Chapter Twenty Five

Caroline

 

I didn’t sleep a wink the whole night. I couldn’t stop worrying about Carson—and myself. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to Carson, but honestly, I didn’t want anything bad to happen to me either. It was more than enough to think about Lucas hurting him without considering the possibility that I’d be in prison for the rest of my life, too. I shuddered as I thought about it. Would my life really be wasted because of one stupid mistake?

 

People have been imprisoned for less. It very well could be. And Carson was going to think all kinds of bad things about me now. It made me laugh bitterly to remember how concerned I’d been over telling him about the photos. They were a drop in the bucket compared to what I was going to be doing with Lucas.

 

Standing in front of my closet, I tried to look for an outfit that would suit Lucas’s demands. He’d said, “None of that slutty stuff you wear most of the time. You have to look perfect. Like a little virgin, ready for me.”

 

It was enough to make me sick. The indignity of being forced to help him commit a robbery was made even worse by the fact that I’d have to pretend to be his fiancée. I wondered what the papers would write about us. Modern day Bonnie & Clyde! Just thinking about it was enough to make me sick. I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone thinking I’d be willingly involved with someone who was such a creep—not to mention a huge felon. I shuddered. Think, Caroline, I ordered myself. There has to be a way out of this.

 

My phone bleated on the bed and I turned to see Elizabeth’s name flash across the screen. My frown darkened even deeper. After this, Elizabeth would never talk to me again. I knew that she’d probably believe me, but it would prove what an unstable influence I was on her and Amy. I blushed with shame at what her face would look like, seeing me flash across the evening news. My life was over. Even if I didn’t go to jail, my life was over. I’d never be able to forget about this for the rest of my life.

 

And Carson, well, that was over, too. I knew that he wouldn’t trust me after today, especially not after the way I’d scorned him for being violent. The thought was an ironic one; now I was the one being bullied into committing a crime. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to take the moral high ground over Carson in the future. Sure, he beat people up. I robbed a jewelry store of hundreds of thousands of dollars. Elizabeth would retort that we deserved each other, but I knew the truth: Carson didn’t deserve a woman who lied and let herself be sucked into these situations. He deserved someone who was honest, and someone who would stand up for herself. I shuddered at the way I’d let Lucas bully me, at the way he’d continue to bully me. I hated him with everything in me. If I could have gotten away with killing him, I would have.

 

By the time the sun was coming up, I still hadn’t picked an outfit together. I was exhausted and my head was pounding, but every time I tried to lie down, I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts of Lucas and the horrible things we were going to do were seared on my brain like a brand. I wondered if I’d ever get through today. I wondered if the cops would be rough with me when they arrested me, or if they’d be gentle because I was a woman. I wondered if the county jail would be horrendous, or if prison would be worse. Even though I wasn’t exactly a little virginal cupcake, I was still pretty innocent in the big picture. I’d never been around anyone who used hard drugs or who’d killed anyone. I’d thought that Carson had been dangerous, but he’d wound up looking like a saint next to Lucas.

 

Basically, everything that I’d thought that I’d known was wrong. With a huff, I climbed to my feet and walked over to my closet. My legs felt like jelly as I leaned forward and combed through everything. I had a navy silk suit that I could wear, but I was worried Lucas would dismiss it as too matronly. Although, on me, I wasn’t sure that anything could be called matronly. My large breasts made some things look obscene that would have made a smaller girl look frumpy. With a sigh, I pulled the suit from the hanger. It needed a press. When I realized how much time I’d spent picking out an outfit, I laughed drily. It was longer than ever before, even for a date. And I’d done it all for Lucas.

 

I ironed the silk suit with a cream silk blouse. The trousers were snug around my hips and I knew they made my curves look spectacular. Under the cream blouse, I wore a bright lavender bra. The jacket wouldn’t fasten over my breasts so I draped a lavender scarf around my neck. When I did my makeup, I made sure that it was heavy but tasteful: foundation, blush, eyeshadow, thick black liner, two coats of volumizing mascara. When I was done, I looked exactly as Lucas would have liked. Young, sexual, excited, and a little moneyed. The silk suit was one of the nicest things I owned—Elizabeth had bought it for me when I was still auditioning for parts. I hadn’t worn it in years, but it didn’t look retro.

 

Lucas was coming for me at ten. We were planning to be at Tinder’s by noon, but he wanted to wait first to make sure that the female employee went to lunch. I knew that if it was too busy of a day, he’d want to wait. The thought was like torture; I was caught between already wishing it was over and wishing the moment would never come. I couldn’t imagine having to delay the operation another day. It would be like having your execution prolonged.

