Chapter Ten

Caroline

 

After Carson left, my heart was thudding in my chest so loudly that the whole room was pulsing. I lay in bed for hours, reliving the kiss, wanting it to happen again while simultaneously never wanting lay eyes on Carson’s face for the rest of my life. Something about him irritated me so much; I couldn’t articulate it, but it was like he wanted to make me uncomfortable.

 

That was why it was so hard to resist the urge to spill everything. After he’d told me about how he thought he was onto me, fear and panic had stabbed through my belly. With his tattoos and his street cred, I honestly didn’t doubt it. But Carson had to know better than that; he had to know that I wouldn’t talk easily. Plus, whenever I thought about the pictures, I burned with shame. Carson couldn’t find out about those. Even though I was attracted to him, I didn’t want him thinking that I was some kind of slut.

 

Out of boredom, I called Elizabeth. I had another assignment for Lucas later in the day; I knew that Carson wasn’t working so it might be safe to stop by. After our last encounter, I couldn’t go back when he was working. I was all too aware of that. I just hoped that the guard on duty wouldn’t feel like it was his job to inform Carson that I’d stopped by.

 

Elizabeth didn’t answer when I called, but five seconds later, she was calling me back. I picked up on the first ring.

 

“Hey,” I greeted her. “Are you busy today? Want to hang out?”

 

Elizabeth laughed shortly. “Caroline, you know how busy I am with Amy,” she told me. “She’s just getting over a cold, and I have to go by the school for an interview later.”

 

I frowned. “Are you getting a new job? Did something happen at the office?”

 

Elizabeth laughed, this time it was more convincing. “Not exactly,” she said. “Amy has interviews at different pre-schools, and today’s the day I’m taking her.”

 

I bit my tongue; pre-schools had interviews now? It made me want to roll my eyes. Instead, I changed the subject. “Well, if you’re free beforehand, how about if I come over? I haven’t seen Amy in a long time. I’ll even drop you guys off at the pre-school.”

 

There was a pause. “Okay, maybe,” Elizabeth told me, and my heart sank. “I’m sorry, Caroline. I know I’ve been a shitty friend lately, but I don’t really know what to do about that. I’m up to my ears in chores. I have laundry for days, and Andrew’s parents are coming by tomorrow to visit with Amy.” Her voice turned sad. I knew that she hated even thinking about Amy’s dad, but at least her former in-laws were nice. “It’s just a lot going on,” she said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. “

 

I narrowed my eyes. “What if I came over and helped you?” I asked. “I could come over and do laundry and help you clean. That way you can relax, and we can talk. Amy can take a nap or something. I’m sure the school interviews will tire her out.”

 

Elizabeth laughed. “Caroline, that’d be awesome,” she gushed. “Do you mean it? Thank you so much!”

 

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “Of course I do,” I told her. “I’ll be over soon.”

 

The drive to Elizabeth’s took no time at all. She lived in a much nicer neighborhood than I did. Her complex had trees around the buildings, and it even had a pool. I was jealous, but I never could have afforded to live there. Still, I knew that she barely made ends meet. I wondered how often Andrew was paying her child support now. Maybe, after the whole thing with Lucas was over, I could help her out a little bit.

 

I knocked on the door, and Elizabeth yelled that it was open. Stepping inside was like visiting a domestic war zone. The carpet was covered in splatters of paint and toys, and Elizabeth was hunched over, carrying Amy under one arm and a messy can of acrylic paint in the other.

 

“Aunt Caroline! Aunt Caroline!” Amy cried out. She wriggled free from her mother’s grip and crawled over to me excitedly. Amy looked up at me with big shining brown eyes. “Caroline!” she cried out, holding her arms up for me to pick her up. I laughed and reached down, grabbing her and holding her against my chest. She was strangely heavy for a four-year-old, but there was something soothing about her weight. It was almost calming, like hugging a pillow.

 

Elizabeth looked up at me. She looked exhausted. Her hair was tangled around her face and there were distinct purple circles under her eyes. Her normally thin frame looked a little puffy, like she’d been subsisting on a diet of potato chips and soda. When I glanced around, I saw empty chip bags everywhere. Frowning, I turned to Amy.

 

“Amy, it looks like your mom could use a nap,” I said cheerfully. Amy beat her little fists against my back—it was surprisingly painful. “She looks really tired,” I said. “Ouch! Stop that.”

 

“No!” Amy yelled. Her cry pierced my ear, and I set her down gently on the ground. She started crawling around and tugging at the drying paint on the carpet. I felt my uterus shrink up as though it was wrapped; sometimes being around kids felt like the best birth control I could imagine. At least it managed to drive the thoughts of Carson out of my head.

 

“Sorry,” Elizabeth said, wincing. “She’s at a tough age right now. I have no idea where she gets all of this energy!” Elizabeth corralled Amy like an expert rancher and carried her to her bedroom. I heard Amy’s high-pitched shrieks and Elizabeth’s calm, low voice. Finally, Elizabeth emerged and closed the door behind her. After a moment, Amy started sobbing loudly through the walls. Elizabeth looked at me and rolled her eyes.

 

“This sucks,” I told her.

 

She burst out laughing, then covered her mouth with a hand. “I know,” she admitted, looking down. “But what am I supposed to do?”

 

I shrugged. “You’ve got your hands full for sure. Let me know how I can help.”

 

Elizabeth looked around the apartment helplessly. Her face crumpled, and I thought she was going to burst into tears but managed to pull herself together. “There’s just too much,” she said finally. “Do you mind starting on the laundry? There’s a pile over there.”

