Chapter Twenty Three

Caroline

 

By the time I’d run out to the parking lot, I remembered that I didn’t have a ride home. Shit, I thought to myself. What now?

 

Carson didn’t live in the best part of town, and I was more than a little worried about some creep picking me up. Finally, I remembered that I’d parked my car at Elizabeth’s. It was too late to call her, so I called a cab. It took forever to get there; by the time it arrived, my ass was numb from sitting on the curb. I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. It was like I couldn’t even shed a tear for Carson. I felt so stupid for getting involved with someone like that in the first place. What kind of idiot thought that her new motorcycle club boyfriend wasn’t going to be a complete and total thug?

 

“Boyfriend,” I muttered out loud. “Fuck that. I don’t need a boyfriend,” I said, louder this time. My voice sounded hollow and shrill in the dark nighttime air. “Forget that,” I added. I wanted to go home and sleep and forget the whole thing. Carson had been perfect: so intense, so charming, so demanding, so absolutely thrilling in bed. Of course there was a catch. There was always a catch. They were always secretly married or into weird shit or unable to hold down a job. It figured that Carson would be a sadistic prick under his seemingly-perfect and gruff exterior.

 

The cabbie pulled up in front of me and rolled down his window. “Ms. Wagner? Did you call for a cab?”

 

I nodded, blinking back tears. “Yeah, thanks,” I told him, climbing into the backseat. Giving him Elizabeth’s address, I closed my eyes and leaned against the seat. When I shifted, I could smell the scent of Carson’s bed wafting off my skin. It filled me with a mix of lust and regret. I decided that before I could sleep, I’d have to take a shower. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about Carson and all of the delicious things that he’d done to my body. I shivered.

 

“You alright back there?” the cabbie called out. “You cold, ma’am?”

 

“No,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. “I’m fine, thank you.”

 

He grinned at me in the rearview mirror. It was a look I’d seen a hundred times before: “What’s a pretty girl like you doing looking so glum?” But it was a question that I was sick of answering, and I desperately hoped he wouldn’t bring up the apparently shocking condition of my mental health.

 

“What are you up to by yourself this late?” the cabbie asked. I groaned inwardly. “Boyfriend’s baby mama come home and catch you?”

 

“Not hardly,” I said. “I’m just tired, so if you could take me home, I’d appreciate that. Thanks.”

 

The cabbie’s reflection in the tiny mirror looked chastened, and for a moment I felt bad about my little outburst. “Sorry,” I muttered. Either he didn’t hear me or he chose to ignore me, and I settled into the backseat as much as I could, trying to make myself invisible. By the time we got to Elizabeth’s, I was relieved to be on my own again.

 

After tipping the cabbie generously, I climbed out of the backseat and got into my car, feeling weary. I couldn’t believe that twelve hours ago, I’d been so optimistic about the two of us. With a sinking feeling, I remembered what Carson had said.

 

“Because I’ve been in so many fights I don’t remember them all. I mean, come on, Car. I’m in the Devil’s Own. We get in a lot of little tiffs with other gangs. You’ve heard of the Aztecs, right? I mean, shit, Tommy and I have put so many of those guys in the hospital. That’s how it is, though, especially right now. This gang war doesn’t come cheaply.”

 

I shuddered. Gang war. I’d been involved with someone who was in a gang! It was too much to handle. When I slipped the key into the ignition of my car, I looked up at Elizabeth’s windows. The lights were on, but I knew that I couldn’t possibly wake her up. What was I supposed to say? “Sorry, I know it’s late, but I just found out that my boyfriend is in a gang!”

 

Better just go home, I thought sadly. The streets were quiet, and I kept repeating Carson’s words in my head, over and over. I couldn’t believe that he’d been so forthcoming about being so violent. I’d thought that his attack on Lucas was something out of the ordinary, something to protect me. But turns out it was just another weekday for Carson Dover.

 

Carson Dover. I cursed his name as I drove. I wished that I’d never heard it. I wished that I’d never told him about Lucas, or about me, or about those blasted naked pictures. I realized sadly that everything Elizabeth had told me was likely true; Carson was just the latest in a series of disappointing boyfriends. I had to look out for myself, because no one else would. And even if Carson did, did I really want him to? I shuddered as I imagined him controlling everyone in my life with violence. If Elizabeth had ever found out that Carson had beaten someone on my behalf, she’d be furious with me.

