Chapter Twenty-Six

Caroline

 

Lucas hustled me inside before I could look twice at the couple who had been staring at us. He kept his hand firmly on my ass and gave me a little squeeze before pulling away.

 

“Remember how much you love me,” Lucas said, grinning at me. He leaned in for a peck on the cheek and I felt my whole body stiffen. “Remember, baby, this is gon’ be fun.”

 

I smiled as he steered me towards the case featuring the most expensive engagement rings. There was a female employee behind the glass, and she smiled at us as we approached. She gave me a look of pity, and I wondered if she was thinking about how I slept with someone as sleazy-looking as Lucas. Even in a suit and freshly shaven he still looked awful. He had the sick look of a junkie and he smelled like stale urine mixed with cologne. I shuddered at the thought of what it would be like to actually be with him.

 

“Hello,” the sales associate greeted us. “May I help you two out today?”

 

Lucas turned to me and beamed. “You can start by telling my lady how pretty she is,” he said smoothly. “She always says that she’s ugly because she’s curvy! It’s terrible,” he said in a conspiratorial voice. Just listening to him made me sick. None of what he was saying was the truth, but I kept the smile plastered across my face without protesting. I knew he was doing this to punish me, and I couldn’t imagine how much worse it could get.

 

The associate looked flustered. “She’s very pretty,” she said automatically. “You’re gorgeous,” she repeated, facing me this time. I bowed my head.

 

“Thank you,” I said quietly. “Lucas just gets so bothered when I put myself down!”

 

“Give me a kiss, baby,” Lucas instructed.

 

“Right here?” I leaned away. “We’re in public!” I said in a loud whisper, swatting him on the arm, not nearly as hard as I would have liked to do. “Lucas, no!”

 

He leaned in and pressed his foul, stinking mouth against mine. I shuddered in revulsion as he slipped his tongue into my mouth and pushed it around. When he finally pulled away, I wiped my hand with the back of my mouth.

 

“We’re very passionate,” Lucas said. He leaned across the counter and batted his eyelashes at the sales associate. “Now, someone as gorgeous as you must have a special man in her life.”

 

“Oh,” the sales associate said, blushing. “I don’t know. Not right now. I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago.”

 

Lucas turned to me in mock surprise. “Baby, can you believe this gorgeous little thing doesn’t have a man?” He leaned forward and addressed the girl, “Now, if we weren’t getting married, we’d be taking you home with us for a little fun,” he said. “Isn’t that right, baby?”

 

My insides were burning with shame but I managed to giggle and look coy. “Of course,” I said, smiling at her in a way that I hoped wasn’t too creepy. “But honey, we are getting married,” I said, tapping Lucas on the shoulder playfully. “And we’re here to look at rings!”

 

The sales associate seemed stunned into silence. “Oh, wow,” she said. “Congratulations, you two! That’s huge!”

 

“It is,” Lucas said. “This little minx finally got me to settle down!” He winked. “Can you believe it? I’m almost forty, I never thought I’d meet the right one!”

 

“That’s so sweet,” the sales associate gushed. She was looking at Lucas with hearts—rather, dollar signs—in her eyes. “Now, what kind of stone were we thinking?”

 

“Diamond,” I said. “Big, please. I love big jewelry.”

 

The sales associate nodded. She was practically salivating at the commission she could make on this. “Of course,” she said smoothly. “Let me know which tray you want to start with, and we’ll go from there. What ring size are you?”

 

“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging.

 

“That’s why we’re picking out a ring together,” Lucas said smugly. “I want to be sure it fits on my darling’s finger the first time!”

 

The sales associate nodded. “You know, that is just so sweet,” she commented. “And so practical! I can’t tell you how disappointing it is to be proposed to with a ring that’s the wrong size.”

 

I giggled. “That must be embarrassing,” I said. “I’m so glad Lucas here is being such a great boyfriend.”