 

Wordlessly, I grabbed the plastic baskets full of dirty clothes and lugged them downstairs to the coin-operated washer and dryer. Once I was down there, I realized Elizabeth hadn’t given me any money. I was too embarrassed to say that I couldn’t spare any, so I dug through my pockets and came up with a measly $1.75. My stomach growled—the coins where what I was planning to use to buy my dinner for the day. But Elizabeth didn’t have to know that. Oh well, I thought as I tried to stay positive. At least I have an excuse for not eating McDonald’s again.

 

When I brought the empty basket upstairs, Elizabeth was laying on the couch looking mournful. “What are you doing later? Can you take over my life and my daughter for me?”

 

I shook my head and ruffled her hair. She winced. “Sorry, Liz,” I told her. “No can do.”

 

Elizabeth picked herself up off the couch and gave me a curious look. “So what are you doing, anyway?”

 

I bit my lip. Lying to her was much harder than lying to Carson. “Nothing,” I said. “Helping a friend with something.” I looked into her eyes. “Maybe moving soon.”

 

Elizabeth opened her eyes wide. “Oh, Caroline,” she said in a crestfallen voice. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

 

I shook my head. “It’s fine,” I said, wanting to get off the subject. “It probably won’t happen. I think I’ll be able to make some money through a friend.”

 

Elizabeth took my hand in hers; it struck me how rough and calloused her skin was. I imagined that she spent a lot of time trying to clean the shitty houses before trying to sell them. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “It’s a tough time for all of us, but we’ll get through somehow. Do you want me to pay you back for laundry?”

 

I shook my head. “No need,” I said breezily. I stood up and brushed my hands off on my jeans. “I should get going, though,” I told her. “I need to meet someone soon.”

 

Elizabeth nodded soberly. She got up from her perch and started digging around in the kitchen. When she emerged, she was carrying a plastic bag. “Here are some leftovers,” she said. “There’s roast chicken and potatoes and a can of peas, okay?”

 

I nodded. Tears welled up in my eyes. In a time of so much confusion, I hadn’t expected her to offer me anything at all. But her kindness was something that I felt like I didn’t see enough of in the world. “Thanks,” I said softly. “I mean it. This helps a lot. Thanks, Liz.”

 

Elizabeth nodded. “I’ve gotta go wake up Amy,” she said. She looked away. Emotion always made her nervous.

 

“I gotcha,” I said, leaning in for a hug. She handed me the bag, and I noticed that it was surprisingly heavy. “Thanks again.”

 

Elizabeth saw me off with a nod. I hadn’t been planning to go home again because of my visit to Tinder’s, but I couldn’t leave the food in my trunk. I might have to watch for a while; Lucas had instructed me to find out when the clerks left for their breaks.

 

When I got home, I opened the bag of food and found Elizabeth had put in an uncooked package of ground turkey and a couple of boxes of spice mix and noodles to cook with it. There was also an apple and a couple of bottles of water. My heart was touched, and I drove off to the jewelry store with a renewed enthusiasm in my heart. Maybe everything really would be okay.

 

To my relief, Carson was nowhere in sight as I crossed the threshold of Tinder’s. The security guard was an unfamiliar one: a black guy with short dreads that I hadn’t ever seen before. He barely glanced at me as I walked inside.

 

Keeping a low profile, I slunk behind a group of people gaping at one of the necklaces in the display case. It was gorgeous: clusters of pearls and diamonds in marquee settings with tiny emeralds twinkling around it. I knew it because it was one of the items that Lucas had asked me to keep an eye out for.

 

One of the employees, a tan girl in her late 20s, turned her head and called something about being back in fifteen minutes. The other clerks waved to her, and I checked my watch. It was exactly noon.

 

“Miss!” I called to her as she walked out of the store. “Miss, can I request your help with something?”

 

An annoyed look crossed her face before she plastered on a more professional-looking smile. “I always take my lunch at noon,” she replied, scratching at her chin. “But I’m sure one of my colleagues would be more than happy to help you!”

 

I nodded. “Thanks,” I said. She turned around and burst out of the store, clearly relieved to be away from her job for the moment. When I turned around, none of the clerks had noticed. The security guard was staring at me, and I looked away, hoping that I wouldn’t blush.

 

When the crowd thinned out, I realized that there was only one more clerk behind the counter. It wasn’t the cute guy who had helped me the first day, but kind of a scrawny-looking teenager. Right now, he was deeply entranced in his iPhone. When I glanced back up, the security guard was scanning the parking lot. The employee still hadn’t noticed me standing there and watching him.

 

With a sigh of relief, I headed out to my car. Instead of getting inside, I looked around. Lucas was sitting in his parked car a couple of rows away. When he saw me, he nodded his head in my direction. I bit my lip and walked over quietly. I didn’t want to get in a car with him, but with the security guard scanning the lot, I couldn’t afford to be seen hanging out.

 

“You’re good,” he said, nodding after I’d filled him in on what I’d seen inside. “You ever think about doing this for a living?” He grinned at me; the bruise on his face had faded to an ugly yellow-green. “You’d be good,” he repeated. “You already are.”

 

Not that good, I thought. But I didn’t say anything about Carson. Thankfully, he didn’t ask. “I’m sure,” I said flippantly. “But I’m not interested, Lucas. Sorry.”

 

Lucas grinned at me. “Just tellin’ it like it is, baby,” he said with a whistle.

 

“I just want to be done with this,” I grumbled. “We’re business partners this once, nothing more. You understand?”

 

Lucas laughed. He tapped his pocket lightly and I thought I heard the rustling of paper. Wincing, I turned away. “I got you, baby,” he said in a teasing voice. “Besides, you wouldn’t want these little photos escaping, now would you?’

 

“Definitely not,” I said, turning away and letting myself out of Lucas’s car. “Definitely, definitely not.”