 

Lucas was late. At ten, I sat in the kitchen with a cup of coffee that I was too nervous to drink. I couldn’t call Carson; I wasn’t ready to apologize and then ask for his help. I decided that afterwards, if I could, I’d try to send him a message: “I’m okay, thanks for trying to help me, good luck.”

 

The whole thing made me want to cry. Just when I’d finally felt like my life was turning around, this whole thing had to happen. And the worst of it was, it was completely my fault. If I hadn’t lost my job, or if I’d been able to find a new one, I could have survived without Lucas’s help. Sure the fallout from the pictures would have been bad, but it wouldn’t have been insurmountable. I cursed myself for not being able to see that at the time, for thinking that the worst that could happen was that people would think I was a slut. Now, they’d know the truth: I was a slut, and a felon. Hard to find a worse combination, I thought. I’m in too fucking deep with this one.

 

At quarter to eleven, there was a knock on the door. Even though I knew it was Lucas, my heart seized in my throat. When I didn’t answer, the knock came again, louder and more forceful this time. I got up from the table and walked to the door. My navy silk heels were unstable in the plush carpet and my ankles wobbled nervously. Maybe I’ll have an accident and I won’t be able to walk, I thought excitedly. Maybe the worst will happen. Maybe I’ll fall and—

 

“Caroline, let me in!” Lucas called. He thumped on the door again. “I know you’re in there,” he yelled. I winced as I got closer to the door and yanked it open. “Let me in,” he demanded, pushing past me. I fell backwards and almost landed on my ass. “I hope you’re happy, I was late!”

 

“I noticed,” I said, trying to keep my voice to a normal pitch. “You want to go now?” Lucas was looking around my apartment, scanning it furtively. “What? What are you looking for?”

 

Lucas stepped closer to me, dangerously, alarmingly close. “Nothing you need to worry that little head about right now,” he said smugly. “I’m just looking around, darlin’,” he added when I glared at him. “I need to find my bearings around here.”

 

“Can we just leave?” I groaned. “Please, Lucas. Can we just get this fucking over with?” Lucas twisted his fingers into my hair and yanked, hard. I yelped as he pulled my head back and leaned in close. As always, the smell of something vaguely rotten emanated from his mouth. I shuddered and pulled away but Lucas dug his fingers deep into my scalp.

 

“Are you gonna pull that bullshit with me today, girl?” he asked softly. “Don’t tell me that you’re gonna misbehave, honey, or a world of pain is coming to you and Mr. Biker.”

 

“Let go of me!” I cried. Lucas did as I asked, and I stumbled backwards, falling on my ass. My legs splayed out and Lucas made no secret of glancing down between them. The lewdness of his gaze made me shudder and I clamped my legs together as tightly as I could.

 

“That’s a pretty little snatch you’ve got, sweetie,” Lucas said in that same, atrocious voice. “I wish I could just slip inside of you, if you’d let me.”

 

I stuck my foot out to kick him but he grabbed my ankle. The feel of his dry, scaly hands on my bare skin was too much and I shrieked loudly, kicking at Lucas with my free leg. He cried out and jumped back, just as I was able to yank my legs out of his grasp and tuck them underneath me as I got to my feet. When I was standing, Lucas glared at me from a few feet away.

 

“You’re in a mood this morning,” he huffed under his breath. It was the same belabored tone that he’d taken with me in the park last week when I’d first heard of his rotten little scheme. It was the tone that implied, “Just look at all I’m doing for you, and this is how you choose to repay me!”

 

“Lucas, don’t forget that I don’t want to do this,” I said icily, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He rubbed at his chin sorely, the same spot that I’d almost kicked. “I wish you’d just let me go. Please?” I looked at him with big eyes. “Please don’t make me do this,” I begged. I could feel tears coming to my eyes and I blinked hastily. I knew that ruining my makeup at this point would only make him angrier than ever.

 

“Sweetie, don’t you get that it’s too late to back out now?” Lucas grinned and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “Don’t forget that you’re helping me, honey,” he said, running a finger down my arm. “And don’t forget to show everyone how excited you are to be marrying me.” He looked at me and I felt my stomach twist into knots. “Come here, sweetie, why don’t we try a little practice?”

 

I shuddered and stayed rooted firmly to the spot until Lucas got that murderous look in his eye again. With my whole body trembling, I walked closer until I was standing right next to Lucas. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close; I was quickly inundated with the smell of rot and cigarettes. Lucas turned our bodies so we were facing the mirror in my hallway. He grinned at his reflection and let his arm trail down my body. I shrieked as he got closer to my ass. Lucas smacked me, hard, and I cried out.

 

“You’re my fiancée,” he repeated. “You better do a good fucking job of acting like it,” Lucas growled at me. “Now fucking act like it, bitch.”