 

Lucas kicked me under the counter and I yelped. “I mean, fiancé,” I said, blushing. I turned around and gave Lucas a quick glare. I knew that he hadn’t wanted me to use his real name, but it was the only thing about the situation that I could control.

 

The associate placed a glittering tray in front of me. Some of the diamonds were big, but mostly they looked like they were hovering around one karat.

 

“These are a little small,” I said sulkily. “I really want something gorgeous, like three karats. Do you have anything like that?”

 

The sales associate practically tripped over her feet. “Oh, yes,” she replied. “I’ll be right back. I’m just going over there,” she said, pointing towards the corner of the store. “We keep them in a special case, and I’ll need my manager’s key to pull the tray.”

 

“Thanks!” I chirped. As soon as she was gone, Lucas grabbed me by the shoulder. His fingers dug painfully into my flesh and I cried out.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he hissed. “This wasn’t the plan!”

 

“I’m stalling, asshole,” I said under my breath. “Now get your hands off me! We don’t exactly look like we’re in love right now.”

 

Lucas released my shoulder but not before squeezing me hard and making me cry out. “Behave,” he ordered under his breath. “What the fuck is taking that little cunt so long?”

 

“I don’t know,” I replied, glancing over. The girl was locked in an argument with the other sales associate. A chill of fear crawled down my spine when I realized that it was the guy I’d flirted with before, when I went to try on the necklaces. “Hey, it’s almost noon. I bet he’s telling her to go to lunch.”

 

The girl walked over with a pained expression pasted on her face. “I’m so sorry,” she said in the sweetest voice. “I actually have to take my break right now. My boss is so paranoid about getting sued,” she added. “I normally would stay, I promise, but I’m really getting kicked out.”

 

“That’s fine,” Lucas said, smiling right back. “My woman and I can wait for you. We’ll just browse the store while you’re gone.”

 

The girl’s fake smile turned into a real one. “Oh my god,” she said. “Thank you so much! Wow, thank you! I’ll see you soon!”

 

“Have a good lunch,” Lucas said. He smirked and slipped a hand down my back, squeezing my ass. I tensed up, but I was also getting used to his invasive touching. We watched as the girl walked to the back of the store and collected her things. She repeated our words to the male employee and then stuck out her tongue at him. On her way out of the store, she waved at Lucas and grinned cheerily.

 

“That cunt thinks I’m actually going to give her a commission,” Lucas spat. “Now, act fast.” He watched until she’d left the parking lot. When she was gone, I drifted to the other side of the store and pretended to look at some jeweled broaches under a glass case. The other person in the store checked his watch and sighed before walking out. In a matter of minutes, Lucas and I were left alone with the male associate.

 

Lucas pulled the gun out of his waistband and waved it around in the air. “Hey, you!” he called to the male associate. “Hurry up. Come on!”

 

The kid looked up from the screen of his smartphone. He had a finger in his nose and his eyes bulged out when they saw Lucas. “Oh my god,” he said in a panicky, breathy voice. “Oh my god! What do I do?” I saw his eyes flickering downwards but Lucas pointed the gun at the wall behind him and fired. Glass shattered and the kid dropped to his hands and knees, wailing loudly.

 

“Come the fuck on,” Lucas said. “Get the fuck up. Come on!” He walked behind the counter and picked up the kid by the scruff of his neck, dragging him to his feet. The kid had his eyes screwed shut and he was whimpering loudly. The scene was surreal; I pinched myself on the arm to make sure I was really there. I felt sick to my stomach but my heart was pounding. In a way, it was actually kind of exciting. I shuddered as Lucas got closer. I could tell the kid was really scared, and there was a strong scent of urine in the air.

 

“What do you want?” the kid wailed in a shaky voice. He collapsed to the ground and Lucas reached down to grab him again. “Ouch!” the kid cried as Lucas pulled his earlobe. “Let me go!”

