Chapter Twenty-One

Caroline

 

“I can’t believe how late he is,” I hissed under my breath to Elizabeth. “This is the fucking worst!”

 

She eyed me sympathetically and I felt a flash of anger and embarrassment. Of course, he would be this late after I’d spent the whole day gushing about him to my best friend. It wasn’t fair; just when I thought life was starting to go my way, everything went wrong.

 

Elizabeth picked at her cuticle and yawned. “Do you mind if I go to bed?” she asked softly. “I have to be up at eight and it’s after midnight right now. I’m surprised Amy was able to sleep through all of this.”

 

“It’s fine,” I said, tears pricking my eyes. “Whatever. Can I sleep on the couch?”

 

Elizabeth nodded. “Of course,” she replied. “Make yourself at home. Just try not to make too much noise,” she added with a grimace. “And knock on wood that Amy doesn’t wake up.”

 

But instead of getting up, Elizabeth just sat on the couch and stared moodily at the wall. I watched her tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She frowned.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” she said with a sigh. “Just thinking about Andrew, that’s all. And how much I wish things had turned out differently between the two of us. It’s crazy to think about how in love with him I was years ago, and now he basically feels like a stranger.”

 

The same pang of acute self-awareness went through me. “I know,” I said. My mouth went dry and the words seemed like foreign objects lodged in my throat that I was about to choke on. “I know. It feels weird to think about the past like that.”

 

Elizabeth bit her lower lip and looked at me. Suddenly, she looked years older. In the dim light of her living room, I could see every single laugh line on her face. It made me wonder if I looked that old, too, but I didn’t want to say anything. She still looked beautiful, but it was in the odd way where you could tell that she had obviously been through a lot. Like every other woman I know, I thought sadly. Men are such assholes sometimes.

 

“I’m not trying to lecture you, but I think it’s worth listening to what I have to say. You don’t wanna wind up like me, Caroline,” she said. “I’ve been through a lot and I don’t even feel like I came out with my head on top. I feel like every day is a new challenge and I’m irrationally proud of myself for getting through everything. Andrew doesn’t help, the child support barely helps, and his parents treat me like I’m some kind of alien bitch for wanting more than that. Like, I’m sorry your deadbeat son didn’t realize how hard being a dad would be. But can you at least not judge me for trying to provide your only grandchild with a decent life?” She rolled her eyes.

 

I opened my mouth to argue but closed it quickly. When Elizabeth was in one of her moods like this, I had no idea how she was going to respond. I felt like if I said anything at all, she could jump down my throat.

 

“And, like, whenever they want to see Amy and take her shopping, she comes home with hundreds of dollars' worth of shit that she doesn’t even need,” Elizabeth groused. “Would it be so fucking hard for them to pick out a pair of sneakers or hiking boots or something? I swear, Caroline, they sent her home with a pair of pink sequined snow boots. Amy was obsessed with them, but they didn’t stay clean for five minutes. So then I had to pay for them to get cleaned. Can you fucking believe that?”

 

I rolled my eyes. “She’s a kid,” I said patiently. “I guess I expect that kids will always want what’s impractical.”

 

Elizabeth shook her head. “It’s not about that,” she said. “It’s about the fact that Andrew’s parents don’t even try to be reasonable people when it comes to their grandchild. I’m supposed to be grateful for everything they do, but it only adds more stress. They don’t know how to actually raise her. I have to instruct them every time and then spend the whole freakin’ time she’s gone worrying!”

 

I bit my lip. It seemed like a long rant considering I didn’t really want to have kids, but I wondered if Elizabeth was going to try to make a point about Carson.

 

“And it wasn’t always like this,” she continued. “When we first got together, I trusted him. He was so different from other guys; he was so intense.”

 

I nodded. “Yeah, Andrew was an intense dude,” I agreed. I remembered the time that I’d met him for all of five seconds at a barbecue at Elizabeth’s old house. He’d shown up three hours late with a bunch of friends, all tatted up like he was. Elizabeth had acted like it was the biggest thing in the world when he finally got there; she’d made a show of bringing him around and introducing him to everyone. You could tell he was wearing this smug grin like, this girl thinks I’m amazing even though I’m not. It had been so incredibly hard to be nice to him.

 

Elizabeth shook her head. “He totally swept me off my feet,” she added. “He made me think that everything was going to be okay as long as we were together. And I got pregnant, like, right away. Do you remember? He was convinced that we’d be able to be a little family.”

 

I nodded. “I remember,” I said. They’d only been together for a few months when Elizabeth got pregnant, and the two of them had been so happy about it at first. I remember that Andrew had crowed about having a son, and toasted Elizabeth’s belly with beer.

 

“He was so excited about having a little boy,” Elizabeth said wistfully, as if reading my mind. “But he didn’t even stick around long enough to find out that Amy was a girl.”