 

Trembling, I forced my reflection to smile. Lucas turned his body towards me and pulled me close. I tried to tune out what was happening but it was too horrifying to comprehend. As he leaned in for a kiss, I closed my eyes and waited desperately for it to be over. Lucas’s lips were wet and slimy and overly warm, and as they pressed against my mouth, a foul taste became known to me. I shuddered and tried to pull away, but Lucas wrapped his arms around me and yanked me closer. I stumbled and my body slammed against him. My heart was pounding in terror, and I tried to will myself away to a better place, a happier place. When Lucas tried to slip his thin tongue into my mouth, I shuddered and pushed him away roughly. Lucas stumbled but made a fist and swung back, punching me hard in the stomach.

 

Pain bloomed in my abdomen and I fell to the ground, choking and coughing for air. I was barely aware of Lucas wrapping his hands around me and picking me up, dragging me outside. My heels clicked a fierce staccato on the pavement and I struggled to stay upright. Breathing hurt incredibly badly and with every breath, new tears came to my eyes. As Lucas dragged me along the pavement, I kept my head down. Even though I was already ashamed to be seen in front of my neighbors, this took it to a whole new level.

 

I heard the sound of a car door opening and before I knew it, Lucas had tossed me inside the passenger seat. He picked up my feet and hauled them in the car. I tried to kick him but he reached in and put his hand on my breast.

 

“If you kick me, I’ll twist this off before you can scream,” Lucas said in a menacing tone. Instantly, my feet dropped to the ground. Lucas squeezed my breast through my blouse, making me cry out as pain racked through my abdomen. He shot me a wicked grin before closing the door and walking around to the driver’s side. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but as Lucas pulled out of the apartment complex, I felt myself start to hyperventilate.

 

“Calm down, baby,” Lucas said, his easy-going manner had apparently returned in a matter of seconds. “Calm down, we just gotta get in and get out, then you’ll be good. Got that?”

 

I nodded, trying not to show him how scared I really felt. “I’m fine,” I lied. “Just want to get this done with.”

 

“Who knows what kind of fun we’ll get up to in the future,” Lucas said with a grin.

 

I felt sick to my stomach. “Can you pull over?”

 

Lucas started laughing, a loud guffaw that filled the interior of the car. “What’chu wanna make me stop for, baby?” he asked loudly. “You gonna be sick?”

 

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the seat, trying to breath normally. Finally, after a couple of torturous seconds, the wave of nausea passed. “Just keep going.”

 

Lucas turned on the radio and hummed along as he drove the familiar roads to Tinder’s. I recognized all of the landmarks that I’d watched for on the bus, the different parts of town, the different signs. The giant statue of a bird that was on the corner by the shopping center. When we came into closer view, I felt the nausea return. I gripped the handle on the inside of the door, feeling my palms start to sweat.

 

Lucas pulled into the parking lot of the shopping center and parked where he always did. When he pulled the key from the ignition, I reached to open the door but Lucas grabbed my wrist, quick as a flash.

 

“Let’s get something straight here,” he said in a low voice. I was horrified to watch as he pulled a small, silver gun from one of his pockets. “If you try anything, and I mean anything, you’ll regret it. Got that? It won’t be you that I shoot, honey. It’ll be everyone else. You’ll be carted off to jail as an accessory to murder. That’s life, sweetheart. So don’t fuck this up.”

 

My heart jumped into my throat and my mouth was too dry to respond. All I could do was nod.

 

“Tell me you understand,” Lucas said sweetly. “I need to know that you realize how important this is.”

 

“I understand that you’ll kill everyone if I don’t listen to you,” I said softly. A single tear escaped from my eyelid and rolled down my cheek; I wiped it away hastily before Lucas could say anything. “I promise I’ll be good. I promise.”

 

Lucas grinned, exposing his row of yellow teeth. “That’s what I thought, baby,” he said. “Now come on and give me some sugar!”

 

I winced as he leaned across the seat and pushed his cracked lips against my cheek. When he pulled away, I shoved the car door open and stumbled out onto the asphalt. My heels made me totter as Lucas and I walked towards the store. Right as we got onto the sidewalk, Lucas grabbed my hand.

 

“Baby, you look so beautiful today!” he said loudly. A couple behind us turned and stared. “What about giving me a kiss, just because you’re so happy to be mine?”

 

The staring couple tittered as I leaned in and gently kissed Lucas on the lips, shuddering inwardly the whole time. Lucas wrapped his arm around me and slid it down to my ass, squeezing firmly. I yelped and pulled away. Lucas grinned.

 

“That’s more like it, baby,” he said quietly. As we entered the store, I reached down and grabbed Lucas’s hand in my own.

 

“Show time,” Lucas whispered in my ear. “Let’s do it right.”