 

“No,” Lucas hissed. “Not until you help us. We want all the money in the safe in the back of the store and all of the most expensive jewelry.” He looked at me. “Go get those trays,” he said, pointing towards the back of the store. The expensive three karat trays gleamed unattended. “Bring them back!” he barked when I didn’t move as quickly as he wanted. “Now!”

 

His last command startled me into action. Quickly, I walked to the back of the store and grabbed the trays of jewelry. They were astoundingly beautiful, and I could only think about how I’d never see anything that lovely again. By the time I was back at Lucas’s side, the kid was on his feet and shaking.

 

“Quick,” Lucas ordered. The kid scrambled away and came back with a key. Lucas jerked his head to the side, indicating for me to follow him, and we trailed the kid to the back of the store. He pushed a painting to the side and stuck the key in the lock, working it furiously.

 

“I can’t,” the kid whined. “It’s stuck!”

 

“You’re gonna be stuck if you don’t hurry the fuck up,” Lucas hissed. “Come on!”

 

The kid trembled and pushed at the key in the lock, straining with all of his might. Finally, he grunted and heaved and the safe door swung open. I expected the inside would be filled with glittering diamonds and pieces of jewelry, but it was mostly plastic envelopes and cloth bags.

 

“Hurry up,” Lucas ordered. He held a bag under the safe and the kid swept it from top to bottom. When the last plastic envelope had been collected, Lucas turned to me and shoved the bag in my hands. “Go to the car,” he barked. “Now!”

 

I stumbled out of the store, clutching the bag to my chest. No one was looking at me, and I darted through the parking lot and climbed inside the passenger seat. Lucas was right behind me, and he gunned the car out of the parking lot before I’d even had a chance to fasten my seatbelt.

 

I moaned and closed my eyes, leaning my head against the seat. My clothes were sticky with sweat and my damp hair was clinging to my forehead. I let out a long, low, shaky breath as Lucas floored it in the direction of my apartment. Beside me, I could feel his excited energy radiating out in waves. Lucas reached across the seat and grabbed my hand, shaking it in the air.

 

“We did it, baby,” he said smugly. “Can you believe we pulled that shit off?”

 

“I’m gonna be sick,” I said weakly, leaning against the door. The cool glass of the window felt good against my forehead. “I’m gonna die.”

 

I couldn’t believe that it was over, that he’d made me do it. The nausea waving through my body was only staved off by the fact that I wanted to melt into the seat. I knew that if I could have mustered the energy to look outside, I’d puke everywhere.

 

Never, never in my life had I been so disgusted with myself. Not when I was about to get evicted, not when Lucas first told me he had the pictures, not even when Elizabeth shamed me for being unsuccessful and lonely. Nothing compared to the feeling of knowing that I’d just thrown my life away. The store had cameras, I knew they’d find us. And furthermore, I was sure that the male associate would recognize me. After all, I’d spent almost an hour flirting with him last week, at Lucas’s behest. If he didn’t recognize me, that meant he was an idiot.

 

I closed my eyes and put my head against the door, imagining a life in prison. I’d be held in some drab county jail until trial, which would be a blur for me. When I’d see photos of myself in jail, I’d think that I looked drugged. I could just imagine the circles under my eyes and my pale face as the judge read out my crimes. I knew that the court-appointed lawyer wouldn’t give a fuck about me, and she wouldn’t care that I looked like shit in court. When I looked out over the imaginary courtroom, I saw Elizabeth crying and shaking her head. No, I wanted to tell her. No, it wasn’t me. I’m not like that!

 

I knew that I’d be sentenced and then be transferred to prison. I imagined orange jumpsuits, women with tangled hair staring at me and licking their lips. I shuddered when I imagined living in a concrete box with no freedom to go outside, no freedom to do as I pleased. No good food. Not even good-bad food, like cheeseburgers.

