head at the front desk girls. I felt like one of those romantic heroes in the old black and white movies. All I had to do now was the second part of the plan, and then I would sit back nervously and wait for her response. The second part of the plan was easier to execute. I just had to go over to her place before she got home from work and slip a letter in her mailbox. The hard part about it was actually writing the letter in a way that showed her just how much I really cared about her. She was a beautiful woman, and I wanted her to know that, but I also didn’t want the letter to be all about her physical attributes. The parts that I loved about her the most were on the inside, not on the outside, and I had to say things in a way that told her that and made her realize how much I really cared about her.

When I got home, I sat down at my table and pulled out a sheet of paper and began writing. Several times, I balled up the paper and threw it on the floor, not liking what I had written. The letter had to detail all the wonderful things that I liked about her. She was nerdy, and I thought that was adorable. She was kind, enthusiastic about sports, she could cook like Martha Stewart, she had an eye for the details, and she really loved the little things as much as I did. Although I wanted to compare us, to remind her just how perfect we were together, I also wanted her to see that regardless of whether we had commonalities or not, I saw a beauty inside her that deserved my attention. Not just my partial attention, but my full attention. I had done something to make her think that my feelings for her were light and outward, that they revolved around filling an empty space where Lillie once stood, but the truth of the matter was, I didn’t even think about Lillie anymore when I was with Elana. It was all completely about her.

When I was done with the letter, I sat back and read it aloud.

My Dearest Elana,

There are many things that need to be said, many things that can’t be conveyed by the stroke of my pen against this paper. It has become clear to me that you are questioning the way I look at you, if I really see you or not, and my devotion to you as a person. I want you to know those questions are pointless, and all they will do is cause you grief and pain. Let me tell you exactly why I want to be in a relationship with you.

From the first day I met you, I could tell that your nerdy streak runs deep. I love that more than anything. The fact that you can understand a quantum physics book and at the same time, explain to me the difference between the Hulk in the television series and the movies completely blows me away. Every time you begin to talk about these things, I just can’t help but care about you even more.

There has always been a caring about you that brightened the life of every person that you touched, and I am no exception. When you pulled me off the street that day at your mom’s and cared for me, had patience with me, and continued to push me forward toward a brighter future, it melted me completely on the inside. Your kindness is something to be envied.

The fact that I can be myself and torture you with endless football games, soccer games, baseball games, and whatever other sporting event I am into at the moment, and you never complain (with the exception of when you gave me a limp), is a testament to how much you care. You even begin to understand the games to a point to where you too become a fan, ready to jump in and enjoy these things right by my side.

Don’t even get me started on your cooking. It is absolutely amazing, and it will be the basis for every wager I ever intend to have with you in the future. I may become fat with you as my girlfriend, but I will enjoy it, one apple pancake at a time. You put love into every dish, and I can tell.

Speaking of love, I have never met a woman that could care for others without ever even knowing their name. If this were a movie, you would be the heroine, saving other lives at the drop of a hat. That selflessness and your thirst for connection are addicting.

There are so many other qualities about you that make you the amazing woman you are. You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever met, inside and out. Whatever is bothering you, whatever is plaguing you, just know that I am standing by to be the man that holds you up when you are sad, holds you down when you feel crazy, and stands beside when you want to walk forward. I hope this helps you understand my feelings, and I hope to hear from you soon. We never got to finish the Diabolical Death trilogy.

If you feel that you can talk with me, help me understand, and be willing to let me back in, meet me at Dolly’s on Thursday night at 7 p.m.

Yours Always,

Ollie

I knew when I wrote the plans at the end, I was taking a really big chance on love. There was a good possibility that I would end up sitting at Dolly’s all by myself, stuffing cheese curds in my mouth and hoping for a better future. I also knew that Dolly’s had a lot of old memories for both of us, memories that we let haunt us to the point where we couldn’t even enjoy dinner. I wanted to go back to the place of our first dinner, to prove to her that we could move away from the past and blaze a trail into the future, hand in hand. Everything with Lillie had finally run its course, and I was ready to be the man that Elana needed, and especially the man that she wanted. I knew that if Lillie could see us, she would be happy that we were able to break the cycle of suffering and find love again. I knew this because at the end of the day, I knew Lillie, and she loved Elana and me as much as we loved her.

I dropped that letter off on Monday night and knew that I would have a long week waiting for our date. I went to work and actually did my job, showing Mike that I was still good at what I did, even if on the inside, I wanted to scream. My work quality went up tenfold, and every time I would begin to worry about Thursday, I would remember the notes and letter that I had sent to her. I would remember the feeling Elana had given me in the pit of my stomach every time that I was around her. I would remember exactly why I was doing all of this, to be happy and to move forward into the future with thirst and lust for a brighter tomorrow.

Sure, there were plenty of reasons for me to be terrified of going to Dolly’s, but none of them revolved around the past any longer. Everything that I felt revolved around the future and making sure that Elana was part of that future. I didn’t know what I would do if she didn’t show up, but I couldn’t think about that. I had to keep my mind set on Thursday. Anything that happened from there would be handled as it came. I wasn’t going to set myself up for failure mentally.

Before I knew it, Thursday was here. As I drove up to the quad and parked, my nerves were shooting through my chest and up into my throat. I was on pins and needles, waiting to see if she would show up. Waiting to see if my future was going to begin the way I was hoping it would.