 

Suddenly, a door in the hallway creaked open and Amy’s little pink face showed itself through the crack. “Mommy, are you talking about me? I heard my name,” she exclaimed loudly. Elizabeth gave me a look, as if to say ‘well, now you’ve really done it,’ but she obediently got up from the couch and went to collect her daughter.

 

I leaned back and blew out a gust of air that sent my bangs flying. Fuck him, I thought. He better have a good fucking excuse this time.

 

Elizabeth disappeared inside Amy’s room and shut the door. In a few seconds, I could hear them singing a nursery rhyme together, and Elizabeth told Amy to pick out a book for “second bedtime.” I had to smile; even though she was an exasperated and exhausted mom, I still envied her ability to raise Amy so well. Amy wasn’t going to grow up to be a fuckup like her mom or me. She was probably going to be a scientist or the first female president or something. She was already more determined to succeed as a toddler than I’d ever felt in my whole life.

 

My phone buzzed in my lap. When I looked down, I saw Carson’s name.

 

“Hi,” I said drily. “Forget something?”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Carson said in his gruff voice. “I didn’t forget, but something happened. Where are you? Can I pick you up?”

 

“I’m at Elizabeth’s,” I told him. “We were just about to go to sleep,” I added. “It’s really late, Carson.”

 

“I know,” he said. “I promise I won’t take long to get there. Can you wait ten more minutes?”

 

I bit my lip. The sound of his voice was arousing, and already my anger with him was starting to fade. “Fine,” I said. “But don’t be late this time, okay?”

 

Carson chuckled and I felt a blast of warmth in my lower belly. “I won’t be late,” he said gruffly. We hung up without saying bye and I could already feel the butterflies starting in my stomach.

 

Elizabeth opened Amy’s door and came back out to the living room. If possible, she looked even more tired than she had a few minutes ago.

 

“Don’t even have children,” she warned me, yawning in the middle of her sentence. “You’ll never sleep again, and you’ll be able to recite nursery rhymes in your sleep but somehow manage to forget everything else you ever learned.”

 

I laughed shortly. “I’ll take that into consideration,” I said. “I’m gonna go, Liz. Carson just called. He’s on his way.”

 

Her stony expression darkened further. “Caroline, don’t go with him,” she said. “Don’t reward him for such bad behavior.”

 

I blushed crimson. “He said something bad happened,” I said quietly. “Is it so wrong to at least want to hear him out?”

 

Elizabeth tossed her hair and gave me the same weary look that she’d had earlier, talking about Andrew. “It’s fine,” she said. “It’s your life, Caroline. I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I’ve made. Don’t you get that?”

 

I bit my lip just as we both heard Carson’s motorcycle roar into the parking lot of Elizabeth’s apartment complex. “I get it,” I said. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to let you down, Liz. You know that.”

 

“It’s fine, it’s your life,” she said. The words came out cold and she grimaced. “Have fun, and be safe, okay? And listen to your gut.”

 

I nodded. “I will,” I told her. “Thanks.” We hugged—it felt stiff—and then I let myself out the front door and skittered down her steps. Carson was waiting for me, still perched on his bike. He held out the extra helmet to me. Something about his face looked different, but I couldn’t see what it was in the moonlight.

 

“Hey,” he greeted me. “How are you? Exhausted?”

 

I shook my head. “I think I’m getting a second wind, actually,” I told him. “I’ll be okay.” I looked at the ground as I strapped my helmet on, and when I climbed on behind Carson and wrapped my arms around him, he gunned the bike into gear and roared out onto the street.

 

The ride back to his house was quiet. Talking while on Carson’s motorcycle was all but impossible, so I was left alone with my thoughts. I buried my face in his jacket and inhaled deeply, breathing in his musk and cologne. Something about being with him felt so right, so safe that everything Elizabeth had warned me about flew out of my head. I was blissfully happy and turned on by the time we pulled up in front of Carson’s. Between the scent of his body and the bike thrumming between my legs, I was soaked. Carson climbed off and started walking towards his apartment without looking at me. I had to jog to catch up.

 

“Wait,” I said playfully. “You know how much shorter I am! That’s not fair.”

 

“Tough shit,” Carson grumbled, and I laughed. He shoved the key into the lock and opened the door. When I followed him inside, my heart started to beat even faster. His whole apartment smelled masculine, like he did, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It was like falling asleep in Carson’s bed. Being surrounded by his scent was both comforting and arousing, and I was sure I’d always feel the same way about him.

 

When Carson flipped on the lights, I saw his face. It was swollen and bloody, with big black-purple bruises spreading over his right eye and down his cheek. I gasped out loud and clapped my hands over my mouth.

 

“Oh my god,” I said. “What happened? Is that why you were late? Are you okay?”