 

And no Carson. The last realization made me want to cry harder than ever. I couldn’t imagine being without him, being without his touch, his love, those heart-melting smiles. I shivered as I thought about his hands caressing me and running over my body, tugging at my nipples and making every nerve sing with pleasure. I loved the way he held me, loved the way he made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. Thinking that I’d never get to do that again was the worst thought that I’d ever had.

 

It suddenly occurred to me that I’d be totally okay, even if I lost everything, as long as I still had Carson. But I wouldn’t still have him. Not a snowball’s chance in hell. I knew that if the cops even caught wind of Carson’s involvement, he’d be going to prison, too. Maybe for even longer than I was going. I knew that Lucas would greedily give the cops as much intel on Carson as he could; I knew he wanted to punish Carson for holding him back.

 

Carson. I couldn’t get my mind away from him. As I closed my eyes tightly against the sun of the real world, I imagined Carson picking me up and carrying me to bed. I knew how tight his muscles would be as he held me in the air, teasing me with the joke of dropping me to the floor. But I knew he wouldn’t drop me, he’d set me down gently and spread my legs with his rough fingers. My lower belly tingled as I imagined him leaning over me and trailing his mouth wetly down my body.

 

Panic and desire mingled together inside of me to create a powerfully arousing feeling; it was the hottest and most desperate I’d ever felt in my life. But I knew that I wouldn’t be sated with ordinary sex, or making love. No, Carson would have to fuck me until I was raw and crying. I wanted to be soaked in sweat—a mixture of mine and his—and begging for him to come so it would be over. Afterwards, I knew that he’d help me shower and take me back to bed to fall asleep. It would be perfect.

 

Then I remembered our fight, and the tears came back. We hadn’t parted on good terms. I’d basically decided never to speak with him again. It was more than I thought I could handle, and it was more than I thought he could give me. But funnily enough, now I didn’t even care. I didn’t care how many fights he’d been in, or how many times he’d gone to prison. All I wanted was him and his love, forever and ever. I wished so deeply that I could tell him how I felt, that I could reveal how sorry I was. I hated that I’d acted so arrogant and high and mighty. If I could take the whole thing back, I would in an instant.

 

And then maybe you wouldn’t be here, I realized. Slinking down far into the seat, I realized that if I hadn’t stormed out of Carson’s in a fit of rage, I wouldn’t have been around for Lucas to nab me. Instead, he would have had to go through my big tough boyfriend. Boyfriend. Just thinking about Carson as my boyfriend, my protector, felt good. If I concentrated on it for long enough, I was almost able to forget how fucking miserable the rest of me felt. But in truth, that was how I’d thought of him all along. That was why I’d been so upset when he told me that he’d had fun beating people up. It was like I was holding him to such a high standard, that I wasn’t even allowing myself to accept how much I liked him. But obviously I did. And now that was over. There was no more “me and Carson.” There was only me, in prison, and Carson, probably in prison.

 

Suddenly I prayed for him to be gone. I wanted him to go away and save himself. If he couldn’t save me, at least he could do that. The last thing I wanted was to ruin his life. If he went away, it would be for a long time. He’d lose his place in the MC, he’d lose his job, and he’d lose all semblance of autonomy and freedom. I prayed that he’d be smart enough to save his own skin, no matter what he felt for me. I won’t be mad at you, I thought. Just be smart enough to help yourself out of this jam!

 

“Baby, ain’t you excited?” Lucas turned to me and grinned. “Ain’t you pleased! Look at that bag back there! You’re gonna be getting some of that,” he said. I closed my eyes and looked out the window.

 

“Just fucking take me home, please,” I said. I could hear my voice about to break. “Please, Lucas. Please take me home.”

 

“Oh, no,” Lucas said. He wagged a finger in front of my face. “We ain’t done, yet,” he said. “There’s one other thing I have to take care of first.”

 

I glared at him. “What’s that?”

 

Lucas threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, you’ll see,” he said, snickering. “You’ll see, baby.”