 

It was just my luck, too. It was just like me to find someone, obsess over them, and then discover somewhere between date two and date four that they were an asshole. Jordan had been a manipulative dick, Will had been even worse. Sure, Carson wasn’t manipulative exactly, but he was a violent psycho. And that had to count for something, on the scale of Dating Guys Who Aren’t Good For You.

 

“Where are all the nice men?” I wondered out loud. My apartment complex was practically empty. The parking lot was full of spaces, for once, and I was struck with a sudden lonely feeling. What if it was empty because everyone was out with their partners?

 

Behind me, headlights bounced and trailed over my car. I frowned when they didn’t blink off. Instead, they stayed illuminated. Pain flashed through my head when I realized they were high beams, and they were glaring off all the shiny surfaces in my car.

 

“Hey, asshole,” I muttered. “Quit it. Turn your fucking lights off!”

 

I whipped my head around and looked behind me. The car looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it, until I heard laughter coming from the open driver’s side window. Oh, god, I thought, starting to panic. Lucas.

 

Quickly, I threw my car into reverse and tried to back out of the space. Lucas’s car roared past me, blocking the entrance to the apartment complex. Cold fear crawled down my spine and I shivered. Maybe I can make it inside if I run, I thought. Just be faster than him and get inside. I mentally planned out the escape in my head: I’d flee the car and bolt up the back stairs, then let myself in. I’d have to be fast, but I might be able to do it. The driver’s side door on Lucas’s car opened and he got out, lurching on foot towards my car.

 

Desperately, I flung the door open and leapt onto the pavement. As I ran, I tried to dig through my bag. My fingers groped balled-up tissues, sunglasses, lip balm—everything but the keys. The panic inside of me grew as my feet stumbled blindly in the darkness. From behind me, I could hear Lucas’s feet slapping against the pavement in blind pursuit.

 

“Help!” I screamed loudly. “Help! Someone’s chasing me!”

 

Lucas let out a guttural laugh. “You’re just wastin’ time, baby,” he sang out, making me shiver. “Ain’t no one going to help you now!”

 

“Help!” I shrieked again. When I got to the stairs, I took a deep breath and ran up them as fast as I could. My legs were burning by the second landing, and I knew that Lucas was close behind. Finally, my fingers closed around a bunch of serrated metal—my keys! When I got to my door, my heart was in my throat. I reached out with a shaky hand and tried to unlock the door, but before I could even get the key in the lock, I dropped them between my feet.

 

“Shit!” I howled loudly. Groping blindly on the dark floor, my hand scraped over splinters and grit. Lucas’s hands landed on my shoulders when I was still looking for my keys, and with a sinking feeling, I knew it was all over.

 

“You know you can’t outrun me, baby,” Lucas said sweetly. Even with my back turned, I could smell his foul breath. “Now let’s have us a little chat inside.”

 

“Fuck off,” I spat. “Leave me the fuck alone, asshole!” I whirled around, preparing to slap him, when a gleam of metal caught my eye. Lucas held up a pistol. He shoved it in my face as he grinned at me.

 

“I don’t think you’re gonna be cursing at me anymore, baby,” Lucas said softly. “Now let’s go have us that talk.”

 

I shuddered. Lucas smiled at me coldly and shoved the gun closer to my face; up close, I thought I could smell the metal warming in his hand. “Fine,” I said, trying not to show how afraid I felt. “Come inside.”

 

Lucas stepped close behind me and hovered over me as I found the keys on the ground and picked them up. I closed my eyes and willed Carson to come out of nowhere and take Lucas. Maybe he’d followed me home. Maybe he was waiting in the wings, waiting to protect me if anything bad happened. I shuddered. I knew Carson wasn’t there. Why would he be? I was the one who had left.

 

When I pushed the door to my apartment open, Lucas pushed the gun into the back of my neck. “Walk over to the couch,” he instructed. I shivered. When I didn’t take a step forward, I felt his hand slap me on the ass.

 

“Don’t touch me,” I hissed.

 

Lucas jammed the gun into the base of my skull. “I’ll touch you however I want,” he said. “Now do what I fucking said, bitch.”

 

I shivered. Angry Lucas was new. I didn’t know whether I preferred him to Cajoling Lucas, but I had a feeling that he was probably more dangerous when he was angry.

 

“Walk faster,” Lucas grunted. I stumbled and almost fell but regained my footing. It took me an eon to cross the living room floor and sit on the couch. When I did, I looked up at Lucas expectantly.