 

Carson laughed. “I’m fine. It looks worse than I feel, trust me.”

 

A sick feeling started in my stomach. “Carson, that looks terrible!” I cried out. “Can I wash your face? You still have some blood there,” I said, pointing to his lip. He winced when my fingers got too close and I drew my hand back, breathing shakily.

 

“I’m fine, really,” he said, low laughter bubbling out of his throat. “It’s just a little scuff. Happens a lot. I promise I’m fine.”

 

“Carson, I knew you were a tough guy, but this is crazy!” I exclaimed. “I’m so worried about you!” Guilt flooded my body. “And I’m so sorry that I was mad when you were late! You poor thing! You didn’t have to pick me up, I promise. Do you want me to go? Would you rather sleep?”

 

Carson laughed again, harder this time, and stepped towards me. “Stop worrying,” he said gruffly. “I promise I’m fine.” A chill ran through my body when I realized how close he was. I bit my lower lip and tucked a strand of red hair behind my ear.

 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered softly. “I was just so worried. Are you sure that you’re really okay?”

 

Carson nodded. “I promise,” he said. “Come here, Caroline.”

 

When he said my name, my heart started thumping hard once again. I stepped forward, closing the distance between our bodies, and Carson wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I closed my eyes and buried my face in his chest; despite the wounds, he smelled clean and like fresh cologne. Carson squeezed me hard and I felt arousal begin to pulse between my thighs. With one hand, he reached down and pulled my chin up for a kiss.

 

At first it was light, tender, but it grew in intensity until he was sucking on my lower lip. I moaned softly and slipped my tongue into his mouth, desperate to taste him, to be as close to him as I possibly could. Carson’s hands trailed down my back and squeezed my ass, sending bolts of arousal through my body. I squirmed and pressed against him. Almost instantly, I could feel his erection poking me through his dark jeans. My lower belly stirred at the memory of how big he was; I couldn’t wait for him to rip my skirt off and slide inside of me. Carson’s hands slipped under my skirt and yanked it up towards my waist, exposing my ass in a satin thong that I’d worn just for him. As his rough hands slid over my bare skin, I shivered and worked my mouth furiously against his. Carson kneaded my ass firmly with both hands and I blushed. It was like getting a really intense massage, and it was almost ticklish and almost painful. He parted the cheeks of my ass and ran a finger down the center, over my silky thong. When I felt his finger brush past my asshole, I shivered in delight. Carson stopped when his fingers were over the mound of my labia. I cried out and wriggled, desperate for him to touch me. As he stroked his hand lightly over my panties, I broke the kiss and nuzzled into his neck, biting at the tender skin.

 

“Carson,” I whispered hotly. “I need you. That feels so good.” Carson kept stroking me through my panties, very lightly, and it was maddening. I could feel my clit pulsing and throbbing as I got wetter and wetter, and I was desperate for him to yank my thong away and touch me. Just as I moaned and arched my back so my chest was pressed against him, he stopped. I groaned but Carson slid his hand up my back, under my shirt. Obediently, I raised my arms over my head and let him pull it off.

 

I reached behind and unhooked my bra, tossing it on the floor with my sweater. Carson stepped back and looked at my breasts, licking his lips. He got to his knees and buried his face in my cleavage. Instinctively, I pulled away because I was afraid of hurting him, but he wrapped his arms around me and drew me closer than ever. As Carson began to kiss and suck at my nipples, I moaned softly and buried my hands in his long blond hair. Carson growled; I knew he loved having his head massaged and I kept up my ministrations as he lavished attention on my breasts. My nipples were swollen and sensitive and I was begging him to keep going when he pulled away, grinning up at me with a devilish look on his face. As Carson pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the ground, I let my eyes wander all over his body. He was covered with scars and tattoos and the sight made me shiver. He was so strong, so tough-looking. I couldn’t believe that he wanted me.

 

Carson got to his feet and unfastened his belt buckle, letting his pants drop to the floor. He stepped out of them, clad only in briefs, and hooked his fingers in the sides of my thong. I sighed happily, thinking he was about to pull it down, but instead he pulled it up, wedging it firmly against my pussy. I moaned; the sensation was incredible, but I wanted more than just pressure from my panties against me. Carson grinned and slipped his fingers against the satin, rubbing at my labia. With his free hand he tapped me on the inside of the knees, indicating that he wanted me to spread my legs. I did, just a bit, and he slipped another finger against the crotch of my thong. Carson grinned up at me as his teased my sensitive skin, making me cry out whenever his fingers would brush against my clit. I threw my head back and moaned loudly as he slipped a finger inside the fabric and wriggled it inside of my pussy.