 

“What?” I said, trying to sound casual. “What do you want, Lucas? It’s really late.”

 

His lips curved into a thin smile. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he said softly. “But you weren’t home, Caroline. Where were you? Out fucking that meathead boyfriend of yours?”

 

I shuddered. How did he know where I’d been if he was waiting for me the whole time? “None of your business,” I said calmly. “What do you want?”

 

Lucas sat down next to me, alarmingly close. I could smell the tobacco reek of his clothing. “Oh, Caroline,” he said slowly. “You’ll learn to be nice to me one day. At least I hope you will,” he added. “It would benefit you tremendously to treat me with just a little more respect. Whatever happened to being grateful to me for trying to help you?”

 

“You weren’t trying to help me,” I retorted. “You were trying to blackmail me with naked pictures. You knew I didn’t want to help, but you made me do it anyway.”

 

“You’re really stupid,” Lucas said. He hooted with laughter and I felt a cold chill wave through my body. “You think I’d really let you off the hook that easily?”

 

I looked at him numbly. “I don’t care about the pictures anymore,” I told him honestly. “You don’t have any leverage over me anymore, Lucas.”

 

“That’s what you think, sweetie,” Lucas said calmly. “You really think I have no other ways of forcing you to do things?” He waved the gun around in the air and I shuddered. “I have a lot of ways you haven’t even thought of,” he said softly. “You’re gonna have to trust me on that one, baby.”

 

“Get to the fucking point,” I spat. “What do you want?”

 

“I need some more help, from my favorite little actress,” Lucas said. “That would be you, if you were too stupid to get the reference.”

 

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. The cruelty and sarcasm dripping from Lucas’s voice was enough to make me want to cry, but it had been such an exhausting night that I was basically running on fumes. I felt like part of me wasn’t even there in the room with him. Part of me was still roaming the streets. Or roaming Carson, a little voice in the back of my head piped up. Shut up, I thought. Carson isn’t going to come save you this time.

 

“What do you need?” I asked dully.

 

Lucas looked at me and frowned. “That’s not the kind of enthusiasm I’m looking for,” Lucas said in a bright voice. “You need to be a little better about asking me what I’d like you to do. Really put some effort into it, baby. After all, this is acting we’re talking about here.”

 

My jaw twitched. Lucas waved the gun in the air, then pointed it at me. He winked at me and cocked it, pushing it close to my face. I shivered. Another chill of fear went through my body. I wasn’t sure whether or not he would do it; he said that he needed me, but I didn’t doubt that he could be prone to reckless behavior if provoked. “Fine,” I said. I tried to smile at him. My whole body was shaking with fear. “What is it I can do for you, Lucas?”

 

“That’s better, baby,” Lucas said. He dropped the gun in his lap and clapped his hands together in enthusiasm. “You’re gonna help me pick out some jewelry,” he said in the same enthusiastic tone. “Now you should be real good at this, from all the practice you had before.”

 

I shook my head. “I’m not doing it,” I said flatly. “I’m not getting arrested. You and your demands can go fuck yourself!”

 

Lucas slapped me across the face so quickly I didn’t even have time to see his hand flying towards me. I reeled back on the couch, folding at the waist. Tears came to my eyes, and I blinked them away. Lucas’s hand made hard contact with my cheekbone and I could already feel a bruise welling under the surface of my skin.

 

“You’re gonna do exactly what I want you to do, baby,” he said smoothly. “Or else your boyfriend is gonna die.”

 

“Bullshit,” I said, glaring at him. “I just left Carson’s. You couldn’t have gotten to him if you were waiting for me.”

 

Lucas smiled. “I knew you’d say that,” he countered. “But you don’t think I’m as stupid as you are, do you?” My stomach tied itself into knots as Lucas reached in his pocket. I didn’t want to see what he’d come up with, and I was almost relieved when I saw that it was a phone. “Have a look at this,” Lucas said in the same calm tone. “Tell me if that’s what little boyfriend wasn’t wearing earlier today.”

 

Lucas slid the phone across the couch to me. There was a photo of Carson pulled up on the screen and enlarged. He was wearing the same thing that he’d been wearing earlier in the evening, before we’d had sex. I shivered as I remembered the way he’d pulled his shirt over his head once we were in bed.

 

“That could have been another day,” I said. “You’re bullshitting me, Lucas.”