 

“You’re so wet,” Carson murmured. He licked his lips and yanked the thong down my legs. I eagerly stepped out of it and Carson wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close. He got down on his knees and shoved his face against my pussy, inhaling my scent and licking at me with the tip of his tongue. A warm feeling pulsated through my lower belly, and I moaned loudly as Carson spread my labia with one hand and found my clit with his mouth. As he began to suck on the sensitive nub of flesh, I closed my eyes. I was shaking and breathing hard and I could feel my heart pounding against my chest. Carson slipped a finger in and out of me as he sucked at my clit and before I knew it, I was grinding against his face and moaning loudly, spreading my legs. I could feel a hot flush covering my whole body, and I shivered as the delicious sensations coursed through me again and again. Carson murmured something into my crotch and the vibrations took me to a whole new level of pleasure. I cried out and arched my back as he buried his fingers in the flesh of my ass and pressed into me even harder than before. When he pulled away, I saw that my juices had coated all of his face and his beard.

 

Getting to my knees, I started kissing and licking all over his face softly. Carson closed his eyes and let me clean my arousal from him. I was extra careful on the swollen areas but I could tell that pleasing me had probably hurt him a little. My heart swelled with love when I realized what he had done for me. Even though it wasn’t much, it slayed me to know that he wanted me to feel good even at his expense.

 

“Thank you,” I murmured. “Now please let me return the favor.”

 

Carson grinned and got to his feet, sliding his briefs down. His erection bobbed in the air in front of me, and I nuzzled him with my face. Carson moaned softy as I wrapped a hand around the base of his cock and began to stroke up and down. When I took the first couple inches of him inside of my mouth, he cried out and jerked his hips forward. As his cock filled my mouth, I sucked at the soft skin greedily. I loved the way he tasted, and I loved how tender his erection felt in my mouth.

 

He moaned and arched his back, thrusting his hips forward. As I stroked him up and down, I started moving my head back and forth in rhythm. Carson groaned and buried his hands in my hair, pulling handfuls of it away from my scalp. It felt incredible and I moaned softly with his cock in my mouth. Carson cried out and ground against me harder than before. I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him close so he couldn’t get away before letting his cock slip into the back of my throat. Carson loved being deepthroated, and even though he was huge, I loved doing it. I loved giving him pleasure. It was such a turn-on that after a few seconds of listening to him gasp and cry out, I slipped a hand between my spread legs and started rubbing at my soaked clit. The sensation made me cry out with pleasure and Carson moaned even louder. When he opened his eyes and looked down to see me pleasuring myself, he grinned and grunted loudly with pleasure.

 

Finally, Carson pushed me away. I tumbled back and landed on my ass, and with a practiced motion, he scooped me up in his arms and carried me off to the bedroom. My heart was slamming against my ribs and I felt more aroused than I ever had before. Somehow, the arousal mixed with my exhaustion made everything feel even better. When Carson dropped me on the bed, I stretched out on my back and spread my legs. he grinned at me. I watched as he reached into his bedside table and pulled out a rubber, sheathing his cock in latex. He climbed on the bed and nudged my legs apart even father, grabbing my hips and sliding me down so my crotch was against his. I could feel the head of Carson’s cock poking at me and I moaned softly, grinding my hips against him.

 

Carson steadied himself on my ass and plunged his cock inside of me, growling loudly as he filled me with one swift stroke. I cried out. For a moment, we stayed like that, locked together, not moving. But after a few seconds, Carson started to thrust his hips up and down. He tightened his grip on my ass as he moved in and out, and I closed my eyes and arched my back, letting my hands slide down my body. When I was sure that his eyes were on me, I started to pinch and roll my nipples between my thumb and fingers. It felt incredible combined with the thrusts of his cock, and I moaned loudly.

 

Carson grinned down at me, thrusting harder and harder until his forehead was shining with sweat. The warm pleasure in my lower belly began to build and build, and I ground against his hips hard, pinching myself as he rode me. He cried out and braced himself against my hips just as I felt my orgasm start to explode within me. Waves of pleasure radiated through my body in vibrating rings, and I closed my eyes and screamed, moaning loudly until I had stopped shaking. Carson groaned and shook. Beads of sweat dripped off his forehead and landed on my bare skin as I felt him thrust harder and then pause, while his cock twitched and pulsed inside of me. As he came, he dug his fingers into my ass and grunted. He thrust inside me a few more times, hard, for good measure. When he was finally done, he pulled out and flopped down beside me on the bed.

 

“That was incredible,” he murmured, reaching out an arm and pulling me close. “Don’t you think so?”

 

I nodded even though his eyes were closed. “It was,” I said softly. Drowsiness overcame me and Carson pulled a blanket over us. In my sex coma, I was deliriously happy. I’d never felt like this before in my life. I suddenly wanted to end every night with Carson, Carson, and nothing but Carson.

 

“This is perfect,” I said softly. “Really perfect.” And I meant it.