 

Lucas shook his head. He pointed to a timestamp in the corner of the picture. “Nope, it’s from about an hour ago,” he said. “Your little boyfriend has a nasty habit of going outside to smoke.”

 

I bit my lip. “You’re still lying,” I said. But when Lucas looked at me and smiled, I knew that he wasn’t. “What do you want? Just let him go, please.”

 

“Oh, is princess in a position to make deals now?” Lucas laughed. “I don’t think that’s true, baby. I don’t think you really have any idea what’s going on,” he added. “And don’t try to fool me into thinking otherwise.”

 

I shook my head. “Just stop with the bullshit,” I pleaded. “Please. Please let him go, Lucas.”

 

“I don’t think a man that dangerous should be allowed outside,” Lucas said. He lifted a hand to his chin and rubbed it with two fingers. “You saw the work he did to my face,” Lucas added. “I was out for days after that happened. And you just watched him do it!” He tutted. “Shame, Caroline. I would have thought you would have been a little more grateful to the man who saved your ass.”

 

“You didn’t save shit,” I mumbled. “I hate you, you fuck.”

 

Lucas slapped me again, so hard this time that I saw stars. The tears that had welled up in my eyes sprang free and rolled down my cheeks. When I opened my eyes and looked at him, his eyes were glowing with rage. “You don’t get to talk to me like that, sweetheart,” he said in a cold voice. “I get to make the rules around here. You get that?” He waved the gun in my face and jammed it into my chest, right above my breasts. I was heaving with every breath and feeling the cold metal press into my skin was terrifying in a whole new way. “You listen to me,” he repeated. “You do exactly what I tell you to do. And then I might, I might let him go. You understand?”

 

I bit my lip. When I didn’t answer, Lucas lifted his arm, and I braced myself for the inevitable slap. Instead, he laughed. “See, now I can make you do exactly what I want,” he said. “I guess training you wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought.” He kept the gun pointed into my chest and I resisted the urge to push it away. “Now you’re gonna do exactly what Lucas tells you to do.”

 

“Fine,” I said, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. “I’ll do what you want. I promise.”

 

Lucas grinned. “That’s a good little pussy,” he said. “Or else your new boyfriend is gonna die, Caroline.” He drew a line across his throat with his pointer finger. “And you wouldn’t want that on your conscience, baby. Trust me, it ain’t no fun.”

 

I swallowed hard. “I’ll do it,” I repeated. “Just keep away from him. Let him go. Please, Lucas. Please.” I opened my eyes wide and made a pouting face at him. Lucas leaned closer and closer until our noses were inches apart. I could smell the reek of his breath wafting into my face and it took all my energy not to screw my eyes shut.

 

“That’s right,” he said softly. “Meet me tomorrow. I’ll pick you up here, and we’ll go on a little shopping trip together.” He dragged the edge of the gun across my chest, poking me in each breast. I shivered and bit my lip so I wouldn’t cry out in pain; he was pressing hard, and it hurt. “Dress nicely, honey. I’m gonna have a fun little time looking you over before we go. If you don’t look good, maybe we’ll take a few more pictures as some incentive.”

 

My stomach heaved and I thought I was going to be sick. Just the mention of Lucas inspecting me was enough to make me want to puke. I hated him. I hated him more than I’d ever hated anyone, and having to sit still while he poked a gun into my tits was absolute torture.

 

“Promise you’ll let him go,” I said finally. “Promise you’ll let him go if I do it.”

 

Lucas leaned back on the couch. He dropped the gun, and I sucked in a huge breath in relief. Keeping his eyes trained on me, Lucas licked his lip. “What was that, baby? You better ask again, real nice this time.”

 

Hot tears squeezed out of my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. “Please,” I begged, closing my eyes tight and balling my hands into fists in my lap. “Please, please let him go. Please promise me that. Please, Lucas.” I looked at him to see an amused look on his face. “Please,” I repeated. “Please promise me that you’ll let him go.”

 

Lucas smiled. “I don’t know,” he said. “It depends on my mood. I’ll have to see how I’m feeling tomorrow, baby. How do you feel about that?” He started laughing as if whatever he’d said was the funniest remark in the world. “Sometimes I’m feeling awfully generous,” he added, laughing even harder.

 

As Lucas laughed, I sobbed harder and harder. Something horrible was going to happen to Carson, and it was all my fault. I had to help him, even if it meant going to jail myself.